It’s no secret that I’m single nor that I have had some fun with online dating. Twice now on match.com I have been stumbled upon by an old female friend. MJD94 is one of those that found me. She “winked” at me and I responded as I always do. We chatted some but my comments were pretty short and to the point until one comment she made about a post I had been stationed at Drum. Her photos were kinda small and I couldn’t see her well but asking me about that post struck a cord. I was like no sh*t. She had sent me her number so I called her after I received that message and asked her what she knew about Drum. This was too freaky. I quickly realized who she was but she didn’t know me.
Back in 93, MJD94 was up at our post with some friends from college, like I mentioned in a previous article, Drum, for some was a smorgasbord for interracial dating. It was a shoe in for women. The post was open (meaning anyone could get on) and there were tons of single men for a woman to choose from. And of course our on post club was great. The most expensive door fee I’d ever seen…a whopping $1.50 to get in. LMAO. She was cute, blonde, average height as well as build. Back then I was in a very different place as well as state of mind. My first wife walked out on me simply saying she didn’t want to be married aka the grass was greener on the other side. Anyway, we all left the club one night and one of my partners had hooked up with her friend. We all went back to my place and hung out. She had come with her GF because everyone had kinda hooked up except her. She was interested in another one of my friends at the time. Well it got late and I told MJD94 that I was going to bed; plenty of room. There were two bedrooms but only one had a bed. I offered her blankets and pillows to sleep with in the other bedroom or stay and hang out with her GF and my partner in the living room. LOL. Well a few moments later she came into my room and insisted nothing would happen. I agreed and moved over to make room.
Well we kinda made small talk for awhile and I’m not sure who started it but we ended up going at it. Fast forward to 2010 I’m laying on my bed laughing because MJD94 had no idea who I was. I named some of the cats I swung with back then and she knew mostly all. But she still had no idea who I was. Until she asked what my last name was. See most of us in the military go by our last names to the point where we do it without realizing and you can go months or years without ever knowing or calling a friend by their first name.
Well I told her and she freaked. She had never known my first name only my last. Now she knew me. We have since talked and texted every now and again and she has made suggestions about meeting me. I’m not 24 and I have changed a lot since the time of our one night stand. I have been married twice and divorced twice. Currently raising my clones and in the middle of a custody issue. Well not really a custody issue but I’ll save that for another article. She too has had an interesting life since our meeting some 17 years ago. It’s funny how you grow and change and then reconnect with old acquaintances. Our one night stand was purely sexual and we never talked again since that night. That is until we met again online. There is talk of her coming to visit; she’d like to know if there is chemistry.
Saturday, February 26, 2011
Arrogant Women
A few days ago I received a “wink” from a woman. I wasn’t at home but had my blackberry and deceived to check her out. I couldn’t see her well but I did read her profile; single mother, I have raised my boys on my own, I have a great job, my son’s are the most important things in my life, etc, etc. Hmmm sounds familiar flag pole starting to rise, but we will say hi anyway.
I have read profiles like her’s a lot and have come to one conclusion; there are some pretty arrogant women out there. Arrogant: haughty, over bearing. Don’t get me wrong, there’s nothing wrong with being proud of who you are, your personal struggles and how you got where you currently are now. But there is a way of voicing it without hitting one in the head with a stick. I mean when you’re looking, shouldn’t you avoid displaying an attitude or narcissistic behaviors? Anyway I said hello and she sent me her number. I didn’t call but texted her saying I wasn’t your average Blackman, blah, blah, blah; yeah, I was being sarcastic. Send me your email and I’ll send you some things to look at that may give you some insight into me. Well I was thinking of something’s I had written…she wasn’t. The next text I received was her cursing me out. I stood in my kitchen dumb founded. What makes you think you’re all that that I’d want to send you some naughty pics? LOL
Well I made it clear that that wasn’t what I meant and I got the standard come back, “well the way you said it, and men are always blah, blah, blah I’m sorry.” I was pretty put off from it and had I been looking she would have been done already. I spoke to her the next day and I was explaining how I got where I am and she cut me off to tell me I was still hurting from my divorce and was “damaged.” Wow, you have talked to me once or twice on the phone and you know my life? Oh by the way, she also told me since I was a single Dad of 3 young kids and my other responsibilities I didn’t seem to have the time for a relationship and since she was two hours away she didn’t see anything happening. Didn’t she wink at me? Didn’t she send me her number? Bing has a maps feature you can type in a place a find out where it is. LOL.
I so wanted to tell her I simply wanted to chat and I could tell by her attitude when she told me how great her job was and how she’d just bought a house, her sons, how she’d raised them etc that she wasn’t what I’d be interested in. As I sat on my front porch waiting to head to the BBQ with my son I couldn’t do a thing except laugh. Then it dawned on me, she’s in her early forties and had been divorced over 10 years. Ahhhh there it is. I am starting to truly believe that the longer a woman is divorced and single, the less likely she will find a mate. Many are used to doing it all, but are these women truly willing to give up all that control? From my personal experiences over the last few months many have monopolized phone conversations, comparing kids and their achievements, too their very own personal achievements. It’s as if some are trying to read me a resume and how’d I’d be lucky if they picked me.
Men are dating younger women for what ever reason they choose so the 40 plus group is still there but some appear to be their own worst enemy. I can see how some men would choose to date younger so as not to deal with this older female bravado of look at me and what I’ve done and I don’t need a man. Even though I’m on this site to show everyone I don’t need or have to have a man unless he’s fits exactly into my mold. I see crazy cat ladies in their futures. LOL. They want a partner yet do all the things you shouldn’t do to find a good one. Tough times can and do define who you are and what you are made of…if you are a fighter or a runner. We all need to remember one simple thing, judge us all as individuals not by your past experiences.
I have read profiles like her’s a lot and have come to one conclusion; there are some pretty arrogant women out there. Arrogant: haughty, over bearing. Don’t get me wrong, there’s nothing wrong with being proud of who you are, your personal struggles and how you got where you currently are now. But there is a way of voicing it without hitting one in the head with a stick. I mean when you’re looking, shouldn’t you avoid displaying an attitude or narcissistic behaviors? Anyway I said hello and she sent me her number. I didn’t call but texted her saying I wasn’t your average Blackman, blah, blah, blah; yeah, I was being sarcastic. Send me your email and I’ll send you some things to look at that may give you some insight into me. Well I was thinking of something’s I had written…she wasn’t. The next text I received was her cursing me out. I stood in my kitchen dumb founded. What makes you think you’re all that that I’d want to send you some naughty pics? LOL
Well I made it clear that that wasn’t what I meant and I got the standard come back, “well the way you said it, and men are always blah, blah, blah I’m sorry.” I was pretty put off from it and had I been looking she would have been done already. I spoke to her the next day and I was explaining how I got where I am and she cut me off to tell me I was still hurting from my divorce and was “damaged.” Wow, you have talked to me once or twice on the phone and you know my life? Oh by the way, she also told me since I was a single Dad of 3 young kids and my other responsibilities I didn’t seem to have the time for a relationship and since she was two hours away she didn’t see anything happening. Didn’t she wink at me? Didn’t she send me her number? Bing has a maps feature you can type in a place a find out where it is. LOL.
I so wanted to tell her I simply wanted to chat and I could tell by her attitude when she told me how great her job was and how she’d just bought a house, her sons, how she’d raised them etc that she wasn’t what I’d be interested in. As I sat on my front porch waiting to head to the BBQ with my son I couldn’t do a thing except laugh. Then it dawned on me, she’s in her early forties and had been divorced over 10 years. Ahhhh there it is. I am starting to truly believe that the longer a woman is divorced and single, the less likely she will find a mate. Many are used to doing it all, but are these women truly willing to give up all that control? From my personal experiences over the last few months many have monopolized phone conversations, comparing kids and their achievements, too their very own personal achievements. It’s as if some are trying to read me a resume and how’d I’d be lucky if they picked me.
Men are dating younger women for what ever reason they choose so the 40 plus group is still there but some appear to be their own worst enemy. I can see how some men would choose to date younger so as not to deal with this older female bravado of look at me and what I’ve done and I don’t need a man. Even though I’m on this site to show everyone I don’t need or have to have a man unless he’s fits exactly into my mold. I see crazy cat ladies in their futures. LOL. They want a partner yet do all the things you shouldn’t do to find a good one. Tough times can and do define who you are and what you are made of…if you are a fighter or a runner. We all need to remember one simple thing, judge us all as individuals not by your past experiences.
Friday, February 25, 2011
From Daphne....
Again, another person's view of my life and marrige. Again, she was commenting on my divorce nightmare story. the parts she read were the first two.
Dear Jay,
Jennifer has sent this to a few people, including me. I decided to read it. Jay, listen to me – you need a copy editor. I may not hold respect in your eyes for much, but I am a paid editor for a humor website and have been published twice, and my literature grades in college average at a 99%, so I am rather qualified to give you a hand.
Jay, there’s no easy way to say this, so I will just say it: You have poor writing skills for an adult. You are writing at a sixth grade level, at best. Your sentence structures are poor, and you don’t seem to have any concept of the separation of clauses. You also have a total lack of understanding as to when to use a hyphen, when to use a comma, and when to use a semicolon. The word “got” is grossly over-used, something I see in uneducated writers who submit work for revision, because they can’t think of another verb. “Got” is the verb that people use who have a limited vocabulary.
I also don’t know if anyone has ever said this to you, but I would bet one of your college instructors has: You cannot write to yourself like this. You have to write to a reader who has no idea of what you’re saying. If for some reason in the back of your mind that you think mystifying the reader makes them take interest, please consider your favorite writers. Whose work do you like to read? Do these writers ever leave you feeling frustrated because you don’t know what the heck they’re talking about? Of course not. I write on a professional level, and I want you to understand that one of the most important issues with good writing is the writer’s ability to explain well without patronizing the reader. But, to do this you must be in touch with other people. Try to think of this outside of yourself.
As to the omission of truths in your story, I do hope that you realize you will have to pass any literature that you write by a publisher’s lawyers (if a publisher even looks at this) and they will not put anything into print that could end in their publishing company being sued for libel. As it stands now, you have put into words specific lies and items that read to any person with critical thinking skills as untrue. The first example that comes to my mind is that you expect the reader to believe that Jennifer fell down the back stairs of your house and all your children did was mention it to you, flippantly. I do not know of a single child of those ages who would not be in hysterics. This is not believable, and when asked, your children will deny this version of the event.
Also, you originally told the police that you were on the highway when you received the call, but here you say you were on post. The police will notice this. You have not mentioned that Jennifer has proof that you would not help her fix the stove in February, nor have you considered that I have kept all the emails that you sent from her computer on the night you beat her up.
Also, you might not know that the sheriff you spoke to also spoke to Jennifer, and in his exact words, he said that he never – in all twenty years of his career – had seen bruises like hers occur from falling down. He will receive a copy of this via my email, and I’m going to ask him if this is a true account of what you and him discussed.
Also, you mentioned that Jennifer cheated on you in this chapter. Will you mention that you were the one to tell your children she was sleeping with him? Will you mention that Jennifer has copied chats between you and that instructor from Florida, and that you bragged to her that you were with many women while you were married, while she had this relationship after she filed for separation? I have the chats, as well. In fact, I saved everything from her email that you thought you had erased, including the email where Betty Heck says you have a drama queen addiction. If you think about it, that we have those emails, dated from before you left for Korea, the claims in this chapter that you did not know what was coming are immediately disproved. Did you think of this fact?
Something else to consider is that while this state of affairs seems normal to you, another person is going to read that Jennifer wanted to leave you from the beginning of the chapter and wonder why you didn’t get the hint. A normal reader is also going to wonder what type of father would insist that his children be at the airport to greet him when it was best for the children to be in bed and the father could have dropped by the next day. This is a selfish act, and your not being able to see it does not change the fact. Likewise, the nicknames that you picked for the children reduce them to stereotypes, not to mention that Romey is no longer a catcher. When questioned, Romey will probably tell people that you not only played softball this summer, but you did not sign them up for sports at all. As a matter of fact, Romey told me that you hid his football gear. Is this true? Actually, come to think of it, your playing a sport while your children did not (so Romey cannot be The Catcher any longer) is another fact that will reduce your credibility.
It also looks bad that you actually admitted to going to New Jersey within the first month that you came home, missing your visitation with the children. Any publisher would want to know that before hearing Jennifer and the children tell them. Actually, the first thing I thought when re-reading this was, “Wait. He had enough money to go to New Jersey, but he wouldn’t fix the stove, proof of which Jennifer has was broken from a text reply from Jerome in February. If he loved the children so much, why would he miss those first visitation weekends?” The answer is that he wouldn’t. Did you consider how this looks to a normal person?
If you feel the need to publish this, please consider my revisions. I did them on the fly, and I am sure that I missed many mistakes. Had I the time to really work with you, I could deconstruct this mess and send it back to you, tight and within your own style of wording. My sincere advice is to take another English class, put this past your lawyer for libel – reminding her that the sheriff will want to verify your version of your conversation – and to remember that the kids will be sure to comment on what you have omitted. But, whatever you do, make sure to not gloss over the truth – like how went into her laptop after she went to jail instead of comforting the children – because this will come out quickly.
If you consider publishing this on the internet, go for it. But, as you have the wrong idea of what cyberstalking is, so, too, do you seem to misunderstand libel. Jennifer can back up her side of the story with your own emails and other documents, and the actual police and court records.
By the way, I hear that you will have to sell the house before June, or you will be living in Georgia and paying a house payment on top of it. I remember that Jennifer did all the sales and closings for you when you went off to school. You’ll be doing this one on your own, for the first time, with the house you have, one was that was purchased during a spike in real estate, is not in sellable condition, and has a second mortgage. You have a VA loan, too. The house right now is the VA’s property. Will the VA accept their property with the mold, falling porch, chewed up kitchen floor, rotting carpets, holes in the doors and walls, mouse poop in the basement, and growing lake in the garage, the one with a collapsing garage door? You are going to have to pass a property inspection, without Jennifer at that. I hope that sharing this one-sided and condemning chapter of lies was worth it, because when you hit the SEND button you shot down any and all chances that she would consider helping you with this feat.
Dear Jay,
Jennifer has sent this to a few people, including me. I decided to read it. Jay, listen to me – you need a copy editor. I may not hold respect in your eyes for much, but I am a paid editor for a humor website and have been published twice, and my literature grades in college average at a 99%, so I am rather qualified to give you a hand.
Jay, there’s no easy way to say this, so I will just say it: You have poor writing skills for an adult. You are writing at a sixth grade level, at best. Your sentence structures are poor, and you don’t seem to have any concept of the separation of clauses. You also have a total lack of understanding as to when to use a hyphen, when to use a comma, and when to use a semicolon. The word “got” is grossly over-used, something I see in uneducated writers who submit work for revision, because they can’t think of another verb. “Got” is the verb that people use who have a limited vocabulary.
I also don’t know if anyone has ever said this to you, but I would bet one of your college instructors has: You cannot write to yourself like this. You have to write to a reader who has no idea of what you’re saying. If for some reason in the back of your mind that you think mystifying the reader makes them take interest, please consider your favorite writers. Whose work do you like to read? Do these writers ever leave you feeling frustrated because you don’t know what the heck they’re talking about? Of course not. I write on a professional level, and I want you to understand that one of the most important issues with good writing is the writer’s ability to explain well without patronizing the reader. But, to do this you must be in touch with other people. Try to think of this outside of yourself.
As to the omission of truths in your story, I do hope that you realize you will have to pass any literature that you write by a publisher’s lawyers (if a publisher even looks at this) and they will not put anything into print that could end in their publishing company being sued for libel. As it stands now, you have put into words specific lies and items that read to any person with critical thinking skills as untrue. The first example that comes to my mind is that you expect the reader to believe that Jennifer fell down the back stairs of your house and all your children did was mention it to you, flippantly. I do not know of a single child of those ages who would not be in hysterics. This is not believable, and when asked, your children will deny this version of the event.
Also, you originally told the police that you were on the highway when you received the call, but here you say you were on post. The police will notice this. You have not mentioned that Jennifer has proof that you would not help her fix the stove in February, nor have you considered that I have kept all the emails that you sent from her computer on the night you beat her up.
Also, you might not know that the sheriff you spoke to also spoke to Jennifer, and in his exact words, he said that he never – in all twenty years of his career – had seen bruises like hers occur from falling down. He will receive a copy of this via my email, and I’m going to ask him if this is a true account of what you and him discussed.
Also, you mentioned that Jennifer cheated on you in this chapter. Will you mention that you were the one to tell your children she was sleeping with him? Will you mention that Jennifer has copied chats between you and that instructor from Florida, and that you bragged to her that you were with many women while you were married, while she had this relationship after she filed for separation? I have the chats, as well. In fact, I saved everything from her email that you thought you had erased, including the email where Betty Heck says you have a drama queen addiction. If you think about it, that we have those emails, dated from before you left for Korea, the claims in this chapter that you did not know what was coming are immediately disproved. Did you think of this fact?
Something else to consider is that while this state of affairs seems normal to you, another person is going to read that Jennifer wanted to leave you from the beginning of the chapter and wonder why you didn’t get the hint. A normal reader is also going to wonder what type of father would insist that his children be at the airport to greet him when it was best for the children to be in bed and the father could have dropped by the next day. This is a selfish act, and your not being able to see it does not change the fact. Likewise, the nicknames that you picked for the children reduce them to stereotypes, not to mention that Romey is no longer a catcher. When questioned, Romey will probably tell people that you not only played softball this summer, but you did not sign them up for sports at all. As a matter of fact, Romey told me that you hid his football gear. Is this true? Actually, come to think of it, your playing a sport while your children did not (so Romey cannot be The Catcher any longer) is another fact that will reduce your credibility.
It also looks bad that you actually admitted to going to New Jersey within the first month that you came home, missing your visitation with the children. Any publisher would want to know that before hearing Jennifer and the children tell them. Actually, the first thing I thought when re-reading this was, “Wait. He had enough money to go to New Jersey, but he wouldn’t fix the stove, proof of which Jennifer has was broken from a text reply from Jerome in February. If he loved the children so much, why would he miss those first visitation weekends?” The answer is that he wouldn’t. Did you consider how this looks to a normal person?
If you feel the need to publish this, please consider my revisions. I did them on the fly, and I am sure that I missed many mistakes. Had I the time to really work with you, I could deconstruct this mess and send it back to you, tight and within your own style of wording. My sincere advice is to take another English class, put this past your lawyer for libel – reminding her that the sheriff will want to verify your version of your conversation – and to remember that the kids will be sure to comment on what you have omitted. But, whatever you do, make sure to not gloss over the truth – like how went into her laptop after she went to jail instead of comforting the children – because this will come out quickly.
If you consider publishing this on the internet, go for it. But, as you have the wrong idea of what cyberstalking is, so, too, do you seem to misunderstand libel. Jennifer can back up her side of the story with your own emails and other documents, and the actual police and court records.
By the way, I hear that you will have to sell the house before June, or you will be living in Georgia and paying a house payment on top of it. I remember that Jennifer did all the sales and closings for you when you went off to school. You’ll be doing this one on your own, for the first time, with the house you have, one was that was purchased during a spike in real estate, is not in sellable condition, and has a second mortgage. You have a VA loan, too. The house right now is the VA’s property. Will the VA accept their property with the mold, falling porch, chewed up kitchen floor, rotting carpets, holes in the doors and walls, mouse poop in the basement, and growing lake in the garage, the one with a collapsing garage door? You are going to have to pass a property inspection, without Jennifer at that. I hope that sharing this one-sided and condemning chapter of lies was worth it, because when you hit the SEND button you shot down any and all chances that she would consider helping you with this feat.
When people think they know more about your life than you do...
The below message is from an associate of my Ex-wife and how she viewed what I wrote about my pending divorce matters. Her comments are in red and bold. It's amazing how people who have never talked to you in five years know sooo much about your life. More than you whom lived it.
Jenny forwarded this epistle because she assumed you sent it to her for proof reading. She didn't feel qualified for this responsibility, what with the DVO and all, and sought my help in editing your wonderful work of fiction. I was happy to oblige having seen the results of your efforts up close and personal. I hope you find my clarifications helpful. I've included Jenny's mom in this response, as I'm sure she could use a little clarification, as well. I mean, since she refuses to even talk to or believe her daughter, she's only had the benefit of your colorful version of events.
I only addressed the falsehoods. To be honest, the sentence structure reads at maybe a 6th grade level. I am being generous.
Dee
(The Divorce Chapters Draft)
Taking a page from Eathan, I have decided to share my on going battle with my ex wife to just simply do the right thing. Let's make a list of some of the "right things" you have done in the past three years 1) Beat up your wife 2) Told bald faced lies to CPS and the Judge so that your wife became homeless, your children lost their mother, and left your wife to rot in jail for all you cared 3) Gave away your children's beloved pets less than a week before jerking their mother away from them 4) Hauled your wife into court to try and steal her car away from her causing her to loose a job she loved and was really good at 5) Threw your 12 year old son across the room in anger 6) hooked up with some woman you met on line and forced her on your children as a "replacement" for their mother 7) lied in court and caused CPS to recommend that your children have absolutely NO contact with their mother 8) tried to have your step-son arrested any number of times 9) Got a DVO against your wife because she had the audacity to seek shelter from a friend across the street. We're NOT stupid, Jerome. We know you wanted her out of this house and stuck in that nasty apartment so the children could not have access to her. 10) You told your wife that if she ever tried to leave you, you would make her pay 11) Oh, I could go on and on Some people talk the talk, but can you really walk the walk. Two years ago I was in Korea. I asked to go so that I would be untouched for my son’s “The Athlete” senior year of high school and to see him play for his and his teammate’s quest for a state championship. This makes no sense. YOU make no sense.
I left in March 2008; leaving behind my wife JSD41, who is Canadian and our four beautiful kids. My marriage wasn’t the greatest but it wasn’t the worst and I worked hard at being what my ex wanted me to be. Yes, Jerome, we all know how hard you "tried" to become what she wanted you to be. Prior to my departure she had taken her own personal loss when she failed out of nursing school. Jerome, you know good and well that Jenny did not "fail" out of nursing school. You KNOW that she only failed the final mock evaluation, which was highly suspect. You KNOW that she fought that decision. You know that she had excellent grades ALL through the course. She opted to “self medicate” as she called it. What exactly does that mean? Are you insinuating she was abusing drugs? What drugs? Where's your proof? So as I was saying, things weren’t great but I thought the time apart as well as money we could save would continue with the healing process. How about you taking all the money Jenny had saved while you were gone, Jerome? You took it all, didn't you?
My marriage had been ending for awhile but I wouldn’t let that happen, I’m not a quitter. So I went to counseling desperately trying to fix all the things my ex claimed was wrong with me. So by the time March rolled around, I thought…we were ok. Jerome, you know good and well that Jenny wanted a divorce before you left. You know this! I was gone all of two days when the emails and phone traffic seemed to get nastier, nastier and then stopped. I, being co-dependent took all the blame and even felt I deserved the anger she was displaying towards me. For the next 120 days I got nothing. No love, no respect no nothing, just anger and hatred. Jerome, you were plainly told that your marriage was over. Jenny wanted a divorce. She could not take your emotional and physical abuse any longer! Your own therapist told you that you needed to accept the fact that your marriage was over as early as 2007. I was given the chance to come home before the mid way point of my 12 month tour. Even though Jenny BEGGED your command to not allow you to come home. She was afraid of you and what you might do to her and the children.
I traveled on the 4th of July, my birthday. I arrived to the airport, greeted by my best friend. My wife and kids…well she had taken them to Atlanta for a vacation knowing fully well I was coming home. Again, she did not want you to come home. She had planned this vacation before she knew you were coming home. But, frankly, Jerome, who can blame her for trying to get her children away from an obviously unstable person? You sent scores and scores of desperate emails that were scary as hell. After getting home I had to break into my house SAY WHAT???? so that I’d have a place to stay. I contacted her and told her I was home. Previously she had called my superiors begging them not to allow me to come home. So, Jerome, what does that say to you???? I wanted to save my marriage and I had expressed that to her several times. Yes, again, the harassing, scary emails! Her and her girlfriend “Daphne” had spent a great deal of time searching for my user name online and on sites. Trying to find what I was up too, in essence cyber stalking. This was not Jenny's doing, Jerome. Daphne may or may not have done this .... however, Jenny WAS concerned about YOU putting a lot of personal family information online. There were times I swore someone was in my email, even after I changed the passwords. I would later find out just how far they had gone once I arrived back home permanently in March 2009.
I volunteered to stay with friends and I thank God for them today. By the end of my 30 days I thought I’d put a band-aid on my marriage and caught a plane back to Korea. Jerome, there was NO band-aid. Jenny had already filed for separation. She did not want you home. She did not want to see you. Jenny did not deny you access to your children during that 30 days, even though she, herself, did NOT want to see you. YOU were in control of how often you chose to see your kids while you were home. Boy was I wrong. In no time at all she was back to threats of leaving me. Just prior to x-mas I decided to call her on it and said send me papers. Jan 2009 I got them in the mail. I was devastated but I emailed an attorney I had spoken with twice before, whipped out my MasterCard and said lets do this. Yes, Jerome, you are really good at whipping out those charge cards, aren't you?
In the divorce papers she wanted everything, exclusive use of the home, new car, the kids, filed a restraining order, etc. I was like what the hell. I did as my attorney suggested moved money and got myself ready to come home. I contacted JSD41 in late April asking if she could or allow one of my friends to bring the kids to the airport to greet me. No response. Big Surprise. You were about to be divorced! Jenny's lawyer advised her not to respond nor allow her children to be taken by a third party to the airport. I ended up having to file a motion for this and the judge denied it Also, Big Surprise and said I could see my kids the first weekend I got home. JSD41 claimed I would run off with the kids or what would happen if my plane was late. They’d have to stay up late and they had school the next day. 3rd, 5th, 6th and 12th grade, it was laughable the excuses she gave. Jerome, just look at that statement! It SO shows how you could care less about what is best for your children. You are too busy thinking about what is best for YOU! Her own attorney told mine she would talk to her and see if she could convince her to allow the kids to go that is a bald faced lie.
I had no idea until I walked down the concourse and saw my partner standing there…alone. A tear trickled down my cheek. Days earlier I contacted my neighbor across the street and asked if he could get my car and take it to his house, I’d explain when I got home. And oh, by the way, Logan was disgusted when he saw that state of your engine. He had to jump start the car to get it across the street. When I arrived on my street around 1030pm, JSD41 had one of her cronies one of her cronies???? at the house, I’m sure to act as a witness to see if I would start anything Okay, Jerome, AGAIN, what does that say about how Jenny felt about you and how afraid she was of you?. Two flat tires and a dead battery was how my Acura greeted me. LOL. Obviously, you are intimating that Jenny was responsible for this. Come on! Don't you see how crazy that sounds? Is it a coincidence that Jenny has had two flat tires since she moved out of the house in June? So me, my neighbor, my best friend and his wife all laughed and talked in the driveway as I charged the battery and filled the tires with air. Oh, so, you thought Jenny flattened your tires and magically made your battery go dead and you and Logan and his wife stood there and laughed about it? I saw The Athlete’s (these cutesy nicknames are really creepy) shadow in my driveway and called his cell. He came up and my chest warmed with pride as I hugged him and chatted up a bit. Okay, I don't know if this is true or not, but did you think back on this "moment" when your "chest warmed with pride" the ten plus times your called the police on Alex? We talked a lil do you mean little? and he went and got me the disc of his junior year so I could watch NOT true. I was looking forward since I missed him playing that year. And you really MADE up for it his senior year, didn't you? How many times did you call the police on him?
I told him I’d be back to take him and the rest of my squad to dinner cause we needed to talk. I hugged him and he went back to shooting hoops in my driveway. We all chatted some more and I left for my room on Ft. Knox. Friday I took the kids to eat at Cracker Barrel, one of our favorite spots. I needed to know who the kids wanted to live with before linking up with my attorney. They said Mom they said MOM, Jerome, they said MOM. Does that matter to you at all or were you just lying to them when you assured them that was cool? and I assured that I was cool with it and would love them no matter what. Do you think the kids remember this conversation? Do you think they are confused that you are doing EVERYTHING in your power to keep them away from their mother??? With that said, we settled into dinner laughing and joking. I told them of a mini class reunion in New Jersey. The Athlete told me I should go, Jerome, does it occur to you that Alex wanted you as far away from them as you could get? I deserved to have some fun I had no idea what going to NJ was gonna do to my life, no idea at all. Oh yes you did. You knew exactly what you were doing and made your "grand plan" to destroy Jenny for having the audacity to leave you.
After a great four days in NJ I left after having breakfast with an old classmate. As I drove back to KY and chatted with Staci, an old classmate of mine I realized that I didn’t have to be in a loveless marriage. I made it back to Ft Knox around 1130pm and was laying down when my middle son “The Catcher” again, creepy nicknames called. He asked if I was back from NJ and I told him I was and asked what time baseball practice was. He told me then went on to tell me that his mom was hurt. “Is she ok, what happened?” I asked. Let me picture this little conversation, Jerome. Let's see ... you come in from a lovely weekend in New Jersey, you lie down, instantly the phone rings and it's your ten year old son. You have a nice little conversation about ball practice and then, Oh by the way, Mom is hurt. Jerome .... you had a conversation about ball practice before he even mentioned that his Mom was hurt and, coincidentally, the police were at your house. This was not the first thing he said to you? Come on. What a load of crap! He told me to hold on. Next thing I know I’m talking to a police officer. I asked if JSD41 MY Jenny??? MY Jenny??? was ok and he asked where I was at and I explained I was on post. He then told me I needed to come to my house…and that JSD41 claimed I came there and beat her up. I was freaking out a lil do you mean little? and he told me if I were innocent I had nothing to fear. So, this is your story and you are sticking by it? You didn't come to the house first, have a fight with Jenny, and then hit her? You didn't do this? Jerome, you know that you did. You KNOW this!
I threw on a hoody, grabbed my camera Now, why would you possibly think to grab a camera, unless there was some motive, some plan? and took off to my house. Once at my house I was met at the door by an officer who gave me a brief rundown. My boys were upstairs getting dressed not true, Jerome. Why were your boys getting dressed at midnight? the athlete was out of town with his baseball team and the cheerleader was sleeping over at a friends. After a brief talk he went out onto my deck and the senior officer came in to talk to me. He asked about the condition of the home as well as JSD41. I explained we were going through a divorce and I wasn’t allowed into the house. He asked if he could see my hands Oh come on! Surely this policeman is not so stupid to think you would hot have washed your hands after punching your wife in the face! and assured me it was just a formality and he had to be sure. I stuck both hands out and he observed them with his flashlight again, why would he do that and not look at your hands in the house where there was plenty of light?. He proceeded to tell me that JSD41, based on the evidence had gotten drunk and fell off our deck and what evidence is this, Jerome? Other than the fact that Jenny had been drinking ... in her home, which is allowed in this country. He asked if she drank. I told him she did and I felt she was an alcoholic. Based on what, Jerome? On the fact that Jenny wanted to divorce you and you needed to hurt her as you had promised? He told me she was pretty gone and wasn’t cooperating at all. Okay, so, here you come over, deny that you had touched her, claimed she was an alcoholic, claimed she filed a false report with the police ... why would she cooperate?
The other officer brought her in and she took one look at me and told the officers I couldn’t be there because she had a restraining order on me. Which she did. Which makes you wonder what you told the police that would make them think she was lying and not telling the truth. They told her she needed to get some shoes and a jacket. The senior officer told me to go upstairs and make sure my sons stayed in their room until they left. I looked at him and he said, we will be taking her in for filing a false report. I was shocked and don’t know what to think as I went to the stairs and made sure my sons were in their room. I heard the officers talking to JSD41 as they escorted her to the front door. Oh really? You didn't sit on the front porch and laugh, Jerome? And why did you not tell the judge in court that Romey had called you? You told the judge that the POLICE had called you. By this time they weren’t too happy with her and her attitude as she kept asking what they were doing and where they were taking her. You have GOT to be kidding me! She had a restraining order on you, you come into HER house, fight with her, hit her, and then LIE to the police to the point that SHE's being hauled off for filing a false report. And, oh by the way, what happened the next morning, Jerome. Was she indicted? OR were the charges DROPPED because the whole arrest was ludicrous! No WONDER she was upset. My Lord! As I sat at the top of my stairs I couldn’t believe what was going on. For me this was a long time coming. I thought back to all the fights we had in our home. 95% of these fights were after she was drunk and decided to take her dislike of herself out on me. Another bald faced LIE. Jerome, the only person Jenny disliked was YOU and the years of manipulation and abused you heaped on her and the children. SHAME on you! After the officers left with her and my boys were back in bed I called Staci to tell her what had just took place. OHHHH STACI again. How fortunate you had such a dear sweet friend to fall back on. I searched all her usual spots she hid alcohol but couldn’t find it. What are you talking about? Why would she have to hide it, Jerome? She's an adult. Drinking is legal in this country. Who was she hiding the Vodka from? The Catcher came to me with a gallon of vodka and said here it is Dad. Did you go upstairs and drag him out of the bed you claim he was sleeping in to help you on the great Vodka hunt? I quickly told him to put it back where he found it. After he left the laundry room I took pictures of it in the spot she’d left it. And why did you do that, Jerome? Oh, no, you didn't have a plan in place, did you? You weren't thinking of trying to set your wife up even then, were you? That camera you brought with you when the police called sure did come in handy, didn't it? She had drank a half of a gallon of vodka…by herself. Again, intimating she had consumed enough alcohol in an evening to kill a horse.
JSD41 had a nice laptop I had purchased for her prior to my departure for Korea. So what, Jerome? So what? You were married when the BOTH of you bought the computer. Low a behold there it was for me to checkout and boy did I. Again, listen to what you are saying, Jerome! You took her laptop, after you beat her up and had her falsely arrested, and illegally went through her PRIVATE information. Don't you realize how BAD that looks? And you ADMIT it? Did you tell the judge THAT? Oh, and let's talk about Jenny's mail you opened, copied, made files of. Since the case is still on going I wont go into details why? because you have run out of fairy tales? but I will say it’s how I knew her and Daphne were going into my email and how they were cyber stalking me while I was overseas. I also found out that she had indeed cheated on me. Jenny did not CHEAT on you, unlike what YOU did to her! She did not date another man until you were legally separated. That for me was the night I was done. Jerome, I'm so so afraid you will NEVER be done tormenting Jenny. After reading that email I knew for sure my marriage was over. And to top it off I found out she had also fooled around with my two younger son’s little league football coach; a guy that had previously been one of my students when I worked as an instructor. ANOTHER bald faced lie. As I sat on the couch that night and looked around at the mess that was my house all I could think of was all the conversations and emails I had received from JSD41 stating how she and the kids were better off without me and how their lives were drama free without my abuse. Even your therapist told Jenny that you are a Drama Addict, Jerome. Problem was my house didn’t look like it was the home of someone who was doing great. The house may not have been spotless, but it was certainly no mess and YOU know that.
The next morning I contacted my attorney and she immediately told me to go file and EPO (Emergency Protective Order) against JSD41. So, apparently in the state of Kentucky, HER EPO was ignored, but YOURS was the Word of God. Not on my behalf but to protect my children. I did this and in the closing statement of my summary, I stated that JSD41 was potentially unfit at this time. And this is your professional opinion, right, Jerome? It had nothing to do with getting back at Jenny for leaving you. I spoke to her mom and told her what happened and that JSD41 was no in jail. Okay, I don't exactly know what you're going for here, but I'm so glad you have such a wonderful relationship with Jenny's Mom that she believes every lie you tell her as gospel. Shame on Jenny's MOM! We both acknowledged that maybe this was her wake up call maybe this would help her get on the path back to where she needed to be. And where would that be, Jerome? Married to you? Being the good little wife and taking all your abuse without saying a word? JSD41 called from the jail and I let her know just how I felt. She later contacted all her girlfriends and they got the money together to bail her out. Okay, first, she did not need to be "bailed out". All the charges were dropped because the prosecutor stated that this was obviously a case of abuse. Second, how kind of you, Jerome, how compassionate to let your wife sit in jail and tell her she would be homeless. You're a really winner, there, Jerome. A real catch.
By the time JSD41 had gotten released from jail for filing the false report Again, all charges were dropped the athlete and cheerleader were home. Creepy creepy nicknames. She walked in with her girlfriend and immediately started running her mouth. Oh my goodness, that's good fathering there, Jerome. The kids come home and find out their mom is in jail. They KNOW you had to have done something. They've seen you do it up close and personal. I got up calm, cool and collected, gathered some of my things and said I will be back. The athlete quickly chimed in about leaving his mom in jail and I told him he didn’t know what he was talking about. What? He was wrong? His Mom wasn't in jail? You didn't LEAVE her in jail? But when you are 17, you swear you know everything. This would be the first of many confrontations I would have with him. Because he couldn't STAND the lies you were telling, the harm you were causing his mother! At 1130 I took JSD41 the support check as per agreement for $1,570.00 gave it to the catcher and asked that he give it to his mom ANOTHER bald faced lie. Around 3pm I was informed I was granted the EPO against JSD41. I went to the blonde’s to pick up my kids. JSD41 was also filing an EPO against me and I received it when I went to pick up mine. I passed them on the road. The Blonde was driving our car. I didn’t know it at the time but they had just left the court house where she had been served the EPO and in turn filed one against me. The Sheriff that served me served JSD41 and said he observed them doing the paperwork in which the blonde did a lot of talking and prompting her in what to do as well as write. Oh, okay, NOW Jenny is too stupid to think for herself. I mean, she would not have the brains to file an EPO against a man how had just beaten her and then had her arrested.
Somehow I got sent a copy of the first EPO she attempted to file and along with it was the entire police report. This makes great sense. Send the police report to the man Jenny has an EPO against. Did you think maybe this was NOT your property to even look at? Oh yeah, I forgot. You think you have the right to open and copy her mail. Wow! I sat down and read the whole thing. I couldn’t believe it as well as what some of the narratives said. It was at that point I finally had proof of her problems with alcohol. What proof???? She was released the next morning and all charges were dropped. What proof???
One narrative read:
The above subject called and stated that her neighbor was shining a light in her window. Upon arrival I met with an EXTREMELY intoxicated female named JSD41. She had several cuts and bruises on her face and covered in blood. Mrs. Dingle fell several times in our presence and refused to stay seated. She claimed that her husband JYD snuck up onto the deck while she was smoking a cigarette and beat her. She claimed it all happened on the deck. She was able to get away and run into the house and lock the door. Her story changed several times during the interview. Her speech was slurred. She was unable to stand steadily on her feet. She was very verbally aggressive. She thought it was Saturday morning when it was actually Tuesday morning. She claimed to have friends over drinking and a small party. She claimed all three children (two boys and one female) were upstairs sleeping. In fact she had no knowledge that her daughter was at a friends house and was not even in the residence. The other two boys were not sleeping. The catcher was in the living room and lil man was in his bedroom. I spoke with both her sons. The only other people present in the home. They both stated that there was no party that no one had been over to the house. They both stated that they heard no arguing or yelling while mom was outside. They stated that there father had been out of town in New Jersey and they were unsure if he was back in town yet. Jerome, you have lied so consistently, I don't know how much of this was actually ON the police report, but what difference does it make? THE CASE WAS THROWN OUT ONCE THE PROSECUTOR TOOK A LOOK AT JENNY AND STATED THIS WAS OBVIOUSLY ABUSE.
Both heard a “thud” sound outside on the back deck. Lil man (CREEPY NICKNAMES) went to go check what had happened and found his mother at the bottom of the stairs and approx 20ft fall. He came back inside and said to the catcher “mom fell again.” Oh really? That's pretty cold and calm for a six year old. Due to her injuries and level of intoxication JSD41 had to be taken by this officer to HMH for medical clearance. Her Blood alcohol level was .315 and the nurses stated that was almost at coma level. Did the nurses state that medical terminology on the report, in clear violation of HEPA? Not only that, she would be cold stone dead, Jerome. Make up a more reasonable number. The dishwasher in the home had been damaged. The kids banged into it while they were playing. It appeared something something had fallen into it or against it. The stove had been damaged and appeared that appeared that someone had ripped the door off or fell against it damaging the front door. I personally saw the stove in FEBRUARY. The front came off in Jenny's hand when she was opening the door. Great work telling the police she had broken both appliances in her drunken frenzy, Jerome.
Due to the fact that JSD41 could not care for herself and definitely not the two children inside the home. It was determined that the two boys father come to the residence and stay with the boys. He was contacted and arrived a short time later. Jerome, didn't you say earlier that Romey called you? Didn't you say that when you talked to the officer, you were informed that you were suspected of hitting your wife? Which is it, Jerome? Get's your lies straight. You've had so much practice of late, I'm really surprised you slipped up on this one.
It was the determination of this officer that the claims made by JSD41 were fabricated and not supported by the evidence at hand. Her level of intoxication was at a level of which she could not care for herself and could definitely not care for any children in the home. The children present did not seem disturbed by the actions of their mother and almost seemed use to the fact that she was in this state. Oh come on, Jerome! NO ONE would have stated that. Get your lies straight! I NEVER saw Jenny drunk. Where are the DUI's, the police calls, the PROOF?
After having proof I took all this to my attorney. She gave me two scenarios, since I had the same judge for my divorce and the EPO worst case scenario was he heard them on their separate dates. Best case, he combined them. I was on my way to court for the EPO when I got the call that the judge would hear both cases and make them one case. Things were starting to look up for me. We'll finally, the truth. Things definitely went your way, didn't they? You have the house, the kids, everything in the house, including most of Jenny's personal possessions, all the money. You have reduced her to having NO contact with her children, no place to wash her clothes, almost no food, no friends, nothing. She has nothing. Good job, there Jerome. You did it. You made her pay for leaving you. I hope you are proud of yourself. I'm sure you feel great pride every time you look at your kids and lie to them about why they can't see their mother. Good job at doing the "right thing".
Jenny forwarded this epistle because she assumed you sent it to her for proof reading. She didn't feel qualified for this responsibility, what with the DVO and all, and sought my help in editing your wonderful work of fiction. I was happy to oblige having seen the results of your efforts up close and personal. I hope you find my clarifications helpful. I've included Jenny's mom in this response, as I'm sure she could use a little clarification, as well. I mean, since she refuses to even talk to or believe her daughter, she's only had the benefit of your colorful version of events.
I only addressed the falsehoods. To be honest, the sentence structure reads at maybe a 6th grade level. I am being generous.
Dee
(The Divorce Chapters Draft)
Taking a page from Eathan, I have decided to share my on going battle with my ex wife to just simply do the right thing. Let's make a list of some of the "right things" you have done in the past three years 1) Beat up your wife 2) Told bald faced lies to CPS and the Judge so that your wife became homeless, your children lost their mother, and left your wife to rot in jail for all you cared 3) Gave away your children's beloved pets less than a week before jerking their mother away from them 4) Hauled your wife into court to try and steal her car away from her causing her to loose a job she loved and was really good at 5) Threw your 12 year old son across the room in anger 6) hooked up with some woman you met on line and forced her on your children as a "replacement" for their mother 7) lied in court and caused CPS to recommend that your children have absolutely NO contact with their mother 8) tried to have your step-son arrested any number of times 9) Got a DVO against your wife because she had the audacity to seek shelter from a friend across the street. We're NOT stupid, Jerome. We know you wanted her out of this house and stuck in that nasty apartment so the children could not have access to her. 10) You told your wife that if she ever tried to leave you, you would make her pay 11) Oh, I could go on and on Some people talk the talk, but can you really walk the walk. Two years ago I was in Korea. I asked to go so that I would be untouched for my son’s “The Athlete” senior year of high school and to see him play for his and his teammate’s quest for a state championship. This makes no sense. YOU make no sense.
I left in March 2008; leaving behind my wife JSD41, who is Canadian and our four beautiful kids. My marriage wasn’t the greatest but it wasn’t the worst and I worked hard at being what my ex wanted me to be. Yes, Jerome, we all know how hard you "tried" to become what she wanted you to be. Prior to my departure she had taken her own personal loss when she failed out of nursing school. Jerome, you know good and well that Jenny did not "fail" out of nursing school. You KNOW that she only failed the final mock evaluation, which was highly suspect. You KNOW that she fought that decision. You know that she had excellent grades ALL through the course. She opted to “self medicate” as she called it. What exactly does that mean? Are you insinuating she was abusing drugs? What drugs? Where's your proof? So as I was saying, things weren’t great but I thought the time apart as well as money we could save would continue with the healing process. How about you taking all the money Jenny had saved while you were gone, Jerome? You took it all, didn't you?
My marriage had been ending for awhile but I wouldn’t let that happen, I’m not a quitter. So I went to counseling desperately trying to fix all the things my ex claimed was wrong with me. So by the time March rolled around, I thought…we were ok. Jerome, you know good and well that Jenny wanted a divorce before you left. You know this! I was gone all of two days when the emails and phone traffic seemed to get nastier, nastier and then stopped. I, being co-dependent took all the blame and even felt I deserved the anger she was displaying towards me. For the next 120 days I got nothing. No love, no respect no nothing, just anger and hatred. Jerome, you were plainly told that your marriage was over. Jenny wanted a divorce. She could not take your emotional and physical abuse any longer! Your own therapist told you that you needed to accept the fact that your marriage was over as early as 2007. I was given the chance to come home before the mid way point of my 12 month tour. Even though Jenny BEGGED your command to not allow you to come home. She was afraid of you and what you might do to her and the children.
I traveled on the 4th of July, my birthday. I arrived to the airport, greeted by my best friend. My wife and kids…well she had taken them to Atlanta for a vacation knowing fully well I was coming home. Again, she did not want you to come home. She had planned this vacation before she knew you were coming home. But, frankly, Jerome, who can blame her for trying to get her children away from an obviously unstable person? You sent scores and scores of desperate emails that were scary as hell. After getting home I had to break into my house SAY WHAT???? so that I’d have a place to stay. I contacted her and told her I was home. Previously she had called my superiors begging them not to allow me to come home. So, Jerome, what does that say to you???? I wanted to save my marriage and I had expressed that to her several times. Yes, again, the harassing, scary emails! Her and her girlfriend “Daphne” had spent a great deal of time searching for my user name online and on sites. Trying to find what I was up too, in essence cyber stalking. This was not Jenny's doing, Jerome. Daphne may or may not have done this .... however, Jenny WAS concerned about YOU putting a lot of personal family information online. There were times I swore someone was in my email, even after I changed the passwords. I would later find out just how far they had gone once I arrived back home permanently in March 2009.
I volunteered to stay with friends and I thank God for them today. By the end of my 30 days I thought I’d put a band-aid on my marriage and caught a plane back to Korea. Jerome, there was NO band-aid. Jenny had already filed for separation. She did not want you home. She did not want to see you. Jenny did not deny you access to your children during that 30 days, even though she, herself, did NOT want to see you. YOU were in control of how often you chose to see your kids while you were home. Boy was I wrong. In no time at all she was back to threats of leaving me. Just prior to x-mas I decided to call her on it and said send me papers. Jan 2009 I got them in the mail. I was devastated but I emailed an attorney I had spoken with twice before, whipped out my MasterCard and said lets do this. Yes, Jerome, you are really good at whipping out those charge cards, aren't you?
In the divorce papers she wanted everything, exclusive use of the home, new car, the kids, filed a restraining order, etc. I was like what the hell. I did as my attorney suggested moved money and got myself ready to come home. I contacted JSD41 in late April asking if she could or allow one of my friends to bring the kids to the airport to greet me. No response. Big Surprise. You were about to be divorced! Jenny's lawyer advised her not to respond nor allow her children to be taken by a third party to the airport. I ended up having to file a motion for this and the judge denied it Also, Big Surprise and said I could see my kids the first weekend I got home. JSD41 claimed I would run off with the kids or what would happen if my plane was late. They’d have to stay up late and they had school the next day. 3rd, 5th, 6th and 12th grade, it was laughable the excuses she gave. Jerome, just look at that statement! It SO shows how you could care less about what is best for your children. You are too busy thinking about what is best for YOU! Her own attorney told mine she would talk to her and see if she could convince her to allow the kids to go that is a bald faced lie.
I had no idea until I walked down the concourse and saw my partner standing there…alone. A tear trickled down my cheek. Days earlier I contacted my neighbor across the street and asked if he could get my car and take it to his house, I’d explain when I got home. And oh, by the way, Logan was disgusted when he saw that state of your engine. He had to jump start the car to get it across the street. When I arrived on my street around 1030pm, JSD41 had one of her cronies one of her cronies???? at the house, I’m sure to act as a witness to see if I would start anything Okay, Jerome, AGAIN, what does that say about how Jenny felt about you and how afraid she was of you?. Two flat tires and a dead battery was how my Acura greeted me. LOL. Obviously, you are intimating that Jenny was responsible for this. Come on! Don't you see how crazy that sounds? Is it a coincidence that Jenny has had two flat tires since she moved out of the house in June? So me, my neighbor, my best friend and his wife all laughed and talked in the driveway as I charged the battery and filled the tires with air. Oh, so, you thought Jenny flattened your tires and magically made your battery go dead and you and Logan and his wife stood there and laughed about it? I saw The Athlete’s (these cutesy nicknames are really creepy) shadow in my driveway and called his cell. He came up and my chest warmed with pride as I hugged him and chatted up a bit. Okay, I don't know if this is true or not, but did you think back on this "moment" when your "chest warmed with pride" the ten plus times your called the police on Alex? We talked a lil do you mean little? and he went and got me the disc of his junior year so I could watch NOT true. I was looking forward since I missed him playing that year. And you really MADE up for it his senior year, didn't you? How many times did you call the police on him?
I told him I’d be back to take him and the rest of my squad to dinner cause we needed to talk. I hugged him and he went back to shooting hoops in my driveway. We all chatted some more and I left for my room on Ft. Knox. Friday I took the kids to eat at Cracker Barrel, one of our favorite spots. I needed to know who the kids wanted to live with before linking up with my attorney. They said Mom they said MOM, Jerome, they said MOM. Does that matter to you at all or were you just lying to them when you assured them that was cool? and I assured that I was cool with it and would love them no matter what. Do you think the kids remember this conversation? Do you think they are confused that you are doing EVERYTHING in your power to keep them away from their mother??? With that said, we settled into dinner laughing and joking. I told them of a mini class reunion in New Jersey. The Athlete told me I should go, Jerome, does it occur to you that Alex wanted you as far away from them as you could get? I deserved to have some fun I had no idea what going to NJ was gonna do to my life, no idea at all. Oh yes you did. You knew exactly what you were doing and made your "grand plan" to destroy Jenny for having the audacity to leave you.
After a great four days in NJ I left after having breakfast with an old classmate. As I drove back to KY and chatted with Staci, an old classmate of mine I realized that I didn’t have to be in a loveless marriage. I made it back to Ft Knox around 1130pm and was laying down when my middle son “The Catcher” again, creepy nicknames called. He asked if I was back from NJ and I told him I was and asked what time baseball practice was. He told me then went on to tell me that his mom was hurt. “Is she ok, what happened?” I asked. Let me picture this little conversation, Jerome. Let's see ... you come in from a lovely weekend in New Jersey, you lie down, instantly the phone rings and it's your ten year old son. You have a nice little conversation about ball practice and then, Oh by the way, Mom is hurt. Jerome .... you had a conversation about ball practice before he even mentioned that his Mom was hurt and, coincidentally, the police were at your house. This was not the first thing he said to you? Come on. What a load of crap! He told me to hold on. Next thing I know I’m talking to a police officer. I asked if JSD41 MY Jenny??? MY Jenny??? was ok and he asked where I was at and I explained I was on post. He then told me I needed to come to my house…and that JSD41 claimed I came there and beat her up. I was freaking out a lil do you mean little? and he told me if I were innocent I had nothing to fear. So, this is your story and you are sticking by it? You didn't come to the house first, have a fight with Jenny, and then hit her? You didn't do this? Jerome, you know that you did. You KNOW this!
I threw on a hoody, grabbed my camera Now, why would you possibly think to grab a camera, unless there was some motive, some plan? and took off to my house. Once at my house I was met at the door by an officer who gave me a brief rundown. My boys were upstairs getting dressed not true, Jerome. Why were your boys getting dressed at midnight? the athlete was out of town with his baseball team and the cheerleader was sleeping over at a friends. After a brief talk he went out onto my deck and the senior officer came in to talk to me. He asked about the condition of the home as well as JSD41. I explained we were going through a divorce and I wasn’t allowed into the house. He asked if he could see my hands Oh come on! Surely this policeman is not so stupid to think you would hot have washed your hands after punching your wife in the face! and assured me it was just a formality and he had to be sure. I stuck both hands out and he observed them with his flashlight again, why would he do that and not look at your hands in the house where there was plenty of light?. He proceeded to tell me that JSD41, based on the evidence had gotten drunk and fell off our deck and what evidence is this, Jerome? Other than the fact that Jenny had been drinking ... in her home, which is allowed in this country. He asked if she drank. I told him she did and I felt she was an alcoholic. Based on what, Jerome? On the fact that Jenny wanted to divorce you and you needed to hurt her as you had promised? He told me she was pretty gone and wasn’t cooperating at all. Okay, so, here you come over, deny that you had touched her, claimed she was an alcoholic, claimed she filed a false report with the police ... why would she cooperate?
The other officer brought her in and she took one look at me and told the officers I couldn’t be there because she had a restraining order on me. Which she did. Which makes you wonder what you told the police that would make them think she was lying and not telling the truth. They told her she needed to get some shoes and a jacket. The senior officer told me to go upstairs and make sure my sons stayed in their room until they left. I looked at him and he said, we will be taking her in for filing a false report. I was shocked and don’t know what to think as I went to the stairs and made sure my sons were in their room. I heard the officers talking to JSD41 as they escorted her to the front door. Oh really? You didn't sit on the front porch and laugh, Jerome? And why did you not tell the judge in court that Romey had called you? You told the judge that the POLICE had called you. By this time they weren’t too happy with her and her attitude as she kept asking what they were doing and where they were taking her. You have GOT to be kidding me! She had a restraining order on you, you come into HER house, fight with her, hit her, and then LIE to the police to the point that SHE's being hauled off for filing a false report. And, oh by the way, what happened the next morning, Jerome. Was she indicted? OR were the charges DROPPED because the whole arrest was ludicrous! No WONDER she was upset. My Lord! As I sat at the top of my stairs I couldn’t believe what was going on. For me this was a long time coming. I thought back to all the fights we had in our home. 95% of these fights were after she was drunk and decided to take her dislike of herself out on me. Another bald faced LIE. Jerome, the only person Jenny disliked was YOU and the years of manipulation and abused you heaped on her and the children. SHAME on you! After the officers left with her and my boys were back in bed I called Staci to tell her what had just took place. OHHHH STACI again. How fortunate you had such a dear sweet friend to fall back on. I searched all her usual spots she hid alcohol but couldn’t find it. What are you talking about? Why would she have to hide it, Jerome? She's an adult. Drinking is legal in this country. Who was she hiding the Vodka from? The Catcher came to me with a gallon of vodka and said here it is Dad. Did you go upstairs and drag him out of the bed you claim he was sleeping in to help you on the great Vodka hunt? I quickly told him to put it back where he found it. After he left the laundry room I took pictures of it in the spot she’d left it. And why did you do that, Jerome? Oh, no, you didn't have a plan in place, did you? You weren't thinking of trying to set your wife up even then, were you? That camera you brought with you when the police called sure did come in handy, didn't it? She had drank a half of a gallon of vodka…by herself. Again, intimating she had consumed enough alcohol in an evening to kill a horse.
JSD41 had a nice laptop I had purchased for her prior to my departure for Korea. So what, Jerome? So what? You were married when the BOTH of you bought the computer. Low a behold there it was for me to checkout and boy did I. Again, listen to what you are saying, Jerome! You took her laptop, after you beat her up and had her falsely arrested, and illegally went through her PRIVATE information. Don't you realize how BAD that looks? And you ADMIT it? Did you tell the judge THAT? Oh, and let's talk about Jenny's mail you opened, copied, made files of. Since the case is still on going I wont go into details why? because you have run out of fairy tales? but I will say it’s how I knew her and Daphne were going into my email and how they were cyber stalking me while I was overseas. I also found out that she had indeed cheated on me. Jenny did not CHEAT on you, unlike what YOU did to her! She did not date another man until you were legally separated. That for me was the night I was done. Jerome, I'm so so afraid you will NEVER be done tormenting Jenny. After reading that email I knew for sure my marriage was over. And to top it off I found out she had also fooled around with my two younger son’s little league football coach; a guy that had previously been one of my students when I worked as an instructor. ANOTHER bald faced lie. As I sat on the couch that night and looked around at the mess that was my house all I could think of was all the conversations and emails I had received from JSD41 stating how she and the kids were better off without me and how their lives were drama free without my abuse. Even your therapist told Jenny that you are a Drama Addict, Jerome. Problem was my house didn’t look like it was the home of someone who was doing great. The house may not have been spotless, but it was certainly no mess and YOU know that.
The next morning I contacted my attorney and she immediately told me to go file and EPO (Emergency Protective Order) against JSD41. So, apparently in the state of Kentucky, HER EPO was ignored, but YOURS was the Word of God. Not on my behalf but to protect my children. I did this and in the closing statement of my summary, I stated that JSD41 was potentially unfit at this time. And this is your professional opinion, right, Jerome? It had nothing to do with getting back at Jenny for leaving you. I spoke to her mom and told her what happened and that JSD41 was no in jail. Okay, I don't exactly know what you're going for here, but I'm so glad you have such a wonderful relationship with Jenny's Mom that she believes every lie you tell her as gospel. Shame on Jenny's MOM! We both acknowledged that maybe this was her wake up call maybe this would help her get on the path back to where she needed to be. And where would that be, Jerome? Married to you? Being the good little wife and taking all your abuse without saying a word? JSD41 called from the jail and I let her know just how I felt. She later contacted all her girlfriends and they got the money together to bail her out. Okay, first, she did not need to be "bailed out". All the charges were dropped because the prosecutor stated that this was obviously a case of abuse. Second, how kind of you, Jerome, how compassionate to let your wife sit in jail and tell her she would be homeless. You're a really winner, there, Jerome. A real catch.
By the time JSD41 had gotten released from jail for filing the false report Again, all charges were dropped the athlete and cheerleader were home. Creepy creepy nicknames. She walked in with her girlfriend and immediately started running her mouth. Oh my goodness, that's good fathering there, Jerome. The kids come home and find out their mom is in jail. They KNOW you had to have done something. They've seen you do it up close and personal. I got up calm, cool and collected, gathered some of my things and said I will be back. The athlete quickly chimed in about leaving his mom in jail and I told him he didn’t know what he was talking about. What? He was wrong? His Mom wasn't in jail? You didn't LEAVE her in jail? But when you are 17, you swear you know everything. This would be the first of many confrontations I would have with him. Because he couldn't STAND the lies you were telling, the harm you were causing his mother! At 1130 I took JSD41 the support check as per agreement for $1,570.00 gave it to the catcher and asked that he give it to his mom ANOTHER bald faced lie. Around 3pm I was informed I was granted the EPO against JSD41. I went to the blonde’s to pick up my kids. JSD41 was also filing an EPO against me and I received it when I went to pick up mine. I passed them on the road. The Blonde was driving our car. I didn’t know it at the time but they had just left the court house where she had been served the EPO and in turn filed one against me. The Sheriff that served me served JSD41 and said he observed them doing the paperwork in which the blonde did a lot of talking and prompting her in what to do as well as write. Oh, okay, NOW Jenny is too stupid to think for herself. I mean, she would not have the brains to file an EPO against a man how had just beaten her and then had her arrested.
Somehow I got sent a copy of the first EPO she attempted to file and along with it was the entire police report. This makes great sense. Send the police report to the man Jenny has an EPO against. Did you think maybe this was NOT your property to even look at? Oh yeah, I forgot. You think you have the right to open and copy her mail. Wow! I sat down and read the whole thing. I couldn’t believe it as well as what some of the narratives said. It was at that point I finally had proof of her problems with alcohol. What proof???? She was released the next morning and all charges were dropped. What proof???
One narrative read:
The above subject called and stated that her neighbor was shining a light in her window. Upon arrival I met with an EXTREMELY intoxicated female named JSD41. She had several cuts and bruises on her face and covered in blood. Mrs. Dingle fell several times in our presence and refused to stay seated. She claimed that her husband JYD snuck up onto the deck while she was smoking a cigarette and beat her. She claimed it all happened on the deck. She was able to get away and run into the house and lock the door. Her story changed several times during the interview. Her speech was slurred. She was unable to stand steadily on her feet. She was very verbally aggressive. She thought it was Saturday morning when it was actually Tuesday morning. She claimed to have friends over drinking and a small party. She claimed all three children (two boys and one female) were upstairs sleeping. In fact she had no knowledge that her daughter was at a friends house and was not even in the residence. The other two boys were not sleeping. The catcher was in the living room and lil man was in his bedroom. I spoke with both her sons. The only other people present in the home. They both stated that there was no party that no one had been over to the house. They both stated that they heard no arguing or yelling while mom was outside. They stated that there father had been out of town in New Jersey and they were unsure if he was back in town yet. Jerome, you have lied so consistently, I don't know how much of this was actually ON the police report, but what difference does it make? THE CASE WAS THROWN OUT ONCE THE PROSECUTOR TOOK A LOOK AT JENNY AND STATED THIS WAS OBVIOUSLY ABUSE.
Both heard a “thud” sound outside on the back deck. Lil man (CREEPY NICKNAMES) went to go check what had happened and found his mother at the bottom of the stairs and approx 20ft fall. He came back inside and said to the catcher “mom fell again.” Oh really? That's pretty cold and calm for a six year old. Due to her injuries and level of intoxication JSD41 had to be taken by this officer to HMH for medical clearance. Her Blood alcohol level was .315 and the nurses stated that was almost at coma level. Did the nurses state that medical terminology on the report, in clear violation of HEPA? Not only that, she would be cold stone dead, Jerome. Make up a more reasonable number. The dishwasher in the home had been damaged. The kids banged into it while they were playing. It appeared something something had fallen into it or against it. The stove had been damaged and appeared that appeared that someone had ripped the door off or fell against it damaging the front door. I personally saw the stove in FEBRUARY. The front came off in Jenny's hand when she was opening the door. Great work telling the police she had broken both appliances in her drunken frenzy, Jerome.
Due to the fact that JSD41 could not care for herself and definitely not the two children inside the home. It was determined that the two boys father come to the residence and stay with the boys. He was contacted and arrived a short time later. Jerome, didn't you say earlier that Romey called you? Didn't you say that when you talked to the officer, you were informed that you were suspected of hitting your wife? Which is it, Jerome? Get's your lies straight. You've had so much practice of late, I'm really surprised you slipped up on this one.
It was the determination of this officer that the claims made by JSD41 were fabricated and not supported by the evidence at hand. Her level of intoxication was at a level of which she could not care for herself and could definitely not care for any children in the home. The children present did not seem disturbed by the actions of their mother and almost seemed use to the fact that she was in this state. Oh come on, Jerome! NO ONE would have stated that. Get your lies straight! I NEVER saw Jenny drunk. Where are the DUI's, the police calls, the PROOF?
After having proof I took all this to my attorney. She gave me two scenarios, since I had the same judge for my divorce and the EPO worst case scenario was he heard them on their separate dates. Best case, he combined them. I was on my way to court for the EPO when I got the call that the judge would hear both cases and make them one case. Things were starting to look up for me. We'll finally, the truth. Things definitely went your way, didn't they? You have the house, the kids, everything in the house, including most of Jenny's personal possessions, all the money. You have reduced her to having NO contact with her children, no place to wash her clothes, almost no food, no friends, nothing. She has nothing. Good job, there Jerome. You did it. You made her pay for leaving you. I hope you are proud of yourself. I'm sure you feel great pride every time you look at your kids and lie to them about why they can't see their mother. Good job at doing the "right thing".
My Divorce Nightmare part 6
I was the one with the kids. I was paying for it all and yet she felt she deserved…no was entitled to that $1,200.00 a month in spousal maintenance and our entire tax return which would roughly be $6,500.00. My actual attorney wasn’t able to be there so her partner “J” was. At the court house we linked up and I gave him a brief rundown. We tried to settle before going in but my ex wasn’t budging so the judge would have to decide. Just hours earlier JSD41 had contacted me and my attorney’s office. She had made several threats in an attempt to blackmail me into giving her what she wanted. I told her not no but hell no and I’d take my chances in court.
Once in court “J” asked if I would explain how I had such detailed accounts of my spending. I explained that I had used Quicken since we were married and I tracked all my spending then as I do now. After all the bills and expenses were taken care of there was $300.00 left over. I explained to the judge that JSD41 had taken a hit when she failed outta school and wanted employment in the medical field. As I spoke I could feel my lips tremble and tears ran down my cheeks. I told the judge that JSD41 acted as if some jobs were beneath her. For example I recommend she get a job at Old Navy, one of her fav clothing stores; just something to give her a focus and get her out of the house. Plus the extra money would help since she’d done nothing since she failed out of school. She went off. “I had a 4.0 in nursing school! I was at the top of my class! I’m not fucking going to work retail!!!” I left it alone after that. I continued to talk, voice quivering; that as a parent we do what ever and work wherever when it’s for our family. Even if it meant flipping burgers, if it puts food on the table you do it. “J” asked one final question, “Mr. JYD, you have temp full custody right now?” “Yes,” I replied. “Is KSD41 paying you any child support?” I smiled, “No she is not.” In the end, I offered her an additional $265.00 which would give her a total of $500.00 a month until we went to mediation and settled.
JSD41 was up next. She explained how it was she wanted $1,200.00 plus a month. She couldn’t cook so she and the athlete had to eat out, no home so she needed a place to stay etc. When the dust settled the judge spoke. He explained that we all don’t get to have the jobs or employment we want and that she needed to get a job…any job…period. He ruled in my favor, I’d give her the additional 265 a month and half the income taxes.
Days later JSD41 had a meeting with my superiors and voiced her concerns. The biggest was that I was a “sociopath” and was capable of chopping her into little pieces. The end result, I would be ordered to take Parenting classes, obtain a mental health assessment and placed under a military protective order which prohibited me from contacting her via phone, email or in person. Remember, I had been court ordered to do the taxes, now I had no way of communicating with JSD41. Great job JSD41 LOL and good luck getting the taxes done.
Baseball season continued, our lives continued and JSD41 kept causing me nothing but grief, laying guilt on the kids and just being a bitter woman. On one such occasion she phoned to tell the catcher that she was sick and would not be at his game. He was cool, until we went to watch the athlete play and she showed up. I could see the pain in his lil face and I felt it was best we left without her seeing us. She treated him and his lil brother differently after they testified in court. The following weekend she refused to take our kids, telling them she was afraid that if she got them, I’d find out where she was staying and try to come and hurt her. You got to be kidding me? No one is trying to go to jail for you. The athlete was still staying with his mom and I hadn’t seen him in weeks. One night I received several disturbing texts from JSD41 which caused me to call the police and have them check in on her and the athlete. Not long afterwards his girlfriend’s folks called about JSD41. I guess the athlete had contacted their daughter and he was very upset. They along with the police went to go check on them and it was a day or so later that he’d be back in our home and his mom still doing her thing.
I had made a friend and we were just talking until JSD41 found out. She got her name and number and left a lengthy phone message which I later recorded on my phone. She told this girl I had made her homeless, lied in court and taken our kids from her. Again I was a “sociopath” and that I could chop her up into pieces. My friend began to question my honesty since she had suffered abuse long ago. I told her she’d seen the police reports and I couldn’t explain it any better. That relationship soon ended.
I would continue to reach out to JSD41 and try to settle this for the benefit of us all, especially our kids. So I did what I have always done, I followed the directives of my superiors, made appointments to do as they strongly suggested and waited for the 27th of May. That was to be our day with the mediator. Hopefully it would all get settled.
The meeting was set for 1pm and I got to the mediator’s offices about 10 minutes early. Getting here was rough. The last few months were not easy for me, the kids nor JSD41 but I was optimistic. It felt like years since I came home the previous summer in an attempt to save my failing marriage and 7 months later received divorce papers while in Korea. We needed to move forward and I was hopeful that this meeting would lead the way, for all our sakes…it had too. Once JSD41 and her attorney showed we were all escorted to the conference room. For those of you who’ve never divorced or gone to mediation this is how it works. Both parties sit down and the ground rules are laid out by a mediator, usually another lawyer. Once that is done one of the party’s exits for another room and then it begins. Back and forth with deals until it’s settled and both parties agree. Here in KY when you reach a settlement, it’s entered into your divorce case and after 60 days the judge signs and your settlement becomes your final divorce decree.
The mediator read us our ground rules and then JSD41 and her attorney left for their room. We had two hours min and a max of three hours at 150.00 an hour. If you finished early it didn’t matter, you still had to pay for two hours. Crazy ain’t it? Well my lawyer, “D” and I started talking and it wasn’t 5 minutes and the mediator was back.
“Hell, I think we may have a slam dunk deal that I think you’ll like,” he says.
I looked at “D” and back at the mediator. “Ok, but I know I’m not gonna like it,” I said. “All she wants is full custody of the kids. You won’t have to give her any maintenance, child support, any of your retirement nothing. She just wants the kids,” he says.
I looked at “D”, “Will she be able to leave the state with them?” I asked.
“Yes,” said “D.”
“She’s already turned them against me. If I give her full custody, I may never get them back.”
The mediator chimed in, “Well if she turned them against you, you might be too late. You mine as well cut your losses and let them go. This is a sweet deal.”
I looked back at this big burly lawyer and thought to myself…“FU you fat mutha f*&$kah! She made it hard for me to simply call them from Korea or talk to them on the computers. No way do I just let her have them.”
“I’m sorry,” I said aloud. “There is no way I can do that.”
He kinda scowled and walked out the room.
I looked at “D”, “She is crazy and so is he. I am not gonna let her just have them. She has no job, no money, no place to live…no nothing. She’s just gonna take the kids? No way, that ain’t happening.”
“Yeah I agree JYD,” she said.
“D” and I talked and I told her I didn’t wanna be one of those guys that the ex made it hard to see his kids. I wasn’t gonna be one of them. I needed to ensure I had the right to see and be with my kids, even though they weren’t making life for me easy.
“Have you ever heard of shared custody,” “D” asked.
“No, what is it,” I said.
“Well it’s not done very often but here is. Shared custody is not like joint custody. Shared means share custody, it’s a 50/50 split. With joint, one parent is considered the primary custodian and the kids are with that parent 90% of the time. They can consult with you but don’t need your permission to make decisions for the kids and we’d still follow rule #7 which is the non-custodial parent gets every other weekend and one day during the week that off weekend. Well with shared custody, you’d have them one week and she’d have them another. You’d be solely responsible during your weeks and she during hers.”
“Cool,” I said. This was sounding pretty good.
“Now, usually both parties have homes for something like this. So with her not having a place to live…and in order for this to work…you’re going to have to provide a place for her to live for it to work.”
“Yeah, I see what you mean,” I said.
So “D” and I continued to talk and discuss what would be my deal…my offer of peace to her.
“You know JYD; I can honestly say I have never had a client that has had more integrity than you. From the onset you have always maintained that you wanted nothing but fairness and it wasn’t about taking anything or anyone from her. I know this is probably gonna suck but I truly feel one day when you and your kids look back at what your doing…they will understand and they will thank you.”
“Thanks D, I really hope so,” I said.
As we talked and wrote I thought of any and all scenarios. I wanted to ensure all my bases were covered and when the dust settled…all would be right in the world.
Once in court “J” asked if I would explain how I had such detailed accounts of my spending. I explained that I had used Quicken since we were married and I tracked all my spending then as I do now. After all the bills and expenses were taken care of there was $300.00 left over. I explained to the judge that JSD41 had taken a hit when she failed outta school and wanted employment in the medical field. As I spoke I could feel my lips tremble and tears ran down my cheeks. I told the judge that JSD41 acted as if some jobs were beneath her. For example I recommend she get a job at Old Navy, one of her fav clothing stores; just something to give her a focus and get her out of the house. Plus the extra money would help since she’d done nothing since she failed out of school. She went off. “I had a 4.0 in nursing school! I was at the top of my class! I’m not fucking going to work retail!!!” I left it alone after that. I continued to talk, voice quivering; that as a parent we do what ever and work wherever when it’s for our family. Even if it meant flipping burgers, if it puts food on the table you do it. “J” asked one final question, “Mr. JYD, you have temp full custody right now?” “Yes,” I replied. “Is KSD41 paying you any child support?” I smiled, “No she is not.” In the end, I offered her an additional $265.00 which would give her a total of $500.00 a month until we went to mediation and settled.
JSD41 was up next. She explained how it was she wanted $1,200.00 plus a month. She couldn’t cook so she and the athlete had to eat out, no home so she needed a place to stay etc. When the dust settled the judge spoke. He explained that we all don’t get to have the jobs or employment we want and that she needed to get a job…any job…period. He ruled in my favor, I’d give her the additional 265 a month and half the income taxes.
Days later JSD41 had a meeting with my superiors and voiced her concerns. The biggest was that I was a “sociopath” and was capable of chopping her into little pieces. The end result, I would be ordered to take Parenting classes, obtain a mental health assessment and placed under a military protective order which prohibited me from contacting her via phone, email or in person. Remember, I had been court ordered to do the taxes, now I had no way of communicating with JSD41. Great job JSD41 LOL and good luck getting the taxes done.
Baseball season continued, our lives continued and JSD41 kept causing me nothing but grief, laying guilt on the kids and just being a bitter woman. On one such occasion she phoned to tell the catcher that she was sick and would not be at his game. He was cool, until we went to watch the athlete play and she showed up. I could see the pain in his lil face and I felt it was best we left without her seeing us. She treated him and his lil brother differently after they testified in court. The following weekend she refused to take our kids, telling them she was afraid that if she got them, I’d find out where she was staying and try to come and hurt her. You got to be kidding me? No one is trying to go to jail for you. The athlete was still staying with his mom and I hadn’t seen him in weeks. One night I received several disturbing texts from JSD41 which caused me to call the police and have them check in on her and the athlete. Not long afterwards his girlfriend’s folks called about JSD41. I guess the athlete had contacted their daughter and he was very upset. They along with the police went to go check on them and it was a day or so later that he’d be back in our home and his mom still doing her thing.
I had made a friend and we were just talking until JSD41 found out. She got her name and number and left a lengthy phone message which I later recorded on my phone. She told this girl I had made her homeless, lied in court and taken our kids from her. Again I was a “sociopath” and that I could chop her up into pieces. My friend began to question my honesty since she had suffered abuse long ago. I told her she’d seen the police reports and I couldn’t explain it any better. That relationship soon ended.
I would continue to reach out to JSD41 and try to settle this for the benefit of us all, especially our kids. So I did what I have always done, I followed the directives of my superiors, made appointments to do as they strongly suggested and waited for the 27th of May. That was to be our day with the mediator. Hopefully it would all get settled.
The meeting was set for 1pm and I got to the mediator’s offices about 10 minutes early. Getting here was rough. The last few months were not easy for me, the kids nor JSD41 but I was optimistic. It felt like years since I came home the previous summer in an attempt to save my failing marriage and 7 months later received divorce papers while in Korea. We needed to move forward and I was hopeful that this meeting would lead the way, for all our sakes…it had too. Once JSD41 and her attorney showed we were all escorted to the conference room. For those of you who’ve never divorced or gone to mediation this is how it works. Both parties sit down and the ground rules are laid out by a mediator, usually another lawyer. Once that is done one of the party’s exits for another room and then it begins. Back and forth with deals until it’s settled and both parties agree. Here in KY when you reach a settlement, it’s entered into your divorce case and after 60 days the judge signs and your settlement becomes your final divorce decree.
The mediator read us our ground rules and then JSD41 and her attorney left for their room. We had two hours min and a max of three hours at 150.00 an hour. If you finished early it didn’t matter, you still had to pay for two hours. Crazy ain’t it? Well my lawyer, “D” and I started talking and it wasn’t 5 minutes and the mediator was back.
“Hell, I think we may have a slam dunk deal that I think you’ll like,” he says.
I looked at “D” and back at the mediator. “Ok, but I know I’m not gonna like it,” I said. “All she wants is full custody of the kids. You won’t have to give her any maintenance, child support, any of your retirement nothing. She just wants the kids,” he says.
I looked at “D”, “Will she be able to leave the state with them?” I asked.
“Yes,” said “D.”
“She’s already turned them against me. If I give her full custody, I may never get them back.”
The mediator chimed in, “Well if she turned them against you, you might be too late. You mine as well cut your losses and let them go. This is a sweet deal.”
I looked back at this big burly lawyer and thought to myself…“FU you fat mutha f*&$kah! She made it hard for me to simply call them from Korea or talk to them on the computers. No way do I just let her have them.”
“I’m sorry,” I said aloud. “There is no way I can do that.”
He kinda scowled and walked out the room.
I looked at “D”, “She is crazy and so is he. I am not gonna let her just have them. She has no job, no money, no place to live…no nothing. She’s just gonna take the kids? No way, that ain’t happening.”
“Yeah I agree JYD,” she said.
“D” and I talked and I told her I didn’t wanna be one of those guys that the ex made it hard to see his kids. I wasn’t gonna be one of them. I needed to ensure I had the right to see and be with my kids, even though they weren’t making life for me easy.
“Have you ever heard of shared custody,” “D” asked.
“No, what is it,” I said.
“Well it’s not done very often but here is. Shared custody is not like joint custody. Shared means share custody, it’s a 50/50 split. With joint, one parent is considered the primary custodian and the kids are with that parent 90% of the time. They can consult with you but don’t need your permission to make decisions for the kids and we’d still follow rule #7 which is the non-custodial parent gets every other weekend and one day during the week that off weekend. Well with shared custody, you’d have them one week and she’d have them another. You’d be solely responsible during your weeks and she during hers.”
“Cool,” I said. This was sounding pretty good.
“Now, usually both parties have homes for something like this. So with her not having a place to live…and in order for this to work…you’re going to have to provide a place for her to live for it to work.”
“Yeah, I see what you mean,” I said.
So “D” and I continued to talk and discuss what would be my deal…my offer of peace to her.
“You know JYD; I can honestly say I have never had a client that has had more integrity than you. From the onset you have always maintained that you wanted nothing but fairness and it wasn’t about taking anything or anyone from her. I know this is probably gonna suck but I truly feel one day when you and your kids look back at what your doing…they will understand and they will thank you.”
“Thanks D, I really hope so,” I said.
As we talked and wrote I thought of any and all scenarios. I wanted to ensure all my bases were covered and when the dust settled…all would be right in the world.
Sunday, February 13, 2011
Divorce Nightmare Part 5
JSD41 ramped up her attacks and started calling my chain of command as well as requested a Congressional Investigation and an Inspector Generals Investigation into me and not paying her any support since she was homeless. Next thing you know The Commanding Generals has been contacted. This was getting crazy….crazy. JSD41 Called and demanded that I give her the $350 which came to my account for support of the athlete. After a “sparkling conversation via cell and text I finally texted her that I was taking a check to her lawyer’s office and she could get it there. She had made it clear she didn’t want a check and she needed cash. I simply said I need proof that I gave you the money so it will have to be a check. I took it to her lawyer’s office, handed it to the receptionist and left. I later put $280.00 in the athlete’s checking account. I did not text him nor tell him I did this. I didn’t see the point nor did I do it for his love or acceptance. I did it because he didn’t ask for this nor will I punish him for hurting. With Mother’s Day around the corner I still did my best to try and do the right thing. We messaged each other several times and each time she asked me to bend over backwards for her. By this time I was growing tired.
Jenny,
Ok...have you forgotten how small the Acura is with five people in it...plus bags, air mattress, pillows, blankets. You should have seen us Sunday after shopping. It was pretty funny how Rome and Jeff were covered in bags. Baseball schedule, I only have one for the Reds and if you would have told me you needed one I would have gotten to u sooner. As far as talking, you call the boys everyday...ON THE HOUSE PHONE. I too could be reached there. So...see you tonight at the game. Have a blessed afternoon.
Her response was typical.
To All Parties,
At this time, with JYD's responses, I am not comfortable with taking the children. He had his law firm fax- just yesterday- that he was willing to find me in 'Contempt' for violating a Restraining Order as he accuses me of 'harassment'. Then he states that he has no problem with 'texting' under certain conditions. Then he says "See you at the Game". I don't want to see JYD. He terrifies me. I am afraid for my life. This is a man who was not bothered in the least to see me homeless and violated Military Law in order to keep me penniless. He frightens me. He beat me. And then he says "See you at the game"......He is a sociopath. Just the other day a 'Police Officer' was arrested for killing 4 wives. Somebody- please- see this. I have passed my assessments. I have been professionally evaluated but he keeps going. He threatens, and threatens and threatens. I hate that my children are in his care but I think it would be worse for them if he did more things like have me arrested or worse- he kills me. I'm not comfortable. He feels very powerful right now with the fax from his lawyer (of which he then basically says "text me-but if I don't like what you're saying- I'll have you arrested). I just wish his lawyer would see that. He feels powerful when she supports him and yet nothing ever adds up with him. I'm not comfortable. I am feeling fear and afraid of his retaliation. His e-mails don't make sense and prove his lack of remorse.At this point- the weekend is off. His comment "See you at the game" does not jive with someone who was ready to charge me with violating a Restraining Order. I'm afraid for my life. Women die everyday at the hands of men like him. I truly, though, at this point can't believe noone sees through his inconsistences. And so, I'm not taking the kids. Because I know his pattern I am concerned for my welfare. His flippant responses are frightening to a woman who he made homeless and physically and emotionally terrorized for years. He could care less if I had food, shelter or money......He is seeing multiple women and exposing them to my children....This is a man with no conscience and he is very angry right now because I reported him to the Military for violating Military Law. His pattern is to punish. I'm not putting myself in that predicament.I am avoiding all contact and hiding out to avoid his retaliation. This requires me to not accept visitation because just this morning I was accused of harrassment and then he writes me that I can text but only if he approves of my words- Otherwise- I get arrested. He is very angry and I cannot put myself in a position to be accused of anything more. Mediation is set and we will go from there.
Sincerly, JSD41
I wrote her back and told her how jacked up what she was doing was. She tried to call but I wasn’t gonna let her talk to them they were clearly upset, crying and hurt. The Cheerleader spent the night with friends and JSD41 blew her phone up to the point where she was upset and her friends Mom called to let me know. When Mother’s day arrived, the athlete called and said his mom wanted me to drop the kids off at Walgreens around 4:30pm. I withdrew $240.00 and gave to them. I told them to taker her out to eat and the rest could be a gift from them to her. They ate at a buffet, walked around a park and were back at the house by 6:30pm. We had a new court date set for maintenance, JSD41 was asking for over $1,200.00 a month in support. I was so getting tired of going to court.
I was the one with the kids. I was paying for it all and yet she felt she deserved…no was entitled to that $1,200.00 a month in spousal maintenance and our entire tax return which would roughly be $6,500.00. My actual attorney wasn’t able to be there so her partner “J” was. At the court house we linked up and I gave him a brief rundown. We tried to settle before going in but my ex wasn’t budging so the judge would have to decide. Just hours earlier JSD41 had contacted me and my attorney’s office. She had made several threats in an attempt to blackmail me into giving her what she wanted. I told her not no but hell no and I’d take my chances in court.
Once in court “J” asked if I would explain how I had such detailed accounts of my spending. I explained that I had used Quicken since we were married and I tracked all my spending then as I do now. After all the bills and expenses were taken care of there was $300.00 left over. I explained to the judge that JSD41 had taken a hit when she failed outta school and wanted employment in the medical field. As I spoke I could feel my lips tremble and tears ran down my cheeks. I told the judge that JSD41 acted as if some jobs were beneath her. For example I recommend she get a job at Old Navy, one of her fav clothing stores; just something to give her a focus and get her out of the house. Plus the extra money would help since she’d done nothing since she failed out of school. She went off. “I had a 4.0 in nursing school! I was at the top of my class! I’m not fucking going to work retail!!!” I left it alone after that. I continued to talk, voice quivering; that as a parent we do what ever and work wherever when it’s for our family. Even if it meant flipping burgers, if it puts food on the table you do it. “J” asked one final question, “Mr. JYD, you have temp full custody right now?” “Yes,” I replied. “Is KSD41 paying you any child support?” I smiled, “No she is not.” In the end, I offered her an additional $265.00 which would give her a total of $500.00 a month until we went to mediation and settled.
JSD41 was up next. She explained how it was she wanted $1,200.00 plus a month. She couldn’t cook so she and the athlete had to eat out, no home so she needed a place to stay etc. When the dust settled the judge spoke. He explained that we all don’t get to have the jobs or employment we want and that she needed to get a job…any job…period. He ruled in my favor, I’d give her the additional 265 a month and half the income taxes.
Days later JSD41 had a meeting with my superiors and voiced her concerns. The biggest was that I was a “sociopath” and was capable of chopping her into little pieces. The end result, I would be ordered to take Parenting classes, obtain a mental health assessment and placed under a military protective order which prohibited me from contacting her via phone, email or in person. Remember, I had been court ordered to do the taxes, now I had no way of communicating with JSD41. Great job JSD41 LOL and good luck getting the taxes done.
Baseball season continued, our lives continued and JSD41 kept causing me nothing but grief, laying guilt on the kids and just being a bitter woman. On one such occasion she phoned to tell the catcher that she was sick and would not be at his game. He was cool, until we went to watch the athlete play and she showed up. I could see the pain in his lil face and I felt it was best we left without her seeing us. She treated him and his lil brother differently after they testified in court. The following weekend she refused to take our kids, telling them she was afraid that if she got them, I’d find out where she was staying and try to come and hurt her. You got to be kidding me? No one is trying to go to jail for you. The athlete was still staying with his mom and I hadn’t seen him in weeks. One night I received several disturbing texts from JSD41 which caused me to call the police and have them check in on her and the athlete. Not long afterwards his girlfriend’s folks called about JSD41. I guess the athlete had contacted their daughter and he was very upset. They along with the police went to go check on them and it was a day or so later that he’d be back in our home and his mom still doing her thing.
I had made a friend and we were just talking until JSD41 found out. She got her name and number and left a lengthy phone message which I later recorded on my phone. She told this girl I had made her homeless, lied in court and taken our kids from her. Again I was a “sociopath” and that I could chop her up into pieces. My friend began to question my honesty since she had suffered abuse long ago. I told her she’d seen the police reports and I couldn’t explain it any better. That relationship soon ended.
I would continue to reach out to JSD41 and try to settle this for the benefit of us all, especially our kids. So I did what I have always done, I followed the directives of my superiors, made appointments to do as they strongly suggested and waited for the 27th of May. That was to be our day with the mediator. Hopefully it would all get settled.
Jenny,
Ok...have you forgotten how small the Acura is with five people in it...plus bags, air mattress, pillows, blankets. You should have seen us Sunday after shopping. It was pretty funny how Rome and Jeff were covered in bags. Baseball schedule, I only have one for the Reds and if you would have told me you needed one I would have gotten to u sooner. As far as talking, you call the boys everyday...ON THE HOUSE PHONE. I too could be reached there. So...see you tonight at the game. Have a blessed afternoon.
Her response was typical.
To All Parties,
At this time, with JYD's responses, I am not comfortable with taking the children. He had his law firm fax- just yesterday- that he was willing to find me in 'Contempt' for violating a Restraining Order as he accuses me of 'harassment'. Then he states that he has no problem with 'texting' under certain conditions. Then he says "See you at the Game". I don't want to see JYD. He terrifies me. I am afraid for my life. This is a man who was not bothered in the least to see me homeless and violated Military Law in order to keep me penniless. He frightens me. He beat me. And then he says "See you at the game"......He is a sociopath. Just the other day a 'Police Officer' was arrested for killing 4 wives. Somebody- please- see this. I have passed my assessments. I have been professionally evaluated but he keeps going. He threatens, and threatens and threatens. I hate that my children are in his care but I think it would be worse for them if he did more things like have me arrested or worse- he kills me. I'm not comfortable. He feels very powerful right now with the fax from his lawyer (of which he then basically says "text me-but if I don't like what you're saying- I'll have you arrested). I just wish his lawyer would see that. He feels powerful when she supports him and yet nothing ever adds up with him. I'm not comfortable. I am feeling fear and afraid of his retaliation. His e-mails don't make sense and prove his lack of remorse.At this point- the weekend is off. His comment "See you at the game" does not jive with someone who was ready to charge me with violating a Restraining Order. I'm afraid for my life. Women die everyday at the hands of men like him. I truly, though, at this point can't believe noone sees through his inconsistences. And so, I'm not taking the kids. Because I know his pattern I am concerned for my welfare. His flippant responses are frightening to a woman who he made homeless and physically and emotionally terrorized for years. He could care less if I had food, shelter or money......He is seeing multiple women and exposing them to my children....This is a man with no conscience and he is very angry right now because I reported him to the Military for violating Military Law. His pattern is to punish. I'm not putting myself in that predicament.I am avoiding all contact and hiding out to avoid his retaliation. This requires me to not accept visitation because just this morning I was accused of harrassment and then he writes me that I can text but only if he approves of my words- Otherwise- I get arrested. He is very angry and I cannot put myself in a position to be accused of anything more. Mediation is set and we will go from there.
Sincerly, JSD41
I wrote her back and told her how jacked up what she was doing was. She tried to call but I wasn’t gonna let her talk to them they were clearly upset, crying and hurt. The Cheerleader spent the night with friends and JSD41 blew her phone up to the point where she was upset and her friends Mom called to let me know. When Mother’s day arrived, the athlete called and said his mom wanted me to drop the kids off at Walgreens around 4:30pm. I withdrew $240.00 and gave to them. I told them to taker her out to eat and the rest could be a gift from them to her. They ate at a buffet, walked around a park and were back at the house by 6:30pm. We had a new court date set for maintenance, JSD41 was asking for over $1,200.00 a month in support. I was so getting tired of going to court.
I was the one with the kids. I was paying for it all and yet she felt she deserved…no was entitled to that $1,200.00 a month in spousal maintenance and our entire tax return which would roughly be $6,500.00. My actual attorney wasn’t able to be there so her partner “J” was. At the court house we linked up and I gave him a brief rundown. We tried to settle before going in but my ex wasn’t budging so the judge would have to decide. Just hours earlier JSD41 had contacted me and my attorney’s office. She had made several threats in an attempt to blackmail me into giving her what she wanted. I told her not no but hell no and I’d take my chances in court.
Once in court “J” asked if I would explain how I had such detailed accounts of my spending. I explained that I had used Quicken since we were married and I tracked all my spending then as I do now. After all the bills and expenses were taken care of there was $300.00 left over. I explained to the judge that JSD41 had taken a hit when she failed outta school and wanted employment in the medical field. As I spoke I could feel my lips tremble and tears ran down my cheeks. I told the judge that JSD41 acted as if some jobs were beneath her. For example I recommend she get a job at Old Navy, one of her fav clothing stores; just something to give her a focus and get her out of the house. Plus the extra money would help since she’d done nothing since she failed out of school. She went off. “I had a 4.0 in nursing school! I was at the top of my class! I’m not fucking going to work retail!!!” I left it alone after that. I continued to talk, voice quivering; that as a parent we do what ever and work wherever when it’s for our family. Even if it meant flipping burgers, if it puts food on the table you do it. “J” asked one final question, “Mr. JYD, you have temp full custody right now?” “Yes,” I replied. “Is KSD41 paying you any child support?” I smiled, “No she is not.” In the end, I offered her an additional $265.00 which would give her a total of $500.00 a month until we went to mediation and settled.
JSD41 was up next. She explained how it was she wanted $1,200.00 plus a month. She couldn’t cook so she and the athlete had to eat out, no home so she needed a place to stay etc. When the dust settled the judge spoke. He explained that we all don’t get to have the jobs or employment we want and that she needed to get a job…any job…period. He ruled in my favor, I’d give her the additional 265 a month and half the income taxes.
Days later JSD41 had a meeting with my superiors and voiced her concerns. The biggest was that I was a “sociopath” and was capable of chopping her into little pieces. The end result, I would be ordered to take Parenting classes, obtain a mental health assessment and placed under a military protective order which prohibited me from contacting her via phone, email or in person. Remember, I had been court ordered to do the taxes, now I had no way of communicating with JSD41. Great job JSD41 LOL and good luck getting the taxes done.
Baseball season continued, our lives continued and JSD41 kept causing me nothing but grief, laying guilt on the kids and just being a bitter woman. On one such occasion she phoned to tell the catcher that she was sick and would not be at his game. He was cool, until we went to watch the athlete play and she showed up. I could see the pain in his lil face and I felt it was best we left without her seeing us. She treated him and his lil brother differently after they testified in court. The following weekend she refused to take our kids, telling them she was afraid that if she got them, I’d find out where she was staying and try to come and hurt her. You got to be kidding me? No one is trying to go to jail for you. The athlete was still staying with his mom and I hadn’t seen him in weeks. One night I received several disturbing texts from JSD41 which caused me to call the police and have them check in on her and the athlete. Not long afterwards his girlfriend’s folks called about JSD41. I guess the athlete had contacted their daughter and he was very upset. They along with the police went to go check on them and it was a day or so later that he’d be back in our home and his mom still doing her thing.
I had made a friend and we were just talking until JSD41 found out. She got her name and number and left a lengthy phone message which I later recorded on my phone. She told this girl I had made her homeless, lied in court and taken our kids from her. Again I was a “sociopath” and that I could chop her up into pieces. My friend began to question my honesty since she had suffered abuse long ago. I told her she’d seen the police reports and I couldn’t explain it any better. That relationship soon ended.
I would continue to reach out to JSD41 and try to settle this for the benefit of us all, especially our kids. So I did what I have always done, I followed the directives of my superiors, made appointments to do as they strongly suggested and waited for the 27th of May. That was to be our day with the mediator. Hopefully it would all get settled.
Sunday, February 6, 2011
Divorce Nightmare Part 4
So with Mother’s day was around the corner and since I hadn’t heard from her nor had she mentioned anything I decided to email her.
JSD41,
I am writing this as per your request. Mother’s day is around the corner and with your current living situation I understand that spending time with our children is difficult. I spoke with the children this morning and asked them how they would feel about you spending Sunday with them. They felt it would be a good idea as do I. Then tonight was added. I told them that if mom agreed I would leave this evening after the baseball games and stay with a buddy until Sunday night around 2300. After the games I will gather my things and go to a friend’s where I will stay until Sunday night. I have made it that late so you have time to wash clothes as well as cook what ever you choose for the children.
This will give you the opportunity to spend quality time with our kids in an environment which they are comfortable in. I simply ask that you do not talk about me negatively nor touch/remove anything which does not belong to you. If you can prove to me that I can trust you in this manner, I will consider future ventures such as this to where it has the potential to become a standard. I told them that I would also be willing to give their Mom some money so that she could get movies at block buster or take them bowling.
This has never been about me taking anything from you but doing what is best for the children. I am giving you the opportunity to prove to me that I can trust you in our home and with our kids. By earning my trust at this stage it will open the door for future positive communications and potentially allowing you a place to stay when it is your turn to spend the weekends with the kids until the court makes its final decision in July. Right now this is an experiment and the future of this depends on how you conduct yourself in this home as well as how you act towards me. I have asked and begged for civility and to work this out with the least amount of strife from the get go and have been confronted with nothing but anger from you and your friends. I freely gave you exclusive use of the home, kids, and car and still paid a huge portion of the bills while you searched for employment. You repaid me by falsely accusing me of attacking you and as a result of this action, we both find ourselves in a situation we did not foresee. If the shoe was on the other foot, would you do the above for me? I know you would not. But I am not like you nor will I act like you. At this time I am neither willing nor prepared to discuss anything except weekends with the kids where it is possible that you stay in the home with them and I will find other accommodations for said weekend; if this works out, maybe after school could be added. Who knows where this could lead too.
As for our son The Athlete, I have spoken with him and laid down the ground rules for behaviors that I will and will not tolerate from him. If he is willing to abide by those simple rules he knows he has a place here. He made a choice to be disrespectful and I can not allow that…not now or ever. I know and understand things are very tough for him, and I have no idea what it must be like to be 17 and your world falling apart around you but he must also realize that he is neither a grown man nor an adult…he is a son and therefore must act like a son. That…is all I ask of him.
So the offer is out there for you to accept or decline. I have already spoken with my lawyer and she feels it is a very generous offer that can only benefit the kids in the long run and they are what is truly important. So again, you have a choice, the choice you make is up to you.
JSD41 was adamant and wanted to know why I would let her stay for the weekend but not full time. I answered but that wasn’t good enough she insisted I move out and let her have the home as well as the kids. You see she deserved it, seeing how she was a great mother and kids should be with their moms. I told her that kids should be with their parents and no one parent was better than another. The court made it clear what they felt was a good idea at this time and I was going to honor it. Maybe this was what JSD41 needed to wake up and finally move towards healing and good health. After going back and forth with silly texts she said she needed to confirm with her counsel if it was ok. I kinda of figured it was bull. She said she needed something in writing from my lawyer saying it was ok. It was the weekend and no way was I gonna be able to get anything in writing. I soon realized that this was going to be a waste of my time. I thought I was doing a good deed but it quickly turned into a game. The Athlete, who was staying with a friend, contacted me asking for money. Even though I hadn’t heard from him I wanted him to know I loved him, we just couldn’t have the lines crossed. I told him I would give him what I could and transfer it into his account.
Time continued to pass and as it did and I hoped maybe that today would be the day. Maybe today is the day it all stops and we all start moving forward. Maybe today, she will start focusing on her and get her life back together. JSD41 was staying with friends and still had not found employment which would help her get on her feet. The Cheerleaders birthday was fast approaching and with me having limited funds I did my best to explain that we might not be able to have the party the way she wanted but I’d do the best I could to make it special. JSD41 sent me a long “novel” which read:
Jerome,
I am writing concerning Madison's birthday coming this Saturday. Madison has talked about this birthday for months and months before you came home. She was extremely excited that her birthday fell on a Saturday this year. There is not a year that has gone by since her birth that she has not had a party. And, yet, with you in charge, she gets no party. You have not even discussed it nor brought it up. She has straight A's and deserves it. The fact that you have no relationship with your daughter is so sad for her. In the entire time since you have been back you haven't even watched her cheer-leading. You pay no attention to her and yet buy her a cell phone and think that constitutes a relationship. This time last year she was planning her party at a Spa and as excited as any girl would be prior to her birthday. This year, she is disappointed but behaving like it isn't a 'big deal' because of the strife you have made this family endure. Her attempt at not causing any more problems is heartbreaking. Her apple did not fall far from my tree and she is strong. But, she is devastated. On top of losing her mother she doesn't get special treatment on May 2nd with her friends after talking about it excitedly for all of these months.
All of the children have suffered in their own way and yet, prior to your return, they were doing wonderfully. Your denial does not erase the truth. Sorry. Your conditional love of Alex (and all of them) does not explain calling the police on a child you readily admit that you 'can't imagine what it is like to have his world falling apart around him'. When people feel that their world is falling apart they react. But because you are so psychologically abusive and controlling reactions are not tolerated. You are the single common denominator at all times putting this family into crisis.
Each child is having difficulty in one way or another and it is all being properly documented and monitored. The most important issue at hand is their demise has coincided with your return and your subsequent custody of them. And that will come out eventually.
You may feel like you have 'won' and I have 'lost'. And it appears you have but I know that your lawyer has no idea of the pathological liar she is dealing with and the Judge's blurred interpretation was just that- blurred- by your lies and manipulations.
The e-mail continued on as all hers did blaming me for all of this. Letters and texts like this would continue and get longer and longer as she felt she needed to be heard. This was to be the new standard. With the people she was staying with out of town, JSD41 finally decided to come and get the kids after weeks of excuses. I gave them 25 dollars so all including JSD41 and the athlete could eat. She insisted on texting me and being cocky. Talked it up focusing on them seeing Mom and having a nice visit and try to forget for a lil while what was going on. JSD41 quickly texted me after she picked up the kids.
17:21 JSD41 “Every body talking bout you-if I had a dollar for everytime someone has said- ‘I saw how he treated you at games’ and how he treated the kids-how you wouldn sit wit us-ur dirty looks-ur rudeness-and these things were said all the time while you were in korea-not jus now- that why noone surprised by u takin kids from a good mom-they already knew how you abused me-I heard it all year wen you were gone-and u reaffirmed their suspicions by takin the kids they saw me take great care of all these years-good luck in this community dude-you only screwed ur self all this time and noone that matters believe you cause u made a name of ur self way before this.”
This kinda crap went on for days; a never ending onslaught, a verbal war in which text and e-mails were to be the primary weapon. She had to have attention; she needed everyone in town to know how I had wronged her and took the worlds most perfect children from the greatest mother man had ever seen. I soon realized that she would just keep going and going and going…just like the energizer bunny. She craved and needed an audience. Man I had no idea who the new audience was going to be. But I surely found out the next day at work.
JSD41,
I am writing this as per your request. Mother’s day is around the corner and with your current living situation I understand that spending time with our children is difficult. I spoke with the children this morning and asked them how they would feel about you spending Sunday with them. They felt it would be a good idea as do I. Then tonight was added. I told them that if mom agreed I would leave this evening after the baseball games and stay with a buddy until Sunday night around 2300. After the games I will gather my things and go to a friend’s where I will stay until Sunday night. I have made it that late so you have time to wash clothes as well as cook what ever you choose for the children.
This will give you the opportunity to spend quality time with our kids in an environment which they are comfortable in. I simply ask that you do not talk about me negatively nor touch/remove anything which does not belong to you. If you can prove to me that I can trust you in this manner, I will consider future ventures such as this to where it has the potential to become a standard. I told them that I would also be willing to give their Mom some money so that she could get movies at block buster or take them bowling.
This has never been about me taking anything from you but doing what is best for the children. I am giving you the opportunity to prove to me that I can trust you in our home and with our kids. By earning my trust at this stage it will open the door for future positive communications and potentially allowing you a place to stay when it is your turn to spend the weekends with the kids until the court makes its final decision in July. Right now this is an experiment and the future of this depends on how you conduct yourself in this home as well as how you act towards me. I have asked and begged for civility and to work this out with the least amount of strife from the get go and have been confronted with nothing but anger from you and your friends. I freely gave you exclusive use of the home, kids, and car and still paid a huge portion of the bills while you searched for employment. You repaid me by falsely accusing me of attacking you and as a result of this action, we both find ourselves in a situation we did not foresee. If the shoe was on the other foot, would you do the above for me? I know you would not. But I am not like you nor will I act like you. At this time I am neither willing nor prepared to discuss anything except weekends with the kids where it is possible that you stay in the home with them and I will find other accommodations for said weekend; if this works out, maybe after school could be added. Who knows where this could lead too.
As for our son The Athlete, I have spoken with him and laid down the ground rules for behaviors that I will and will not tolerate from him. If he is willing to abide by those simple rules he knows he has a place here. He made a choice to be disrespectful and I can not allow that…not now or ever. I know and understand things are very tough for him, and I have no idea what it must be like to be 17 and your world falling apart around you but he must also realize that he is neither a grown man nor an adult…he is a son and therefore must act like a son. That…is all I ask of him.
So the offer is out there for you to accept or decline. I have already spoken with my lawyer and she feels it is a very generous offer that can only benefit the kids in the long run and they are what is truly important. So again, you have a choice, the choice you make is up to you.
JSD41 was adamant and wanted to know why I would let her stay for the weekend but not full time. I answered but that wasn’t good enough she insisted I move out and let her have the home as well as the kids. You see she deserved it, seeing how she was a great mother and kids should be with their moms. I told her that kids should be with their parents and no one parent was better than another. The court made it clear what they felt was a good idea at this time and I was going to honor it. Maybe this was what JSD41 needed to wake up and finally move towards healing and good health. After going back and forth with silly texts she said she needed to confirm with her counsel if it was ok. I kinda of figured it was bull. She said she needed something in writing from my lawyer saying it was ok. It was the weekend and no way was I gonna be able to get anything in writing. I soon realized that this was going to be a waste of my time. I thought I was doing a good deed but it quickly turned into a game. The Athlete, who was staying with a friend, contacted me asking for money. Even though I hadn’t heard from him I wanted him to know I loved him, we just couldn’t have the lines crossed. I told him I would give him what I could and transfer it into his account.
Time continued to pass and as it did and I hoped maybe that today would be the day. Maybe today is the day it all stops and we all start moving forward. Maybe today, she will start focusing on her and get her life back together. JSD41 was staying with friends and still had not found employment which would help her get on her feet. The Cheerleaders birthday was fast approaching and with me having limited funds I did my best to explain that we might not be able to have the party the way she wanted but I’d do the best I could to make it special. JSD41 sent me a long “novel” which read:
Jerome,
I am writing concerning Madison's birthday coming this Saturday. Madison has talked about this birthday for months and months before you came home. She was extremely excited that her birthday fell on a Saturday this year. There is not a year that has gone by since her birth that she has not had a party. And, yet, with you in charge, she gets no party. You have not even discussed it nor brought it up. She has straight A's and deserves it. The fact that you have no relationship with your daughter is so sad for her. In the entire time since you have been back you haven't even watched her cheer-leading. You pay no attention to her and yet buy her a cell phone and think that constitutes a relationship. This time last year she was planning her party at a Spa and as excited as any girl would be prior to her birthday. This year, she is disappointed but behaving like it isn't a 'big deal' because of the strife you have made this family endure. Her attempt at not causing any more problems is heartbreaking. Her apple did not fall far from my tree and she is strong. But, she is devastated. On top of losing her mother she doesn't get special treatment on May 2nd with her friends after talking about it excitedly for all of these months.
All of the children have suffered in their own way and yet, prior to your return, they were doing wonderfully. Your denial does not erase the truth. Sorry. Your conditional love of Alex (and all of them) does not explain calling the police on a child you readily admit that you 'can't imagine what it is like to have his world falling apart around him'. When people feel that their world is falling apart they react. But because you are so psychologically abusive and controlling reactions are not tolerated. You are the single common denominator at all times putting this family into crisis.
Each child is having difficulty in one way or another and it is all being properly documented and monitored. The most important issue at hand is their demise has coincided with your return and your subsequent custody of them. And that will come out eventually.
You may feel like you have 'won' and I have 'lost'. And it appears you have but I know that your lawyer has no idea of the pathological liar she is dealing with and the Judge's blurred interpretation was just that- blurred- by your lies and manipulations.
The e-mail continued on as all hers did blaming me for all of this. Letters and texts like this would continue and get longer and longer as she felt she needed to be heard. This was to be the new standard. With the people she was staying with out of town, JSD41 finally decided to come and get the kids after weeks of excuses. I gave them 25 dollars so all including JSD41 and the athlete could eat. She insisted on texting me and being cocky. Talked it up focusing on them seeing Mom and having a nice visit and try to forget for a lil while what was going on. JSD41 quickly texted me after she picked up the kids.
17:21 JSD41 “Every body talking bout you-if I had a dollar for everytime someone has said- ‘I saw how he treated you at games’ and how he treated the kids-how you wouldn sit wit us-ur dirty looks-ur rudeness-and these things were said all the time while you were in korea-not jus now- that why noone surprised by u takin kids from a good mom-they already knew how you abused me-I heard it all year wen you were gone-and u reaffirmed their suspicions by takin the kids they saw me take great care of all these years-good luck in this community dude-you only screwed ur self all this time and noone that matters believe you cause u made a name of ur self way before this.”
This kinda crap went on for days; a never ending onslaught, a verbal war in which text and e-mails were to be the primary weapon. She had to have attention; she needed everyone in town to know how I had wronged her and took the worlds most perfect children from the greatest mother man had ever seen. I soon realized that she would just keep going and going and going…just like the energizer bunny. She craved and needed an audience. Man I had no idea who the new audience was going to be. But I surely found out the next day at work.
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