Do You Still Believe? 2010

 Time…it seems so till and I have no idea how long I have been sleeping nor do I hear any noises so…I wonder if he’s gone yet. Or better yet, has he even come? Man this is killing me. I don’t have a clock so I don’t know what time it is and as I raise my head and peer thru the curtains I can see it’s still dark outside. The last thing I want to do is get up and run into him down stairs. That wouldn’t be a good thing. So I grab my covers and pull them over my head and squeeze my eyes tightly, forcing myself back to sleep. My eyes reopen and I have no idea if I have even fallen asleep for 5 minutes or two hours. This is killing me.

 Well, screw it…I’m getting up. I toss the covers back and my footie PJs hit the floor and I make a dash for my sister’s room. Once there I wake her and ask, “You think he’s gone yet?” “I don’t know,” she responds. I stand there and we both look at her doorway for what seems like an eternity. Then we look back at each other…let’s do it.  We head towards the stairs and quietly descend to the first landing. Make the turn and down the final flight of stairs. We both pause and look at each other; gathering our last bit of courage. We hop down the last stair…turn…and stare down the hall towards the living room; the living room, the Christmas tree and focusing our eyes on what’s under the tree. Toys! Toys wrapping around the base of the tree and piled up behind them are more presents. We slowly move towards the living room until we are standing there in total amazement. “Santa Claus came Pam!” I shout in a low whisper. We smile at each other and like a pair of synchronized swimmers we dive into our stuff.

Man, when I think back to all my Christmas’s growing up I can’t help but smile and laugh at the memories that flood into my mind.  Christmas is a magical time of the year for us all and more so if you are a child and your parents allow you to believe in Santa. I say that because some people choose to tell their children that there is no Santa. And you know, that’s fine to each it’s own.  I don’t think those kids will be scared for life because they missed out on what I had. I just think that Santa and the whole Christmas spirit creates a magical time in our lives as kids. I mean take some time and think back…man…wasn’t it great? I mean as we have aged and our responsibilities have grown that magic sometimes gets lost and or misplaced. I mean Christmas isn’t all about Santa and gifts and I learned the meaning of it when I was a child but it didn’t change it for me. And when I think back on my childhood…man it was just so magical. Ole Saint Nick brings you a ton of stuff for free every year. Not just you but every child across the world and in one night no less. The news reports of his sightings on the radio…classic. And how in the hell did he know I didn’t like to brush my hair and that my sister needed to stop mocking people. LOL. That’s the magic…I mean I now know who left those notes but back then…it was like WOW…he knows everything. LOL.

 Fast forward to today. I have four children and only one still believes in Santa. He’s the baby and 10. I feel for him because this is probably the last year Santa will come to him. The reality of Christmas will move to the forefront and that magic will fade. I was about 10 or 11 when I realized there wasn’t a Santa. It didn’t change anything but that magical feeling wasn’t there anymore. It went from magic to reality. I was growing up and it was one step closer to adulthood. It’s funny, I’m 41 years old and I have never asked my parents how they did it. And as I sit here with Christmas just 26 days away…I kinda don’t want to know how my Mom and Dad pulled it off. I don’t want to know where it was all hidden and how my Dad managed to set up all those race tracks every single year. LOL. I guess I still want to hold on to the fantasy of Santo too.

 Being separated creates some challenges for my kids and knowing this is my lil man’s last Christmas, I will probably spend a lil more than I planned and complain a lil more next year but when he’s an adult…I want him and the others to reflect back on Christmas as I did…and simply marvel at the magic of it all because to me, it’s one of the few times in our lives where we are totally innocent and the world is just a magical place to be.