Modus Operandi aka my MO

Well it's Saturday and it’s been an interesting day thus far. It started out with a call from my daughter blaming me for my “friends” contacting her mother. As I tried to explain via logic that I had nothing to do with the contact nor do I care about said contact. She then talked to me about a fake facebook account titled “Jenny Jailbird” and insisted that I along with my “friends” were behind it. Well we discussed it for awhile and the conversation eventually came to a close.


Which leads me to where I am now, writing about it. My daughter, for as intelligent and smart as she is there is a reason you can’t reason with a teenager. They don’t understand. See, we all establish an M.O. aka Modus Operandi. A Latin phrase, approximately translated as “method of operation.” The term is used to describe someone's habits or manner of working. So I have an MO when it comes to dealing with my ex. And my MO is to speak my mind and say what I wish to say. I’ve never hidden behind a fake facebook account or fake anything else. I’m a big boy and I don’t have a problem calling a spade a spade. Besides, I do have a blog as I recall and the first amendment grants me such a right. However, I do exercise this right within reason. That reason being I don’t write anything that I can not prove, willing to put my name to or willing to go to court over. So that makes for honest writing and I guess you can say is a "code" of sorts. That and it keeps me out of trouble.

So when you’re trying to explain your “MO” to your daughter, as a teenager she just doesn’t get it. As for my ex-wife’s friends aka her flock of sheep…they are just…let’s say they are as “clueless” as my ex. They do not have the facts nor do they actually know me. So of course, it’s Jennifer’s version of me and they all eat it up like a bunch of hungry lil puppies. Why would I waste my time with fake accounts when I have spent plenty of time writing about my life and dealings with my ex right here within my blog. I have the ability to post pictures, documents and anything else if I wished to as the young folks say, “Put her on blast.” But alas…none are smart enough to pay attention to the facts or reality. Friday around 2:30pm I recieved a friend request from Jenny Jailbird. Not knowing who it was (But assuming it was my ex Jennifer), I messaged them.

Jerome Dingle 2:37pm

I got no issues adding you to my friends list. Nothing to hide, but how come you decided to use a fake account? Is there a reason you’re not using your actual account to friend me?


Jenny Jailbird 2:47pm

jerome this in support of you, n i rather stay unknown lol i want her ass to feel salty. the truth will b known


Jerome Dingle 2:52

Ok, I thought this was actually Jennifer. Supporting me is nice and all but a facebook account like this...it's really not needed. IMHO

After this I decided to look into this account and try and figure out who it was. Basically trying to confirm whether it was really my ex. See numerous times in the past my ex and her friends have created fake names and accounts  to get me to talk and see what I was up too. My ex even gave one of her friends my password so she could read my e-mails (while I was in Korea, and yes...I have emails between Jennifer and her buddy Jennifer Shorts that proves this). Ok, back to the here and now...then my facebook beeps and I get the below message from one of Jennifer’s friends. This woman lived across the street from me in KY since 2005 and has never had a conversation with me which lasted longer than 5 minutes yet she feels the need to contact me on facebook on my ex-wife’s behalf.


Dee Houghtby Corkran 3:12pm

Shame on you, Jerome Dingle. If you didn't do this horrible thing of creating a false facebook page for Jenny, a friend of yours did. Shame on you. Your children will see this. It's sick.

Jerome Dingle 3:17pm

Why are you contacting me?

Dee Houghtby Corkran 3:18pm

Shame on you.

Jerome Dingle 3:20pm

ok, that tells me alot. If you aren’t adult enough to speak to me then don’t. You were never my friend, nor have you ever actually spoken to me. So...no need now. Have a nice afternoon.

I find it odd that right after I’m contacted by this “Jenny Jailbird” that her friend contacts me. And again, Mrs. Corkran and I are not friends nor does she correspond with me except on Jennifer’s behalf. So the contact at best...its suspect. Which leads me to believe that it wasn’t one of my friends but possibly Jennifer herself or someone she knows. I checked the profile out and there were three friends listed. All are Jennifer’s friends and one whom lives here in Fayetteville…found that odd too. Especially since all Jennifer did was talk about this woman and her daughters behind her back, now they are facebook friends and chatting it up. And all have been extremely vocal about me, yet none of them know me. Why would Jennifer’s “friends” befriend someone called Jenny Jailbird, especially with her photo from her arrest plastered as the profile pic. Another thing is there were two photos in the photo album. Both were documents. Both were from Jennifer’s arrest. Well, I sent a copy of the arrest report via facebook to her cousin Kathleen after she contacted me again on Jennifer’s behalf. None of my friends have ever seen it. The only other person I sent it to was Jennifer's Mom whom requested to see it.

So again, I do have copies of the police reports as well as the assessments all on digits which I could easily load up on my facebook and or on my blog right here. There isn’t a need for me to establish a fake account to put my ex on “blast.” But it wasn’t long before my daughter called me stating the same thing. Followed by emails from my ex:

ACTIONS TAKEN:


1)COMMAND NOTIFIED. YEP TALKED TO HIM ON HIS WAY TO FLORIDA.

2) IG REQUEST FOR INTERNAL INVESTIGATION OF YOUR CYBER BULLYING

3) UPDATE WITH THE VICTIMS' ADVOCACY ON BRAGG

4) POLICE REPORT WITH ALL EVIDENCE

5) FACEBOOK NOTIFIED TO EXPECT POLICE IN...VESTIGATION

6) FORT BRAGG POLICE NOTIFIED-WAITING ON KENTUCKY POLICE REPORT TO CONFER

7) DOCUMENTATION OF YEARS OF ABUSE-ESPECIALLY THE ESCALATING THREATS FROM YOUR 'FRIENDS' DIANNE SUNDERLAND HARDEMAN AND KIM JONES TO MYSELF, MY FAMILY AND FRIENDS.

8)FBI NOTIFIED. SWEAR TO GOD. I WILL PUSH MY FREEDOM TO THE MAX AND STOP YOUR ABUSE AGAINST MY KIDS AND I.
I AM NOT PLAYING. THIS IS ENOUGH. ENOUGH. I ASKED YOU TO CALL YOUR GOONS OFF. YOU WILL BE CONNECTED TO EVERYTHING. I AM CONFIDENT OF THAT. DON'T DROP THE SOAP YOU ASSHOLE. OH, AND TELL DONNA IF SHE IS CONNECTED? I WILL HAVE HER CHARGED AS WELL.

oh, and? 'Take it up with her'??????? REALLY. I DON'T FUCKING KNOW YOUR FRIENDS. YOU LIED AND INCITED HATRED TOWARDS ME. PUTTING ME AT RISK. AND I PRAY YOU ALL ARE PUNISHED FOR IT. YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR COMPLETE STRANGERS HARASSING AND THREATENING ME. YOU ARE A CRIMINAL. NEVER LET YOUR CRIMINAL MIND AFFECT MY KIDS OR I AGAIN. PERIOD. 'TAKE IT UP WITH HER'??? REALLY? THEY ALREADY HAVE. COMPLETE STRANGERS THANKS TO YOU ENCOURAGING IT. AND? YOU STILL ARE. I REALLY HOPE YOU GET THE BOOK THROWN AT YOU. AND SO DOES EVERYONE WHO WAS HARASSED BY YOUR 'FRIENDS'.  
So there you have it...Free Speech. I don't hide...behind anything.

I'm Doing So Well Now...LOL

My ex talks about me way more than she should. So I decided to test the theory and see just how much. So here it is an experiment in obsessive behavior; this is to see just how many times my former spouse (who claims to not be obsessed or focused on me and my life) talks about me over the span of 30 days. I have given her a car, support paid the way she wants it and she has physical custody of my kids. So let’s just see if she gets all she says she wants…will this go away.




October 1st: ~~Diary of a Divorcee-Confession #147~~After a FULL YEAR of fighting to have my Child Support Court Order honored and Military Law honored that mandates the BAH go to the dependants? Somebody FINALLY did their job.

I know right!! Yayyyyy! He can never take me to court again over the car!

Thank you, Roz. He insisted on paying for the car as part of the separation agreement. He did everything crazy he did in the separation and divorce figuring I would go back to him. I didn't. So, then he paid it off. Two reasons. 1) He figured he would save money on the payment (Which he refinanced to double what the payment was to keep going to court....and 2) He figured I didn't have the $400.00 for the taxes. Which, of course, I didn't. Then he threatened to 'steal' the car if I couldn't. Sure did-called it Operation Recovery. And, he threatened to take me to Court. Blah. Blah. Blah if I couldn't have the taxes paid in five days. Same old. Turns out, with a Court Order that the car was mine at the time of Pay Off? I didn't have to pay the taxes. So, it cost me $19.00 to Register it in my name. In conclusion? While he was trying to screw me again? He didn't do his homework and I scored me a car worth about $15,000.00 for $19.00 bucks. True story.



October 2nd: Diary of a Divorcee-Confession #149~~Wow. So I couldn't sleep. And I have been laying here thinking about the past two years of Hell. Two years ago I had to spend my Birthday without my kids. Last year he wouldn't pay child support and we were truly destitute. Worrying about toilet paper and soap. The BASICS.


October 3rd: I live in 'Small Town America'. And, it is AMAZING how 'Small Town' GOSSIP travels. For real. It is actually quite amazing. When I left my Ex, he knew this. I didn't. I never cared about anyone's 'business' nor was I miserable enough to embellish another's 'misery'. Well, he started a bunch of lies about me. And it snowballed.


~~YEP.Love EVERY WORD. WORD FOR WORD~~But me? I will do what I please, I will breathe and you will pay for your sins. This IS IT for us. You ARE full of it. haha. Your LOSS~~



October 14th: ~Diary of a Divorcee-Confession #158~~We will see how THIS one goes over-oh well, what is RIGHT is RIGHT~And, I sure hope that Corrupt SOB who calls himself a 'Judge' reads this~~This 'Chess' Match is gonna stop-I am the Queen for his pawns.~~Jus Sayin'~~


Letter to Mr. Insanity:

"A head's up. I will not have the money to transport the kids for Christmas. Period. So, I would suggest you arrange s...

I mean, really? And if he goes overseas? Do I board a SHIP or a PLANE to get them there? Hardin County Family Court System? Get with the REAL WORLD. Helllooooooo!!!!!

October 16th: ~Diary of a Divorcee-Confession #159~~I hesitate to post this for two reasons. One? Years ago in our first year of marriage my ex talked me into to 'Couple's Therapy'. Then he proceeded to portray himself as a 'victim'. He told the 'therapist' that I called him an 'Asshole'. She looked directly at ME and said "That is ABUSE. THAT is NAME CALLING". I gathered my purse, looked directly at her and said "He THREW me ACROSS A ROOM. INTO A WALL. I don't call that 'name calling'. I call THAT an ADJECTIVE TO DESCRIBE THE NOUN THAT ABUSED ME". Lol. Sure did. I mean, give me a break. Secondly, as a victim of abuse you have to deal with so much 'questioning', disbelief, and 'blaming the victim'. Most DON'T and REFUSE to accept this is rampant in our Society. They will say "You REALLY said that?" ...I will say "Hell, yeah, I said that". They will usually judge the victim. It is so much easier to say "She MUST have done SOMETHING" than to be honest and say "NO Woman should be thrown across a room!". It is so much easier than facing the fact that the United States of America has a huge problem with the abuse of women and children, the lack of resources and the corruption of the family courts which then allows the abuser to abuse you legally. That being said, here is my last e-mail to my abuser. The abuser of my kids. If you are faint at heart and Puritan in mind-disregard-if you are ready to hear the anger, disgust and fatigue of someone who is sick and tired of the abuse and the system's failure to protect-Please Read~Here we go.....

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Look, you asshole, this whole 'pretend world' that you live in where you portray to people that you are 'taking care' of me has gotten very old. Every cent you send is spent on your kids. …….Expect the Bill and notification of what I need from you as a Down Payment. In the meantime? Go Fuck Yourself and quit stressing my kids out. Asshole

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It's the truth and screw the 'formalities' or the expectation of me to always act like a 'Lady'. I won't with him. He better get used to it. And so should the 'system'. I have been abused long enough. I am tired of this waste of time and energy at the expense of my children who along with myself have literally been treated like third class citizens. I may as well wear a Burqua the way I was given NO RIGHTS FOR SO LONG. I should have been stoned in the streets. And, yes, Dear Reader, it IS that BAD here at times. Well, know what? I DON'T wear a Scarlet Letter. I DON'T wear a Burqua and my daughter and I will demand nothing less than fairness. I WILL teach her that. The Constitution PROTECTS her and her Father has RESPONSIBILITIES. No Appelate Judge can argue that. And? He deserves my 'ADJECTIVES'. There IS only ONE way to describe a completely abusive Asshole. Sorry...TRUTH!! Jus Sayin...~~~

Jennifer Specht: Thanks, Carol. That means a lot. Enough is Enough! And, no more, my kids can't take his drama. It's ridiculous. Braces? It's not like she is asking to go to Europe to party for the summer. I mean, give me a break!. So, I put him on blast and publish this Diary for every other woman who has been ripped apart by a system that is a BUSINESS. THEY WANT YOUR MONEY. How do they get it and protect their jobs? They keep you in Kangaroo Court. Enough.

Jennifer Specht: Yes, Carol, my children and I were not only victimised by him but then by everyone in the system. Literally TOLD that we didn't have a right to our anger and still being called liars. It is sickening how society supports abuse

October 21st: ~Diary of a Divorcee-Confession #162~~I had an AMAZING Weekend. I did. I spent so much time with my beautiful kids. I cleaned the house (I LOVE a CLEAN House, not gonna lie!)~I got all of the groceries bought. I planned meals. I watched Romy play an amazing game of Football. I had a hilarious day with Maddy shopping and enjoyed every minute of Jeff's 'Gift of the Gab'. I have NO COMPLAINTS. Even my 'ex' husband's stupid, childish drama just made me laugh. It did. I like this feeling of 'Normal'. I like that my kids are finally seeing 'Normal'. They deserve it. Groceries, Mom home-Mom cooking-need something? Mom can get it? THAT is NORMAL. And THAT is COMFORT. Thank you, God, for carrying us through. We are loving our drama free life and THIS is our COMFORT ZONE~


Well there you have it; a lite month by my ex’s standards. For someone who has moved on, found the love of her life and is truly happy for the first time in her life. I sure do seem to come up in her thoughts an awful lot. I have received numerous emails, 32 emails in all during the month of October but refrained from including them in this. Many were ramblings and repeated the same thing over and over again. Well, it’s good to know I made a lasting impression. Bahahahahaha I sure do crack me up.

I Believe Romney Has Already Loss

Saturday morning and as I lay in the bed watching the news I have come to a realization. Although I’m not a supporter of Obama (this has nothing to do with my military service) I believe he will be reelected. You may ask how come after weeks of debate and good conversations with friends from all walks of life on facebook and in person. Well it’s like this…Obama is already in office so any one, including Romney, has an up hill battle ahead. And when you fight battles you have got to have troops, support, supplies and a very good or solid plan. In the military, we have a saying. All plans are good plans until you make first contact.


Well Romney made first contact and instead of developing the situation rapidly, he stuck to his original plan. Instead of convincing voters of who he is, where he is, where he’s coming from and his vision for our country; not apologizing for being rich, he has wasted time and money on “petty” ads and comments trying to play the “blame” or “zingers” game. In 2008, Obama did a good job of not “slinging” mud and sticking to his plan which was change. And it worked, people bought into it, voted and he was elected. This year however he is doing and has done a lot of “trash” talking, especially in the last week. Why? Because he already has a solid base of supporters across the country and although he may loose a few hear and there, he still has a solid foundation which is more than enough to keep him in office.

I don’t think there are enough people who are unhappy with Obama to vote Romney in and unseat him. And that’s mainly Romney’s campaign’s (plan of attack) fault or fatal flaw. As I sat and watched MSNBC’s Rachel Maddow it became very clear. Not only is Romney trying to win over the undecided and those Obama supporters who he has made unhappy; he’s also battling the liberal media outlets. So he’s got a President already in office and a slew of media outlets that aren’t challenging the President on things he’s not done well or promises he hasn’t kept. So those individual’s who are on the fence or are unhappy supporters, needed Romney to come forward and explain as well as get his message out in a clear and concise manner. And its crunch time…and I feel it’s a lil too late. Those undecided are probably going to go with what they already know.

Benghazi and what’s become public should be a much bigger story then it is but there are more liberal media outlets so the tough questions aren’t being asked and discussed. Romney decided to give Obama a “pass” on this and other topics in foreign affairs in hopes of gaining more female support. But when you have Senators making ridiculous statements about abortion, rape (I understand what he was saying he just said it all wrong) and a woman’s choice, that will severely damage your name and stance. The President isn’t being called out on his perceived action or lack there of. None who are supporters have come forward and said, “yeah…he may have screwed up on that one.” People are ignoring it and focusing on jobs, or abortion comments. I look at comments here on FB and when I look at my page and my friends list, I have a “Stew” of friends because there is no such thing as a “Melting Pot.” You see within a “Stew” many of the vegetables and meats keep there shape and overall taste but they do become influenced and acquire some of the flavors from other meats and veggies in the stew. We as a people are no different. We maybe one thing but we have the flexibility to go, do and see things that allow us to change our opinions. My friends on FB are a true representation of our country. Men, woman, gay, straight, Hispanic, Black, White, API, young, old, educated, rich, poor, I could go on and on. Can you say the same about those you choose to include within your “Circle of Friends?”

So when it comes to this battle, I am coming to the realization that Romney’s plan of attack should have been changed and modified as he fought his campaign. Problem is the fighting was moving faster than his plan could handle and we have found ourselves where we are; which is in a neck in neck race to the finish-line. The finish-line, being the White House. Romney should have had a decent lead to compensate for those undecided voters. But without a good lead and a good solid plan for those undecided and wishy washy to sink their teeth into…I think they are just gonna go with what they know because they haven’t been pushed or truly turned off by Obama’s administration from the last 4 years. That and some just don’t want to admit that they may have been wrong voting for him and want to be able to say “See we told you. He did keep his promises and get the job done.” Problem is he can only serve two terms so his second term he can do what he wishes in some regards.

So…I hope things get better and he does a better job because if he doesn’t all you who have claimed that things are better and he obtained the seat with a country in a bad place…will have lost all credibility with me and I will gladly tell you to SUCK IT UP CUPCAKE!!! You put him there, now deal with it. Don’t complain because you had a chance to make and effect change and you choose the easy way out.

What Words Can Say

Obsess: haunt in mind; preoccupy or be preoccupied greatly.

Obsession: idea, etc. that obsesses one.

Exaggerate: make seem greater than it really is; overstate.

Lie: make a false statement knowingly.

Harass: trouble or attack constantly.

 Hate: a strong dislike

Bitter: sorrowful, painful, resentful, etc.

Divorce: legal dissolution of a marriage.

Paranoid: mental illness of feeling persecuted.

Narcissism: self-love.

Mal: bad or badly.

Adapt: fit or adjust as needed.

Accountable: responsible.

Responsible: obliged to do or answer for.

Omit: to leave out.

Not too long ago I wrote a post on FB and used these same 15 words. 15 words with various meanings but speak volumes if you ask me. I sat on a Saturday morning and just starting looking each one up in my dictionary…writing down what Webster defined them as. Its funny how we can pick and choose to use words to either describe us or things in our life. It’s even more amazing when we use these words incorrectly as if we are uneducated or ill informed.

 I’ve always had a problem with words, especially when I feel they aren’t being used correctly. Guess you can say it’s a pet peeve of mine. So as I sit here…sippin on a Bud Light Platinum listening to music I sit and wonder. How come we use words incorrectly? Is it because we are dumb? Maybe it’s because we are too lazy to read and understand what it is we are saying. Or…maybe we are misguided and we just aren’t as smart as we like to think? Hmmmmmm???????

 Obsess: haunt in mind; preoccupy or be preoccupied greatly and Obsession: idea, etc. that obsesses one; are two words which (verb and noun) describe an action that we can commit or a thing that we can sometimes do. Being obsessed or having an obsession can be a good thing. But mainly it’s a word that we associate with it being bad or negative. People obsess about objects, places and people. In the movies when someone obsesses about another person…it usually turns out bad for one of the two parties. Don’t believe me; watch Fatal Attraction, Obsessed or Single White Female. Yeah…didn’t end all too well for someone now did it? Yeah I know that they are all movies but they do show how a person can obsess about another and not in a good way.

Exaggerate: make seem greater than it really is; overstate, Lie: make a false statement knowingly, Omit: to leave out. Are more words that we use from time to time when we want to add color to often dull and boring stories we tell about our lives. They can make life seem larger than it actually is. But as they can add color to life they too can cause one problems when their definitions are used incorrectly during situations we may find ourselves in based on our own actions. Which leads to words like Accountable: responsible, Responsible: obliged to do or answer for. These will now make us, or should make us stand up and take notice. Make us adults in a sense, and own up to what it is we may be doing or saying at the time. These two words are surely adult words yet many shrink and avoid them at all cost. Why…I guess you can say its immaturity or maybe its fear. Fear that maybe we aren’t really grown up and we are just pretending to be grownups.

When we refuse to grow up and act as adults it can seem as if we become Paranoid: mental illness of feeling persecuted or even display Narcissism: self-love. Like everyone is out to get us or attack us. When truth be told…most of the time it isn’t true. It’s normally the people that love us the most and only want to see us well and healthy get accused of conspiring to do us wrong or hurt us when it’s simply not the case. Not at all but they can act suspicious of others, irritable, often jealous, and tend to overvalue their private perspective on the world. They are just suspicious and hostile all the time.  Man…that’s got to be trying I’d think. Narcissism only adds fuel to the fire which is paranoia. You start to believe you are above any and all. Most of this behavior is designed to impress others or boost one’s image or yourself. That your thoughts or ideas are so grand and important that you should share them with people you feel are there to support you. But it can back fire when you start to feel distraught over a ruined social relationship, having alienated friends, family members or a marriage partner. You may even feel that you are above the law. This kind of thinking is dangerous and can only lead you down a path to self-destruction. For yourself and relations ships that you may have spent the better part of your life time cultivating. Friends…family…loved ones…no one is safe because you will see them as the enemy and out to get you.

And when the enemy surrounds you can begin to Harass: trouble or attack constantly. Attack those trying to help you because in your mind…they aren’t trying to help you. They are only out to hurt you. Once you have that mindset it’s easy to find yourself hating those people.  Hate: a strong dislike. I recall so many years ago a fellow Corporal who was stationed with me in Korea telling me you should never hate anyone. “Hate is a strong word Dingle,” he said. “You should never use it. You should say you dislike their ways because it’s impossible to hate someone.” That conversation stuck with me and I have done my best since that day to not say I hate someone. Because he was right…hate is a very strong and powerful word.

But some will use that word and choose to associate it with a relationship(s). Especially after a bad break up or Divorce: legal dissolution of a marriage. And for some…once you find yourself there you can clearly become let’s say…Bitter: sorrowful, painful, resentful, etc. Unable to move on, unable to let go of your past and look towards your new future that you so desired. Bitterness doesn’t actually hurt those your bitter towards if you think about it. I mean let’s look at those your bitter at…I bet they aren’t sitting around being bitter. I’m willing to bet they have moved on and enjoying their life while you sit and stew in the bitterness which you yourself have created.  

An unwillingness to move forward and harbor resentment is viewed as maladaptive. Mal: bad or badly along with Adapt: fit or adjust as needed. By definition it’s an abnormality which prevents some normal, expected talent or ability from being expressed, or it has an adverse impact on the individual's ability to live harmoniously with others.

 So it all comes back on you. Who you are and what you learned about yourself as well as how to use words. It reminds me of a pretty profound quote I read some time ago. “Forgiveness doesn’t make the other person right. It makes you free.” See…words are very powerful when you use them correctly.

Parents Just Don’t Understand

“Parents Just Don’t Understand” was hit rap tune in the late 80’s by DJ Jazzy Jeff & The Fresh Prince. The tune itself was pretty catchy in which The Fresh Prince discusses problems that a young person was going through and how his parents just simply didn’t understand what he dealing with. Many of us laughed and enjoyed the song since we all could relate to what was being said. Fast forward 20 plus years and now I’m a parent and The Fresh Prince, who’s now grown with his own family and goes by Will Smith, should do a reprise of that hit and title it “Children Just Don’t Understand.”


Now, I’m not saying all children but I do feel most are just out of touch with reality. They seem to think they know more than we adults when it comes to just about everything in life. I can think of numerous discussion I have had with anyone of my kids to which I’m always wrong, I don’t know what I’m talking about or I’m purposely trying to ruin their lives. I mean were we a bunch of “know it alls” like they are today? Or perhaps is it our society which has overloaded our kids with so much information that they suffer from “know it all syndrome?” Once the information has been presented to them and absorbed we have just created the dreaded creature known as the know it all. Not only does this creature know it all but it’s also smarter than you. It seemingly knows more about your life than you do and life in general than you. Problem is these creatures will literally drive you to drink because their truly is no way to fight them…cause they know it all.

And you know…some of us deserve this treatment. Especially when we think back to how we tormented our parents when we were kids. The endless discussions that usually left us storming off to our rooms to brood over the argument which just ended where we (quietly and under our breath) would utter an occasional profanity and or comments as to the level of intelligence that our parents had or the lack there of. LOL. But my focus shifts from humor/ pay back to one of concern when these know it alls move from the stereotypical topics to ones that truly come from an area in which they have no real knowledge of except what they get online or information they receive in the form of gossip.

As a parent the one thing you know to be true is that there is no substitute for life experiences. And those experiences are things that one learns from living their life. And by the time you’re an adult, you have gained a lot in this field. Life experience gives we parents the ability to quickly sum up a situation in the amount of time it takes a know it all to ask or challenge us, we already have the answer. But in true fashion…it is wrong. LOL. We Dad’s can look at a boy and with 90% accuracy know just where his head is at, especially if it deals with girls. For example, while at the beach this summer I could clearly see when young girls were “eyeing” my son. To which I’d laugh inside and then tell him. To which his response was, “Where?!? What girl??” I’d role my eyes and keep walking. Later two girls would stop near us and the one would immediately start playing with her hair or looking around like they were eyeing a place to set up. These two girls would do this for like three days straight before my son figured it out. LOL.

Under normal circumstances this is typical behavior and the know it all is quite harmless but this behavior can become annoying and when you’re divorced…it can be a down right nuisance or detrimental to the parent child relationship. These know it all discussions usually rear their ugly heads when the divorced parents live separate but perceived unequal lives especially when it comes to personal finances. One parent usually becomes the “good guy” and the other…the “bad guy.” This in turn only gets worse when one of the parents chooses to tell the children that the other parent is somehow “holding” out on them and that parent can and should be doing more. And you know what…in some cases that’s absolutely correct. But truth be told…it’s none of the child’s business. That is clearly an adult issue.

And living in separate locations just adds to the perception. Because the children are unable to see for themselves, they are forced or at times coerced into seeing it one way. And that’s usually the way of the parent in which they spend 90% or greater with. So you then may end up defending yourself which leaves you open to a barrage of “that’s not what I heard or I know what’s true” or my favorite “because (blank) said so.” And if you choose to not respond, well then the know it alls will believe they are correct. So this becomes a catch 22 in which you simply must refer to the fact that the know it alls don’t know it all and remind them one day they too will have the vast and wonderful knowledge of a parent and then…and only then will the young “Padawan learner” become a Jedi Master. And on that day, we will sit back as Grandparents and marvel as our children call us complaining about their kids citing…children just don’t understand. LOL.

Been a fast and furious few months

It’s been an interesting and long few months. In April I was blindsided with the fact that I would be changing out of my First Sergeant (1SG) position a lot earlier than planned. The BDE CSM (Brigade Command Sergeants Major) did not want to loose a SFC(P) (Sergeant First Class-Promotable) like before so he decided (without consulting we whom he’d be changing out) to start changing all of us 1SGs out since most were PCS’n (Primary Change of Station). Only issue is we were all scheduled to leave at different times and would require NCOERs (Non-Commissioned Officer Evaluation Report, our report cards). Sometimes if you just take the time to talk to someone you can create a win-win situation for all. Well…there was to be no win-win, atleast with me. I was to be the first to change out, even though I’m the last 1SG to PCS. I was to switch out in April and due to arrive at Ft Bragg in Aug. That’s 4 months; which means…I’d need another NCOER prior to moving, an NCOER of me filling in places around the unit until I moved. In essence, I would be jobless. Well I thought about it and tried to find the silver lining. My kids! With no real job I could get my kids for the summer right after they got out of school and have them back before I started “clearing” and had to get my stuff shipped to Bragg. Man…this jobless thing might not be too bad. Sounds like a plan to me.


Well any of you spent anytime in Kentucky you will have heard someone say this, “You don’t like the weather, wait five minutes and it’ll change.” Well the Army is kinda like that too. And the weather changed on me in the matters of hours. A tasking had come down months ago for us to send NCOs to Ft Bliss, TX to assist in an exercise down there. One of the NCOs on the tasking had become a 1SG. So that particular slot (along with a few others) had to be filled. Well apparently it was discussed in a meeting and some one said, “You got two Master Sergeants (MSG) up in the “3 shop” who ain’t got jobs.” That’s right sports fans…you know what comes next. That’s right me and a fellow MSG got placed on the tasking. Well my partner got taken off and I remained on it.


I was like this is some BS. I’m supposed to get my kids for the summer. Oh and the tasking was from Apr 20- Jun 16. That’s like 50 days plus! Oh and my lease will be up too and…I will be paying rent on my place and I won’t even be there. Shit…this really blows chunks. So I did like I always do…vent and then get a plan together. Because as one of my friends had mentioned, “You were talking about your money problems. Now God is helping you out. You can’t sit here and complain about how the money is gonna come back at ya.” Man…my friends can be a pain in the ass. But, she was right so I started and got myself ready to move.


I contacted my kids and told them due to commitments I would have to come and get them for my summer visit after I returned from Bliss. They were a lil unhappy but when I explained that by going to Bliss I would have more MONEY to spend on them and do things like six flags or a beach trip they were all for it. Typical kids LOL. So I executed my plan and off to Bliss I went in April. Fast forward the exercise ended for me and I got to come back much earlier than planned. Less money but I would have a lil more time to get ready to move to Bragg and the trip to Florida I had promised my kids was in full swing. Coordination was complete and the week blocked off. And I’d still have some change in my pocket. I had told my kids I would be driving to Kentucky to get them for the visit. I was tired of relying on their Mom to meet me halfway and since I had already set aside gas money I would make the call and drive all the way up and back. Ensuring our summer break took place; especially since I hadn’t seen them since fall break in Oct.


So with the plan looking pretty good and things in motion…all I needed to do was get home from Bliss and then pick up the kids for our summer adventure. But as luck would have it, it wasn’t gonna be that easy for me. My middle son called me and expressed that he wished to play football and that he might not make it down for the trip. Not something you want to hear after 7 months (missing out on graduations, dances, etc). So we went back and forth and I offered up a compromise. We’d find out what was voluntary and what was not and then I’d ensure that he was back for the mandatory. Now of course this didn’t go over well with him. And I sternly reminded him that at the end of the day it wasn’t his choice nor call. I was trying to meet his and my desires but if he wished to push the issue we could go that route but he’d loose. I told him to contact the coach and find out all the details so we could make a decision. Many of my friends feel I give my kids too much say and that I “discuss” things with them too much. And they are right. I do do that and I’m working on not doing it. So as we discussed, I contacted the head coach and spoke to him about the upcoming football season and got the rundown. I called son and not to my surprise, he hadn’t contacted and spoken to the coach as we had agreed upon. But I did and when I told him the solution he wasn’t happy at all and let me know it. Again we discussed it until I grew tired and told him we would execute the plan which was I would fly him home so he could be there for mandatory practices and as far as “training”…I would train him myself. He and his brother have been on the receiving end of a workout or two so he knows I can and would have him ready.


So I return from Bliss a few shades darker (West Texas is hot y’all) and ready for my summer. But as fate and “Murphy” (Murphy’s Law, anything that can go wrong, will go wrong) would have it…it wasn't gonna be peaceful. Prior to my departure from Bliss I awoke on the 1st of June to an email from my former spouse. I checked the time stamp and it read 00:55. Yes, 55 minutes after midnight. Why in the hell is she emailing me after midnight? Well didn’t take long for my question to be answered. One click and poof…it read, “This is to document that your child support is late again. This is the forth month in a row.” Seriously? It’s 5am, leave me the hell alone…damn. So here I am, first day back at work and my 1SG sees me and says can you come talk to me and the commander. I’m like sure but in my mind I’m like this better not be her. Yes, it was her, I hadn’t been in the building 10 minutes and she had already called 5 times citing that I was refusing to pay child support. I told the Commander, “Sir the check is in the mail.” He asked if they should document that she had contacted them and do statements since they had the court order which said she wasn’t to call them. I said you all do what you need too cause I surely will be. They informed me that she hadnt contacted them since I left and found it funny that as soon as I was back, she was calling again.


The day prior to that Jennifer actually called me and I explained to her that I had sent her a check as I do every single month so she could stop pestering me about it. Again she started with the “I got rent do, your kids will be homeless, etc” and my response was as it always is; "I pay child support for my children, I’m not concerned about your bills nor your rent. Those are your responsibilities and you should seek employment to deal with those matters, not reply on my child support to sustain your life style." Funny, for someone who made it clear they didn’t need me in their life…I can't for the life of me understand how they could still allow me to take care of them. No way in hell would I get a divorce then allow you to see that I’m not doing well. If I had to lie I’d damn sure would and let you see that I’m doing great without you and my life is better now that your out of it. Well 2 hours later I get several phone calls from my son asking me where the child support check was. Ok, how many times have I asked you kids to stay out of this? Words were exchanged and I sent them all, including their mom, a stern message citing that they were not to call me about adult matters again and if they choose to I would take legal action to which they would not like the out come. My son responded with three phone calls one in which he felt he was grown at 13, enough to curse at me and make demands that he is not in a place to enforce. I let him know he and I would have a nice face to face when I saw him to which his reply was if I had planned on doing him bodily harm. Good grief…get a grip. Now had my daughter made those comments, I would have let them roll off considering our past battles in these areas. But when my son took that route and he and I had never gone there...for me, that sent me a clear message of the future of things to come and that I in turn need to make some major decisions about my life as well as theirs.


Just days later I received a few anonymous messages from facebook one from Jennifer’s cousin and another from someone whom I hadn’t spoken to as a friend in over four years since before I left for Korea in 2008. So not knowing for sure I threw some feelers out to see if this was a fake profile or real. Well I got a call which confirmed my suspicions as to who the contact was from and what it was all about. Like I said, I was a lil surprised to be getting a call from someone I hadn’t spoke to (as a friend) in over four years. See after I returned from Korea and the craziness started many of the people I and Jennifer were friends with distanced themselves from me and acted as if I was some sort of disease. Some would speak to me, all be it brief and some what cordial but that was it. So I pretty much just kept to myself because I didn’t know what Jennifer had told them nor did anyone seem interested in the truth so I left it alone.


Well I asked him what was up and he explained he was calling about football for my middle son. I let him know I understood where he was coming from and acknowledged his concerns but when I voiced mine it seemed somewhat one sided as I got replies like, “I’m not trying to get into all that, or it’s not none of my business, etc” Ok, well if that’s what you feel, why bother contacting me? I mean there are motivations behind my actions and if you don’t have a good understanding of the story then you aren’t gonna full understand what my stance is and why I’m choosing the path I’m on. I appreciated that he called and what he had to say about my son but at the end of the day…its been four years since you have spoken to me…as a “friend.” The concern and friendship could have been best used three years ago. But hey, it is what it is.


So here I sit, days away from picking up my kids for a summer break and it’s been tainted by a few months of BS. I should be excited about seeing my kids and spending time with them but my excitement is tainted with how much time will I spend defusing their misguided anger and them understanding that’s its ok to want to spend time with their Dad and its ok to enjoy themselves with me. They shouldn’t feel any guilt at all nor should they be made to feel any guilt. Time will tell. I will take my pass and drive up to Kentucky as planned. Spend sometime working on my house in hopes that it will rent or sell and that will be one less headache I will have to deal with. I heard from my spouse and she would like for us to meet half way on Saturday at the designated meeting spot I have been trying for 6 months to link up at for the exchange. RME. Yes she knows I will already be in Radcliff but you know what…what ever man. I will just drive down behind her, link up at the spot and continue on to Georgia to start my summer vacation with my kids. I will do my best to ensure they have a good summer prior to heading back to prep for another school year.


Coming back from Texas hasn’t been all its cracked up to be but hey, it’s life and when life hands you lemons, you make sweet tea. I am thankful for my friends though. They have ensured that I haven’t done anything stupid and when I consider it, they tell me its stupid and to keep on keeping on. It’ll all come out in the wash. I know this to be true but it doesn’t change the frustration I feel about the situation. I will tell you this, you can sit and say what you would and wouldn’t do all day long but until you are actually faced with it…you just don’t know.




“Forgiveness does not always lead to a healed relationship. Some people are not capable of love, and it might be wise to let them go along with your anger. Just wish them well and take care of yourself.”

Rewind...

Life, you live and you die. Seems pretty simple but it surely is not. And when you add people and or relationships…it becomes less simple and more complicated. Have you ever sat and wondered…just how you arrived at your current destination in life? No matter where you are…have you just thought, a minute here, a "no" there and my life could and or would be so very different. And then…if you had the ability to go back, knowing what you know now, would you change things. Avoid people and or things that happened and set you on your current path. Because God knows…there are some questionable people out there. Some whom have come into your life and made it better and some who have consistently only made it worse. Numerous times we sit and think to ourselves “Man, wish I could get a do over.” Hell, I know I have. Imagine the chance to go back to school and get better grades. Talk to that girl you passed on the street. Make the investment that you thought was too risky. I mean the possibilities are endless. The things we could fix if given the opportunity. Life, love, career…everything is open to a do over. Everything is eligible for a fix. But what would be the cost? And do we really, really want a do over? I’m not sure. I know I can honestly say looking back…I sure would be open to a do over.

With Congo in mind.....

 Sometimes things are said within our society that really makes you take a step back and wonder…“Who the hell says this is the way it’s supposed to be?” I was listening to Steve Harvey this morning and they were talking about the shooting in Florida. Now Steve starts his show every morning talking about God and things in that realm. So when I listened to him talk to Al Sharpton…I found myself questioning some of his comments. I have always had issue with those who talk of religion and what not but then at times you see them contradicting those beliefs or principals.

 The biggest eye opener that really got the wheels turning was later in the show they were all speaking about Trayvon’s  Mother and how she was conducting herself. They were all shocked and impressed at how she has been acting. In my world we like to call it “professionalism.” She’s been conducting herself with a high level of decorum, grace and…professionalism. What bugged me was the way the spoke about it. They were saying had it been them they would act like this or be saying that, etc, etc. I mean…wow. Is that the level we have sunk too? That when someone chooses to act in a manner that’s not stereotypical of what we as a society or group expects they get applauded?

 Why is acting “professional” weird? Why do we not expect that or better yet see it as the norm? I mean does being black magically endow me with the ability to “act a fool” and use pain or misfortune as an excuse? Now don’t get me wrong…I’m not saying showing emotion is bad or it’s not needed. But when someone chooses to rise above the stereotypical BS that surrounds them and acts in a manner that they feel is befitting…who are we to question it or label it? It’s like my daughter getting good grades in school; then everyone acting surprised because she is getting good grades. Well if that is what she has been taught, explained and expected of her…then why would it be odd or unique that she actually achieve and or do what’s expected?

 We (The American Society) have got to move past labels and status. We need to look at each situation for what it is and let it be what it will be. If someone chooses to act a fool then allow that INDIVIDUAL to be and act a fool. If they choose to act in a graceful manner…hello…let them do so. Sometimes blacks, African Americans…whatever you wish to call us are the biggest supporters of stereotypes and do more for keeping them in place than any other group. I have said it 100 times and I will always say it…education and an open mind is paramount for any group to move forward and become better than it is and or was.

Nothing is as easy as it seems...following the rules that is

 Well, it’s about that time...yet again. Since December I have been trying to coordinate for a Spring Break visit with my kids. I had them for fall break but am supposed to have one or the other. It was my year for Thanksgiving and we all know how that turned out. So, my former spouse very graciously offered me Spring Break since she was “unable” to follow the visitation rule. So I, understanding her finances, attempted to coordinate well in advance (starting in December) so that she could sock some gas money away every month so come April, there would be no excuses to not meet. Well I tried with one email every month until I got her response from my February email. A response in which she told me I needed to have sexual intercourse with myself. Hmmm, not exactly sure how I’m supposed to do that but oh well. At that point I didn’t see the point in trying anymore and I decided not to email her for March and instead go another route.

 I have grown tired of having to spend money and go to court just to ensure my rights as a parent are respected and honored. It’s a shame when one adult, whom has the children in their possession, acts in a manner in which it jeopardizes the other parent’s relationship with said children.  Now I’m sure there are parents out there that truly deserve not to have contact with their children. But there are just as many who deserve that right but are forced to jump through hoops just to get what a court of law guaranteed they could have.

 Visitation is a simple request and one which should be honored without any hassle.  I know some parents who pretty much don’t have an issue with not seeing their children and live their lives just fine. Well that’s great for them but some of us see the big picture and understand that children are supposed to have two loving and caring parents for a reason (Look at the shooting that took place in Florida).  I don’t have to care for you nor talk to you as a person. on a personal level but when it comes to the welfare of our children that’s when all games should be placed aside and we work together for the benefit of our children and their future. Far too many children that come from single parent homes fall off the track and end up in bad situations (Again look at what happened in Florida). Whether it’s school or drugs…the only people that suffer from lack of parental guidance is the child. God designed it this way from a reason. A woman can’t show a young boy how to be a man and a man can’t show a young girl how to be a woman. These behaviors are learned and reinforced by we parents. It’s our job! And it’s truly the only job which counts.

 Now, I’m not saying that a single parent can’t raise a child. There is always gonna be the exception to the rule. But what I am saying is if the two adults can work together for the benefit of their child or children…then they should. And if they can’t, then grow a pair, man the hell up and do it! Parents shouldn’t grill their children to gain information nor should they put them in positions where they know so much they feel they need to contact the other parent with what they feel should or shouldn’t happen. And 9 out of 10 times, what they want usually mirrors what the parent they live with wants.  So then you end up battling more than one person and a childs worldly knowledge is limited and they act as if they know yet they have no real world experiance to base this on.

 So if you are a single parent I implore you to seek the higher ground and do what’s best for your children. Do not keep them from the other parent because you two decided that your lives were best lived apart. This wasn’t your children’s fault nor their concern. Do the right thing and foster a positive relationship. No one is telling you need to hang out with your former spouse or lover. But think about that child and do right by them. Allow them to make the decision about the other parent. If they are wrong…trust me…when they become adults they will see what’s up and figure things out just fine. The world has a way of righting itself if allowed. And remember, you entered into a contract with GOD almighty when he agreed to let you have said children.  And if you break that contract with him…you can bet your gonna hear about it. It’s short… “Do The Right Thing, Do The Right Thing,…Do The Right Thing.”

“How you treat people is their karma; how you react is yours.”         -Wayne Dyer

Who You Are

In February 1987 a young 17 year old made a choice that would forever change the course of his life. He raised his right hand, took an oath and never once looked back. In the span of those 24 years I have met, befriended and worked for a lot of folks; some good, some bad and some downright horrible. But somehow I have managed to hold onto something that my father gave me…Integrity.

Integrity, Merriam-Webster’s defines it as a 1: firm adherence to a code of especially moral or artistic values 2: an unimpaired condition 3: the quality or state of being complete or undivided. People speak and use all these great buzz words: professionalism, loyalty, respect…I could go on and on. But you know something, if you’re not gonna follow them then truly…what is the point. Exactly, there really is no point. Many spend their lives…day to day just living. Doing things that they feel are right for them at that exact moment or when it suits them. So I will ask you…what’s the point? What is the point in doing the right thing some of the time or when it’s convenient but when the preverbal road gets rough we buckle, look the other way and choose to follow the other path. The path which is paved with a smooth surface because God forbid we actually take the hard road where you will actually be uncomfortable and those words you throw around and your character will truly be tested.

Day in and day out we find ourselves in situations. Some which can have dire consequences. But it’s how we handle ourselves during these times that speak volumes. In almost every act of life you will find yourself someplace or dealing with an issue that you may not wish to. But you will have to deal with it because as we love to say…that’s life. Those buzz words I spoke of…how many do you follow? How many do you half ass follow? How many do you simply not follow at all? Those are questions you and only you can answer and the answers can be found in the mirror when you look at yourself.  We as humans are inherently flawed. We were born flawed and we’ll die flawed. And once we are dead…how will we be remembered? Your legacy…what and those you leave behind will be the answer to that.

I like to talk about the military because we are a unique institution. No other place on Earth can you put sooo many different people, of various backgrounds, ethnicities, values, attitudes beliefs…throw them all together and watch them work, grow, learn and at times change one another; hopefully for the good. How many of you have heard of someone who joined the military and did not like someone of a different ethnicity? But after a few years you could see this person learn, bond and grow. Accepting that other ethnicity and changing themselves for the better. But this being a huge culture you also come across those that…you find yourself questioning from time to time. Their actions are and can be incongruent with their words.

I like 99% of the people on this planet know what’s right from wrong. And like those 99% I do operate in that gray area we can find ourselves in from time to time. So yes, I bend the rules and I too break them when I feel it’s necessary or it goes against what I fundamentally feel is wrong. I pick and choose my battles. But there are simply some things I see in black and white and I don’t allow nor look for the gray area. I won’t compromise and if cornered...I’ll fight you like a Wolverine. So when you question my integrity…I will fight you. I will attack you as well as your character. I will clearly point out where you are flawed and how you yourself don’t follow the words you choose to preach every day. So I humbly ask that before you start this crusade, you make sure you are ready for the fight in which you will undoubtedly find yourself in because you may find me standing in front of you with that mirror. Letting you look at yourself as you speak those words. Hoping you don’t choke on some of them. Don’t tell someone you care if you have heartedly do. Because I can guarantee that you will be asked to show you care and if you can’t…then you have clearly lost faith and respect.  Don’t brag about being supportive and when it’s time to support, you crumble and shift focus and or blame elsewhere.

Over the years I have pissed a lot of folks off because I choose to do my job my way and not how they envisioned it. I’ve been thrown under the bus and had the bus backed up over me and as I laid there watching the bus drive away with my career and future I smiled and waved good bye. Because I had my pocket mirror in my hand and as I glanced at my smile…I liked what I saw. I saw me…maintaining who I am and looking at my father knowing he got it right. I know one day I will leave this Earth and you know…I’m good with it. All I know is…I simply want to be remembered as a fair guy who truly gave a damn.

Shocked, Saddened and Surprised by some of my peers...

Whitney Houston passed away last week; she was one of the greatest R&B singers to ever grace the stage and have her voice on vinyl. But at some point in her career drugs were introduced and we can all agree…she was never gonna be the same. Her claim to fame forever will be singing the National Anthem at the Super Bowl. She inadvertently set the bar so high, I don’t believe anyone will ever sing it better than she did. And for those artists since she sang it who are bestowed the honor of singing it too…will forever be in her shadow.


Governor Christie decided to lower the flag in the state of NJ in her honor. I like so many were confused by the numerous claims of “flags” being lowered but when I found out more details and that it was the state I had and still have no issue with his decision. He did it for Clarence Clemons another famous musician and for NJANG members killed overseas. I served in the NJANG from 87-89 at which point I switched and came onto active duty. Total now…I have served 24 years. I joined the Army when it wasn’t popular and it wasn’t all too cool. The Army and our fellow services in my day was seen as a place to go when you couldn’t cut it or weren’t smart enough to go to college or you just couldn’t hack it in the “real world.” Yep, had all those things actually said to me. There was no wars going on, no glory to be sought…just serving your country. I recall a conversation between my father and I (who served 24 years as well as a tour in Vietnam and countless other Operations) in which he asked me why in the hell did I go in the Army to be a Scout? Why wasn’t I coming in to get a trade, something I could use when I got out. My response…naive as it was, I told him if I was gonna serve in the Army I was gonna do a job that I felt defined serving. He just scoffed at me and said I was stupid.

As I sat there…I quietly thought to myself…”I ain’t stupid. I know what I’m doing.” Like I said, I was naïve, proud but still young and very much naïve. When I came home from my training at Fort Knox in the summer of 1990 I recall yet another conversation my father had with me outside. He asked, “Do you know what your doing? Do you know what you have gotten yourself into? Do not call me complaining. You know all about the Army and you made your choice…so deal with it.” My response was, “Yeah…I know what I’m doing. I got it.” Again…so young and so naive. My first duty station was Ft Carson and I recall walking point on what was my first field problem; that night as I moved up and down some hills, it dawned on me…there could be someone out here whose sole purpose was to kill me. That night I grew up. That night the Army stopped being this “cool” job and with every step I took, became all too real. I changed that night…and I finally understood what my father meant.

Fast forward to today. For days I have read a lot of comments on our favorite social media site Facebook. And as I sit here on a gloomy Sunday morning I am some what saddened by some of the comments. Specifically by those who currently serve our country. These comments all came about when mentioning of the flagged being lowered to half-mast for Whitney Houston. I like everyone else made a comment. However not having the facts I asked what was being done with the flags, whose idea was it and if it was our Commander and Chief…then shame on him. I was corrected and told it was the state of NJ that was gonna lower the flag. And at that point…I felt it was fine and had no issue with it. Now I’m sure there maybe more to it but that’s about as far as I felt I needed to go.

However, I can’t say the same for my fellow Soldiers. Many have gone on rants, half cocked and made some pretty colorful comments. Last year the Army decided to call us a “Profession of Arms” a calling in which only true professionals should inquire. So that leads me back to the numerous comments. Comments which are opinions but coming from those of us who serve…I feel have gone from opinions to just poor taste…or “unprofessional.”

When I think of a “Crack-head” I think of Chris Rock’s character “Pookie” ashy lips and all from the movie “New Jack City.” Is it really necessary to call her “Crack-head?” Well she did drugs I’m sure some of you are saying. Guess cause I’m black it’s cool to call me a nigger? Or the overweight woman in the store “fat-ass” since she is fat and her ass is large. I lost someone close to me to suicide and it forever changed my perception of someone who chooses to take their life in that manner. I cringe when I sit in meetings with my fellow “professionals” and they refer to Soldiers with weight problems as “Fat asses, fat boys or fat bodies.” Is it necessary? Nope, but hey I’m skinny as hell so I guess I can put someone else down since it’s not me.

Whitney Houston was an amazing artist no one will ever be able to take that away from her. And yes, she had trouble with drugs and alcohol which surely caused her untimely departure. Some say she threw away her God given talent. I guess some of you could be pissed at me and say I’m dumb because I too squandered my talent by joining the military (cause I couldn’t get a real job) instead of going to college and becoming an artist.

But for we who are in a profession such as ours…one that by its nature is thankless…it makes me wonder. Why did so many of us join? I have heard that the generation upon us is the “Me, Me, Me” generation. Look at me, I’m in the military, everyone needs to come thank me and tell me how great I am because I have served during a time of war. Hell, ever Friday we hand out weekly awards called “Hero of the Week” in an effort to make Soldiers feel good about themselves. Kinda like handing out trophies just for playing a sport. I have lost friends and I have seen death. So all of you who don’t know what this is like…are somehow less than I am? I guess my 24 years really doesn’t mean that much when compared to some of my peers since I have only been to Iraq once while others have been more than 4 times. It seems over the years, I have spoken to and read many comments in which the consensus is the same….look at me, look at what I do, give me recognition. Really? And why did you join? Was it so you could go home and brag to your buddies about who you killed, or what you did while you were deployed? Or did you simply join because you wanted to be apart of something bigger than yourself?

Why do some of us feel the need to compare our lives to that of someone else? It’s a shame that many service members’ deaths go unnoticed to the masses. But people die everyday and we within the services don’t always know about it nor do many even care. Does it make their deaths somehow less important or meaningful because WE don’t acknowledge it? There’s a movie titled “Gardens of Stone” starring James Caan and James Earl Jones. I urge some of you to watch it.

I read a comment in which someone said, “We as Americans need to get our priorities straight.” I wondered if the writer considered himself, a Soldier, an American? One of the mottos of the Army’s Special Forces is the “Quiet Professionals.” I wonder why.

Actions do have consequences...I'm just sayin...

12FEB12


Change was the center of my last discussion. But change has to be warranted and has to be a conscience choice. I have made numerous choices and I will live with each and everyone. Way in November of last year I was supposed to have my children for the Thanksgiving holiday. As per court order my ex spouse, Jennifer (Specht) Dingle (yes, why she still carries the name of her “abuser” is beyond me) and I are to co-parent and provide 50% of travel for all visitations. So I did what I was court ordered to do; I contacted her and tried to coordinate for my visitation. Well as per the standard, facebook found out before I did. Jennifer went all over facebook telling all her friends how she refused to comply.

Oct 28 2:29pm

Jennifer Specht ~~So now my ex is 'planning' Thanksgiving~And I have no money for gas to 'meet' the Creep~Let his stupid Girlfriend pay for it! She pays for everything else to get to see his Man Boobs~Ughhh~He's soooo GROSS!~~


Jennifer Specht ~~Ok-it's decided. If he wants his kids for Thanksgiving? He will have to do the transportation. See, 'cause I have some news for Judge M. Brent Hall-ummm-because you ALLOWED my ex Idiot to BANKRUPT us? I, simply put, DON'T have the money to drive 8 hours in 4 days so Mr. Deployed can play 'house'~Give me a BREAK!~Take THAT to Court!~


For the first time someone actually tried to reason with her and try to get her to do the right thing. But in true fashion…the words given to her fell on deaf ears.


Veronica Castilla Just to give you a bit of a heads up, regardless of your financial situation, if he is supposed to have the children for Thanksgiving and it is in the court papers you are legally obligated to the halfway or to pick them up from him. I am divorced, as well as my husband, and I have to meet my ex at a halfway point. His exwife has tried to say she can't afford it one year and we took her to court. May just be a slap on the wrist at first though. Seeing how you and him have obviously been in court repeatedly it might be harsher. Make sure you cover your bases so this doesn't fall back on you.

Jennifer Specht Ummm-I have been dragged into court 22 times in 24 months. My ex at one point motioned me to Court trying to get me Court Ordered into co-signing a loan! For real! And? I've lost 2 jobs he dragged me into Court so many times. And? I am not saying this to be vindictive-I literally don't have the money-I'm still REELING from all his motions. Girl! It took me 3 months to get Child Support and? When he gave it to me? Motioned the Court for it BACK! So-I LITERALLY don't have the money. So-if he wants to spend $500.00 taking me back? Money that could be spent on Plane tickets? Or I don't know? Christmas gifts. Shit I have no other option. I have no family and I'm single. Short of robbing a bank? There is no money. Damn-and I wish it weren't so! Lol

Well there isn’t a need to continue; the rest of the conversation was pretty much the same. Jennifer rationalizing why she didn’t need to comply and her friend simply saying cover your ass and do the right thing. The end result was that my kids didn’t come down for Thanksgiving. In a previous post I spoke of the arrogance of my ex in giving me options for seeing my kids after the courts, whom gave her primary custodianship, dictated just how visitation would work. It’s one thing if both parties agree and modify the agreement. Cool…but this isn’t the case. So she did what she always does, she took it upon herself to modify it by offering me what she felt would be a reasonable visitation. She told me I could have Spring break in exchange for not having them for Thanksgiving.

I have spent the better part of two years trying to be reasonable and work with her. So in keeping with tradition I wrote her at the end of December, a friendly reminder that she had made an offer which I was going to hold her to. I would do this far in advance so she had time to save gas money since that was her rational for not honoring the agreement for Thanksgiving. Well that didn’t go so well. The end result was I told her I’d write one email a month trying to coordinate for Spring Break:

Jennifer,

Hope this e-mail finds you well. As I made clear, one email and one email only; I stand corrected, as per rule 702 (If the parties DO NOT LIVE IN THE PROXIMITY identified in HFCR 701 above, the following parenting time schedule shall apply in the absence of a written agreement signed by both parties, except for good cause being shown) not 701 I am to have the children for thanksgiving in the odd years, you did not support the court order thus the children did not come visit with me for thanksgiving. 50% of travel (IT’S IN THE COURT ORDER) was your responsibility and your claim of “no gas money” was your reasoning for not complying. You then gave me 3 alternatives to choose from. One which you told me that I could have spring break. You said, and I quote: “I have some suggestions for a compromise; …… 3) Have the kids for Spring Break which at that time I will be better off Financially and it's for a longer visit at a great time of year. I am trying to find a solution and be fair but, again, visitation is going to have to require some type of cooperative modification at times due to the distance. Next year you will be even further so I feel we will have to work together to work things out at times so the kids get to see you and they don't worry. Let me know how you would like to handle this.”

The dates of Spring break are 9-13 April. The kids will be out of school Friday the 6th. I'd really like us to link up at our designated halfway mark around 1200 on the 7th of April which is a Saturday (Exit 158 off of I-24 south in Tennessee is the halfway point, 250 miles for both of us. Just off that exit to the west is a huge fireworks store with a huge parking lot where we can meet. It has easy access for going north and south so it won’t be an issue for you heading back home.). I will in turn then meet with you on the 15th for drop off at 1200. I have not been able to see our children since October’s fall break and I don't think getting them that Saturday is too much to ask for. Its three months away and you have plenty of time to plan as well as put a little money (approx $100.00 total in gas for the two trips) away to pay for the gas it will cost for travel. I’d appreciate a response acknowledging that I can have Spring break as you offered me, you providing 50% of travel and that the pick-up and drop off dates are good.

In a previous e-mail you made reference to Christmas and that I did not exercise my parenting time. You are incorrect. Since we do not reside in the same area we are to use rule 702 at a minimum (modifying it if WE BOTH CHOOSE TOO i.e. AGREE) B. Holidays: 3. Christmas: In odd-numbered years, the custodial or primary possessory parent has the child/children for Christmas Holiday period. In even-numbered years, the non-custodial/ non-possessory parent has the child/children for the Christmas Holiday period beginning at 6pm on the day school ends until 6pm on the day before school begins. So as you can see, I did not have parenting time as you claimed.

Out of respect I will address a few of your comments based on the three separate emails you returned, none which gave me a clear and concise yes or no about Spring break. Again you addressed the issue of gas. I am court ordered to pay child support in the amount of $1391.11. If you were to take me to court, I’m sure the Judge would not care that I was having financial difficulty, I would be ordered to pay…period or be in contempt of court. So…your point of no gas money is moot. You found money for a lawyer, cigarettes, cable you can find money for gas. How about you stop smoking or get rid of cable? I don’t know what you should do but I do know this…it’s your responsibility and the courts don’t care. They only care that you follow their guidelines for visitation.

Yes, Spring break is three months away. I’m writing in advance because you have stated you are having financial difficulty. I am trying to be understanding of that and by discussing it NOW; it gives you 3 months to SAVE the money. I am writing you about our children and visitation so it is not harassment as you have claimed.

Second e-mail; I did not GIVE you the kids for Thanksgiving, you made it clear on FB and in emails you were not going to provide 50% of travel so I didn’t see the kids. Christmas is clear: B. Holidays: 3. Christmas: In odd-numbered years, the custodial or primary possessory parent has the child/children for Christmas Holiday period. In even-numbered years, the non-custodial/ non-possessory parent has the child/children for the Christmas Holiday period beginning at 6pm on the day school ends until 6pm on the day before school begins.

And your third e-mail; I will not ASSUME anything. You will have to give me a YES or NO I can have them for Spring Break as well as acknowledgement of the drop off and pick-up dates. If we followed the Holiday rule, it would be 6pm when their spring break begins until 6pm the day before they return to school. If the school board changes things, you are the custodial parent and will know any changes before I do and in the SPIRIT of cooperation you should send me an e-mail or phone call giving me an update and time to coordinate any changes that way we BOTH aren't inconvenienced. I look forward to hearing from you and coordinating my visit. Have a great day...God bless.

And her response you ask. Very typical:

Cease and desist your harassment. I cannot and won't read this Dribble. I have tired of your threats. Your communication is unwanted and unwarranted. It's stalking. And? One day-you will be stopped. In the meantime? Go Fuck yourself.


Man…are you kidding me? I ask to see my children as per the court order and that’s what I’m met with. It’s hard to even call and talk to them because she will hover over them and grill them about our talk like a cop. She has me blocked on her phone so I’m unable to call and talk to her about any issues that arise with our kids. Her accusations are always the same, I’m abusive and I’m a harasser. I didn’t know contacting about visitation was deemed harassment. She once again called the IG here at Benning claiming was harassing her. I wonder just how much those who support her truly know about what has actually happened and goes on. I will say this to the support group, if I’m all that she says I am…where is the proof of all this? But it doesn’t matter…I just hope they continue to support her when this potentially blows up in her face

REAL vs UNREAL

 “Is it unrealistic to think your mate will not cheat?” I heard that question being discussed on a radio show as I drove home. I listened to callers one after the other answer it but none really seemed to address the actual question and answer it. The question originated from a book and a statement made by a Dr who said, “Women have an unrealistic expectation that if they get married their husbands will not cheat.” Does having a man marry you automatically men he will be faithful? So that got me thinking and inspired me to write about it based on that, so I in-turn asked Do women have an unrealistic expectation that if they get married their husbands will not cheat? I enjoy a verbal and mental sparing session as much as the next and many of my friends can provide that for me. I knew a question like this would generate a lot of discuss and with people coming from different backgrounds, belief systems and a multitude of variables I knew I could get some great responses to it. If anything…it’d be good water cooler talk.

 I asked personal friends both men and women, single as well as married what they thought. And true to form, many responded and gave me answers to the question. Some short and some long but all had an opinion on the subject. Its amazing how something so simple can generate hours of talk amongst adults. Just adding a variable or perspective can then create a branch off of the discussion and take you God knows where. As I read through my responses via text it was clear that some agreed and some did not. Most did not agree.

MW38: “No, I think, if your going to cheat, your going to cheat. I think that some women think that it may make a difference but as you said its unrealistic. I think it’s more of a…“I know where I stand” kinda thing.” MW38’s male friend said, “It depends on the guy, cause some guys see that as when they would stop cheating.”

 

BB39: “I think men and women have that unrealistic expectation bcuz most ppl don’t even know who they r marrying or y theyre truly marrying them anymore.”

 

BH38: “Yes”

ZG44: “I would say yes to that as warped as it is.”

RH38: “I honestly think so.”

MLP50: “Yes it is unrealistic. Why would you marry a person u thought might
cheat.”

KC50: “Some do most definitely - personally I don't think so.”

Some were neutral: CF38: “Not unrealistic, marriage or no marriage it would still happen depends on the husbands character!” It’s hard to put your personal feelings aside and answer a question based solely on logic or with out the help of past experiences. AB43: “If a woman meets a man and he divorces his wife to be with her I would say yes.”

 As for me, I personally don’t think that if a woman gets married she should think or expect anything less than the man she’s marrying will be faithful and not cheat. JR40: “No if ur married u need to keep it ur pants unless its with ur wife!!!” And here is why, within our society we have certain stereotypes as well as social norms. These are things that have been present within our society for hundreds of years. And when it comes to marriage and fidelity those are HUGE stereotypes as well as expectations. AC38: “Well, I must have an unrealistic expectation that a man shouldn't cheat at all.” When your average person gets married they inherently do so with certain expectations. HR35: “Hey my wife said no, but I think it applys to both sides of the house. Some women get men to marry with the hope their love one won’t cheat. But if a person is going to cheat they would even if they are not married.”

 These expectations have been engrained in our society since man and woman first wed. Your average person who gets married doesn’t do so so that they can cheat and or become a swinger. Do these things happen and or exist, yes but these things are seen as abnormal behavior and well outside of the norm. So when a woman gets married, its pretty much engrained within her to believe that her husband will provide food, shelter, love and be faithful. AM50: “I don't think that is unrealistic. Why marry if u think they will cheat.” Much like when you buy a car. You have expectations based on advertising and other mediums used to market said car. No one spends thousands of dollars expecting it not to get the gas mileage posted, or the car breaking down before you leave the lot. You have a realistic expectation that it’ll have all the items you paid for as well as what was marketed. KW40: “I don't believe its and unrealistic expectation. Especially if the two of you work to keep the passion alive!”

 We all know and understand that people are uncontrollable and we as humans will do what we wish. But that doesn’t change the question and our society’s views. Cheating and adultery are commonly viewed as negative acts. So when you throw the argument out there that men are genetically conditioned to cheat it is a moot point. Mainly because we all acknowledge that both men and women can and do cheat inside and outside of marriages our society as a whole still views marriage as a sacred thing and that if you are married you shouldn’t cheat. FB42: “Women cheat just like men do. They do it better than we do!” JH37: “I don't think they are all like that. A lot of them think it's a bigger
possibility for the guy to do it than the girl. But I meet girls all the time at school or work that don't care that you have a girlfriend.” And if we all believe that once your married you should only sleep with your partner than its safe to say that we all don’t have an unrealistic view that if a man and woman wed, they are expected not to cheat. CMCD50: “It's funny that you ask that question because my GF and I was just discussing that very topic.  She's come to the conclusion that every man, including the good one's, cheat.  Her husband cheated on her for years but never wanted a divorce. 
   For me however, I don't think that's true.  I have had an affair with a married man but I think, and as he put it, "opportunity just presented itself".  I believe that there are good men who don't cheat, just like there are women who don't.  It all comes down to a choice.  You're either going to or you're not.  If cheating is in the heart of someone, it doesn't matter if they had the best marriage or not, they will cheat. 
   So, to answer your question, no, I don't think that women have unrealistic expectations that their husband's will cheat.  I don't think you can categorize all men as cheaters.  When women love their husband's, they put their faith and trust in them. It's funny that you ask that question because my GF and I was just discussing that very topic.  She's come to the conclusion that every man, including the good one's, cheat.  Her husband cheated on her for years but never wanted a divorce.”

  I’m not arguing that men and women don’t cheat and I don’t much care for the rational or reasons for such behavior. I’m basing my statement and answer solely on how our society sees a marriage and how our society (who created the norms) view cheating. KC40:  “I don't feel that it is an unrealistic expectation. I feel that in any relationship there is a possibility for either partner to cheat if there is a lack of communication and trust. Those are the key elements to a healthy relationship. When those bonds are broken and one isn't feeling fulfilled then they will seek fulfillment through others.”

   So there you have it, asked and answered. Now I asked a lot more people but some didn’t respond or understood what I was asking. But I got enough responses from both married, single, men as well as women to give the question perspective. And that’s what it all boils down too. Your perception about what you expect from a relationship and it doesn’t matter which type of relationship it is. If it’s monogamous then its save to bet you have an assumption that the person you’re with will be faithful because if that wasn’t the case, as stated by MLP50 and AM50 why get involved with someone if they are or you feel they will just cheat. Either way it’s up to the individual to do what they feel is good for them moral or immoral. It’s all about your expectations.