Friday, February 25, 2011

When people think they know more about your life than you do...

The below message is from an associate of my Ex-wife and how she viewed what I wrote about my pending divorce matters. Her comments are in red and bold. It's amazing how people who have never talked to you in five years know sooo much about your life. More than you whom lived it.

Jenny forwarded this epistle because she assumed you sent it to her for proof reading. She didn't feel qualified for this responsibility, what with the DVO and all, and sought my help in editing your wonderful work of fiction. I was happy to oblige having seen the results of your efforts up close and personal. I hope you find my clarifications helpful. I've included Jenny's mom in this response, as I'm sure she could use a little clarification, as well. I mean, since she refuses to even talk to or believe her daughter, she's only had the benefit of your colorful version of events.
I only addressed the falsehoods. To be honest, the sentence structure reads at maybe a 6th grade level. I am being generous.
Dee

(The Divorce Chapters Draft)

Taking a page from Eathan, I have decided to share my on going battle with my ex wife to just simply do the right thing. Let's make a list of some of the "right things" you have done in the past three years 1) Beat up your wife 2) Told bald faced lies to CPS and the Judge so that your wife became homeless, your children lost their mother, and left your wife to rot in jail for all you cared 3) Gave away your children's beloved pets less than a week before jerking their mother away from them 4) Hauled your wife into court to try and steal her car away from her causing her to loose a job she loved and was really good at 5) Threw your 12 year old son across the room in anger 6) hooked up with some woman you met on line and forced her on your children as a "replacement" for their mother 7) lied in court and caused CPS to recommend that your children have absolutely NO contact with their mother 8) tried to have your step-son arrested any number of times 9) Got a DVO against your wife because she had the audacity to seek shelter from a friend across the street. We're NOT stupid, Jerome. We know you wanted her out of this house and stuck in that nasty apartment so the children could not have access to her. 10) You told your wife that if she ever tried to leave you, you would make her pay 11) Oh, I could go on and on Some people talk the talk, but can you really walk the walk. Two years ago I was in Korea. I asked to go so that I would be untouched for my son’s “The Athlete” senior year of high school and to see him play for his and his teammate’s quest for a state championship. This makes no sense. YOU make no sense.

I left in March 2008; leaving behind my wife JSD41, who is Canadian and our four beautiful kids. My marriage wasn’t the greatest but it wasn’t the worst and I worked hard at being what my ex wanted me to be. Yes, Jerome, we all know how hard you "tried" to become what she wanted you to be. Prior to my departure she had taken her own personal loss when she failed out of nursing school. Jerome, you know good and well that Jenny did not "fail" out of nursing school. You KNOW that she only failed the final mock evaluation, which was highly suspect. You KNOW that she fought that decision. You know that she had excellent grades ALL through the course. She opted to “self medicate” as she called it. What exactly does that mean? Are you insinuating she was abusing drugs? What drugs? Where's your proof? So as I was saying, things weren’t great but I thought the time apart as well as money we could save would continue with the healing process. How about you taking all the money Jenny had saved while you were gone, Jerome? You took it all, didn't you?
My marriage had been ending for awhile but I wouldn’t let that happen, I’m not a quitter. So I went to counseling desperately trying to fix all the things my ex claimed was wrong with me. So by the time March rolled around, I thought…we were ok. Jerome, you know good and well that Jenny wanted a divorce before you left. You know this! I was gone all of two days when the emails and phone traffic seemed to get nastier, nastier and then stopped. I, being co-dependent took all the blame and even felt I deserved the anger she was displaying towards me. For the next 120 days I got nothing. No love, no respect no nothing, just anger and hatred. Jerome, you were plainly told that your marriage was over. Jenny wanted a divorce. She could not take your emotional and physical abuse any longer! Your own therapist told you that you needed to accept the fact that your marriage was over as early as 2007. I was given the chance to come home before the mid way point of my 12 month tour. Even though Jenny BEGGED your command to not allow you to come home. She was afraid of you and what you might do to her and the children.

I traveled on the 4th of July, my birthday. I arrived to the airport, greeted by my best friend. My wife and kids…well she had taken them to Atlanta for a vacation knowing fully well I was coming home. Again, she did not want you to come home. She had planned this vacation before she knew you were coming home. But, frankly, Jerome, who can blame her for trying to get her children away from an obviously unstable person? You sent scores and scores of desperate emails that were scary as hell. After getting home I had to break into my house SAY WHAT???? so that I’d have a place to stay. I contacted her and told her I was home. Previously she had called my superiors begging them not to allow me to come home. So, Jerome, what does that say to you???? I wanted to save my marriage and I had expressed that to her several times. Yes, again, the harassing, scary emails! Her and her girlfriend “Daphne” had spent a great deal of time searching for my user name online and on sites. Trying to find what I was up too, in essence cyber stalking. This was not Jenny's doing, Jerome. Daphne may or may not have done this .... however, Jenny WAS concerned about YOU putting a lot of personal family information online. There were times I swore someone was in my email, even after I changed the passwords. I would later find out just how far they had gone once I arrived back home permanently in March 2009.

I volunteered to stay with friends and I thank God for them today. By the end of my 30 days I thought I’d put a band-aid on my marriage and caught a plane back to Korea. Jerome, there was NO band-aid. Jenny had already filed for separation. She did not want you home. She did not want to see you. Jenny did not deny you access to your children during that 30 days, even though she, herself, did NOT want to see you. YOU were in control of how often you chose to see your kids while you were home. Boy was I wrong. In no time at all she was back to threats of leaving me. Just prior to x-mas I decided to call her on it and said send me papers. Jan 2009 I got them in the mail. I was devastated but I emailed an attorney I had spoken with twice before, whipped out my MasterCard and said lets do this. Yes, Jerome, you are really good at whipping out those charge cards, aren't you?

In the divorce papers she wanted everything, exclusive use of the home, new car, the kids, filed a restraining order, etc. I was like what the hell. I did as my attorney suggested moved money and got myself ready to come home. I contacted JSD41 in late April asking if she could or allow one of my friends to bring the kids to the airport to greet me. No response. Big Surprise. You were about to be divorced! Jenny's lawyer advised her not to respond nor allow her children to be taken by a third party to the airport. I ended up having to file a motion for this and the judge denied it Also, Big Surprise and said I could see my kids the first weekend I got home. JSD41 claimed I would run off with the kids or what would happen if my plane was late. They’d have to stay up late and they had school the next day. 3rd, 5th, 6th and 12th grade, it was laughable the excuses she gave. Jerome, just look at that statement! It SO shows how you could care less about what is best for your children. You are too busy thinking about what is best for YOU! Her own attorney told mine she would talk to her and see if she could convince her to allow the kids to go that is a bald faced lie.

I had no idea until I walked down the concourse and saw my partner standing there…alone. A tear trickled down my cheek. Days earlier I contacted my neighbor across the street and asked if he could get my car and take it to his house, I’d explain when I got home. And oh, by the way, Logan was disgusted when he saw that state of your engine. He had to jump start the car to get it across the street. When I arrived on my street around 1030pm, JSD41 had one of her cronies one of her cronies???? at the house, I’m sure to act as a witness to see if I would start anything Okay, Jerome, AGAIN, what does that say about how Jenny felt about you and how afraid she was of you?. Two flat tires and a dead battery was how my Acura greeted me. LOL. Obviously, you are intimating that Jenny was responsible for this. Come on! Don't you see how crazy that sounds? Is it a coincidence that Jenny has had two flat tires since she moved out of the house in June? So me, my neighbor, my best friend and his wife all laughed and talked in the driveway as I charged the battery and filled the tires with air. Oh, so, you thought Jenny flattened your tires and magically made your battery go dead and you and Logan and his wife stood there and laughed about it? I saw The Athlete’s (these cutesy nicknames are really creepy) shadow in my driveway and called his cell. He came up and my chest warmed with pride as I hugged him and chatted up a bit. Okay, I don't know if this is true or not, but did you think back on this "moment" when your "chest warmed with pride" the ten plus times your called the police on Alex? We talked a lil do you mean little? and he went and got me the disc of his junior year so I could watch NOT true. I was looking forward since I missed him playing that year. And you really MADE up for it his senior year, didn't you? How many times did you call the police on him?

I told him I’d be back to take him and the rest of my squad to dinner cause we needed to talk. I hugged him and he went back to shooting hoops in my driveway. We all chatted some more and I left for my room on Ft. Knox. Friday I took the kids to eat at Cracker Barrel, one of our favorite spots. I needed to know who the kids wanted to live with before linking up with my attorney. They said Mom they said MOM, Jerome, they said MOM. Does that matter to you at all or were you just lying to them when you assured them that was cool? and I assured that I was cool with it and would love them no matter what. Do you think the kids remember this conversation? Do you think they are confused that you are doing EVERYTHING in your power to keep them away from their mother??? With that said, we settled into dinner laughing and joking. I told them of a mini class reunion in New Jersey. The Athlete told me I should go, Jerome, does it occur to you that Alex wanted you as far away from them as you could get? I deserved to have some fun I had no idea what going to NJ was gonna do to my life, no idea at all. Oh yes you did. You knew exactly what you were doing and made your "grand plan" to destroy Jenny for having the audacity to leave you.

After a great four days in NJ I left after having breakfast with an old classmate. As I drove back to KY and chatted with Staci, an old classmate of mine I realized that I didn’t have to be in a loveless marriage. I made it back to Ft Knox around 1130pm and was laying down when my middle son “The Catcher” again, creepy nicknames called. He asked if I was back from NJ and I told him I was and asked what time baseball practice was. He told me then went on to tell me that his mom was hurt. “Is she ok, what happened?” I asked. Let me picture this little conversation, Jerome. Let's see ... you come in from a lovely weekend in New Jersey, you lie down, instantly the phone rings and it's your ten year old son. You have a nice little conversation about ball practice and then, Oh by the way, Mom is hurt. Jerome .... you had a conversation about ball practice before he even mentioned that his Mom was hurt and, coincidentally, the police were at your house. This was not the first thing he said to you? Come on. What a load of crap! He told me to hold on. Next thing I know I’m talking to a police officer. I asked if JSD41 MY Jenny??? MY Jenny??? was ok and he asked where I was at and I explained I was on post. He then told me I needed to come to my house…and that JSD41 claimed I came there and beat her up. I was freaking out a lil do you mean little? and he told me if I were innocent I had nothing to fear. So, this is your story and you are sticking by it? You didn't come to the house first, have a fight with Jenny, and then hit her? You didn't do this? Jerome, you know that you did. You KNOW this!

I threw on a hoody, grabbed my camera Now, why would you possibly think to grab a camera, unless there was some motive, some plan? and took off to my house. Once at my house I was met at the door by an officer who gave me a brief rundown. My boys were upstairs getting dressed not true, Jerome. Why were your boys getting dressed at midnight? the athlete was out of town with his baseball team and the cheerleader was sleeping over at a friends. After a brief talk he went out onto my deck and the senior officer came in to talk to me. He asked about the condition of the home as well as JSD41. I explained we were going through a divorce and I wasn’t allowed into the house. He asked if he could see my hands Oh come on! Surely this policeman is not so stupid to think you would hot have washed your hands after punching your wife in the face! and assured me it was just a formality and he had to be sure. I stuck both hands out and he observed them with his flashlight again, why would he do that and not look at your hands in the house where there was plenty of light?. He proceeded to tell me that JSD41, based on the evidence had gotten drunk and fell off our deck and what evidence is this, Jerome? Other than the fact that Jenny had been drinking ... in her home, which is allowed in this country. He asked if she drank. I told him she did and I felt she was an alcoholic. Based on what, Jerome? On the fact that Jenny wanted to divorce you and you needed to hurt her as you had promised? He told me she was pretty gone and wasn’t cooperating at all. Okay, so, here you come over, deny that you had touched her, claimed she was an alcoholic, claimed she filed a false report with the police ... why would she cooperate?

The other officer brought her in and she took one look at me and told the officers I couldn’t be there because she had a restraining order on me. Which she did. Which makes you wonder what you told the police that would make them think she was lying and not telling the truth. They told her she needed to get some shoes and a jacket. The senior officer told me to go upstairs and make sure my sons stayed in their room until they left. I looked at him and he said, we will be taking her in for filing a false report. I was shocked and don’t know what to think as I went to the stairs and made sure my sons were in their room. I heard the officers talking to JSD41 as they escorted her to the front door. Oh really? You didn't sit on the front porch and laugh, Jerome? And why did you not tell the judge in court that Romey had called you? You told the judge that the POLICE had called you. By this time they weren’t too happy with her and her attitude as she kept asking what they were doing and where they were taking her. You have GOT to be kidding me! She had a restraining order on you, you come into HER house, fight with her, hit her, and then LIE to the police to the point that SHE's being hauled off for filing a false report. And, oh by the way, what happened the next morning, Jerome. Was she indicted? OR were the charges DROPPED because the whole arrest was ludicrous! No WONDER she was upset. My Lord! As I sat at the top of my stairs I couldn’t believe what was going on. For me this was a long time coming. I thought back to all the fights we had in our home. 95% of these fights were after she was drunk and decided to take her dislike of herself out on me. Another bald faced LIE. Jerome, the only person Jenny disliked was YOU and the years of manipulation and abused you heaped on her and the children. SHAME on you! After the officers left with her and my boys were back in bed I called Staci to tell her what had just took place. OHHHH STACI again. How fortunate you had such a dear sweet friend to fall back on. I searched all her usual spots she hid alcohol but couldn’t find it. What are you talking about? Why would she have to hide it, Jerome? She's an adult. Drinking is legal in this country. Who was she hiding the Vodka from? The Catcher came to me with a gallon of vodka and said here it is Dad. Did you go upstairs and drag him out of the bed you claim he was sleeping in to help you on the great Vodka hunt? I quickly told him to put it back where he found it. After he left the laundry room I took pictures of it in the spot she’d left it. And why did you do that, Jerome? Oh, no, you didn't have a plan in place, did you? You weren't thinking of trying to set your wife up even then, were you? That camera you brought with you when the police called sure did come in handy, didn't it? She had drank a half of a gallon of vodka…by herself. Again, intimating she had consumed enough alcohol in an evening to kill a horse.

JSD41 had a nice laptop I had purchased for her prior to my departure for Korea. So what, Jerome? So what? You were married when the BOTH of you bought the computer. Low a behold there it was for me to checkout and boy did I. Again, listen to what you are saying, Jerome! You took her laptop, after you beat her up and had her falsely arrested, and illegally went through her PRIVATE information. Don't you realize how BAD that looks? And you ADMIT it? Did you tell the judge THAT? Oh, and let's talk about Jenny's mail you opened, copied, made files of. Since the case is still on going I wont go into details why? because you have run out of fairy tales? but I will say it’s how I knew her and Daphne were going into my email and how they were cyber stalking me while I was overseas. I also found out that she had indeed cheated on me. Jenny did not CHEAT on you, unlike what YOU did to her! She did not date another man until you were legally separated. That for me was the night I was done. Jerome, I'm so so afraid you will NEVER be done tormenting Jenny. After reading that email I knew for sure my marriage was over. And to top it off I found out she had also fooled around with my two younger son’s little league football coach; a guy that had previously been one of my students when I worked as an instructor. ANOTHER bald faced lie. As I sat on the couch that night and looked around at the mess that was my house all I could think of was all the conversations and emails I had received from JSD41 stating how she and the kids were better off without me and how their lives were drama free without my abuse. Even your therapist told Jenny that you are a Drama Addict, Jerome. Problem was my house didn’t look like it was the home of someone who was doing great. The house may not have been spotless, but it was certainly no mess and YOU know that.

The next morning I contacted my attorney and she immediately told me to go file and EPO (Emergency Protective Order) against JSD41. So, apparently in the state of Kentucky, HER EPO was ignored, but YOURS was the Word of God. Not on my behalf but to protect my children. I did this and in the closing statement of my summary, I stated that JSD41 was potentially unfit at this time. And this is your professional opinion, right, Jerome? It had nothing to do with getting back at Jenny for leaving you. I spoke to her mom and told her what happened and that JSD41 was no in jail. Okay, I don't exactly know what you're going for here, but I'm so glad you have such a wonderful relationship with Jenny's Mom that she believes every lie you tell her as gospel. Shame on Jenny's MOM! We both acknowledged that maybe this was her wake up call maybe this would help her get on the path back to where she needed to be. And where would that be, Jerome? Married to you? Being the good little wife and taking all your abuse without saying a word? JSD41 called from the jail and I let her know just how I felt. She later contacted all her girlfriends and they got the money together to bail her out. Okay, first, she did not need to be "bailed out". All the charges were dropped because the prosecutor stated that this was obviously a case of abuse. Second, how kind of you, Jerome, how compassionate to let your wife sit in jail and tell her she would be homeless. You're a really winner, there, Jerome. A real catch.

By the time JSD41 had gotten released from jail for filing the false report Again, all charges were dropped the athlete and cheerleader were home. Creepy creepy nicknames. She walked in with her girlfriend and immediately started running her mouth. Oh my goodness, that's good fathering there, Jerome. The kids come home and find out their mom is in jail. They KNOW you had to have done something. They've seen you do it up close and personal. I got up calm, cool and collected, gathered some of my things and said I will be back. The athlete quickly chimed in about leaving his mom in jail and I told him he didn’t know what he was talking about. What? He was wrong? His Mom wasn't in jail? You didn't LEAVE her in jail? But when you are 17, you swear you know everything. This would be the first of many confrontations I would have with him. Because he couldn't STAND the lies you were telling, the harm you were causing his mother! At 1130 I took JSD41 the support check as per agreement for $1,570.00 gave it to the catcher and asked that he give it to his mom ANOTHER bald faced lie. Around 3pm I was informed I was granted the EPO against JSD41. I went to the blonde’s to pick up my kids. JSD41 was also filing an EPO against me and I received it when I went to pick up mine. I passed them on the road. The Blonde was driving our car. I didn’t know it at the time but they had just left the court house where she had been served the EPO and in turn filed one against me. The Sheriff that served me served JSD41 and said he observed them doing the paperwork in which the blonde did a lot of talking and prompting her in what to do as well as write. Oh, okay, NOW Jenny is too stupid to think for herself. I mean, she would not have the brains to file an EPO against a man how had just beaten her and then had her arrested.

Somehow I got sent a copy of the first EPO she attempted to file and along with it was the entire police report. This makes great sense. Send the police report to the man Jenny has an EPO against. Did you think maybe this was NOT your property to even look at? Oh yeah, I forgot. You think you have the right to open and copy her mail. Wow! I sat down and read the whole thing. I couldn’t believe it as well as what some of the narratives said. It was at that point I finally had proof of her problems with alcohol. What proof???? She was released the next morning and all charges were dropped. What proof???

One narrative read:
The above subject called and stated that her neighbor was shining a light in her window. Upon arrival I met with an EXTREMELY intoxicated female named JSD41. She had several cuts and bruises on her face and covered in blood. Mrs. Dingle fell several times in our presence and refused to stay seated. She claimed that her husband JYD snuck up onto the deck while she was smoking a cigarette and beat her. She claimed it all happened on the deck. She was able to get away and run into the house and lock the door. Her story changed several times during the interview. Her speech was slurred. She was unable to stand steadily on her feet. She was very verbally aggressive. She thought it was Saturday morning when it was actually Tuesday morning. She claimed to have friends over drinking and a small party. She claimed all three children (two boys and one female) were upstairs sleeping. In fact she had no knowledge that her daughter was at a friends house and was not even in the residence. The other two boys were not sleeping. The catcher was in the living room and lil man was in his bedroom. I spoke with both her sons. The only other people present in the home. They both stated that there was no party that no one had been over to the house. They both stated that they heard no arguing or yelling while mom was outside. They stated that there father had been out of town in New Jersey and they were unsure if he was back in town yet. Jerome, you have lied so consistently, I don't know how much of this was actually ON the police report, but what difference does it make? THE CASE WAS THROWN OUT ONCE THE PROSECUTOR TOOK A LOOK AT JENNY AND STATED THIS WAS OBVIOUSLY ABUSE.

Both heard a “thud” sound outside on the back deck. Lil man (CREEPY NICKNAMES) went to go check what had happened and found his mother at the bottom of the stairs and approx 20ft fall. He came back inside and said to the catcher “mom fell again.” Oh really? That's pretty cold and calm for a six year old. Due to her injuries and level of intoxication JSD41 had to be taken by this officer to HMH for medical clearance. Her Blood alcohol level was .315 and the nurses stated that was almost at coma level. Did the nurses state that medical terminology on the report, in clear violation of HEPA? Not only that, she would be cold stone dead, Jerome. Make up a more reasonable number. The dishwasher in the home had been damaged. The kids banged into it while they were playing. It appeared something something had fallen into it or against it. The stove had been damaged and appeared that appeared that someone had ripped the door off or fell against it damaging the front door. I personally saw the stove in FEBRUARY. The front came off in Jenny's hand when she was opening the door. Great work telling the police she had broken both appliances in her drunken frenzy, Jerome.

Due to the fact that JSD41 could not care for herself and definitely not the two children inside the home. It was determined that the two boys father come to the residence and stay with the boys. He was contacted and arrived a short time later. Jerome, didn't you say earlier that Romey called you? Didn't you say that when you talked to the officer, you were informed that you were suspected of hitting your wife? Which is it, Jerome? Get's your lies straight. You've had so much practice of late, I'm really surprised you slipped up on this one.
It was the determination of this officer that the claims made by JSD41 were fabricated and not supported by the evidence at hand. Her level of intoxication was at a level of which she could not care for herself and could definitely not care for any children in the home. The children present did not seem disturbed by the actions of their mother and almost seemed use to the fact that she was in this state. Oh come on, Jerome! NO ONE would have stated that. Get your lies straight! I NEVER saw Jenny drunk. Where are the DUI's, the police calls, the PROOF?

After having proof I took all this to my attorney. She gave me two scenarios, since I had the same judge for my divorce and the EPO worst case scenario was he heard them on their separate dates. Best case, he combined them. I was on my way to court for the EPO when I got the call that the judge would hear both cases and make them one case. Things were starting to look up for me. We'll finally, the truth. Things definitely went your way, didn't they? You have the house, the kids, everything in the house, including most of Jenny's personal possessions, all the money. You have reduced her to having NO contact with her children, no place to wash her clothes, almost no food, no friends, nothing. She has nothing. Good job, there Jerome. You did it. You made her pay for leaving you. I hope you are proud of yourself. I'm sure you feel great pride every time you look at your kids and lie to them about why they can't see their mother. Good job at doing the "right thing".

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