“Guns don’t kill…people do.” Catchy title huh? Yeah, it grabs the attention and then provokes thought. I’m sure you may be wondering why I said this. Well this morning is my daughter’s 8th grade graduation. She didn’t tell when it was and I had to call the school to find out when it was. They are breaking it up into two times, 0815 and 0930. I asked her which one is hers…the answer I got…"Like 9 I think.” Seriously? You are a straight “A” student and you don’t know when you graduation is? Knowledge is power and thus the power struggle continues. I have been in this battle since March 5th 2009. I have taken several different approaches as well as stances. So you may disagree…but I’m sorry. I did call the school and they weren’t sure which group she was in. I’m 100% sure her Mom knows which one and whether she shows…is immaterial to me. I will show up at or around 0915 and if I have missed it…that’s life. Sometimes we have to do things we don’t want to do until we get to do the things we want to do.
Anyone who says divorce is hard…you’re full of crap. Divorces are never ever hard! They are as simple as going to Wal-Mart and buying eggs. You find the eggs, get in line, pay for them and leaving the store. Divorces are no different. It’s a choice. You can choose to leave the marriage and be civil or you can choose to be an arse. I don’t wanna hear the “it’s painful” crap either. We all know right from wrong! And a divorce is not an excuse to do wrong…it’s unacceptable. We don't always get what we want in this life. But because you make the decesion to end your marriage, doesnt give you the right to do what you know is wrong just for the sake of saving face or because idiots are whispering crap in your ear. So if I’m broke…you’re telling me it’s ok to rob a bank? I mean I’m broke and I need to feed my family. So that’s where the quote comes in. We have hundreds of weapons in the military sitting in our armsrooms. They are ineffective unless a Soldier has possession of said weapon and then uses it as directed. So now you know what I mean and where I’m coming from. Sometimes we can’t see the forest for the trees.
Thursday, June 2, 2011
Wednesday, June 1, 2011
Aftermath...part 2
31May11
Well the month is gone and June is finally here. The judge decided to order us to CO-PARENT and honor our joint shared custody agreement. A year of my life wasted and I should have done what I planned on doing long ago. This is potentially gonna be a rough month. Court, moving, clearing…getting the house ready to sell or rent. Can you say full plate? Oh and did I mention that we are finally, after a year Jennifer has no choice but to honor our divorce decree and take the kids every other week. It started last week and that Sunday was pretty rough. Madison was just being a pain; arguing about everything. You’d think she’d be happy about going to stay with their Mom. I had to send sheets with them and then Jennifer had the nerve to actually demand I do some things. Yeah…right. Last I checked we are divorced and if it’s not for my kids…I can’t help you. Well when the kids got back here Sunday it was a little hectic but they are better now. So I just gotta keep focused and continue to be consistent. I asked them how their week was and if they had a good time. That’s as far as it goes. I’m not interested in what they did just if they enjoyed their time with their Mom. I heard she set her FB page back to public. That woman sure feeds off an audience. I haven’t gone on their nor will I. It really doesn’t matter. But hey, too each his own.
She even called my unit again while I was down in Georgia. Seriously? Get a frackin life girl. What are they gonna do? Uh…nothing. Duh! LOL. She told them that she’s afraid of me, I might hurt her…she was afraid I would take the kids to Georgia. Really? Duh…that’s why I have a court date…hello. I mean it’s been a year and she still hasn’t realized that I ain’t the same guy she married. I have grown and matured a great deal. So actually, she did me a favor by divorcing me. She made me a better man as she said she’d always do. I agreed to pay the loan off on her car…but that’s it not the registration nor insurance. But she...refuses to take full ownership of the car. So it’s still in my name so I’m stuck. Then she goes and gets into two accidents so of course I get the call and now I lose my good driver discount and my rates will go up. I’ve got to figure something out especially since I’m moving. Why is it sooo hard to get a person to simply do the right thing?
Well the month is gone and June is finally here. The judge decided to order us to CO-PARENT and honor our joint shared custody agreement. A year of my life wasted and I should have done what I planned on doing long ago. This is potentially gonna be a rough month. Court, moving, clearing…getting the house ready to sell or rent. Can you say full plate? Oh and did I mention that we are finally, after a year Jennifer has no choice but to honor our divorce decree and take the kids every other week. It started last week and that Sunday was pretty rough. Madison was just being a pain; arguing about everything. You’d think she’d be happy about going to stay with their Mom. I had to send sheets with them and then Jennifer had the nerve to actually demand I do some things. Yeah…right. Last I checked we are divorced and if it’s not for my kids…I can’t help you. Well when the kids got back here Sunday it was a little hectic but they are better now. So I just gotta keep focused and continue to be consistent. I asked them how their week was and if they had a good time. That’s as far as it goes. I’m not interested in what they did just if they enjoyed their time with their Mom. I heard she set her FB page back to public. That woman sure feeds off an audience. I haven’t gone on their nor will I. It really doesn’t matter. But hey, too each his own.
She even called my unit again while I was down in Georgia. Seriously? Get a frackin life girl. What are they gonna do? Uh…nothing. Duh! LOL. She told them that she’s afraid of me, I might hurt her…she was afraid I would take the kids to Georgia. Really? Duh…that’s why I have a court date…hello. I mean it’s been a year and she still hasn’t realized that I ain’t the same guy she married. I have grown and matured a great deal. So actually, she did me a favor by divorcing me. She made me a better man as she said she’d always do. I agreed to pay the loan off on her car…but that’s it not the registration nor insurance. But she...refuses to take full ownership of the car. So it’s still in my name so I’m stuck. Then she goes and gets into two accidents so of course I get the call and now I lose my good driver discount and my rates will go up. I’ve got to figure something out especially since I’m moving. Why is it sooo hard to get a person to simply do the right thing?
Monday, May 16, 2011
The Aftermath
Two years ago I returned from Korea to nothing. One night my ex-wife got drunk and accused me of assault. She ended up getting arrested for filing a false report and when we later went to court the judge awarded me temporary emergency custody of our three children. And there it started. Has there ever been a crazier divorce? I mean seriously. She wanted a divorce then became pissed when she didn’t get what she felt she deserved. Problem is she has led her entire life as though she was owed. But we all know….your not owed a damn thing in this life.
Two years later....this woman has not changed nor has she moved on. Actually she has continued with her mission. Which I can only assumed to pay me back for the wrong she feels I have done her and in doing so also ruin whatever relationship I have left with my children. I’m a month and some change away from moving to Ft Benning to start our lives anew and yet it seems I am no closer to a resolution than when this all started two years ago. I have followed the rules and done all I can to maintain a level of professionalism through all this. I could have ended this all long ago but the price I felt for victory was too high and the causalities…were not worth the price of victory. So…I had to pass.
She however did not. It seemed like weekly I was being accused of abusing and or neglecting our kids. So much that Child Protective Services was called and I was called into explain or be interviewed. Of course I was guilty until I could prove myself innocent. I’m black, 5-11 and tip the scales at 230lbs. In uniform I have been told I present a very intimidating figure of a man. So of course…when you look at me…I must be guilty. Well when I was finally interviewed, well they got the rest of the story as well as some other information my ex-wife had conveniently left out; the fact that she was drunk and had been arrested for filing a false report. Hmmm, very important detail to leave out when your accusing someone of neglect and abuse.
So that was the start of Child Protective Services being in our lives (along with two other agencies). For months, two women would come into my home and talk with me, the kids and observe me parenting. Yeah…it sucked. Nothing like having strangers come into your home watching and judging your every word and move. Then on top of it and had two other agencies that which required two more ladies to come into my home. Two days of every week for an hour or more they where here. Time passed and I did as I was advised where as my ex-wife did not. It got so bad that we (even though I did as directed) were taken to court for non-compliance. This then started a whole new era of craziness. Once in court the petition was dropped against me but not my ex. And the court recommended that the children be remanded in my custody until the issue of non-compliance was resolved. Fat chance.
To be continued......
Two years later....this woman has not changed nor has she moved on. Actually she has continued with her mission. Which I can only assumed to pay me back for the wrong she feels I have done her and in doing so also ruin whatever relationship I have left with my children. I’m a month and some change away from moving to Ft Benning to start our lives anew and yet it seems I am no closer to a resolution than when this all started two years ago. I have followed the rules and done all I can to maintain a level of professionalism through all this. I could have ended this all long ago but the price I felt for victory was too high and the causalities…were not worth the price of victory. So…I had to pass.
She however did not. It seemed like weekly I was being accused of abusing and or neglecting our kids. So much that Child Protective Services was called and I was called into explain or be interviewed. Of course I was guilty until I could prove myself innocent. I’m black, 5-11 and tip the scales at 230lbs. In uniform I have been told I present a very intimidating figure of a man. So of course…when you look at me…I must be guilty. Well when I was finally interviewed, well they got the rest of the story as well as some other information my ex-wife had conveniently left out; the fact that she was drunk and had been arrested for filing a false report. Hmmm, very important detail to leave out when your accusing someone of neglect and abuse.
So that was the start of Child Protective Services being in our lives (along with two other agencies). For months, two women would come into my home and talk with me, the kids and observe me parenting. Yeah…it sucked. Nothing like having strangers come into your home watching and judging your every word and move. Then on top of it and had two other agencies that which required two more ladies to come into my home. Two days of every week for an hour or more they where here. Time passed and I did as I was advised where as my ex-wife did not. It got so bad that we (even though I did as directed) were taken to court for non-compliance. This then started a whole new era of craziness. Once in court the petition was dropped against me but not my ex. And the court recommended that the children be remanded in my custody until the issue of non-compliance was resolved. Fat chance.
To be continued......
Saturday, May 14, 2011
Choices We Make
Knocked this one out while I was in Korea back in 2009.
Choice, a decision one makes when asked or forced to decide between two alternatives. Life as we know it…is full of choices, millions and millions of choices. Choices we as people make each and every single day. Do I get up at 6 or at 7? Do I eat lunch or skip it? Do I buy it now or later? Everyday, day in and day out it’s almost all we do; make a choice. And once we make that choice, we then have to live with the consequences of said choice. The answer maybe as simple as can you live with the consequences of your choice?!
Wondering will eventually lead you to what and or why do we make the choices we make. Is it fear? Honor? Integrity? What? What is it that drives one to do or attempt to do what we may feel is morally right? Where do we as humans get the desire to make our choices? Is it based on our life experiences or something we have seen or learned?
When I was about 6 years old I recall vividly, a conversation I had with my Mom. The subject was right vs. wrong, lying, stealing and so on. The one thing that impacted me the most was what she said, “Jay, you can do what you want but one day you will have to account for your sins.” Now, being a 6 year old who had a very colorful imagination I took it to heart. In my little mind I envisioned me standing in front of a podium facing this tall and thin white gentleman, white hair, white beard and white suit. On this podium in front of him was a large book; brown leather backing with gold trim on the edges of the pages. And in this book was everything single thing I had ever done in my entire life…good and bad.
As I stood in front of him he opened it and I could see dust rise through the air as he turned the pages. Once at the section about me he started and began to read, “Ok Jay, on 3 May 1976 you stole a truck from the playground. Why?”
And from there it continued, I was standing there…accounting for every single thing I did wrong. Because this was for real and if I wanted to get into heaven, I’d better be able to explain my actions, all of them.
Those images, thoughts and in turn how I felt, stuck with me throughout my childhood. Anytime I would think of doing something wrong I would envision that angelic gentleman, his book…and choose right over wrong. Now don’t get me wrong, I did things I should not have but the things I did I felt I had the ability to explain them. So that image became a huge piece of what I now call my moral compass. You might say it IS the compass because I still use it to this day and so far, it has not let me down or put me in a place where I felt I shouldn’t be. In Iraq…it was present and when we could probably have shot or killed Iraqis we never did. No ghosts for us, no nightmares.
Fast forward to today, I sit and battle with myself about the choices I have made in my life and if I made the correct ones. How do you know that you’re doing it right?
Currently my life is in a state of turmoil. My wife of 12 years filed for divorce and the thought of my family separated is one I do not wish to see come to pass. But I have learned that I have no control over any of this. The only thing that I can control; are the choices that I choose to make. And that brings us back to my original statement...how do you know when you are making the correct choice. “Follow your mind/heart and you’ll never go wrong,” that’s what my Mom likes to say.
So what does it mean? Well to me it’s about trust and belief. You have to believe that you know what you’re doing is right, right for you. Guess it goes back to that moral compass that I mentioned earlier. If it feels right, than maybe it’s the right choice. Now if it doesn’t sit well with you, than it’s possible, that you have made the wrong choice. Sounds simple doesn’t it? At least I thought so, until I found myself questioning some of my very own choices.
This past summer I had to make a very tough choice, I needed to go home and see my wife and kids. It was a difficult choice since there was a lot of underlying issues. I spent $2,000.00 on a plane ticket and flew home to see my family. During that time I was afforded the opportunity to learn a little more about myself and I was really glad for that. My son made the All-Star Baseball team for his league and I watched him play in three separate tournaments. The final one, he played awesomely. I was so very proud of him and his performance. One of his hits, which was a double, is currently my wallpaper on my laptop. I would gladly go through it all again just to see my son play. I made the right choice and the memories I have are proof of that.
When you find yourself in a place you don’t want to be, it seems that every Tom, Dick and Harry have a potential solution to your problem. Most of these solutions come in the form of choices. As if you didn’t already have enough on your preverbal plate, now here are a few more for you to contemplate and confuse you further. Then what’s even tougher is when that moral compass you rely on seems to stop working or the choices that are in front of you all start to blend all to well. Now you’re stuck and or confused because you’re not sure if your compass is working.
I have made choices in my life which has saved as well as ended lives. Those were some of the toughest ones I have made in my still so very young life. I have made choices to go after my dreams as well as watch them fade out. I made the choice to leave college behind and venture out into my own, on a quest to live my life on my terms. I made the choice to get married at a young age and when that marriage failed, I had to live with the choice I made as well the one someone else made…not I. I am the one who made the choice, in the form of an order, which ended a 13 year old boy’s life. That too was a choice I didn’t wish to make.
During combat operations in Iraq, my platoon was tasked with setting an outer cordon during a massive raid our battalion was conducting. Our orders, based on the intelligence provided, were to view any vehicles leaving the compound as hostile enemy Soldiers fleeing and engage them. The rules of engagement were simple, we would fire warning shots and if they refused to stop, then we would view them as a hostile treat and engage.
After we were established at our position we noticed vehicles moving east inside the compound. I called it up. Minutes later we saw two vehicles leaving so again I called it up. As the vehicles headed in our direction I gave the order to fire warning shots. They didn’t stop. We fired again…still the vehicles didn’t stop. I called up once again and was told I had my orders; my call, my orders…my choice. FIRE!
When it was all said and done, two Iraqis were dead and one was a 13 year old boy. My actions that day were just. The choice I made was the right one. But that choice still ended two lives one being a young boy. That is something that will stay with me forever.
I sit and often wonder am I getting it right. I look back on my life and think what if I had not gotten married the first time? That choice…set me on the path which got me here. Had I not gotten married would I still be here? Can I look myself in the mirror at the end of the day? Can I look my four children in the face and have them look back at me? Because knowing their father is a good man and made choices for them that sometimes were not very popular but would set them on the road to success. Or the most important to turn down my ex-wife and choose their mother. Ultimately, the choice to fall for their mother and have them…best choice anyone could make.
I ask God on occasion for a lil help or a point in the right direction. Sometimes he gives a clear answer and sometimes it’s not. But there you have another choice, listen or not listen. But making the wrong choice can have dire consequences. No one likes to be wrong; at least I know I don’t like to be. Not that I can’t admit that I am wrong, it’s just a level of content ness you feel when you make a choice and it works out. It’s like a ray of sunshine coming through your window on a cold winter’s day. Think back to when you were little and the warmth that you felt when you sat on the floor and that sunshine hit you as you played right in front of the window. Man that felt great didn’t it? That warmth is what I feel inside when I make the right choice. Whether it’s helping others or myself…it just feels good to make the right choice.
Choice, a decision one makes when asked or forced to decide between two alternatives. Life as we know it…is full of choices, millions and millions of choices. Choices we as people make each and every single day. Do I get up at 6 or at 7? Do I eat lunch or skip it? Do I buy it now or later? Everyday, day in and day out it’s almost all we do; make a choice. And once we make that choice, we then have to live with the consequences of said choice. The answer maybe as simple as can you live with the consequences of your choice?!
Wondering will eventually lead you to what and or why do we make the choices we make. Is it fear? Honor? Integrity? What? What is it that drives one to do or attempt to do what we may feel is morally right? Where do we as humans get the desire to make our choices? Is it based on our life experiences or something we have seen or learned?
When I was about 6 years old I recall vividly, a conversation I had with my Mom. The subject was right vs. wrong, lying, stealing and so on. The one thing that impacted me the most was what she said, “Jay, you can do what you want but one day you will have to account for your sins.” Now, being a 6 year old who had a very colorful imagination I took it to heart. In my little mind I envisioned me standing in front of a podium facing this tall and thin white gentleman, white hair, white beard and white suit. On this podium in front of him was a large book; brown leather backing with gold trim on the edges of the pages. And in this book was everything single thing I had ever done in my entire life…good and bad.
As I stood in front of him he opened it and I could see dust rise through the air as he turned the pages. Once at the section about me he started and began to read, “Ok Jay, on 3 May 1976 you stole a truck from the playground. Why?”
And from there it continued, I was standing there…accounting for every single thing I did wrong. Because this was for real and if I wanted to get into heaven, I’d better be able to explain my actions, all of them.
Those images, thoughts and in turn how I felt, stuck with me throughout my childhood. Anytime I would think of doing something wrong I would envision that angelic gentleman, his book…and choose right over wrong. Now don’t get me wrong, I did things I should not have but the things I did I felt I had the ability to explain them. So that image became a huge piece of what I now call my moral compass. You might say it IS the compass because I still use it to this day and so far, it has not let me down or put me in a place where I felt I shouldn’t be. In Iraq…it was present and when we could probably have shot or killed Iraqis we never did. No ghosts for us, no nightmares.
Fast forward to today, I sit and battle with myself about the choices I have made in my life and if I made the correct ones. How do you know that you’re doing it right?
Currently my life is in a state of turmoil. My wife of 12 years filed for divorce and the thought of my family separated is one I do not wish to see come to pass. But I have learned that I have no control over any of this. The only thing that I can control; are the choices that I choose to make. And that brings us back to my original statement...how do you know when you are making the correct choice. “Follow your mind/heart and you’ll never go wrong,” that’s what my Mom likes to say.
So what does it mean? Well to me it’s about trust and belief. You have to believe that you know what you’re doing is right, right for you. Guess it goes back to that moral compass that I mentioned earlier. If it feels right, than maybe it’s the right choice. Now if it doesn’t sit well with you, than it’s possible, that you have made the wrong choice. Sounds simple doesn’t it? At least I thought so, until I found myself questioning some of my very own choices.
This past summer I had to make a very tough choice, I needed to go home and see my wife and kids. It was a difficult choice since there was a lot of underlying issues. I spent $2,000.00 on a plane ticket and flew home to see my family. During that time I was afforded the opportunity to learn a little more about myself and I was really glad for that. My son made the All-Star Baseball team for his league and I watched him play in three separate tournaments. The final one, he played awesomely. I was so very proud of him and his performance. One of his hits, which was a double, is currently my wallpaper on my laptop. I would gladly go through it all again just to see my son play. I made the right choice and the memories I have are proof of that.
When you find yourself in a place you don’t want to be, it seems that every Tom, Dick and Harry have a potential solution to your problem. Most of these solutions come in the form of choices. As if you didn’t already have enough on your preverbal plate, now here are a few more for you to contemplate and confuse you further. Then what’s even tougher is when that moral compass you rely on seems to stop working or the choices that are in front of you all start to blend all to well. Now you’re stuck and or confused because you’re not sure if your compass is working.
I have made choices in my life which has saved as well as ended lives. Those were some of the toughest ones I have made in my still so very young life. I have made choices to go after my dreams as well as watch them fade out. I made the choice to leave college behind and venture out into my own, on a quest to live my life on my terms. I made the choice to get married at a young age and when that marriage failed, I had to live with the choice I made as well the one someone else made…not I. I am the one who made the choice, in the form of an order, which ended a 13 year old boy’s life. That too was a choice I didn’t wish to make.
During combat operations in Iraq, my platoon was tasked with setting an outer cordon during a massive raid our battalion was conducting. Our orders, based on the intelligence provided, were to view any vehicles leaving the compound as hostile enemy Soldiers fleeing and engage them. The rules of engagement were simple, we would fire warning shots and if they refused to stop, then we would view them as a hostile treat and engage.
After we were established at our position we noticed vehicles moving east inside the compound. I called it up. Minutes later we saw two vehicles leaving so again I called it up. As the vehicles headed in our direction I gave the order to fire warning shots. They didn’t stop. We fired again…still the vehicles didn’t stop. I called up once again and was told I had my orders; my call, my orders…my choice. FIRE!
When it was all said and done, two Iraqis were dead and one was a 13 year old boy. My actions that day were just. The choice I made was the right one. But that choice still ended two lives one being a young boy. That is something that will stay with me forever.
I sit and often wonder am I getting it right. I look back on my life and think what if I had not gotten married the first time? That choice…set me on the path which got me here. Had I not gotten married would I still be here? Can I look myself in the mirror at the end of the day? Can I look my four children in the face and have them look back at me? Because knowing their father is a good man and made choices for them that sometimes were not very popular but would set them on the road to success. Or the most important to turn down my ex-wife and choose their mother. Ultimately, the choice to fall for their mother and have them…best choice anyone could make.
I ask God on occasion for a lil help or a point in the right direction. Sometimes he gives a clear answer and sometimes it’s not. But there you have another choice, listen or not listen. But making the wrong choice can have dire consequences. No one likes to be wrong; at least I know I don’t like to be. Not that I can’t admit that I am wrong, it’s just a level of content ness you feel when you make a choice and it works out. It’s like a ray of sunshine coming through your window on a cold winter’s day. Think back to when you were little and the warmth that you felt when you sat on the floor and that sunshine hit you as you played right in front of the window. Man that felt great didn’t it? That warmth is what I feel inside when I make the right choice. Whether it’s helping others or myself…it just feels good to make the right choice.
Thursday, March 31, 2011
A brief run down of why I went to court
31MAR11: Today I take over as 1SG for Apache Troop 1-16CAV. Yep, old Dingle is back in the saddle doing what he does best…taking care of hooahs. This week has been fairly stressful. Just with court…which didn’t happen and then the Change of Responsibility that will happen at 1530. And then Moo has 8th grade night for Volleyball. So yeah my weekly calendar is pretty full.
Court was a huge disappointment. This thing has grown its own ugly head and is costing me money and time to cut its head off. See, the whole point of court was for my “X” to explain herself as to why she refused to follow the plan set forth by DCBS as well as take all the children to her apartment every other week as it was agreed upon in our divorce decree. The plan in itself was simple…I and my X were to co-parent. That’s it…we were ordered to co-parent. Go figured. However, one of us felt that DCBS had no right to tell them what to do. Hence we BOTH got taken to court by the County. Once in court it was made clear who was cooperating and who wasn’t. The petition was dropped against me but not my X. The County attorney recommended that the children all remain with me until this was fully cleared up. She was given supervised visitation 1 hour every two weeks. At the recommendation of the DCBS case worker it was increased after the first meeting to 1 hour every week. This decision was made back in July10. All this lasted until Dec 20, 10 at which point my X decided to terminate her visitation and hasn’t spent time with our children since then.
So we were given another court date so she could explain why she refused to co-parent. She fired her court appointed and got another lawyer. So the next time we get to court…time had expired on the day and they were unable to proceed. Another date was set and when the time arrived we showed up. Well, my X insisted that the children speak in open court on the matter. Well the children had an attorney that was speaking on their behalf and in their interest. Well he spoke to the kids and found out they had nothing to say that would shed light on WHY THEIR MOTHER WOULD NOT CO-PARENT WITH ME AND WAS NOT COOPERATING WITH DCBS’ CO-PARENTING PLAN!
He told the judge this and the judge asked me what I felt about our children speaking. In short I told him I had nothing to hide and they were free to do so if he wanted to hear them. He didn’t want them to testify but my X insisted. So he orders them to be evaluated by a forensic mental evlauation. Then he added that myself and my X be spoken too also. So it took the better part of 6 months for all this to pass. Fast forward to yesterday. The evals were done and we had our court date. All players were present save my X. She filed a motion asking for adjudication. She the eval, at the end made a recommendation as to which of us should have primary custody. The recommendation was a shock to all parties involved save probably my X since it was in her favor. So they filed for an adjudication at it was granted along with a new court date in 2 weeks.
So as best we can figure, that’s what the adjudication is about. She wishes to use the report to gain primary custody of our children even though the report is actually incredibly negative and damaging to her. So now I wait for yet another court date. Funny thing is this was never about custody. Custody was set forth throught the divorce decree which she refused to follow. We go to court to find out why she refuses to co-parent and it she has some how made it not about HER but about custody of our children. So now you know the truth. LOL. Told ya..its a nightmare. ;-)
Court was a huge disappointment. This thing has grown its own ugly head and is costing me money and time to cut its head off. See, the whole point of court was for my “X” to explain herself as to why she refused to follow the plan set forth by DCBS as well as take all the children to her apartment every other week as it was agreed upon in our divorce decree. The plan in itself was simple…I and my X were to co-parent. That’s it…we were ordered to co-parent. Go figured. However, one of us felt that DCBS had no right to tell them what to do. Hence we BOTH got taken to court by the County. Once in court it was made clear who was cooperating and who wasn’t. The petition was dropped against me but not my X. The County attorney recommended that the children all remain with me until this was fully cleared up. She was given supervised visitation 1 hour every two weeks. At the recommendation of the DCBS case worker it was increased after the first meeting to 1 hour every week. This decision was made back in July10. All this lasted until Dec 20, 10 at which point my X decided to terminate her visitation and hasn’t spent time with our children since then.
So we were given another court date so she could explain why she refused to co-parent. She fired her court appointed and got another lawyer. So the next time we get to court…time had expired on the day and they were unable to proceed. Another date was set and when the time arrived we showed up. Well, my X insisted that the children speak in open court on the matter. Well the children had an attorney that was speaking on their behalf and in their interest. Well he spoke to the kids and found out they had nothing to say that would shed light on WHY THEIR MOTHER WOULD NOT CO-PARENT WITH ME AND WAS NOT COOPERATING WITH DCBS’ CO-PARENTING PLAN!
He told the judge this and the judge asked me what I felt about our children speaking. In short I told him I had nothing to hide and they were free to do so if he wanted to hear them. He didn’t want them to testify but my X insisted. So he orders them to be evaluated by a forensic mental evlauation. Then he added that myself and my X be spoken too also. So it took the better part of 6 months for all this to pass. Fast forward to yesterday. The evals were done and we had our court date. All players were present save my X. She filed a motion asking for adjudication. She the eval, at the end made a recommendation as to which of us should have primary custody. The recommendation was a shock to all parties involved save probably my X since it was in her favor. So they filed for an adjudication at it was granted along with a new court date in 2 weeks.
So as best we can figure, that’s what the adjudication is about. She wishes to use the report to gain primary custody of our children even though the report is actually incredibly negative and damaging to her. So now I wait for yet another court date. Funny thing is this was never about custody. Custody was set forth throught the divorce decree which she refused to follow. We go to court to find out why she refuses to co-parent and it she has some how made it not about HER but about custody of our children. So now you know the truth. LOL. Told ya..its a nightmare. ;-)
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
From Boys to Men, it’s been a wonderful life…thinking back on the Jungle Brothers
December 17th, today as I was showering and changing at the gym I was thinking back on my life and those who have been in it. Its Christmas time, and with the year closing out it’s traditionally the time of the year where we do a lot of reflecting on what has transpired over the last year. And as I reflected…I thought to myself, “Am I successful?” Not a crazy question but one I’m sure we have all asked ourselves at one time or another. Then I thought about the impact one has on others in this life we find ourselves living. And when you think back to impacts on your own life…you have to ask, who has impacted me? And that is what really got me thinking and is the point of this letter to all of you.
The impact we have had I feel is monumental and I wonder if we as a core have ever really discussed it as a whole. Our friendships span over 25 years and greater for some of you. Some met in grade school, some met in middle school while others in high school. But what drew us all together? We all didn’t grow up together. We all didn’t have the same socio-economical backgrounds. We didn’t all play the same sports nor take the same classes yet, somehow, we all managed to find each other and create a brotherhood we fondly called the JB’s aka The Jungle Brothers.
Jemal started calling us it and it soon became our informal name. And as I think back on the JBs, I think back to what we all were, where we stood and what we all wished to be. And it goes back to my thought of success. Are the JBs successful? Did we do what we set out to do? Where are we all now and how did we get here? That…leads us back to my question about impacts we have made. I think we can all agree that Mr. Beale was a huge influence and impact on many of us. Every Friday night he opened his home to a bunch of boys and in doing so gave us a place that we could be ourselves. We weren’t thugs and we weren’t geeks. We didn’t go around beating up kids nor where we “choir boys.” What we were…was a group of like-minded young men from different backgrounds who just happened to all be black, live relatively close and had similar goals ideas and dreams. We were surrounded by adults who cared about us…and we in turn respected them.
I can recall Mr. Beale catching us all at his home, telling us he had a job and loaded us all in the back of a truck. No one complained and no one didn’t go. We all got in and did as he asked. When we returned, our reward was several Sicilian pizzas followed by a massive game of monopoly. That was just one particular instance of his impact on me. Afterwards we’d head to Sid’s for some night time Basketball. Sid’s Mom and Dad always welcomed us too. Afterwards it was back to the Beale’s for some summer games of Jay’s Commodore 64. Or our football games we played in the parking lot behind McDonalds. And that would be our Friday night for a long, long time. We had someplace to go and people who cared about us and looked out for us.
My favorite Christmas movie of all time is “It’s a Wonderful Life.” Truly a classic and what spurred this letter to you all. What would my life been like had I not gone back to Jemal’s house after our tussle on the front lawn which Sid instigated. LOL. I would have never gotten to know some of you and surely not Mr. Beale. Would Marc and Jemal still have joined the Guard if I didn’t? If I had never befriended Marc our freshman year, I would have never known D Farm, Frank and Steve (RIP). And if that never took place, how would we have met ole Jimmy Daniels? And how the hell did Carlton end up in our crew? LOL. Had Marc, Jemal and I not joined the Guard…would D Brown, Carlton and Reevey have joined? Man it goes on and on and on and on and on. Somehow we all ended up as a crew and the rest is history. I shudder to think how my life would be today without the impact all of you had on it. Big or small…does it really matter?
As I sat in the gym this morning almost laughing to tears as I thought back on all we did and the impacts of our actions. Bare with me as I share some with you.
Jemal and I crashing into some guys fence up at the lake.
Jemal crashing his car on the parkway headed to drill.
The summer ridding in the back of Sid’s uncle’s blue dodge truck, going to the highlands with Chris Fisher leading us in search of girls.
Marc getting surgery on his back.
Me braking Franks arm playing basketball.
Going to RBC’s practice field and throwing the dummies onto the field. And yeah Dave, I was freaking out in the back seat. LOL.
Me and Marc driving to the lake following directions left for us.
Giving people the “ball.”
PHI SLACKUM YACKUM. “If the girl don’t give up the booty yackum…lay’em down and slackum yackum.”
Malcolm out running a dog one night walking from Sid’s.
Jemal bringing Rosanne and Maria over my house.
Driving though the highlands with the light off.
The night Sid, I and Clarence saw the ghost in the middle of the road.
Sid always saying, “OH SHOOT, OH SHOOT, OH SHOOT!!”
Me spotting Jay in the gym…and he dropped all the weights. Yeah I blamed that one on him.
Hanging out at Steve’s watching porn.
Punching Reevey in the leg and watching him crumble or the night me and Reev got drunk at Kean.
Me and Frank at Six Flags to see Lisa Lisa and Cult Jam.
Visiting Hampton, Norfolk and VSU with Jemal, His Dad and Uncle Julian.
At Norfolk State with Frank the night the dude pulled out a gun and he was winning the fight.
Driving to Vassar to pick up Steve with Frank.
Going to the Trade Winds in the back of Dave’s car…JIMMY!!!! DEE sister was on my lap. LMAO.
And Steve’s plan to make a porno staring his sister’s friends.
It’s been a long time since all of us have been in the same place at the same time to really just sit down, talk and think…how did we get here? And are we all successful? I think you all know the answer to the latter question. Though we are not related, when you look up the definition of a brother…you will see us. One day we need to have a JB reunion. We all need to find the time before we all get too old and too broke to do anything. I can’t speak for Jay but I know life is short and I almost lost mine in July of 2004. Let’s all make a promise that within the next five years, no matter what we will all try and get together. I want to thank all of you for the love, respect and support you all have given to me over the years. You are truly…my brothers…Jungle Brothers.
The impact we have had I feel is monumental and I wonder if we as a core have ever really discussed it as a whole. Our friendships span over 25 years and greater for some of you. Some met in grade school, some met in middle school while others in high school. But what drew us all together? We all didn’t grow up together. We all didn’t have the same socio-economical backgrounds. We didn’t all play the same sports nor take the same classes yet, somehow, we all managed to find each other and create a brotherhood we fondly called the JB’s aka The Jungle Brothers.
Jemal started calling us it and it soon became our informal name. And as I think back on the JBs, I think back to what we all were, where we stood and what we all wished to be. And it goes back to my thought of success. Are the JBs successful? Did we do what we set out to do? Where are we all now and how did we get here? That…leads us back to my question about impacts we have made. I think we can all agree that Mr. Beale was a huge influence and impact on many of us. Every Friday night he opened his home to a bunch of boys and in doing so gave us a place that we could be ourselves. We weren’t thugs and we weren’t geeks. We didn’t go around beating up kids nor where we “choir boys.” What we were…was a group of like-minded young men from different backgrounds who just happened to all be black, live relatively close and had similar goals ideas and dreams. We were surrounded by adults who cared about us…and we in turn respected them.
I can recall Mr. Beale catching us all at his home, telling us he had a job and loaded us all in the back of a truck. No one complained and no one didn’t go. We all got in and did as he asked. When we returned, our reward was several Sicilian pizzas followed by a massive game of monopoly. That was just one particular instance of his impact on me. Afterwards we’d head to Sid’s for some night time Basketball. Sid’s Mom and Dad always welcomed us too. Afterwards it was back to the Beale’s for some summer games of Jay’s Commodore 64. Or our football games we played in the parking lot behind McDonalds. And that would be our Friday night for a long, long time. We had someplace to go and people who cared about us and looked out for us.
My favorite Christmas movie of all time is “It’s a Wonderful Life.” Truly a classic and what spurred this letter to you all. What would my life been like had I not gone back to Jemal’s house after our tussle on the front lawn which Sid instigated. LOL. I would have never gotten to know some of you and surely not Mr. Beale. Would Marc and Jemal still have joined the Guard if I didn’t? If I had never befriended Marc our freshman year, I would have never known D Farm, Frank and Steve (RIP). And if that never took place, how would we have met ole Jimmy Daniels? And how the hell did Carlton end up in our crew? LOL. Had Marc, Jemal and I not joined the Guard…would D Brown, Carlton and Reevey have joined? Man it goes on and on and on and on and on. Somehow we all ended up as a crew and the rest is history. I shudder to think how my life would be today without the impact all of you had on it. Big or small…does it really matter?
As I sat in the gym this morning almost laughing to tears as I thought back on all we did and the impacts of our actions. Bare with me as I share some with you.
Jemal and I crashing into some guys fence up at the lake.
Jemal crashing his car on the parkway headed to drill.
The summer ridding in the back of Sid’s uncle’s blue dodge truck, going to the highlands with Chris Fisher leading us in search of girls.
Marc getting surgery on his back.
Me braking Franks arm playing basketball.
Going to RBC’s practice field and throwing the dummies onto the field. And yeah Dave, I was freaking out in the back seat. LOL.
Me and Marc driving to the lake following directions left for us.
Giving people the “ball.”
PHI SLACKUM YACKUM. “If the girl don’t give up the booty yackum…lay’em down and slackum yackum.”
Malcolm out running a dog one night walking from Sid’s.
Jemal bringing Rosanne and Maria over my house.
Driving though the highlands with the light off.
The night Sid, I and Clarence saw the ghost in the middle of the road.
Sid always saying, “OH SHOOT, OH SHOOT, OH SHOOT!!”
Me spotting Jay in the gym…and he dropped all the weights. Yeah I blamed that one on him.
Hanging out at Steve’s watching porn.
Punching Reevey in the leg and watching him crumble or the night me and Reev got drunk at Kean.
Me and Frank at Six Flags to see Lisa Lisa and Cult Jam.
Visiting Hampton, Norfolk and VSU with Jemal, His Dad and Uncle Julian.
At Norfolk State with Frank the night the dude pulled out a gun and he was winning the fight.
Driving to Vassar to pick up Steve with Frank.
Going to the Trade Winds in the back of Dave’s car…JIMMY!!!! DEE sister was on my lap. LMAO.
And Steve’s plan to make a porno staring his sister’s friends.
It’s been a long time since all of us have been in the same place at the same time to really just sit down, talk and think…how did we get here? And are we all successful? I think you all know the answer to the latter question. Though we are not related, when you look up the definition of a brother…you will see us. One day we need to have a JB reunion. We all need to find the time before we all get too old and too broke to do anything. I can’t speak for Jay but I know life is short and I almost lost mine in July of 2004. Let’s all make a promise that within the next five years, no matter what we will all try and get together. I want to thank all of you for the love, respect and support you all have given to me over the years. You are truly…my brothers…Jungle Brothers.
Friends
This is one I wrote while I was stationed in korea in 2009. I had recently heard from a buddy and was just thinking about my friends.
Have you ever heard the saying, “You can count the number of friends you have on one hand.”? If you have not, than think about it and then think back to all those whom you choose to call friend. Now, how many of those do you call friend because there really isn’t another word for it or you don’t wish to call them an acquaintance? Besides, it’s pretty acceptable to use the word friend for anyone. But what really is a friend? I mean have you ever stopped to truly think about what you personally consider a friend or what someone else considers a friend?
I have used the moniker, “true friend” to describe or to separate just using the term friend loosely as I have done over the years. Friends come and go but do true friends really remain? And what do you use to gauge or judge who you call a friend versus a true friend? Or better yet, is there really a difference or do we just do it to place people in a position that we feel comfortable with in case something doesn’t go well?
But what makes up a friend? Is it the person who helps you out in a pinch? Or buys you lunch when they know you’re strapped for cash. I’m not sure how others see it, I just know what I see or consider a friend. I choose to use the two terms of friend and true friend. I do this because I feel there is a difference and I don’t feel like using the acquaintance term. It’s simpler to use friend but that too can cause you some grief. If said individual does something wrong and you use the term friend, you may get grouped into a situation. Then you have to explain that the person is not a true friend but just an acquaintance some person you know. Yeah I know, sounds retarded but hey, this is America.
Over the years I have had a lot of guys that I choose to call friends. While living in NC I had a core of friends who all rode motorcycles as did I. To this day we all stay in touch. Though the military and our personal lives have us spread across the east coast we still talk via internet, e-mail or occasional phone call. These guys I call friends. Though we have been through a lot, they have never asked me, forced me or looked at me differently because I choose not to do some of the things they may have. Nor have they left me hanging. On one such occasion we were at Bike Weekend in Myrtle Beach. It was something we did almost every year and was to be the last time I would be there with them. A buddy and I were headed back to Myrtle Beach from Atlantic beach when another cat rolled up on us. Means (one of my boys) and this other dude took off and started abusing the speed limit some. LOL. My bike was new and I was breaking it in so I pretty much just chilled. That is until I saw a cop. As he made his way to the intersection they had passed him at a high rate of speed. He never saw me trailing. So by the time he made it onto the road I had passed him. Bad timing and a scene from a movie if you ever seen one.
That’s right, the next thing I know he’s behind me and hitting the lights. See, he thought I was the one racing Means. Why? Well Means happened to be racing a black guy, blue jean shorts, white t-shirt and red bike. Guess who was wearing the same thing? When Means and the dude passed the cop he had a clear view of them. The problem was I was trailing and there was traffic. I passed the cop but he couldnt see me. A van shielded me as I went in front of him so by the time he cut his lights on and made it on to the road he could see me. Yours truly; all I could do was laugh as the officer approached and tried to explain. The officer smiled and said, “All I saw was a black guy, blue jean short, white t-shirt and red bike.” As I smiled and continued to talk to the officer about the mistake he was making Means pulled back up. He told the officer that he had indeed been racing but that it was not me. The officer applauded him for his honesty and for looking out for a friend. He also told him he should give him a ticket. But he didn’t.
That is a friend; he came back for me knowing full well it could have cost him a hefty ticket. Numerous times in my life I have been in a tough spot. And it was friends who were there to help me out.
Have you ever heard the saying, “You can count the number of friends you have on one hand.”? If you have not, than think about it and then think back to all those whom you choose to call friend. Now, how many of those do you call friend because there really isn’t another word for it or you don’t wish to call them an acquaintance? Besides, it’s pretty acceptable to use the word friend for anyone. But what really is a friend? I mean have you ever stopped to truly think about what you personally consider a friend or what someone else considers a friend?
I have used the moniker, “true friend” to describe or to separate just using the term friend loosely as I have done over the years. Friends come and go but do true friends really remain? And what do you use to gauge or judge who you call a friend versus a true friend? Or better yet, is there really a difference or do we just do it to place people in a position that we feel comfortable with in case something doesn’t go well?
But what makes up a friend? Is it the person who helps you out in a pinch? Or buys you lunch when they know you’re strapped for cash. I’m not sure how others see it, I just know what I see or consider a friend. I choose to use the two terms of friend and true friend. I do this because I feel there is a difference and I don’t feel like using the acquaintance term. It’s simpler to use friend but that too can cause you some grief. If said individual does something wrong and you use the term friend, you may get grouped into a situation. Then you have to explain that the person is not a true friend but just an acquaintance some person you know. Yeah I know, sounds retarded but hey, this is America.
Over the years I have had a lot of guys that I choose to call friends. While living in NC I had a core of friends who all rode motorcycles as did I. To this day we all stay in touch. Though the military and our personal lives have us spread across the east coast we still talk via internet, e-mail or occasional phone call. These guys I call friends. Though we have been through a lot, they have never asked me, forced me or looked at me differently because I choose not to do some of the things they may have. Nor have they left me hanging. On one such occasion we were at Bike Weekend in Myrtle Beach. It was something we did almost every year and was to be the last time I would be there with them. A buddy and I were headed back to Myrtle Beach from Atlantic beach when another cat rolled up on us. Means (one of my boys) and this other dude took off and started abusing the speed limit some. LOL. My bike was new and I was breaking it in so I pretty much just chilled. That is until I saw a cop. As he made his way to the intersection they had passed him at a high rate of speed. He never saw me trailing. So by the time he made it onto the road I had passed him. Bad timing and a scene from a movie if you ever seen one.
That’s right, the next thing I know he’s behind me and hitting the lights. See, he thought I was the one racing Means. Why? Well Means happened to be racing a black guy, blue jean shorts, white t-shirt and red bike. Guess who was wearing the same thing? When Means and the dude passed the cop he had a clear view of them. The problem was I was trailing and there was traffic. I passed the cop but he couldnt see me. A van shielded me as I went in front of him so by the time he cut his lights on and made it on to the road he could see me. Yours truly; all I could do was laugh as the officer approached and tried to explain. The officer smiled and said, “All I saw was a black guy, blue jean short, white t-shirt and red bike.” As I smiled and continued to talk to the officer about the mistake he was making Means pulled back up. He told the officer that he had indeed been racing but that it was not me. The officer applauded him for his honesty and for looking out for a friend. He also told him he should give him a ticket. But he didn’t.
That is a friend; he came back for me knowing full well it could have cost him a hefty ticket. Numerous times in my life I have been in a tough spot. And it was friends who were there to help me out.
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