Friday Fackbook Post- 9 November

     This has been an interesting week babysitters and one many of us are glad has come and gone.  It seems that politics, over the last…10 years give or take has seemed to bring out the ugly in Americans.  I mean the ugly was already there, it’s just we didn’t have platforms like we do today for others to see said ugly.  Like it or not, our nation has become divided.  And contrary to popular belief, we have always been divided.  Whether it was based on socioeconomic status, race, sex, kneeling vs standing, police conduct, political beliefs, religion…you name it, we (members of this nation) have used it to separate us.  The flavor of the week…red vs blue.  Republican vs Democrat, elephant vs donkey.  I have read comments and heard things said this week that just have me shaking my head asking, “What the _______ have we become?”  Have we slid down that slope so far that we cannot recover?  I don’t think so.   But I do believe that it will more than likely get worse, much worse before it remotely gets better.  Many within these borders have taken on a flavor of the leadership and guise poor behavior behind “telling it like it is” or “I’m tired of all this PC crap.”  There is nothing wrong with being honest, nothing wrong with telling it like it is, but it is wrong…let’s say unprofessional to do it out of spite or simply because you feel you can. 

     I find it also interesting that many don’t have a problem with other people making comments but would probably strangle their own for doing the same.  Allowing someone to go unchecked is a recipe for disaster and as we say in the military, “When you ignore the standards, you inadvertently create a new ones.”  So with bad behaviors, are overlooking behaviors and or making excuses for bad behavior when we choose to focus on other actions? Two days ago I posted a comment that was pretty straight forward. The President called a good question racist and then went on a testimonial about all he has done.  All the comments that were attached to the post all focused on everything but…the actual comment and his response.  Just because someone ask you a question that’s either uncomfortable of unpopular, doesn’t mean you should get a pass for your behavior.  And just because you approve of what someone is doing, doesn’t mean you can’t call them out on their behavior.  The two are not mutually supportive. If anything liking someone means you should be their harshest critique.  Those we respect and admire we expect…hell often demand more of.  Politics aside, we should strive to do better. Be better. Become better.

1. Is it ok to give those we like a “pass” on poor behavior?

2. What is wrong with calling out poor behavior of someone you like? And if nothing is wrong with it, how come people choose not to?

Friday Facebook Post-November 2nd

     So its Friday babysitters and it’s been a pretty interesting week.  Not just for me, but for many within the borders of this country.  I have tapered back my thought provoking posts because I am focusing most of my attention on my masters.  Between work, family, and mentoring, I don’t have a lot of time to poke the bear.  So what I have decided to do is at a minimum post once every Friday.  And that Friday post will be a thought provoking post which will be based off of things I may have seen on Facebook or stories within the news.  There will be a topic and at the end questions to ponder. So with that being said…let’s get to it.

     Throughout this week I have posted a few times brining up topics and asking questions.  The common theme/thread to all of these posts was morality and how we choose to view right versus wrong.  It is clear (and has been for a very, very long time) that we have an immigration issue in this country.  We are a nation that was founded on immigration so for some it’s hard to distance themselves and look at it logically and without emotion.  That coupled with just how polarized we are as a nation, it’s not making things easier; because what ends up happening is you will fall on one side or the other. You are left or right, red or blue, socialist liberal or racist conservative. Labels…nothing but labels.

     Our government officials have made a living/career of keeping us living in a state of fear as well as ignorance; blaming problems on the poor, drug users, Muslims, the Irish, Italians, Blacks, Chinese, Mexicans, and now immigrants.  It’s easy to control the masses when they don’t know what you know.  My fellow military members know this all too well.  We are taught from day one that knowledge is power.  Some leaders have made a living off of keeping the important information to themselves.  Telling their subordinates only what they wanted them to know.  Some do this for personal gain and some do it to protect.  I had a former boss tell me when we returned from Iraq that these very dangerous missions we would execute weekly, well I had the ability to tell him no, me and my platoon would not execute the missions.  He told me had I told him no, there would have been nothing he could have done to me or made me do it.  I was shocked.  I told him I would have done the missions anyway and he said I know which is why I never told you.  But it did make me think just what did I not know about things in the military?  Especially in the realm of following orders.

         So, exactly where does our morality fit into all of this?  That’s a good question. Another would be do we compromise our principals and beliefs and allow things to happen that MORALLY we know are wrong but do so under the guise of patriotism and love of country?  I caution that we be careful with allowing our morals to be swayed by those that would turn their attention to us if it suited them and their cause.  How many of you have actually talked to immigrants and asked them what motivated them to leave their country and come here?  How long do they plan on staying?  Hell, do they even want to stay in this country?  And just what jobs are these people taking from us Americans?  Where is all this free candy that immigrants are getting? I don’t mean Facebook, meme candy, I mean here is the policy and it states this is what they get.  In other words I want to hear it from the “lawyers,” not the “shit house lawyers” repeating what their mom’s boyfriend’s cousin once removed said because he heard some guy say it in line and the corner store.

     Morally we have an obligation to do the right thing even when it’s not popular.  I think we also must ensure that we are fully informed before we allow others to make decisions for us that are not in our best interest and violate our personal moral codes.  Folks have got to educate themselves and stop blindly following those who know but don’t want you to know.  Folks need to be mindful of what you say or post because like it or not, it does influence others and if you are wrong, then you now have two people who are wrong.  And then it spreads like a virus and before you know it you have hundreds of people angry about an issue which truly isn’t an issue.  We must demand more of those in office and call them out when they are inciting fear and hatred.  Words are powerful. Words can teach a child to love and words can teach a child to hate.

     Is ending the birthrights given to those who are born in this country to immigrants is this the solution to our immigration issue?  Ok, say tomorrow we wake up and it’s done, what will our lives look like? The birthrights issue really doesn’t affect the average American and I will wager nothing will change.  Taxes won’t go down, the economy won’t start booming.  Life will continue as it has.  Only difference is children born here of immigrant parents will still be immigrants too.  Immigrants will still desire to come here.  And without the immigration policy fixed…many will still come illegally.  Here is a thought, imagine if you will, they actually fixed the immigration issue that has been broken for the better part of 30 years and 6 Presidents.  Imagine if they created a process where they could apply for a work visa and be able to work legally in the country in 30 days or less.  It’s hard to fathom that in a country such as ours, where a college kid could create Facebook and become a millionaire, but 300 professional lawyers/politicians for 30 plus years we haven’t been able to figure out how to create a streamlined visa process and immigration process.

Questions to ponder over your morning coffee or at the water cooler:

1. Who within the government benefits (financially) from the immigration policy as it stands today?

2. How many politicians benefit from being able to use the immigration issue every election?

Political/ Common sense post of the month:

          Ok, I just got finished listening to Mitt Romney’s speech on CNN as I was doing some chores around the house. Understand, I listened to it from start to finish and I’m still listening to CNN now that Ashley Banfield is on and they are continuing the discussion about the speech. So, as per standard let me lay a little “Dingleism” on this situation. And this comment is directed at both Republicans and Democrat voters. There is no party for someone who believes like I do. I am 51% conservative and 49% liberal and if you’ve ever had the pleasure of debating me on a topic you’d understand those percentages. So, back to the speech. What I feel all Americans on both side of the isle should take from not only Mitt’s speech but how the election as a whole is being conducted is that all involved are horrible examples of what we as a country and its citizens strive to be. The Republicans are shooting themselves in the foot by attacking Trump the way they are. They are doing exactly what MOST Americans despise about career politicians. And they are doing it to the point that many Americans will possibly vote for Trump just to show how pissed and disconnected they all are when it comes to the needs of the citizens of this nation. Oh and Democrats, they are no better. They are just as disconnected and play on the dreams of many voters never addressing the reality of the situation. I as a BLACK MAN find it shameful and insulting that both Bernie and Hillary would use the death of blacks at the hands of police as a strategy to gain votes and political power. And it pains me to know that there are SOME blacks who are drinking the Kool-Aid and will end up in “Jonestown.” I’m not an Obama fan nor supporter, but as an educated man, I can admit and acknowledge that he has done some really good things. He nor any politician will ever do what Jerome wants and lead the way Jerome feels they should lead. And that’s ok, they aren’t me.

          It’s disappointing that many of our young have their sights so locked in on the future and the ideology they feel should be in place verses acknowledging the future REALISTICALLY and what could be, while remaining grounded in the here and now; attempting to lay the foundation so that you could potentially have that future. I would love to have “free” healthcare and college but I also have the ability and willingness to see that RIGHT NOW it is not possible. So how about we find a way to get close to that. I know we could but the problem is someone somewhere is not going to make money and that is going to be a problem. Listening to Mitt’s speech has done nothing but show me, the “average American” that career politicians (Dems & Rep) will do and say just about anything to win an election, even if it means getting into bed with the Devil. And please, I ask all to use critical thinking skills when reading this and not read or comment based on your political stance. This post is about both sides attacking each other and claiming to be so very different yet when you intelligently peel away the layers of the onion you see that they are all the same. At the end of the day they are all career politicians with agendas that supersede doing what best for us Americans. I don’t have an answer but damn, there is got to be a way for us to voice our displeasure with how things are because voting, right now, in my opinion will not get it done. So as I bring this thought to a close I am disappointed in where our country and its so called “leaders” have led us. But I am more disappointed in WE AMERICANS who have been selfish, self serving and blind for so many years that we are now all about to eat a shit sandwich. Only thing that separates me from you is that I will be on the opposite side of said sandwich. 

Are You A Better Man Than Cam?

           So, the Super Bowl has come and gone but there is still a bitter taste in some fan's mouths. Panthers fans will move pass the loss as will the players. Denver's fans will take in their win and enjoy a year’s worth of gloating. But for some this is an opportunity to kick and attack a man’s character while he’s down. The man I speak of is Cam Newton, QB of the Panthers. Sunday, accompanied by his teammates played a very

uncharacteristic style of football. Balls were fumbled, passes dropped and tackles were missed, it was a total team loss. This was not the same team my son and I had the pleasure of cheering for all season. The one thing we noticed from the very start was a smile was missing from Cam's face.  That smile my son and I love to see as he plays football. He takes me back to a time when you played football for fun. With your buddies in the street, empty lot or on a grassy field nearby.

When we eventually get to suit up and play full contact ball, man… there wasn't a better feeling in the whole world. So some of us, really enjoyed it for what it is… a game. A game that we get to watch someone else have fun playing much like we used to do.  But this past Sunday, there was no smile from Cam, no Superman. In other words it was uncharacteristic behavior.

     But he didn’t let us down at the end of the game. He walked over to the winning

QB Peyton Manning and for a brief moment we got to see that infectious smile as he congratulated Manning on his win. Then he left the field to acknowledge that his season was indeed over. They had lost and it was now time to hit the locker room. It’s unfortunate that players can’t just deal with their loss. They must now go and relive that loss. They must go and talk with some of the most obnoxious and insensitive people there are. They must go and talk to the press. Yep, you lose the super bowl, now go sit, smile, and

be happy that these grown ass men get to rub it in your face; that not only did you lose, but imply that somehow you didn’t play your best, you let your fans down, and you blew your chance for victory. Did I mention that you are supposed to sit there and enjoy this? Because yeah… you are. For some it is arguably the worst day, or evening of their lives and then have to sit through it and make nice. All because it’s what SOME people expect. No, it's what they demand. We as a society love to put people on pedestals. But the one thing we love even more than that, is to watch them

fall off that pedestal, and then we relish in it. Gloat, rub it in, call names, and in the words of today’s youth… hate on them.

So like he was supposed to, Cam went to that press conference and he began to field questions. What I did notice different was he still had his pants on and wore a hoody.  There was no infectious smile and painfully he began to answer questions. Most were very short and to the point. I can understand that. I didn’t say agree, I said understand. I mean seriously, how many

times can you tell someone you lost the game? How much colorful language is supposed to be used to describe the loss? How long do you have to sit and patiently answer the same exact questions when the only thing that’s different is the way and who it’s being asked by? But for Cam there was still no smile, no grin, no gum chewing, and no

fashionable clothes. Just Cam, a hoody and a grimacing look. (Some people actually pointed out he wore a hoody as if they were quietly implying something)You could tell that he was drained mentally, and drained... physically. His attire clearly relayed that he hadn’t even showered, nor had he even processed the loss. For him, it probably felt like he was answering a million questions, and for a moment, that moment he was frozen in time. Reliving the loss over and over and over and over. Man, that’s got to be hard on a player and competitor.

I can only imagine how I would feel. At some point, Cam got up, stopped fielding questions and uncharacteristically walked out. When I found out he did this I was like “Damn, he just gave them the ammo they needed.” And I was right, when I cut the news on to CBS this morning they were attacking him. I flipped to ABC, they were

attacking him, flipped to ESPN… yep… attacking him. Went online to Facebook, comments, threads, and memes galore. All attacking him. God our society loves to take the moral high ground when it’s convenient and act like we have personally done no wrong. And what’s even better is the lack of empathy or understanding for his actions.  So it makes me wonder… how come?

           I think the answer lies somewhere in our individual socialization processes. How we are raised, the values we hold, and what we truly believe in. But those things also cause a great deal of friction when they don’t align up with someone else’s. In this instance, Cam Newton. A young black professional QB, and public figure. After he strangely walked out of the press conference, it didn’t take long for his personal actions to rub up against the values and beliefs of fans and the press. Rubbing them all the wrong way. Many would become vocal, especially when it’s so easy to hide behind a profile on a computer screen. “Unprofessional,” “Classless,” “Immature,” “Big Baby,” “Unsportsman like,”

“Punk,” and my favorite “Nigger.” Hell, Bill Romanowski (known for his dirty play) called him a “boy” in one of his tweets. (Many know or perhaps don’t know that the word BOY raises an eyebrow from some of us, especially black men) All those names thrown at a young man because at some point he decided to leave an interview. He didn't curse, didn't spit in someone's face. For what ever reason he got up and walked out. (Many headlines said STORMED out adding to the immature fire) And throughout the day I heard and read comment after comment about his “Unprofessional” and “Immature” conduct at the press conference. Not one comment I read wanted to know what caused him to leave or even tried to get a sense of what he was thinking or feeling. Not one person appeared to remind themselves he's just a man, he's human and just perhaps he was overwhelmed in the moment. In other words give him the benefit of the doubt or seek the truth behind his actions. As the day progressed, articles began popping up that talked about other players who have done the same in the past including elite QB Tom Brady. One notable player was of his rival QB for the game, Peyton Manning. A man which when people think of “professional” or “class act,” he tends to come to mind. One of the articles talks about how Manning left the field after the Colt’s loss in

Super Bowl XLIV. He didn’t shake hands, he didn't congratulate to the winning coach nor the QB. He simply walked of the field. Not much was said negatively about Manning’s actions. He was however given the benefit of the doubt and he later explained his actions. All was right in the world again. End of story. So, you got to ask yourself, how come Manning (and others) got to explain before attacks flooded the TV and media but Cam didn’t? How come we hold some players to a higher standard than others? Some will say it’s because of color, some will say it’s Cam's attitude. Some say, “He just rubs me the wrong way.” I can’t answer why any of this is. I can only speculate based on my life experiences and what I have witnessed. But I do know that in this society, some people will always get the benefit of the doubt while others will be ridiculed.

           I don’t understand what was so wrong with what Cam did if others in the past have done the same of similar. Why has he received the criticism at the level he has? Was what he did really unprofessional or immature? And if so, who defines what unprofessional or immature is? You, me, the press? I wonder how many of you have looked in the mirror and asked yourselves, “Am I always professional?” I know and have worked with a lot of guys. I’ve witnessed a lot of actions by them that to me were unprofessional. Lying, cheating stealing, you name it, I have friends that have done it. I’ve seen fellow leaders talk about another behind their back, better yet stab them in the back. I’ve seen fellow peers disregard orders. I’ve seen friends cheat on their spouses. I’ve seen friends refuse to shake hands after a softball game or fight because they didn't like the call. And I have known guys who got DUIs, and disrespected their peers and subordinates in public. I have seen many of the same people commenting on Facebook state how he was immature or unprofessional yet I know what many of them have done in their personal lives and to me, their actions then and some today are immature and unprofessional. My point is we have all done things that we may regret or wish we could take back. But I guess somehow Cam must be a better man than many of you because you clearly expect more out of him than you do your own selves. Later in the day, articles popped up stating that for the first time in known NFL history it was the first time the losing QB was interviewed right next to the winning defensive players. The article accompanied by videos allowed you to hear what he heard which, based on the article may have motivated him to get up and leave. And for some of you I ask, was it “professional and mature” of the winners to talk about him and his teammates as they did? I mean many of you said he should have been “classy and humble” in his loss. Well, don’t we as a society say that winners are supposed to be humble and classy? Or does this only apply to people we take issue with?

I ask because I know many of you do not like Cam. You don’t like nor get the “Dab.” You think he’s brash, arrogant, a fake show man who plays to the crowd. Many say “He smiles too much… its fake!”, and my personal favorite, “He doesn’t play like he’s supposed to.” Ahhh yeah, there it is. A clash of cultures. You see, Cam isn’t like many of you. He didn’t grow up

like many of you. He didn’t listen to the same music as you. He didn’t have the same idols as you and his socialization process was not like yours. He is from a different generation. It reminds me of ole "Broadway Joe" Namath and how he carried himself. Folks hated the long hair, the fancy clothes and the swag. Why couldn't Joe "look" like a football player? You know, high and tight, squeaky clean image aka the good ole All-American boy. People fear and loath what they can't understand. I grew up during a time when you better not do anything and I do mean anything except hand the ball to the ref after a touchdown. Anything less… you were gonna get an ear full from the Coach. Hell, some thought passing the ball was weak because a “real football” team runs the ball at you, aka “smash mouth” football. “Trick plays? I ain’t running no trick plays. I’m gonna come straight at ya!!!” We all have an idea of what and how the game should be played and this typically extends over to the players. But at the end of the day, I know I’m not them and they aren’t me.

So when you can admit that you can see these players and their actions in a different light. If Cam was the kind of guy to wear some crazy $800 pants, speak his mind and play the position of QB his way, capitalizing on his talents, how could you be surprised that he wouldn’t have the courage to get up and walk out of a press conference for whatever the reason was?

           Imagine you’re at your mother’s funeral. She just died from a battle with cancer and you know in your heart of hearts you weren’t the best son. Matter of fact, you were too busy to visit her the last few months. Now as your mother is being lowered into the ground and while you’re walking to your car, a bunch of reporters run up to you and start asking you questions. “Why weren’t you at your mother’s side?”, “Why weren't you a better son?”, “How does it fell knowing you were a horrible son and now your mother’s dead?” Would you stand there, be a man, a good son, and a “professional” and answer them? Now I know some of you are gonna rationalize and say that this isn’t the same thing. Well when you peel away the layers and get to the core, I’m sorry to tell you, but it is. What I said attacked your personal values/ beliefs and it’s supposed to. But I know that some of you, hell the majority of you will argue that it, and some things similar are not the same. Many of you will continue to hold others to a higher standard of conduct than you do yourselves or your friends. And that’s alright, you can do and live how you wish. Many of you could never put yourself in another’s shoes because that would mean you’d not only have to look at yourselves in the mirror but also admit… you aren’t as  “good” of a person as you envision you are.

If I was a mere 26 years old, how would I handle it? In short, if I put myself in his shoes… how would I fare? If I’m honest with you, really honest with you I must truthfully answer… I don’t know. I don’t know because I’m 46 years old. My father was in the military and I grew up an Army brat. Then, at 17 I joined the military and spent the better part of my adult life in service to my country. That and all the experiences have shaped me into who I am. But when I was 26, I was not the same man I am today. Today I question, today I seek knowledge and today I’m not so judgmental. I don't hold others to a higher standard of conduct than I do myself.  So I will close with this one thought, understand I may not agree with what Cam did but as a man, a person, and human being who has suffered personal losses… I can understand it. And that makes me normal. I ask all of you who attacked him with your words to get up from your PC, laptops or phones, and go stand in the mirror. Once there, look at yourself and reflect on who you TRULY are and ask yourself, "Are you a better man than Cam?"

Political and Social thought of the week: 16NOV15

In the wake of the terrorist attack in Paris, the weekend and this morning’s news and social media is still buzzing with talk of what we should do, how we should do it and who should be involved. For me the news and social media can be a “Catch 22.” I like to know what’s going on in my world and the world in general, but I have a low tolerance for….bullshit. Memes, comments, biased news articles, the whole lot.

Our “leaders” in Washington are taking to the air so all can hear how they have an answer to the problem and they clearly know how to defeat ISIS. I just listened to Lindsey Graham and I just sat here thinking, “How the f… did this cat even get elected?!?” His best sound bite is he’d put “boots on the ground” i.e. a ground force and that along with help from our allies would defeat ISIS. He also insulted the SOF community when he highlighted that 50 guys on the ground can’t do anything. Lindsey Graham should go tackle “Nasty Nick.” He talks as if he’s actually going to go fight. That’s laughable. Or Donald Trump’s idea about bombing them to the Stone Age. The French President’s response to the attacks, he dropped around 20 bombs on the “ISIS capitol.” Yeah…that will solve the problem. But in general, I love it when folks talk mad cash knowing fully well they don’t have to do ish but watch it on TV or hear about it in a briefing. Folks talk a good game yet how many have spoken to any actively serving or retired military strategists about how you go about defeating an IDEOLOGY!!!!! It is no different than racism. Racism is not a person or group. Racism is an ideology.

Yes that’s right. I don’t mean to burst your uneducated military bubble but ISIS is not a bunch of jihads on the ground, ISIS is an IDEOLOGY and THAT is what we have to fight. You can kill 1,000 individuals in the fight against ISIS but if you don’t defeat the mindset, the ideology…then you will have other individuals who pick up where those you just killed left off. And just how do you combat an ideology? Education…along with maturity and an open mind is a good place to start. You must be mature enough to listen and educated enough to be able to absorb the words you are being told. You also need to be educated enough to utilize critical thinking skills so that you can truly look at the ideology and perhaps see just how flawed it really is. Lastly, be willing to change and move from said ideology. Once you’ve done that, then  the real battle begins. That battle being what do you do with all those whose mindset you have now changed? And how do you keep them from going back to that or finding another ideology that perhaps is far worse? But, jobs, education…a life, must surely be at the forefront of all of that. If you don’t believe me that all of that is monumentally important, go west and visit some of the lovely and bustling RESERVATIONS that house Indians who have just done so well the past 200 years.

I’m not a rocket scientist nor do I claim to know it all but I do have common sense and enough of it combined with an education to form an opinion based on the use of both.

The End of the Week

         It's Saturday morning babysitters and the house is quiet. Jeff is sleeping, Rome is sleeping (After an evening out with new friends), Brodie Dingle​ is chilling somewhere and Clarabelle naturally is in her kennel because she'd rather play than use the bathroom. Oh, and I have to clean up her mess once again under the bed. I'm still not fully engaged on Facebook as I had been in the past. Just seems folks post less and less about their lives and that of their families than any other subject that does nothing more than keep us all apart as people. That...to no end, drive me crazy. It wouldn't be so bad if it was once in awhile but man it's like every single hour of every single minute. The "unfollow" button has been a Godsend in some regards. People are my friends for a reason but that doesn't mean I want to here every single thing they say. Sorry, it really isn't that important. And I'm sure I have gotten on the nerves of many in the past and probably still do to this day. Oh well, such is life.
        
            So if I'm not commenting on your stuff like I used to, don't take it personal. I've just become a little more selective about what I wish to post on. I spend a little more time on Instagram seeing how it's nothing but pictures and who doesn't like to look at pictures? That and I have 2 boys who need a lot of my attention right now as well as my studies and keeping my grades up. Retirement is treating me pretty good and I con only imagine how much better it would be if I had had more time to plan it. So my tib bit of advice on that is if your at 10yrs, you need to start getting ready to retire. Talk to those of us who are and find out what you NEED to be doing to set yourself up for success. I did a lot in a year, but if I had had 2 or 3 years...man...I can't imagine what I could have had done.
       
          Last week was a trying week for me. A lot of things are going on and even though we wish for the best and plan for the worst, when the worst does happen, being prepared for it doesn't make it sting any less. We all have had our fair share of ups and downs and it's nice to know folks care a fair amount about you as you do them. I got more than a few personal texts, phone calls and messages on top of the comments posted to my post earlier this week. Sometimes engaging that 300m target is a lot harder than you think. But no matter what...you must remember to breath.
     
         So to all my friends who took the time to comment or drop me a message...I say thank you. The love was much appreciated. Especially the unexpected shout out from JB55!!! Love you Bruh!!!! And if you didn't comment...no worries, I know some of you have me in your thoughts but you just aren't the type to be all mushy and stuff. I have some things I need to take care of today, bills and a lil home maintenance, before I can relax for the remainder of the day. So I'm moving back into my self imposed only come on Facebook when I really need to mode.
   
     Take care all....and remember...I'm still watching and I will leave you with this.    


"Father I am trusting you. I believe that you are in control. And even though I do not see anything tangible happening, I believe you are working in my life, going before me, making my crooked places straight, and causing me to be at the right place at the right time."   

We've Come Full Circle

Not long ago I had to make a somewhat emergency drive to Kentucky after my former spouse put her hands on our daughter in a drunken rage. She was later arrested and jailed for the remainder of that day. The following day I spoke with several officers about her and the arrest. After getting back home I emailed her and told her in light of recent events I feel it was best if my sons moved with me. I offered her a peaceful solution to which, true to form it was not received well.

                I contacted my Attorney and had her file a motion seeking physical custody of our sons. I contacted her again asking to do it without court and peacefully which it would all be settled prior to Madison’s graduation the end of May. But naturally, that wasn’t going to happen. So a court date was set for 10 July. I drove up on the 9^th and the next day we were walking down the side walk into court when I got a call from my attorney telling me that my former spouse had called and said she was in the ER in Bowling Green. So there would be no court and I’d have to drive back to Georgia with nothing resolved. A new date of the 17^th of July was given and I’d have to drive back up once again hoping she would show up. I don’t believe she knew I was coming but I did. And around 0920 we finally went into the court room. I hadn’t been in there since June of 2011.

                My Attorney informed the judge of the motion and that I was simply seeking physical custody since the boys were both teenagers and desired to live with me. The judge was pleasant and simply told Jennifer that teenage boys typically need their fathers during those years and that it wasn’t personal. So that was that. He ruled that I was to be the physical custodian and my goal and promise to my kids of not pointing fingers and bring up all the dirt was met.

                So Things have come full circle for me and my life. I will continue to operate as I have since 2009 when all this started. I will take my family to counseling so that my kids can talk through whatever anger and feelings they have had inside of them since this all started. This will also give them a safe environment to ask questions and seek answers and acknowledgement of actions that have taken place between their mother and I over the past 6 years. So again, I will assist them in moving forward and the healing process by doing what they need and putting those needs at the forefront. It feels good to go to the gym with them and workout. It’s nice having my son helping me mow the lawn or take the garbage to the curb. My son has a job which I’m super proud of him and what he’s doing for himself. Madison starts college in the fall and she is super excited. They are all well and have adjusted to their new lives here in Georgia.

                What I have learned from all this is doing the right thing, maintaining the moral high ground and putting the needs of others no matter how uncomfortable it maybe or unhealthy you have to allow things to play out  because with patience and perseverance…you can succeed.