My Divorce Nightmare part 6

I was the one with the kids. I was paying for it all and yet she felt she deserved…no was entitled to that $1,200.00 a month in spousal maintenance and our entire tax return which would roughly be $6,500.00. My actual attorney wasn’t able to be there so her partner “J” was. At the court house we linked up and I gave him a brief rundown. We tried to settle before going in but my ex wasn’t budging so the judge would have to decide. Just hours earlier JSD41 had contacted me and my attorney’s office. She had made several threats in an attempt to blackmail me into giving her what she wanted. I told her not no but hell no and I’d take my chances in court.


Once in court “J” asked if I would explain how I had such detailed accounts of my spending. I explained that I had used Quicken since we were married and I tracked all my spending then as I do now. After all the bills and expenses were taken care of there was $300.00 left over. I explained to the judge that JSD41 had taken a hit when she failed outta school and wanted employment in the medical field. As I spoke I could feel my lips tremble and tears ran down my cheeks. I told the judge that JSD41 acted as if some jobs were beneath her. For example I recommend she get a job at Old Navy, one of her fav clothing stores; just something to give her a focus and get her out of the house. Plus the extra money would help since she’d done nothing since she failed out of school. She went off. “I had a 4.0 in nursing school! I was at the top of my class! I’m not fucking going to work retail!!!” I left it alone after that. I continued to talk, voice quivering; that as a parent we do what ever and work wherever when it’s for our family. Even if it meant flipping burgers, if it puts food on the table you do it. “J” asked one final question, “Mr. JYD, you have temp full custody right now?” “Yes,” I replied. “Is KSD41 paying you any child support?” I smiled, “No she is not.” In the end, I offered her an additional $265.00 which would give her a total of $500.00 a month until we went to mediation and settled.

JSD41 was up next. She explained how it was she wanted $1,200.00 plus a month. She couldn’t cook so she and the athlete had to eat out, no home so she needed a place to stay etc. When the dust settled the judge spoke. He explained that we all don’t get to have the jobs or employment we want and that she needed to get a job…any job…period. He ruled in my favor, I’d give her the additional 265 a month and half the income taxes.

Days later JSD41 had a meeting with my superiors and voiced her concerns. The biggest was that I was a “sociopath” and was capable of chopping her into little pieces. The end result, I would be ordered to take Parenting classes, obtain a mental health assessment and placed under a military protective order which prohibited me from contacting her via phone, email or in person. Remember, I had been court ordered to do the taxes, now I had no way of communicating with JSD41. Great job JSD41 LOL and good luck getting the taxes done.

Baseball season continued, our lives continued and JSD41 kept causing me nothing but grief, laying guilt on the kids and just being a bitter woman. On one such occasion she phoned to tell the catcher that she was sick and would not be at his game. He was cool, until we went to watch the athlete play and she showed up. I could see the pain in his lil face and I felt it was best we left without her seeing us. She treated him and his lil brother differently after they testified in court. The following weekend she refused to take our kids, telling them she was afraid that if she got them, I’d find out where she was staying and try to come and hurt her. You got to be kidding me? No one is trying to go to jail for you. The athlete was still staying with his mom and I hadn’t seen him in weeks. One night I received several disturbing texts from JSD41 which caused me to call the police and have them check in on her and the athlete. Not long afterwards his girlfriend’s folks called about JSD41. I guess the athlete had contacted their daughter and he was very upset. They along with the police went to go check on them and it was a day or so later that he’d be back in our home and his mom still doing her thing.

I had made a friend and we were just talking until JSD41 found out. She got her name and number and left a lengthy phone message which I later recorded on my phone. She told this girl I had made her homeless, lied in court and taken our kids from her. Again I was a “sociopath” and that I could chop her up into pieces. My friend began to question my honesty since she had suffered abuse long ago. I told her she’d seen the police reports and I couldn’t explain it any better. That relationship soon ended.

I would continue to reach out to JSD41 and try to settle this for the benefit of us all, especially our kids. So I did what I have always done, I followed the directives of my superiors, made appointments to do as they strongly suggested and waited for the 27th of May. That was to be our day with the mediator. Hopefully it would all get settled.

The meeting was set for 1pm and I got to the mediator’s offices about 10 minutes early. Getting here was rough. The last few months were not easy for me, the kids nor JSD41 but I was optimistic. It felt like years since I came home the previous summer in an attempt to save my failing marriage and 7 months later received divorce papers while in Korea. We needed to move forward and I was hopeful that this meeting would lead the way, for all our sakes…it had too. Once JSD41 and her attorney showed we were all escorted to the conference room. For those of you who’ve never divorced or gone to mediation this is how it works. Both parties sit down and the ground rules are laid out by a mediator, usually another lawyer. Once that is done one of the party’s exits for another room and then it begins. Back and forth with deals until it’s settled and both parties agree. Here in KY when you reach a settlement, it’s entered into your divorce case and after 60 days the judge signs and your settlement becomes your final divorce decree.


The mediator read us our ground rules and then JSD41 and her attorney left for their room. We had two hours min and a max of three hours at 150.00 an hour. If you finished early it didn’t matter, you still had to pay for two hours. Crazy ain’t it? Well my lawyer, “D” and I started talking and it wasn’t 5 minutes and the mediator was back.

“Hell, I think we may have a slam dunk deal that I think you’ll like,” he says.

I looked at “D” and back at the mediator. “Ok, but I know I’m not gonna like it,” I said. “All she wants is full custody of the kids. You won’t have to give her any maintenance, child support, any of your retirement nothing. She just wants the kids,” he says.

I looked at “D”, “Will she be able to leave the state with them?” I asked.

“Yes,” said “D.”

“She’s already turned them against me. If I give her full custody, I may never get them back.”

The mediator chimed in, “Well if she turned them against you, you might be too late. You mine as well cut your losses and let them go. This is a sweet deal.”

I looked back at this big burly lawyer and thought to myself…“FU you fat mutha f*&$kah! She made it hard for me to simply call them from Korea or talk to them on the computers. No way do I just let her have them.”

“I’m sorry,” I said aloud. “There is no way I can do that.”

He kinda scowled and walked out the room.

I looked at “D”, “She is crazy and so is he. I am not gonna let her just have them. She has no job, no money, no place to live…no nothing. She’s just gonna take the kids? No way, that ain’t happening.”

“Yeah I agree JYD,” she said.

“D” and I talked and I told her I didn’t wanna be one of those guys that the ex made it hard to see his kids. I wasn’t gonna be one of them. I needed to ensure I had the right to see and be with my kids, even though they weren’t making life for me easy.

“Have you ever heard of shared custody,” “D” asked.

“No, what is it,” I said.

“Well it’s not done very often but here is. Shared custody is not like joint custody. Shared means share custody, it’s a 50/50 split. With joint, one parent is considered the primary custodian and the kids are with that parent 90% of the time. They can consult with you but don’t need your permission to make decisions for the kids and we’d still follow rule #7 which is the non-custodial parent gets every other weekend and one day during the week that off weekend. Well with shared custody, you’d have them one week and she’d have them another. You’d be solely responsible during your weeks and she during hers.”

“Cool,” I said. This was sounding pretty good.

“Now, usually both parties have homes for something like this. So with her not having a place to live…and in order for this to work…you’re going to have to provide a place for her to live for it to work.”

“Yeah, I see what you mean,” I said.

So “D” and I continued to talk and discuss what would be my deal…my offer of peace to her.

“You know JYD; I can honestly say I have never had a client that has had more integrity than you. From the onset you have always maintained that you wanted nothing but fairness and it wasn’t about taking anything or anyone from her. I know this is probably gonna suck but I truly feel one day when you and your kids look back at what your doing…they will understand and they will thank you.”

“Thanks D, I really hope so,” I said.

As we talked and wrote I thought of any and all scenarios. I wanted to ensure all my bases were covered and when the dust settled…all would be right in the world.