What is it that attracts us to the opposite sex? Eyes, lips, buttocks, breasts, legs…I could go on and on. So if it’s something visual that catches our eye or attracts us to the opposite sex, then what is it that makes the sex good? I’d have to say if the sex is good on some level you must be compatible…on some level.
Compatible is defined as capable of existing together in harmony. So in essence…you meet each others needs sexually and what exemplifies harmony more than a night of hot passionate sex. Does this happen often? I’d say no. How many times have you been involved with some one and the sex was good, but not great. Maybe she didn’t meet all your needs in bed or maybe he didn’t hit the right spot. But for whatever the reason, the sex wasn’t all that. I’d have to say that that is the norm for the majority. This can also cause you to sometimes sleep with someone you don’t find all that attractive to you. And in some cases…the sex can be amazing. As a young Soldier we’d always find ourselves talking about or comparing sexual escapades. Many agreed that the best blow jobs they’d ever received came from a “big girl” or “BBW” as they are called today. The running joke was they were good because they had to bring something to the table to compensate for their size.
Finding a mate that you can have amazing sex every time is a quest many find themselves on. So if your partner does all the things you like and just how you like it then I’d say you’re sexually compatible. Finding that feeling…can be a whole lot of fun. But unfortunately you aren’t always going to have that. She could be drop dead gorgeous but couldn’t ride a bus to save her life. In my day we called it a “Dead Lay.” If compatibility is something you desire than I guess you’re gonna end up moving on. No matter their looks, at the end of the day you just didn’t click.
I decided to survey some friends and get some outside opinions. This is what some had to say:
HW37: “Mutual likes and the ability to be comfortable and openly express what’s desired.”
BSB38: “Commitment, communication, friendship. I believe u have to have some level of emotional compatibility before sex comes to play. It all starts with my mind. U have to have respect and consideration for ur partner and then the sex has to be good…”
MW36: “A sense of comfort regarding sex, know what ur partner likes without asking, enjoying the same kind of sex the same way.”
CMC47: “Someone who fits with my body and we have great sex together, movement, rhythm, desire, eagerness to please my partner and he is like minded.”
NG38: “I believe the ability to arouse the partner you’re with.”
AC35: “Physical attraction. Someone who shares your taste in positions, styles, etc.”
JR37: “Well if it’s damn good the first time we do it then it’s compatible!”
LH42: “When sex is a tool in relationships and both people understand its ultra powerful effects but don’t abuse or take advantage of it.”
PH41: “If you’re into the same things the other person is into.”
WT41: “When your sexuality is an alignment to meet and please each others desires and fantasy.”
As you can see all who responded viewed sexual compatibility a little differently. Some very short SG31: “Chemistry, physical attraction.” And others provided a little more depth LO41: sexual compatibility to me is…my preferences…and would someone meet them…I’m sensual and aggressive…no dominatrix crap…no whips, chains…I love foreplay and being on top…I’m a giver and receiver equally. I want sex daily…at least once, or twice…every night before bed and in middle of night or morning. Then there are the positions but I’m not discussing that…can’t be a little guy…I need a manly man…I like slow sex that’s sensual but gets rough and kinky later…lots of sex, lots of everything.”
But there was one common theme…you and your partner being on the same wave length…sexually. LP42: “Having chemistry and liking the same things in bed”, EH36: “When two people enjoy each other sexually and like the same things and there is no awkwardness and BH35: “Its two people willing to learn how to please each other. Each share the same desire and want to invest the same amount of time practicing” are perfect examples of this shared theme.
Now earlier I commented on good sex with no or limited attraction. Which posses the question…Is it possible to have great sex with someone you’re not physically attracted too? Some can…
KC48: "Yes it is b/c when it comes to sex that isn’t all that matters…”
EH37: “Yes if ur horny enough”
JK27: “Sure is! Just put a bag over their head! Add extra lube if needed!”;)
NG37: “No a good fuck yes but not good sex”
BH35: “Sex is sex, so you can have sex w/ anyone. However, desire is what fuels the road to sex w/o desire or physical attraction there is no great sex”
RJ41: “Yes at 3AM with a few shots and really dark lights…or most unattractive women know they gotta step their game up to stay relevant so they go the extra mile to please you. Most of the time we are out to please ourselves, try giving this unattractive women some attention and she may blow ur mind”
Then you have middle of the road… RH41: “I think so bcz its just sex, u know ur not physically attracted so ur not trying as hard which makes the sex better. ur not nervous and ur not trying to make a lasting impression”
KG42: “Depends on if your asking from a female or male point of view. I think it would be difficult for female bc we are emotionally driven and need that attraction unless of course she is under the influence. Men on the other hand are happy just to stick it in”
CTA36: “Great sex…I think not. Ok and maybe even pretty good sex, for me at least. I dated someone once and although we got along very well, could talk for hours, enjoyed having sex with him because I was not completely attracted to him. I couldn’t give my all and so the sex felt lack luster for me, he however thought it was awesome…”;
MW37: “Not physically attracted to…I don’t think so…you don’t have to like them to have great sex, but def have to be attracted to them.”
And then the hard liners…AC35: “I cant recall ever having sex with someone I didn’t find physically attractive, so for me, it must be pretty important”
BB38: “NOT FOR ME!”
LH42: “No no and no again”
MJF40: “No its not possible. I couldn’t have sex with someone I wasn’t attracted to”
TT41: “Not for me. I must be physically attracted to someone”
DW42: “I can’t do it but that’s just me…I have to have physical attraction or else does nothing 4 me.”
After talking with friends, the general consensus is sexual compatibility is about the bedroom and what goes on in there between two partners. It’s all about sex, being on the same wave length when it comes to having sex, almost being physic about the needs as well as desires of your partner. We also learned that there must be some sort of attraction for the “attempt” at sexual compatibility at least for the average woman. However we men, on average, are more willing to throw attraction in the wind in search of a night’s pleasure. So whether you agree or disagree…sexual compatibility exists…and can be found in the bedroom.