From Daphne....

Again, another person's view of my life and marrige. Again, she was commenting on my divorce nightmare story. the parts she read were the first two.

Dear Jay,


Jennifer has sent this to a few people, including me. I decided to read it. Jay, listen to me – you need a copy editor. I may not hold respect in your eyes for much, but I am a paid editor for a humor website and have been published twice, and my literature grades in college average at a 99%, so I am rather qualified to give you a hand.

Jay, there’s no easy way to say this, so I will just say it: You have poor writing skills for an adult. You are writing at a sixth grade level, at best. Your sentence structures are poor, and you don’t seem to have any concept of the separation of clauses. You also have a total lack of understanding as to when to use a hyphen, when to use a comma, and when to use a semicolon. The word “got” is grossly over-used, something I see in uneducated writers who submit work for revision, because they can’t think of another verb. “Got” is the verb that people use who have a limited vocabulary.


I also don’t know if anyone has ever said this to you, but I would bet one of your college instructors has: You cannot write to yourself like this. You have to write to a reader who has no idea of what you’re saying. If for some reason in the back of your mind that you think mystifying the reader makes them take interest, please consider your favorite writers. Whose work do you like to read? Do these writers ever leave you feeling frustrated because you don’t know what the heck they’re talking about? Of course not. I write on a professional level, and I want you to understand that one of the most important issues with good writing is the writer’s ability to explain well without patronizing the reader. But, to do this you must be in touch with other people. Try to think of this outside of yourself.

As to the omission of truths in your story, I do hope that you realize you will have to pass any literature that you write by a publisher’s lawyers (if a publisher even looks at this) and they will not put anything into print that could end in their publishing company being sued for libel. As it stands now, you have put into words specific lies and items that read to any person with critical thinking skills as untrue. The first example that comes to my mind is that you expect the reader to believe that Jennifer fell down the back stairs of your house and all your children did was mention it to you, flippantly. I do not know of a single child of those ages who would not be in hysterics. This is not believable, and when asked, your children will deny this version of the event.

Also, you originally told the police that you were on the highway when you received the call, but here you say you were on post. The police will notice this. You have not mentioned that Jennifer has proof that you would not help her fix the stove in February, nor have you considered that I have kept all the emails that you sent from her computer on the night you beat her up.

Also, you might not know that the sheriff you spoke to also spoke to Jennifer, and in his exact words, he said that he never – in all twenty years of his career – had seen bruises like hers occur from falling down. He will receive a copy of this via my email, and I’m going to ask him if this is a true account of what you and him discussed.

Also, you mentioned that Jennifer cheated on you in this chapter. Will you mention that you were the one to tell your children she was sleeping with him? Will you mention that Jennifer has copied chats between you and that instructor from Florida, and that you bragged to her that you were with many women while you were married, while she had this relationship after she filed for separation? I have the chats, as well. In fact, I saved everything from her email that you thought you had erased, including the email where Betty Heck says you have a drama queen addiction. If you think about it, that we have those emails, dated from before you left for Korea, the claims in this chapter that you did not know what was coming are immediately disproved. Did you think of this fact?

Something else to consider is that while this state of affairs seems normal to you, another person is going to read that Jennifer wanted to leave you from the beginning of the chapter and wonder why you didn’t get the hint. A normal reader is also going to wonder what type of father would insist that his children be at the airport to greet him when it was best for the children to be in bed and the father could have dropped by the next day. This is a selfish act, and your not being able to see it does not change the fact. Likewise, the nicknames that you picked for the children reduce them to stereotypes, not to mention that Romey is no longer a catcher. When questioned, Romey will probably tell people that you not only played softball this summer, but you did not sign them up for sports at all. As a matter of fact, Romey told me that you hid his football gear. Is this true? Actually, come to think of it, your playing a sport while your children did not (so Romey cannot be The Catcher any longer) is another fact that will reduce your credibility.

It also looks bad that you actually admitted to going to New Jersey within the first month that you came home, missing your visitation with the children. Any publisher would want to know that before hearing Jennifer and the children tell them. Actually, the first thing I thought when re-reading this was, “Wait. He had enough money to go to New Jersey, but he wouldn’t fix the stove, proof of which Jennifer has was broken from a text reply from Jerome in February. If he loved the children so much, why would he miss those first visitation weekends?” The answer is that he wouldn’t. Did you consider how this looks to a normal person?

If you feel the need to publish this, please consider my revisions. I did them on the fly, and I am sure that I missed many mistakes. Had I the time to really work with you, I could deconstruct this mess and send it back to you, tight and within your own style of wording. My sincere advice is to take another English class, put this past your lawyer for libel – reminding her that the sheriff will want to verify your version of your conversation – and to remember that the kids will be sure to comment on what you have omitted. But, whatever you do, make sure to not gloss over the truth – like how went into her laptop after she went to jail instead of comforting the children – because this will come out quickly.

If you consider publishing this on the internet, go for it. But, as you have the wrong idea of what cyberstalking is, so, too, do you seem to misunderstand libel. Jennifer can back up her side of the story with your own emails and other documents, and the actual police and court records.
By the way, I hear that you will have to sell the house before June, or you will be living in Georgia and paying a house payment on top of it. I remember that Jennifer did all the sales and closings for you when you went off to school. You’ll be doing this one on your own, for the first time, with the house you have, one was that was purchased during a spike in real estate, is not in sellable condition, and has a second mortgage. You have a VA loan, too. The house right now is the VA’s property. Will the VA accept their property with the mold, falling porch, chewed up kitchen floor, rotting carpets, holes in the doors and walls, mouse poop in the basement, and growing lake in the garage, the one with a collapsing garage door? You are going to have to pass a property inspection, without Jennifer at that. I hope that sharing this one-sided and condemning chapter of lies was worth it, because when you hit the SEND button you shot down any and all chances that she would consider helping you with this feat.