"Are You a Leader?"

I have gone back and forth and had some pretty good and healthy debates with family and friends about life in our country as well as those in charge. Often my views are challenged because as a Black man, I am stereotyped and expected to see, think and feel a certain way about things within our society. especially our President. Well that just ain’t me. So I spent the last two days working on a post about leaders in an attempt to educate and inform others as to how come I think the way I do and to emphasize, focus and direct my displeasure with our Government and those within. It's directed at one place and one place only…Leadership. So here is my attempt at shedding some light on my views. Hope you enjoy

Are You A Leader?

BY JYD

 

   For sometime now I have observed our nations leaders (and I use that term loosely) and thought to myself, “Are these really our leaders?” And I ask that in all honesty because by definition these individuals are leaders yet they appear not too lead.
   I have personally been a leader since 1991 and around leaders all my life yet what I have seen, heard and lived is not the same as what I have seen from them. Looking at our nations leaders I question their desire to place others at the forefront and do what’s best for our country.
   Over the past few months I have made numerous comments about our nations “leaders” and how I view them as well as what I think of them.
   I have read responses about their party affiliation, skin color, “they don’t like the poor,” it’s a conspiracy you name it I have read it and heard it.
   But at no time did anyone ever really comment about them as leaders and their ability to lead, be a leader and their leadership ability.
   Which again makes me wonder, are those in charge of our nation really leaders?
    And what makes someone a good leader? Is it training, schooling or college education?
   What are the main ingredients that formulate and then produce a leader?
   Is there any one thing you can have or posses that will magically endow you with leadership abilities?
   Just what is a leader?

   Merriam-Webster defines a Leader as, a person who leads, a person who directs a military force or unit, and a person who has commanding authority or influence.
    Ok, that gives us someplace to start, something to call a foundation for a discussion about leader(s) and leadership. And we in the military “breed” leaders; we too have our own definition of a leader.
    An Army leader is anyone who by virtue of assumed role or assigned responsibility inspires and influences people to accomplish organizational goals. Army leaders motivate people both inside and outside the chain of command to pursue actions, focus thinking and shape decisions for the greater good of the organization.
    So, when you put those two definitions together it truly does lend to the foundation of and understanding just what a leader is. Because leaders are found everywhere within our society so you need not get too wrapped up in semantics (us vs. them) but focus more or the spirit of what a leader is and does.

    So a Leader in essence leads and has attributes, such as character, presence and intellect. While character relates to the internal identity of the leader, presence attributes relate how others see the leader and intellect relates to what abilities and knowledge the leader possesses to think and interact with others. Leaders take the initiative and they move the organization (or nation) forward in an attempt to make it better or to accomplish a goal established by them or one placed on them by others. So that thought process is one I have learned as well as bought into.
    A leader places the desires of themselves last and that of the organization or its people first and foremost. Collective leadership refers to the combined effects and synergies when leaders at different levels synchronize their leadership actions to achieve a common purpose. High performing collective leadership occurs when leadership processes are mutually reinforcing and the result is greater than the sum of its parts—a sense of shared responsibility for the unit exists.
    Wow, do you think this is something that Congress, the Senate; hell...both political parties should adhere too?A leader doesn’t seek the spot light nor makes others look bad in an attempt to make themselves look better in theirs or others eyes. And I myself along with hundreds of others would agree and view a leader as such.

    You can’t have leader without leadership. Again, looking at Merriam-Webster, Leadership is the office or position of a leader, capacity to lead and the act or an instance of leading. And how is this explained within the military? Being a leader and leadership is so very vital to knowing and understanding the roles, responsibilities and its very make up that we have a manual that solely focuses on it, ADP 6-22 Army Leadership.
    And it defines it as such; Leadership is the process of influencing people by providing purpose, direction, and motivation to accomplish the mission and improve the organization. A section of 6-22 reads: “The Army requires leadership to make choices and establish unifying direction for the organization. Organizations have multiple sources to monitor and assess situations and provide input for decisions; however, a central leader must oversee and ultimately accept responsibility for the conduct of missions. Leadership is a process of influence. Since first publishing leadership doctrine in 1948, the Army has consistently defined leadership as a process. This is significant because a process can be learned, monitored and improved. While personality and innate traits affect a process, the Army endorses the idea that good leadership doesn’t just happen by chance but is a developable skill. A leader influences other people to accomplish a mission or fulfill a purpose. The means of influence include actions to convey motivation. Accomplishing the current mission is not enough—the leader is responsible for developing individuals and improving the organization for the near and long-term."
       So do you think we take terms like leader and leadership likely?

             Leaders and leadership is color blind. It’s about your actions and or lack their of in times of crisis or when you’re simply required to lead. In the military, it’s pretty much all we NCOs (Non-Commissioned Officers) and Commissioned Officers do on a day to day basis. “Army leaders accept the responsibility to develop and lead others to achieve results. We follow and swear an oath. Fulfilling that oath, leaders will face—and have to overcome—fear, danger, and physical and moral adversity while caring for those they lead and protecting the organization entrusted to them. It takes personal courage to take the initiative to make something happen rather than standing by or withdrawing and hoping events will turn out well. Leaders require personal courage when confronting problems of discipline or disorderly conduct, when innovation and adaptation are needed to try something that has never been done before, when leading Soldiers in harm’s way, when being candid with a superior about a risky or improper course of action, when deferring to a more technically competent subordinate, or when freeing units and personnel to solve problems. Leaders must have the courage to make tough calls, to discipline or demand better when required. Consistent and fair leaders will earn the respect of their followers.” So do you see where I’m coming from and how we within the military (Army) view leaders and leadership? I could go on and on because this is just the tip of the iceberg.

    When I got to Ft. Carson in 2002 I was assigned to be the Platoon Sergeant for a Scout Platoon, a dream come true.
   While out doing PT (Physical Training) I ran into the Battalion Command Sergeants Major and he briefly spoke to me about the platoon.

   “I ain’t gonna lie to you Sergeant Dingle,” as he moved off to one side of the sidewalk.
   “The Scout platoon has got some problems.” he said.

    “I’m tracking Sergeant Major.” I replied.
    “I spoke with the First Sergeant yesterday and he explained it all to me.”

    “Good, I’m confident you can fix the issues,” he ended.

  “”Airborne! Sergeant Major.”

             The conversation ended as he walked off towards the motorpool.
             I stood there for a while thinking and as I walked off I reflected on the previous day’s conversation I had with the First Sergeant.
             I had been looking for the unit for two days while I inprocessed and was driving around when I finally found it.
             I decided to drop in and say hello to any platoon members that maybe around and to also pay a visit to the First Sergeant and introduce myself.
             He was in and I knocked on the door.

   “First Sergeant, Sergeant First Class Dingle. I’m the new Scout Platoon Sergeant,” as I extended my hand forward.

   “Nice to meet you Sergeant Dingle; have a seat, do you have something to write with?” he asked.

   “Yes First Sergeant,” I said.

   “OK, have a seat I need to tell you some things and about an incident which happened in the platoon.”

     I sat down and I thought this was just gonna be the typical chat, you know, are you married, where are you from, do you have kids, are you settled in, the typical “new guy” questions.
     Nope, I listened to Top talk about some of the problems within the platoon.
     One after another, the former Platoon Sergeant, the Platoon Leader, the NCOs…you got to be kidding me, I had inadvertently asked for this and I was getting it.

     So as I walked off from the brief chat with the Sergeant Major I thought to myself, “I just got handed a shit sandwich.” Fast forward to two years later when we have returned from a year in Iraq and I’m being told I have to step down as the Platoon Sergeant.
     I arguably had the best platoon in the Battalion and I had no choice but to let it go. I took over fixed the issues and left it a 100 times better then I received it.
     I had an amazing platoon.
     You see, I’m a leader. And as a leader you don’t have the luxury of getting things the way you want them. I was handed a platoon and was expected to excel…period. No excuses, no blaming the other guys. It was my platoon and if we failed or became successful it was on me and PL (Platoon Leader), what we did or didn’t do as leaders.
     And that’s where it starts and ends…with a leader and their leadership.

     So when I’m watching Gen (ret.) Petraeus admit to having an affair, make no excuses for his behavior and then step down I’m reminded that that is what a leader does. Seek responsibility and take responsibility for their actions. This man had an affair which really had no bearing on his ability to do his job yet he stepped down. The flip side to that coin is our Secretary of State Hillary Clinton. She was in charge, she was the leader. Yet this past week she down played her role, gave speeches instead of answers, never once took responsibility for her inability to lead effectively and or take charge of those under her.
     Four people died on her watch yet she still has a job and wasn’t removed. I know many leaders within the service who have lost their positions for far less infractions. What about me? Had I not turned the platoon around would I have kept my job? No, see in my world when you fail to lead you get removed and placed elsewhere with less responsibilities or none until a time where you show you can handle the increased responsibilities and if you can’t, you are quietly moved from job to job until you move out and move on.

     I see some of President Obama’s actions as no different. He started running for office when George Bush was elected to his second term. He was a Senator so you can’t tell me he didn’t already have an idea as to the state of the government as well as the nation before he won the democratic nomination and subsequently won the election. “America has a debt problem. I intend to oppose the effort to increase America’s debt limit,” Sen. Barack Obama, March 16, 2006. He didn’t walk into the office blind; he knew then if he had a chance of getting elected into the office of the President what he’d have to deal with as well as how party members would in-turn act. I didn’t walk into my position blind. I knew there were problems and I was going to have to deal with. He knew our nation was in trouble but he sought out and asked for the job and then pledged to move us all forward. I was a leader and it was now my Platoon. Right or wrong, good or bad, all eyes were on me. Well he ran for office, won, then seemed to spend a lot of time talking about the “shit sandwich” he had been handed. Now in his second term, nothing has really changed. When my Soldiers screwed up I was the one standing in from of the Battalion Commander getting lit up with my PL for our platoon member’s actions. I stood there and took it, made no excuses, placed no blame because I was a leader.

     We are not perfect in the military and we have our fair share of bad leaders like any other organization. But we do a much better job policing up those who can’t cut it. And there are actions taken that can ruin your career and chances for advancement; funny how none of our leaders have such “checks and balances” within their organization.

              How many Military leaders have stepped down during the last 4 years for wrong doings and even perceived wrong doings? Formal systems such as evaluation reports, academic evaluation reports, and 360 degree assessments offer opportunities to learn—but the individual must embrace the opportunity and internalize the information. If they don’t, like I mentioned earlier they are removed. Our government officials, have they too been guilty of wrong doings? Yet where are their systems, how are they removed when found to be…inadequate? Most don’t have the integrity and stay in the position and blame others for their failures, never accepting responsibility or being held accountable. They hold we Military leaders to a higher standard. Is our profession more honorable than theirs?

      ADP 6-22, Army Leadership, establishes the fundamental principles by which Army leaders accomplish their missions and care for their people. It describes the enduring concepts of leadership through the core leader competencies and attributes required of contemporary leaders of all cohorts and all organizations, regardless of mission or setting. These principles reflect decades of experience and the best scientific knowledge available. Leadership fundamentally remains a process of influence; how and when influence is applied determines the eventual mission success and the capabilities of Army organizations. Maybe our government should look at this simple manual and maybe…they need one of their own.

    So I judge our leaders in Washington by the same standards I and my peers have been judged by. If it’s good enough for me and my peers who are depended upon to make the hard choices and put the welfare of the nations and its citizens first, then it’s surely good enough for them. So after reading this I ask, are you a leader?

"TIME! STOP WHATCHA DOIN!!..."

          It was early Monday morning here at Bragg and I was sitting outside the Advance Airborne School, commonly referred to as Jumpmaster school hoping I can get into the T-11 Jumpmaster course.
          Since we no longer jump T-10s and MC-1s within XVIII Corps, I can’t perform any duties as a Jumpmaster.
          As I sat in my car, I began to reminisce on Jumpmaster school back in 99 as well as my very first duty as a Primary Jumpmaster aka a PJ.

****

          October 99, it was a long week at Knox doing SIMNET and CCTT but we were almost home. The first pass was complete and everyone exited the bird; as I bent forward to readjust my ruck as beads of sweat tricked down my face.
           I am the PJ…this is the shit I thought to myself. One more pass and we are done and I can get outta this damn bird.
           I straightened up and I handed my static line to my safety, SSG Luckie, looked over at Kermit (aka SSG Martinson) my AJ (Assistant Jumpmaster) and gave the nod.
           And so it began….the song of the Jumpmaster. Sung by thousands who have earned the title before us; always the same and always in unison.

        “TEN MINUTES!!”
          We shout, thrusting our hands and arms forward, fingers extended and spread so all can see. The sweat begins to increase and the adrenaline begins to gather.
          No sooner than the words leave our mouths - it’s echoed by the remaining Geronimo’s from Delta Troop on our bird.
          I look over at Kermit and give the nod…

         “GET READY!!”
           Again, our arms fly forward like two synchronized swimmers in a pool.
           This time fingers extended and joined, palms facing the jumpers. You can smell the sweat and musk in the air.
           The roar of the C-130 can be deafening at times or sweet enough to sing you to sleep like a mother and her child.
           A glimmer can be seen in the eyes as they unbuckle their seat belts. We lock eyes once again.
           Ensuring that we are both ready. We will continue this until we have exited the bird ourselves; unless we get lazy and shoot for a “Jumpmaster pass.”

          “OUTBOARD PERSONEL…STAND UP!!”
            The command is echoed by all and those on the outboard side of our bird stand.
            The bird bucks like a bronco as the pilots simulate a low level flight into the awaiting DZ (Drop Zone).
            The jumpers move to their feet steadying themselves on what ever they can place their hands on; doing their best to keep their right hand over the ripcord grip and doing the dance until we give the command….

          “INBOARD PERSONEL…STAND UP!!”
            The remaining hooahs rise and struggle to their feet.
            Some are aided by those already standing and our Safety shouts “PUT YOUR SEATS UP!”
            Everyone is on their feet with rucks dangling between their legs pulling down on their harnesses.
            30lb rucks, 65lbs or parachute on any given day, it can make a grown man cry.

           “HOOK UP!!”
             All the jumpers unhook their snap hooks from the carrying handles and raise them high to the anchor line cable; pulling downward seating it then taking the opposite hand and grabbing the safety wire and routing it through and bending it down.
             Ensuring that it stays in place on the anchor line cable….

          “CHECK STATIC LINES!!”
            Making what many would view as the universal hand sign for “OK”.
          “LAST TWO JUMPERS TURN TOWARDS THE SKIN OF THE AIRCRAFT…SECOND TO THE LAST JUMPER CHECK THE LAST JUMPER’S STATICLINE.”
           We watch them do their check and a wait for all movement to cease.
            Luckie and the other safety move forward to start their checks.
           Ensuring the pack closing ties are present, static lines are routed properly and the safety wires are inserted and bent down on the jumpers snap hooks...

        “CHECK EQUIPMENT!!”
          They echo our command and check vital areas of their personal equipment.
          After their check is complete and no ones moving Kermit and I check ours.
          By this time the temperature in the bird seems like 90 plus degrees. The heat, the motion of the bird in flight mixed with the engine fumes can be brutal for some and cause a reaction that is unwanted by any on an aircraft like we.

        “SOUND OFF FOR EQUIPMENT CHECK!!”
          I, as well as the jumpers do their best to remain on their feet while they give each other the “Tap,” which is always accompanied by “OK.”
         When it reaches the number one jumper he thrust his arm forward looking me in the eye and shouts…“ALL OK JUMPMASTER!” I smile, wink and tell him, “YEAH, IT’S GONNA BE ALL OK!!”

          By this time Luckie and the other safety on Kermit’s door are back and I’m waiting for the Air Force Loadmaster to turn the aircraft over to me.
          Yeah…here I am, 30 years old, a Staff Sergeant in the Army and I’m about to take control of an Air Force C-130. This is an amazing feeling. I grab hold of the railing and lock eyes with Luckie.
           I know what he’s think as he knows what I am thinking…this is the shit right here!! This is what we do. I can feel it, the chute is heavy, I’m sweating and this ruck is kicking my ass.
           Seeing how I wore it for the previous pass instead of waiting until the final one to hang it.
          Come on loadie I think to myself, open up these damn doors already.
           The loadie is peering out the window of the paratroop door looking to see when the wind deflector is extended and I wait for that sign. That sign being him raising a hand to either side of his helmet.
           I can feel the bird conduct it's "Three minute" slow down. There it is…the hand is up and his lips are moving. The navigator is surely telling him we are here. 
           Yeah! He bends forward, grabs the handle and raises the door. The bird is succumbed by what feels like hurricane winds. 
           The rush, the smell, bright light, Ahhh….damn this feels good. You can hear the jumpers whoop and holler as they all know we are about to get outta the bird.
           The loadie secures the door in the up position and turns to me, saying the three little words so many before me have longed to hear, “ARMY…YOUR DOOR!”
           I turn towards Luckie, “SAFETY, CONTROL MY STATIC LINE!”
           I hand it off and grab the door.
           Reach up and ensure the pit pin is present, kick left and right on the jump platform before slamming my foot down and tracing the trail edge of the door.
           Once back erect, its time for the lean.
           The sweat now gone, cool air blowing over my body and my BDU’s flap uncontrollably; man...this is the shit.
           Out I go locking my arms leaning my body outside the aircraft as far as it can go.
            I flash back to jumpmaster school earlier that year and remember the sequence.
           Out, forward, up, rear, down back out and roll back into the bird. I look at my number one jumper and yell “YEAH” with a lil wink.
           As I enjoy the view I spot my one minute mark. I turn over my left shoulder looking for Kermit.
           He turns and we do the nod; thrusting my left arm out displaying just one finger and shouting, “ONE MINUTE!!” I stare back out the door.
           Enjoying the wind on my face and the Fort Polk training areas we pass over glancing down and viewing some of the routes we will be driving on later in the month.
           My mind wanders as I stand in the door, scanning for my thirty second mark.
           I think back to Jumpmaster school and that cold brisk morning, soon to be a defining moment in my career.
           That moment being the dreaded Jumpmaster Pre-Inspection test commonly and lovingly referred to by many simply as JMPI.
           This one single test is a make or break you at Benning’s Jumpmaster School because if you don’t pass on test day, which was Monday for me…you go home.
           It is the single most “stress induced course” in the US Army.
           The course itself is a gentleman’s course. No yelling, screaming or demands made on you.
           It’s simple…either you pass or you fail. All the stress you feel is placed on you; all by yourself because the course is stress free.

 

**** 

           I had spent all weekend practicing my sequence and I felt pretty good. Nomenclature was a lock and I just had to trust the sequence as they say.
           Follow your trace hand and the deficiencies will just pop out at you.
           Yeah easy for them to say, they were already Jumpmasters. We sat in the class and got our final brief before waiting for our turn to go to a testing station.
           A Black hat enters and calls out the next few to be tested…and I’m one of them.
           I move to my testing station and receive my final brief from my grader.
           There sits three jumpers, one combat equipped (that means the jumper has a ruck sack and a M1950 weapons case with a weapon in it) and two Hollywood (a nick name we use for jumpers not with combat equipment).
           You are given 5 minutes to JMPI the three jumpers which are all rigged with deficiencies.
           Each one is assigned a point value with minors and majors. Major deficiencies are worth 31 points.
           And like many schools you need a 70% to pass so if you miss a major…you automatically fail.
           And to add to that, you also get docked points for any violation of the proper sequence in which you’re required to check the jumper.
           So in short you not only need to find all major and minors, you need 70 points and your time can’t be more 4:59 in order to pass.
           Now, they are kind enough to tell you that there will be a maximum of two minors and one major hidden somewhere on the jumpers.
           So you could have none or you could have three…you just don’t know.
           Now lets add some more to your plate.
           Any deficiency you find must be called out by its proper nomenclature name and it’s location in relation to the jumper not you.
           This means if I see it on my left, it’s actually the jumpers right and thus I must call it the right.
           The instructors have all been here at some point in their careers.
            For some of my classmates, this is their second and or third time in jumpmaster school. All are here again because of failing JMPI.

          “Would you like a 1 minute warning,” my grader asked in a calm voice.

          “Yes Sergeant,” I replied.

          “If there are no questions Jumpmaster, time starts when you turn and face your jumper.”

            I took a deep breath, paused, turned and said, “PLACE YOUR HANDS ON YOUR HEAD AND TILT YOUR HEAD TO THE REAR!”
           And so it began.
           I was somewhere between my second and third jumper when I heard one minute and began to move faster.
           Panic set in and I moved as fast as my hands would allow.       
          When I reached the backside of the final jumper and was finished with the trace of the saddle I gave him the seal of approval, a slap on the forth point of contact.
          I was breathing as if I had just finished running a two mile run with a 6 minute mile pace.
          I looked at my grader and waited what seemed like hours for him to say, “5:15, you went over on time Jumpmaster.”
          My heart sank, my hands were cold and sore from the previous week in the circle and I had just now failed my first JMPI test.
          I was crushed. I couldn’t go back to Polk having failed and I couldn’t call my father (who was a master rated Jumpmaster too) and tell him I failed.
          Overwhelmed with emotions tears formed in my eyes as he explained what I had done wrong.
          I’m a grown ass man with tears in my eyes looking at another grown ass man.
          I felt neither shame nor embarrassment…this was JMPI.
       “ Calm down Jumpmaster,” he calmly said.
        “Your good, your sequence is good. This afternoon when you retest, you just need to move a little faster. Ok?”
          As I took a breath and wiped my eyes I responded with a “Roger Sergeant.”
          As I moved to the “Tree of Whoa” all I could think of was I failed.
          The Tree of Whoa was this huge tree out behind the building were all who failed would assemble, feel sorry for themselves, you know….whoa is me.
          When I arrived at the tree I was met by others who had also failed their first test; most seemed to be in good spirits while I was crushed.
          We were told we could stay and practice or go get some chow and relax some but be back at 1300 to retest.
           I left and came back as directed. My Troop Commander was also in class with me and had failed his first test too.
           At least I found something to smile about. But that was to add more pressure.
           No way could I leave without passing. No way could I go home with my Commander passing and I failing.
          Not after he had told my Platoon Sergeant he thought I was a “Weak NCO.”

          So there I am…standing in front of another black hat waiting to retest.
          I got my brief and he asked, “So what got you this morning Jumpmaster?”

        “Time Sergeant,” I replied.

        “And your sequence?” he asked.

        “I’m good Sergeant, he said it was good.”

       “Ok then Jumpmaster, you know what you need to do. Trust your sequence and pick your pace up”, he said with a smile.
       “If there are no questions Jumpmaster, time starts when you turn and face your jumper. Good luck.”
         Here I was again, my last chance.
         I took a couple deep breaths, bounced up and down shaking my arms trying to loosen up, turned and said, “PLACE YOUR HANDS ON YOUR HEAD AND TILT YOUR HEAD TO THE REAR!”
         One Hollywood, one combat equipped jumper down and I was down to my last Hollywood jumper.
         I was feeling really good as I left his ballistic helmet and found my first deficiency.
         Inside I breathed a sigh of relief, I was on track. The jumper’s right canopy release assembly was improperly assembled.
       “Right canopy release assembly not assembled properly!”, I shouted as I made my way to the left canopy release assembly I realized I said it wrong.
         Shit…its ok Ding, you’re good and you have time.
         Just as I had it in my brain and was about to spit it out I grabbed the reserve carrying handle with my right hand placed my left on the jumpers chest pulled up and out and before the words could come out there it was…MY SECOND DEFICIENCY!!
         The waistband was not routed through the waste band retainers.

          I froze…I froze and screamed, “AHHHHHHHHH! AHHHHHH!!!!”

          I could hear my grader, “Work it Jumpmaster, work it!”

          Move Dingle, move or you are gonna fail I said to myself. You will fail if you don’t move! You have time!

        “AAHHHHH, GO!”, I shouted you got this.

       “Right canopy release assembly improperly assembled, waistband not routed thru waste band retainers...TURN!!!”

         It seemed like a blink of an eye and I was tracing the saddle of jumper number three.
         I slapped him on the ass and stood erect; breathing much harder and faster than this morning.
         I could barely breathe and I looked at my grader. He glanced down at the stop watch and turned it to me.
       “4:59 Jumpmaster, you made time,” he said.
         However, I was speechless.
       “You almost lost it there Jumpmaster. Ok, lets add up your sequence violations and see if you passed.”
         I wasn’t safe yet and I was still breathing heavy.

       “Ok Jumpmaster, you got 70%, you passed...you're a GO.”

       “YEAAH!!!!,” I screamed.
         I grabbed my score sheet and ran across the field towards the control table.
         As I sprinted, I looked over and saw another of my classmates running too…all smiles.
         He had passed too. JMPI was over…I was three days away from earning the title…Jumpmaster.
         And to add the icing on the cake, my Commander failed his retest.

****

         I blinked one time and I was back in the bird as I scanned left I saw it.
         There it is, thirty seconds. I turn to find Kermit and see if he has his. He does.
         We turn and face the Jumpers, “THIRTY SECONDS!!”
         The jumpers turn and pass the thirty second sign amongst each other.
         Outside air safety check, one last time…out I go. I come back it and find Kermit.
         We nod and I turn and step back out of the door.
       “DROP ZONE COMING UP…STAND BY!!”
         My number one jumper hands his static line to Luckie and rotates into the door.
         I position myself so I am behind him and looking for the green light.
         There it is…like a bright shining star in a sea of darkness. The green glow of light fills and fuels my soul with a sense of pride and accomplishment that only a select few will ever know.
         As it charges my body and soul it gives me the strength to slap that number one jumper on his forth point of contact all the while shouting “GREEN LIGHT GO!!”
         He exits and I can hear Kermit shouting GO on his door.
         I turn my attention to the remaining jumpers as they rush to the door in a controlled hurry.
         Like ballerinas at a Ballet, gracefully, fluidly and some cumbersomely they get to the door and exit.
         Some gracefully and others hell, they simply fall out the door.     
         Watching to make sure their arms are extended, creating a one second interval which typically creates enough space and hopefully no one gets into a high altitude entanglement.

         The light is still green and I can see the last few jumpers make their way to the door, plenty of Drop Zone and plenty of green light.
         I smile as the last man gets sucked out the door. I turn over my left shoulder to watch Kermit exit his last man.
         He’s out and Kermit makes his way to the door and with a flash, he’s gone too.
         I turn to Luckie and hand him my static line with a smile and check to make sure I still got a green light.
         Yeah…there will be no jumpmaster pass for us. And with that, my last thought before exiting, “Yeah…this is the shit. This is what we do!”

****

          Man it seems like it was a life time ago I did my first PJ going into Geronimo DZ.
          Time has passed and with the hours spent in the circle last week, I’m now T-11 certified.
          And can once again perform duties and yeah…I can JMPI jumpers too.
          That Friday as I found the deficiencies and slapped that last jumper on the leg I was reminded of my first time in Jumpmaster school in January of 1999.
          Here it is, 13 years later, I’m finishing Jumpmaster again and ready to perform the duties.
          This small trip down memory lane is dedicated to my father who graduated Jumpmaster school back in 1966 and to all the Jumpmasters out there who have felt the pain of the circle, the sting of knowing you didn’t make time, watching your first jumper exit, leaning out the bird conducting a “Clear to the rear” and the phrase that we have all echoed, “TIME STOP WHATCHA DOING. FACE CENTER CIRCLE, ROTATE ONE JUMPER TO THE RIGHT!!”

“JUMPMASTER!!”

Modus Operandi aka my MO

Well it's Saturday and it’s been an interesting day thus far. It started out with a call from my daughter blaming me for my “friends” contacting her mother. As I tried to explain via logic that I had nothing to do with the contact nor do I care about said contact. She then talked to me about a fake facebook account titled “Jenny Jailbird” and insisted that I along with my “friends” were behind it. Well we discussed it for awhile and the conversation eventually came to a close.


Which leads me to where I am now, writing about it. My daughter, for as intelligent and smart as she is there is a reason you can’t reason with a teenager. They don’t understand. See, we all establish an M.O. aka Modus Operandi. A Latin phrase, approximately translated as “method of operation.” The term is used to describe someone's habits or manner of working. So I have an MO when it comes to dealing with my ex. And my MO is to speak my mind and say what I wish to say. I’ve never hidden behind a fake facebook account or fake anything else. I’m a big boy and I don’t have a problem calling a spade a spade. Besides, I do have a blog as I recall and the first amendment grants me such a right. However, I do exercise this right within reason. That reason being I don’t write anything that I can not prove, willing to put my name to or willing to go to court over. So that makes for honest writing and I guess you can say is a "code" of sorts. That and it keeps me out of trouble.

So when you’re trying to explain your “MO” to your daughter, as a teenager she just doesn’t get it. As for my ex-wife’s friends aka her flock of sheep…they are just…let’s say they are as “clueless” as my ex. They do not have the facts nor do they actually know me. So of course, it’s Jennifer’s version of me and they all eat it up like a bunch of hungry lil puppies. Why would I waste my time with fake accounts when I have spent plenty of time writing about my life and dealings with my ex right here within my blog. I have the ability to post pictures, documents and anything else if I wished to as the young folks say, “Put her on blast.” But alas…none are smart enough to pay attention to the facts or reality. Friday around 2:30pm I recieved a friend request from Jenny Jailbird. Not knowing who it was (But assuming it was my ex Jennifer), I messaged them.

Jerome Dingle 2:37pm

I got no issues adding you to my friends list. Nothing to hide, but how come you decided to use a fake account? Is there a reason you’re not using your actual account to friend me?


Jenny Jailbird 2:47pm

jerome this in support of you, n i rather stay unknown lol i want her ass to feel salty. the truth will b known


Jerome Dingle 2:52

Ok, I thought this was actually Jennifer. Supporting me is nice and all but a facebook account like this...it's really not needed. IMHO

After this I decided to look into this account and try and figure out who it was. Basically trying to confirm whether it was really my ex. See numerous times in the past my ex and her friends have created fake names and accounts  to get me to talk and see what I was up too. My ex even gave one of her friends my password so she could read my e-mails (while I was in Korea, and yes...I have emails between Jennifer and her buddy Jennifer Shorts that proves this). Ok, back to the here and now...then my facebook beeps and I get the below message from one of Jennifer’s friends. This woman lived across the street from me in KY since 2005 and has never had a conversation with me which lasted longer than 5 minutes yet she feels the need to contact me on facebook on my ex-wife’s behalf.


Dee Houghtby Corkran 3:12pm

Shame on you, Jerome Dingle. If you didn't do this horrible thing of creating a false facebook page for Jenny, a friend of yours did. Shame on you. Your children will see this. It's sick.

Jerome Dingle 3:17pm

Why are you contacting me?

Dee Houghtby Corkran 3:18pm

Shame on you.

Jerome Dingle 3:20pm

ok, that tells me alot. If you aren’t adult enough to speak to me then don’t. You were never my friend, nor have you ever actually spoken to me. So...no need now. Have a nice afternoon.

I find it odd that right after I’m contacted by this “Jenny Jailbird” that her friend contacts me. And again, Mrs. Corkran and I are not friends nor does she correspond with me except on Jennifer’s behalf. So the contact at best...its suspect. Which leads me to believe that it wasn’t one of my friends but possibly Jennifer herself or someone she knows. I checked the profile out and there were three friends listed. All are Jennifer’s friends and one whom lives here in Fayetteville…found that odd too. Especially since all Jennifer did was talk about this woman and her daughters behind her back, now they are facebook friends and chatting it up. And all have been extremely vocal about me, yet none of them know me. Why would Jennifer’s “friends” befriend someone called Jenny Jailbird, especially with her photo from her arrest plastered as the profile pic. Another thing is there were two photos in the photo album. Both were documents. Both were from Jennifer’s arrest. Well, I sent a copy of the arrest report via facebook to her cousin Kathleen after she contacted me again on Jennifer’s behalf. None of my friends have ever seen it. The only other person I sent it to was Jennifer's Mom whom requested to see it.

So again, I do have copies of the police reports as well as the assessments all on digits which I could easily load up on my facebook and or on my blog right here. There isn’t a need for me to establish a fake account to put my ex on “blast.” But it wasn’t long before my daughter called me stating the same thing. Followed by emails from my ex:

ACTIONS TAKEN:


1)COMMAND NOTIFIED. YEP TALKED TO HIM ON HIS WAY TO FLORIDA.

2) IG REQUEST FOR INTERNAL INVESTIGATION OF YOUR CYBER BULLYING

3) UPDATE WITH THE VICTIMS' ADVOCACY ON BRAGG

4) POLICE REPORT WITH ALL EVIDENCE

5) FACEBOOK NOTIFIED TO EXPECT POLICE IN...VESTIGATION

6) FORT BRAGG POLICE NOTIFIED-WAITING ON KENTUCKY POLICE REPORT TO CONFER

7) DOCUMENTATION OF YEARS OF ABUSE-ESPECIALLY THE ESCALATING THREATS FROM YOUR 'FRIENDS' DIANNE SUNDERLAND HARDEMAN AND KIM JONES TO MYSELF, MY FAMILY AND FRIENDS.

8)FBI NOTIFIED. SWEAR TO GOD. I WILL PUSH MY FREEDOM TO THE MAX AND STOP YOUR ABUSE AGAINST MY KIDS AND I.
I AM NOT PLAYING. THIS IS ENOUGH. ENOUGH. I ASKED YOU TO CALL YOUR GOONS OFF. YOU WILL BE CONNECTED TO EVERYTHING. I AM CONFIDENT OF THAT. DON'T DROP THE SOAP YOU ASSHOLE. OH, AND TELL DONNA IF SHE IS CONNECTED? I WILL HAVE HER CHARGED AS WELL.

oh, and? 'Take it up with her'??????? REALLY. I DON'T FUCKING KNOW YOUR FRIENDS. YOU LIED AND INCITED HATRED TOWARDS ME. PUTTING ME AT RISK. AND I PRAY YOU ALL ARE PUNISHED FOR IT. YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR COMPLETE STRANGERS HARASSING AND THREATENING ME. YOU ARE A CRIMINAL. NEVER LET YOUR CRIMINAL MIND AFFECT MY KIDS OR I AGAIN. PERIOD. 'TAKE IT UP WITH HER'??? REALLY? THEY ALREADY HAVE. COMPLETE STRANGERS THANKS TO YOU ENCOURAGING IT. AND? YOU STILL ARE. I REALLY HOPE YOU GET THE BOOK THROWN AT YOU. AND SO DOES EVERYONE WHO WAS HARASSED BY YOUR 'FRIENDS'.  
So there you have it...Free Speech. I don't hide...behind anything.

I'm Doing So Well Now...LOL

My ex talks about me way more than she should. So I decided to test the theory and see just how much. So here it is an experiment in obsessive behavior; this is to see just how many times my former spouse (who claims to not be obsessed or focused on me and my life) talks about me over the span of 30 days. I have given her a car, support paid the way she wants it and she has physical custody of my kids. So let’s just see if she gets all she says she wants…will this go away.




October 1st: ~~Diary of a Divorcee-Confession #147~~After a FULL YEAR of fighting to have my Child Support Court Order honored and Military Law honored that mandates the BAH go to the dependants? Somebody FINALLY did their job.

I know right!! Yayyyyy! He can never take me to court again over the car!

Thank you, Roz. He insisted on paying for the car as part of the separation agreement. He did everything crazy he did in the separation and divorce figuring I would go back to him. I didn't. So, then he paid it off. Two reasons. 1) He figured he would save money on the payment (Which he refinanced to double what the payment was to keep going to court....and 2) He figured I didn't have the $400.00 for the taxes. Which, of course, I didn't. Then he threatened to 'steal' the car if I couldn't. Sure did-called it Operation Recovery. And, he threatened to take me to Court. Blah. Blah. Blah if I couldn't have the taxes paid in five days. Same old. Turns out, with a Court Order that the car was mine at the time of Pay Off? I didn't have to pay the taxes. So, it cost me $19.00 to Register it in my name. In conclusion? While he was trying to screw me again? He didn't do his homework and I scored me a car worth about $15,000.00 for $19.00 bucks. True story.



October 2nd: Diary of a Divorcee-Confession #149~~Wow. So I couldn't sleep. And I have been laying here thinking about the past two years of Hell. Two years ago I had to spend my Birthday without my kids. Last year he wouldn't pay child support and we were truly destitute. Worrying about toilet paper and soap. The BASICS.


October 3rd: I live in 'Small Town America'. And, it is AMAZING how 'Small Town' GOSSIP travels. For real. It is actually quite amazing. When I left my Ex, he knew this. I didn't. I never cared about anyone's 'business' nor was I miserable enough to embellish another's 'misery'. Well, he started a bunch of lies about me. And it snowballed.


~~YEP.Love EVERY WORD. WORD FOR WORD~~But me? I will do what I please, I will breathe and you will pay for your sins. This IS IT for us. You ARE full of it. haha. Your LOSS~~



October 14th: ~Diary of a Divorcee-Confession #158~~We will see how THIS one goes over-oh well, what is RIGHT is RIGHT~And, I sure hope that Corrupt SOB who calls himself a 'Judge' reads this~~This 'Chess' Match is gonna stop-I am the Queen for his pawns.~~Jus Sayin'~~


Letter to Mr. Insanity:

"A head's up. I will not have the money to transport the kids for Christmas. Period. So, I would suggest you arrange s...

I mean, really? And if he goes overseas? Do I board a SHIP or a PLANE to get them there? Hardin County Family Court System? Get with the REAL WORLD. Helllooooooo!!!!!

October 16th: ~Diary of a Divorcee-Confession #159~~I hesitate to post this for two reasons. One? Years ago in our first year of marriage my ex talked me into to 'Couple's Therapy'. Then he proceeded to portray himself as a 'victim'. He told the 'therapist' that I called him an 'Asshole'. She looked directly at ME and said "That is ABUSE. THAT is NAME CALLING". I gathered my purse, looked directly at her and said "He THREW me ACROSS A ROOM. INTO A WALL. I don't call that 'name calling'. I call THAT an ADJECTIVE TO DESCRIBE THE NOUN THAT ABUSED ME". Lol. Sure did. I mean, give me a break. Secondly, as a victim of abuse you have to deal with so much 'questioning', disbelief, and 'blaming the victim'. Most DON'T and REFUSE to accept this is rampant in our Society. They will say "You REALLY said that?" ...I will say "Hell, yeah, I said that". They will usually judge the victim. It is so much easier to say "She MUST have done SOMETHING" than to be honest and say "NO Woman should be thrown across a room!". It is so much easier than facing the fact that the United States of America has a huge problem with the abuse of women and children, the lack of resources and the corruption of the family courts which then allows the abuser to abuse you legally. That being said, here is my last e-mail to my abuser. The abuser of my kids. If you are faint at heart and Puritan in mind-disregard-if you are ready to hear the anger, disgust and fatigue of someone who is sick and tired of the abuse and the system's failure to protect-Please Read~Here we go.....

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Look, you asshole, this whole 'pretend world' that you live in where you portray to people that you are 'taking care' of me has gotten very old. Every cent you send is spent on your kids. …….Expect the Bill and notification of what I need from you as a Down Payment. In the meantime? Go Fuck Yourself and quit stressing my kids out. Asshole

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It's the truth and screw the 'formalities' or the expectation of me to always act like a 'Lady'. I won't with him. He better get used to it. And so should the 'system'. I have been abused long enough. I am tired of this waste of time and energy at the expense of my children who along with myself have literally been treated like third class citizens. I may as well wear a Burqua the way I was given NO RIGHTS FOR SO LONG. I should have been stoned in the streets. And, yes, Dear Reader, it IS that BAD here at times. Well, know what? I DON'T wear a Scarlet Letter. I DON'T wear a Burqua and my daughter and I will demand nothing less than fairness. I WILL teach her that. The Constitution PROTECTS her and her Father has RESPONSIBILITIES. No Appelate Judge can argue that. And? He deserves my 'ADJECTIVES'. There IS only ONE way to describe a completely abusive Asshole. Sorry...TRUTH!! Jus Sayin...~~~

Jennifer Specht: Thanks, Carol. That means a lot. Enough is Enough! And, no more, my kids can't take his drama. It's ridiculous. Braces? It's not like she is asking to go to Europe to party for the summer. I mean, give me a break!. So, I put him on blast and publish this Diary for every other woman who has been ripped apart by a system that is a BUSINESS. THEY WANT YOUR MONEY. How do they get it and protect their jobs? They keep you in Kangaroo Court. Enough.

Jennifer Specht: Yes, Carol, my children and I were not only victimised by him but then by everyone in the system. Literally TOLD that we didn't have a right to our anger and still being called liars. It is sickening how society supports abuse

October 21st: ~Diary of a Divorcee-Confession #162~~I had an AMAZING Weekend. I did. I spent so much time with my beautiful kids. I cleaned the house (I LOVE a CLEAN House, not gonna lie!)~I got all of the groceries bought. I planned meals. I watched Romy play an amazing game of Football. I had a hilarious day with Maddy shopping and enjoyed every minute of Jeff's 'Gift of the Gab'. I have NO COMPLAINTS. Even my 'ex' husband's stupid, childish drama just made me laugh. It did. I like this feeling of 'Normal'. I like that my kids are finally seeing 'Normal'. They deserve it. Groceries, Mom home-Mom cooking-need something? Mom can get it? THAT is NORMAL. And THAT is COMFORT. Thank you, God, for carrying us through. We are loving our drama free life and THIS is our COMFORT ZONE~


Well there you have it; a lite month by my ex’s standards. For someone who has moved on, found the love of her life and is truly happy for the first time in her life. I sure do seem to come up in her thoughts an awful lot. I have received numerous emails, 32 emails in all during the month of October but refrained from including them in this. Many were ramblings and repeated the same thing over and over again. Well, it’s good to know I made a lasting impression. Bahahahahaha I sure do crack me up.

I Believe Romney Has Already Loss

Saturday morning and as I lay in the bed watching the news I have come to a realization. Although I’m not a supporter of Obama (this has nothing to do with my military service) I believe he will be reelected. You may ask how come after weeks of debate and good conversations with friends from all walks of life on facebook and in person. Well it’s like this…Obama is already in office so any one, including Romney, has an up hill battle ahead. And when you fight battles you have got to have troops, support, supplies and a very good or solid plan. In the military, we have a saying. All plans are good plans until you make first contact.


Well Romney made first contact and instead of developing the situation rapidly, he stuck to his original plan. Instead of convincing voters of who he is, where he is, where he’s coming from and his vision for our country; not apologizing for being rich, he has wasted time and money on “petty” ads and comments trying to play the “blame” or “zingers” game. In 2008, Obama did a good job of not “slinging” mud and sticking to his plan which was change. And it worked, people bought into it, voted and he was elected. This year however he is doing and has done a lot of “trash” talking, especially in the last week. Why? Because he already has a solid base of supporters across the country and although he may loose a few hear and there, he still has a solid foundation which is more than enough to keep him in office.

I don’t think there are enough people who are unhappy with Obama to vote Romney in and unseat him. And that’s mainly Romney’s campaign’s (plan of attack) fault or fatal flaw. As I sat and watched MSNBC’s Rachel Maddow it became very clear. Not only is Romney trying to win over the undecided and those Obama supporters who he has made unhappy; he’s also battling the liberal media outlets. So he’s got a President already in office and a slew of media outlets that aren’t challenging the President on things he’s not done well or promises he hasn’t kept. So those individual’s who are on the fence or are unhappy supporters, needed Romney to come forward and explain as well as get his message out in a clear and concise manner. And its crunch time…and I feel it’s a lil too late. Those undecided are probably going to go with what they already know.

Benghazi and what’s become public should be a much bigger story then it is but there are more liberal media outlets so the tough questions aren’t being asked and discussed. Romney decided to give Obama a “pass” on this and other topics in foreign affairs in hopes of gaining more female support. But when you have Senators making ridiculous statements about abortion, rape (I understand what he was saying he just said it all wrong) and a woman’s choice, that will severely damage your name and stance. The President isn’t being called out on his perceived action or lack there of. None who are supporters have come forward and said, “yeah…he may have screwed up on that one.” People are ignoring it and focusing on jobs, or abortion comments. I look at comments here on FB and when I look at my page and my friends list, I have a “Stew” of friends because there is no such thing as a “Melting Pot.” You see within a “Stew” many of the vegetables and meats keep there shape and overall taste but they do become influenced and acquire some of the flavors from other meats and veggies in the stew. We as a people are no different. We maybe one thing but we have the flexibility to go, do and see things that allow us to change our opinions. My friends on FB are a true representation of our country. Men, woman, gay, straight, Hispanic, Black, White, API, young, old, educated, rich, poor, I could go on and on. Can you say the same about those you choose to include within your “Circle of Friends?”

So when it comes to this battle, I am coming to the realization that Romney’s plan of attack should have been changed and modified as he fought his campaign. Problem is the fighting was moving faster than his plan could handle and we have found ourselves where we are; which is in a neck in neck race to the finish-line. The finish-line, being the White House. Romney should have had a decent lead to compensate for those undecided voters. But without a good lead and a good solid plan for those undecided and wishy washy to sink their teeth into…I think they are just gonna go with what they know because they haven’t been pushed or truly turned off by Obama’s administration from the last 4 years. That and some just don’t want to admit that they may have been wrong voting for him and want to be able to say “See we told you. He did keep his promises and get the job done.” Problem is he can only serve two terms so his second term he can do what he wishes in some regards.

So…I hope things get better and he does a better job because if he doesn’t all you who have claimed that things are better and he obtained the seat with a country in a bad place…will have lost all credibility with me and I will gladly tell you to SUCK IT UP CUPCAKE!!! You put him there, now deal with it. Don’t complain because you had a chance to make and effect change and you choose the easy way out.

What Words Can Say

Obsess: haunt in mind; preoccupy or be preoccupied greatly.

Obsession: idea, etc. that obsesses one.

Exaggerate: make seem greater than it really is; overstate.

Lie: make a false statement knowingly.

Harass: trouble or attack constantly.

 Hate: a strong dislike

Bitter: sorrowful, painful, resentful, etc.

Divorce: legal dissolution of a marriage.

Paranoid: mental illness of feeling persecuted.

Narcissism: self-love.

Mal: bad or badly.

Adapt: fit or adjust as needed.

Accountable: responsible.

Responsible: obliged to do or answer for.

Omit: to leave out.

Not too long ago I wrote a post on FB and used these same 15 words. 15 words with various meanings but speak volumes if you ask me. I sat on a Saturday morning and just starting looking each one up in my dictionary…writing down what Webster defined them as. Its funny how we can pick and choose to use words to either describe us or things in our life. It’s even more amazing when we use these words incorrectly as if we are uneducated or ill informed.

 I’ve always had a problem with words, especially when I feel they aren’t being used correctly. Guess you can say it’s a pet peeve of mine. So as I sit here…sippin on a Bud Light Platinum listening to music I sit and wonder. How come we use words incorrectly? Is it because we are dumb? Maybe it’s because we are too lazy to read and understand what it is we are saying. Or…maybe we are misguided and we just aren’t as smart as we like to think? Hmmmmmm???????

 Obsess: haunt in mind; preoccupy or be preoccupied greatly and Obsession: idea, etc. that obsesses one; are two words which (verb and noun) describe an action that we can commit or a thing that we can sometimes do. Being obsessed or having an obsession can be a good thing. But mainly it’s a word that we associate with it being bad or negative. People obsess about objects, places and people. In the movies when someone obsesses about another person…it usually turns out bad for one of the two parties. Don’t believe me; watch Fatal Attraction, Obsessed or Single White Female. Yeah…didn’t end all too well for someone now did it? Yeah I know that they are all movies but they do show how a person can obsess about another and not in a good way.

Exaggerate: make seem greater than it really is; overstate, Lie: make a false statement knowingly, Omit: to leave out. Are more words that we use from time to time when we want to add color to often dull and boring stories we tell about our lives. They can make life seem larger than it actually is. But as they can add color to life they too can cause one problems when their definitions are used incorrectly during situations we may find ourselves in based on our own actions. Which leads to words like Accountable: responsible, Responsible: obliged to do or answer for. These will now make us, or should make us stand up and take notice. Make us adults in a sense, and own up to what it is we may be doing or saying at the time. These two words are surely adult words yet many shrink and avoid them at all cost. Why…I guess you can say its immaturity or maybe its fear. Fear that maybe we aren’t really grown up and we are just pretending to be grownups.

When we refuse to grow up and act as adults it can seem as if we become Paranoid: mental illness of feeling persecuted or even display Narcissism: self-love. Like everyone is out to get us or attack us. When truth be told…most of the time it isn’t true. It’s normally the people that love us the most and only want to see us well and healthy get accused of conspiring to do us wrong or hurt us when it’s simply not the case. Not at all but they can act suspicious of others, irritable, often jealous, and tend to overvalue their private perspective on the world. They are just suspicious and hostile all the time.  Man…that’s got to be trying I’d think. Narcissism only adds fuel to the fire which is paranoia. You start to believe you are above any and all. Most of this behavior is designed to impress others or boost one’s image or yourself. That your thoughts or ideas are so grand and important that you should share them with people you feel are there to support you. But it can back fire when you start to feel distraught over a ruined social relationship, having alienated friends, family members or a marriage partner. You may even feel that you are above the law. This kind of thinking is dangerous and can only lead you down a path to self-destruction. For yourself and relations ships that you may have spent the better part of your life time cultivating. Friends…family…loved ones…no one is safe because you will see them as the enemy and out to get you.

And when the enemy surrounds you can begin to Harass: trouble or attack constantly. Attack those trying to help you because in your mind…they aren’t trying to help you. They are only out to hurt you. Once you have that mindset it’s easy to find yourself hating those people.  Hate: a strong dislike. I recall so many years ago a fellow Corporal who was stationed with me in Korea telling me you should never hate anyone. “Hate is a strong word Dingle,” he said. “You should never use it. You should say you dislike their ways because it’s impossible to hate someone.” That conversation stuck with me and I have done my best since that day to not say I hate someone. Because he was right…hate is a very strong and powerful word.

But some will use that word and choose to associate it with a relationship(s). Especially after a bad break up or Divorce: legal dissolution of a marriage. And for some…once you find yourself there you can clearly become let’s say…Bitter: sorrowful, painful, resentful, etc. Unable to move on, unable to let go of your past and look towards your new future that you so desired. Bitterness doesn’t actually hurt those your bitter towards if you think about it. I mean let’s look at those your bitter at…I bet they aren’t sitting around being bitter. I’m willing to bet they have moved on and enjoying their life while you sit and stew in the bitterness which you yourself have created.  

An unwillingness to move forward and harbor resentment is viewed as maladaptive. Mal: bad or badly along with Adapt: fit or adjust as needed. By definition it’s an abnormality which prevents some normal, expected talent or ability from being expressed, or it has an adverse impact on the individual's ability to live harmoniously with others.

 So it all comes back on you. Who you are and what you learned about yourself as well as how to use words. It reminds me of a pretty profound quote I read some time ago. “Forgiveness doesn’t make the other person right. It makes you free.” See…words are very powerful when you use them correctly.