When Is It Time?

When is it time to move on? A simple question to some but not such a simple answer. A few weeks ago I accepted a “friend” request from my middle son on facebook. He is a teenager now and though we don’t live in the same state I like to be as connected as I can. We text and he shares his artwork with me which is amazing and he’s becoming quite the artist. His ability to draw as I do gives us a bond of sorts, a special connection. Well it has been asked numerous times by friends if I have heard anything from my former spouse and I happily say I have not. Quite frankly I had thought that since she didn’t get the results she hoped for by contact Family advocacy here at Bragg with accusations of harassment and with me getting engaged and now married would have been the final straw to put it all to an end. An end being her leaving me and my relationship with my kids alone and moving on with her life. 

So when I friended my son I did so thinking it was ok, she wouldn’t be using his or the other’s profile to “creep” my facebook page. Why would she? I’m married, she gets her child support on time, the car is paid for and is hers free and clear, I don’t contact her…in short I’m fully out of her life and she has stated she wants desperately. So yeah…now I’m gonna connect with my kids. Well that optimistic thought left yesterday afternoon when I noticed that my son, well his account had commented on a picture I posted that spoke of accountability and choices. A comment that any reader can clearly see was that not of a 14 year old. And when I contacted my son he had no idea what I was talking about.

So that prompted me to ask, when is it time to move on? I mean it’s been five years, when will she stop. When will these immature antics cease? I have spoken too many about this and one friend said at about the five year mark, the other final figures it’s a lost cause and moves on with their life. Another said she will never move on as long as she can use the kids and our relationship. As long as she can guilt them she has some power. So that means it’s gonna be a long while because until they are grown and out of her house. She will continue to make their lives difficult when it comes to having a relationship with me. No parent should use their kids as pawns or to seek some sort of misguided revenge on the other. But such is life. Like the photo I posted citing it is we who are responsible for our actions and to blame for the wrongs and the rights set forth by our actions which in turn affect our lives.

Well, I’m sure I won’t be hearing from my kids for a few days because she has more likely started brow beating them and I’m sure Rome got into it with her. She ruined Alex and I’s relationship by guilting him and it seems Rome is her next target. So what is a father to do? Cut off communication so that I save them from her berates and attacks because it’s what she does…takes it out on them? I won’t be one of those fathers who turns their back on their kids so as to avoid an uncomfortable situation. So its five years later and everyone seems to have made peace, re-event and move forward except one. Which leaves you with one last fleeting thought-when is it time to move on.