Why I Love My Wife?

Well, where could I start? Do I really need to start? What would I say? Questions are abound and sure to enter the mind when you ponder this. Two years ago this time I was messaged by a woman on Match.com (Yes, I did the online dating thing-story for another time). I was talking to some else at the time but for an odd reason I requested that we be friends. I figured I’d need someplace to take my daughter if my children accompanied me to Ft Benning. We chatted on occasion and had exchanged numbers. But the one thing that sat with me was a few spiritual comments she made to me.

See I myself am a very spiritual person. I believe in God, Jesus, a higher power and well as I respect those whose belief differ from mine. So when she made her first comment, I thought wow. This is different. And the timing of it was odd. Odd as in it was what I kinda needed to hear at the time. So naturally I thanked her. Now, when it comes to online dating I’d have to say that pictures can be deceiving. When a woman simply posts head shots…it make you go hmmmmmmm. And that because my experience has taught me that they are 9 out of 10 times hiding something. So I wasn’t so much concerned because I was talking to someone so it allowed me to simply appreciate the gesture and the friendship; because anyone who knows me knows I value good friends.

So time passed and I found myself at Ft. Benning. So to pass the time I decided to pay her a visit and say hello, which I did. I was very impressed with her owning her own business since this is stereotypical of what we view as a strong woman (owning ones business that is). As I walked to the salon door before entering I kinda was hoping she wasn’t…you know…pleasing to my eye. So as we sat and chatted I found the conversation pleasant and what I kinda expected based on our occasional email. I will say this I did find her attractive and pleasing to the eye. LOL. Well I’m not one to second guess myself or commitments so I didn’t dwell on it. We talked for a good while and it felt like everyone in the Salon was staring at me. Well, that’s no big deal since I’m used to it and I was the only Black guy in the Salon. LOL.

Well, I wanted to be the first to end our visit and not look like I didn’t know when to leave so I

politely closed our talk out and asked for some business cards and brochures to hand out to my Soldier’s wives. She was genuinely grateful for my gesture of friendship and gave me a handful. Some of which I gave out and some…still in my glove compartment. As I smiled, gave her a hug and thanked her for her time I walked out saying, “Wow…she’s super nice. Glad I stopped in.” I have always prided myself on being able to judge others character. And what I found attractive was she wasn’t trying to woo me or drop lil hints. She honestly wanted to be my friend. That…was nice, respected and appreciated.

So when things didn’t work out with the person I was then talking to as I cooked dinner, I decided to drop her a line and see what she was up to. I didn’t expect her to be waiting by the phone for any man to call as I wouldn’t be waiting on a woman. If she available fine, if not…no big deal. Lots of women in that area was my thought. So later that evening I decided to message her and simply asked when I got down there would she like to go for coffee.  I also made it clear that I wasn’t trying to be a “playa” (hate that word) but things didn’t work out and I’d enjoy having female friend. After my divorce and dating (dating and a committed relationship is two very different things for we men ladies. Nor does dating equate to SEX!), I figured I’d take a break once I got to Benning.

So I arrived at Benning with my three clones in tow. Kerry had invited us to her house that evening we arrived as she was having a BBQ with her Family. I got to meet the whole crew as she did mine. And it was…in a word…pleasant. She later invited Maddy to attend a model search of sorts they were having in which she was a judge. She also took them to a water park and their first visit to Five Guys. And my sons got to go to Auburn before I did. One day as I drove Jeff was with me and he asked if I liked her.

“Yeah…she’s cool eh?,” I said. “What do you think,” I asked.

“Yeah she’s nice…I think you should date her,” he smiled.

And we laughed as we made a few more jokes as we drove. My kids are very honest and I think with me finally moving out of the state. The separation would hinder our relationship but create a buffer for the one between their Mom and I in which I hoped with her getting what she had claimed was so important to her that the healing could commence and we could put our kids first and place our failed marriage where it belonged…in our pasts. Eventually my kids had to return home and I said my good buys. Oddly enough Kerry volunteered to ride with me and help me drive back. I gave her a brief tour of the area and she got to meet my best friend Andy Baird or AB as I call him.

She had offered to take me on a mini vacation, a weekend in Florida. I hadn’t’ been on a “adult” vacation in…I think never. She took me to Destin and we had a nice weekend. She drove as I had no idea where we were going and that drove me crazy inside; as well as her aggressive driving style. I laid the seat back and put on my blades. She probably thought I was relaxing.

 

Hell no! I was scared as balls! LOL. I survived in Iraq for a year and this woman made me nervous. Well we made it there in one peace and visited two of her friends. Both who work at separate restaurants and we stopped in to visit Rhonda at her’s. My lil cousin was stationed there so he drove over to help eat my food. Seeing him was pretty cool. Oh...and did I mention, she talked me into going on a jetski ride?!? And I don't swim either. LOL

So…all in all it was a great weekend with what seemed to be a great woman. By this time I had met most of her family and an ass load of her friends. Seems I was always getting a call at work asking if I could come by the salon and meet so and so. And I always did. One special friend looked me up and down, this tiny lil frail lady and whipped out an item on her key chain and held it out for me to grab.

“Ok 1SG, I got a test for ya. What’s this?”

I looked down smiled and answered excitedly, “Ma’am, that’s a P38. I used to have one on my key chain. I lost it along with my keys somewhere on Normandy DZ one night.”

She looked me square in the eyes and said, “I ain’t Ma’am…it’s Chris! And Kerry, this one’s alright.”

That would be the first of many people I would have to past the test too. How many people does this woman know anyway gees. LOL. There would be a lot of adventures I would find myself on with Kerry. It seemed she now had a man to accompany her to any and all things and she sure was gonna take advantage of that.

 

Time continued to pass until I found myself on Christmas morning asking for her hand in marriage. And the rest is somewhat history. Mind you I received a lot of hints too.

So that’s some of our brief yet fun story there are numerous things I love about my wife and our meeting and subsequent story is just one. She was there for me when I had surgery on my knee. Never had that before, never woke to someone being there and that was an amazing feeling. No woman had ever been there for me in that manner…save my Mom but that doesn’t count. While on convalesce leave she’d call or stop by every day to check on me and that too was nice.

 

She has made me angry at times and she has made me cry too. She has given me love and support in oh so many ways and I’m truly grateful for that. She’s not perfect nor am I and I love her just the same.

 

There are a hundred questions that one could ask one’s self in this regard but you will always come to the same conclusion. I love my wife because I choose too.

 

Who Truly Deserves To be on Trial?

Well, I’ve been fairly quiet about things of late but feeling a lil chatty this morning so with coffee in hand and a lil motivated, I’ve decide to do a little writing. The trial of George Zimmerman is much talked about in the media and from what I’ve seen via Facebook, the black community too. Anytime there is a shooting and life is lost…it’s tragic. But when it involves a minority, I begin to cringe and wonder if justice will ever be served, for either party involved. I wonder this because in this day and age, race is still a hot button. But truth be told it’s only a hot button when folks with agendas and or the media needs ratings make it so.

The shooting in which a young man’s life was taken is tragic. And it’s tragic that a grown man’s life is ruined because he felt the need to ignore what many would call common sense. As I have a Hodge podge of friends on Facebook I read a lot of opinions on a lot of different subjects. Some I comment on and others I stay away from. Not because I’m afraid of conflict or disagreement (not this guy). Sometimes I don’t feel that commenting is necessary or that the person making the comment isn’t in a place to really have said discussion or debate with me so I let it alone. But on my wall, you can best bet I will.

Although George Zimmerman is HISPANIC, this trial is seemingly all about race. Merriam-Webster defines Race as a division of mankind possessing traits that are transmissible by descent and sufficient to characterize it as a distinct human type. Now there are others which state it is a  group of people who are generally considered to be physically distinct from other groups in some way, such as skin color, hair texture or facial features (size and shape of head, eyes, ears, nose, and lips, and color of eyes); considered to be distinct by themselves and/ or others.  Playing the “race card” usually rears its head in cases such as this and in the end it’s never really about justice. It appears to be more about one group trying to get what they feel is payback for slights or injustices over the years. And with the media’s help the story gets told from various perspectives based on group biases and agendas. And when the dust settles, lives are ruined, friendships strained and the only true winners are the media and the money which they made off of the “race card” being played. The media, whether television, radio, newspaper, magazines, or movies, teaches us about our culture, values, stereotypes, etc.  Television has had a major impact on our society.  The internet is also a major influence because we all know you can’t put anything on the net unless it’s true.  We live in an information age and sometimes we have access to too much information.

 

And one of the Medias favorite words to use and it’s not long before others have chimed in adding fuel to the fire; this word being racist. It is by far the most misused word within the English language. It as with any other word has a definition yet it is one of the few words where the true definition is ignored therefore it’s misused and placed in conversations or dialogue where it’s not only inappropriate but irresponsibly placed. The definition is actually very simple to understand.  A “Racist” is a person with a prejudiced belief that one race is superior to others. For real, that’s the definition? Yes sports fans…that’s the definition.  So yeah, the word is overly misused. Not agreeing with the President doesn’t make you racist. But if you’re any color than black, you can best believe that that’s what you will be called.

Zimmerman followed Trayvon not because he was racist but because he was SOCIALIZED to do so. His socialization process at some point taught him that if you see a young black man or kid out at night wearing stereotypical clothing walking in an area which you feel they typically don’t find them, you will come to the conclusion that they must be up to no good. Again, this is based on your socialization. The socialization process is an all-encompassing educational process from which values, goals, beliefs, attitudes, and sex-roles are acquired.  Socialization is nothing more than the educational process by which we learn everything. Just like many minorities are socialized to not trust the police or the system.

The community shares conduct and behavior through associations, school systems, club membership, or community projects.  Role models are available for our future behavior - teacher, banker, farmer, mechanic, welder, clerk, dentist, entertainer, stockbroker, manager, etc.  The impact of the local community is to imprint characteristics which develop the individual. A prime example of this was when Rachel Jeantel spoke at the trial. She was attacked and much of what she said was ignored by the masses. It’s sad that both her socialization and those listening to her hindered justice. Many simply heard how she was answering instead of what she was actually saying; reminds me of Wesley Snipes and Woody Harrleson in White Men Can’t Jump. A conversation takes place in which Snipes and Harrelson argue and Snipes explains that Harrelson can “listen” to Jimi Hendrix but he can’t “hear” Jimi Hendrix. In other words you hear the words but you’re not getting the meaning behind the words. Ms. Jeantel is a product of her environment and her socialization. Her language and heavy use of slang terminology is a result of her socialization. Just as Zimmerman’s choice to tail Trayvon and eventually confront him. Had Zimmerman been socialized better or differently i.e. less stereotypes, I’m sure he would not be on trial. Many of us have learned through our socialization to respect authority thus many of us would have listened to the 911 dispatcher and not followed. Ms. Jeantel is a product of her environment…plain and simple and her language is a result of said environment.

That is all about socialization and what should be on trial is the socialization process which takes place in this country not race. But the media and many of you are all guilty of not doing a lil research and educating yourselves on the true causes and what led to the shooting and the death of a young man. Because at the end of the day that’s what this is about; the shooting of a young man not a young BLACK man. Does the victim being black make his death that much worse than it would be if any other young man was killed? Nope. And guess what, if you don’t agree, that makes you a racist.