Gene Wars

This morning I was doing some reading and thought to myself, people, in general will never shock and or surprise me by their behaviors. Sometimes it maybe expected or unexpected but never a dull moment nor a surprise. I guess you could say it’s more of a “shake my damn head” moment. Makes you wonder, just what is it that makes people do the things they do? Were not even gonna talk about what they say. But I have learned…no come to understand that as we grow older we sometimes loose little pieces of who we are and what we once wanted to be and in doing so, we slowly leave childhood and into adulthood. And with each passing day that we move towards adulthood, for some, those lil pieces of you slowly disappear and are replaced by something else; let’s call them the “NY” gene.

            So as you get older, the NY gene starts to fill your cells and override the old genes (OU) that help make up just who you are or who you envisioned you’d become once you’d grown up. So day in and day out the NY gene slowly wages a war. Not a battle but a War. One that will last for years and is fought on a day to day basis, a war of attrition let’s call it. Some days the OUs win a battle here but just as soon as that battle is fought and won…another wages and the NY gene soon there after fights and ultimately destroys the “OU” gene. Battles, skirmishes you name it…they fight it. Day by day, year by year this war rages on.

            Now…your OU genes need a lil help fighting as any Soldier does and it usually comes in the form of the “MF” and “FDS” genes. They too are apart of your life and they do their best to assist the OUs in their fight against the NYs. Now, not to be out done by the OUs, the NYs seek help from some genes (more like terrorists if you ask me) too. “FF”, “BTN”, “ALC” are a few and they all ways come to the aid of the NYs and they do so with a ferocity that sometimes goes unmatched by the OUs team. So as you grow older the NYs usually when more battles than the OUs. Now, this isn’t to say that it happens to everyone but for the majority as they travel towards adulthood…the NYs usually win the war. Some however…manage to keep the war going in their case, that journey is a beautiful one; filled with ups (provided by the OUs) and downs (provided by the NYs) with everyday being a new adventure. A day one might say is worth fighting for.

            NYs corrupt your body and cause you to become and do things that the OUs wouldn’t. You become things that some may envy while others dislike. The NYs are in charge and they are doing a great job. Some people acknowledge the power the NYs bring to their lives and they relish in it. Thrive on it. It becomes who they are as well as fuels them, propelling them into an almost certain future that they themselves believe is one of their choosing but truth be told…it all the NYs.

            For some you can clearly see when the NY gene took over. While in others, you can still see that the war rages on. Those OUs haven’t given up and are still fighting every single day. Few possess OUs that are just to darn stubborn or proud to quit. I believe that your upbringing and the immediate world around you has a large play in which genes will win. The people, places and things that surround you all help or hurt your journey into adulthood. Thus positive or negative, they are helping your internal war.

            Over the years I have lost some good friends to the gene war. I have watched them become shells of what they used to be. And it’s a shame to watch that change take place. Because truthfully there is nothing you can do about it as you have a war within you that you too must fight. And helping someone with their war can sometimes help you with yours. Or it can help you to loose yours. No one wishes that one day they would wake up and be where they are (truth be told some do). But once your there, it’s never too late to come to the aid of the OUs. Actually it’s never too late to help them fight and win. But when waging a war, at some point you will have to seek some help from some genes that you maybe to prideful or reluctant to accept assistance from; those being “TP”, “TF” & “G” genes. These are by far the strongest allies you could ask for and in the right doses…they can counter act anything that the NYs throw at you. Problem is these genes and their help don’t come cheap. They are costly and can damn well cost you your soul. But it’s worth giving your soul to anyone of these genes. Because once you have them helping you, you are almost certain to come out the victor. The NYs are in our lives for a reason and you can never truly be rid of them. They are apart of your life and as you grow you produce them and this process can not be stopped. Like ying and yang, you can’t have one without the other. But you can decide who will win the war.

Do You Still Believe? 2010

 Time…it seems so till and I have no idea how long I have been sleeping nor do I hear any noises so…I wonder if he’s gone yet. Or better yet, has he even come? Man this is killing me. I don’t have a clock so I don’t know what time it is and as I raise my head and peer thru the curtains I can see it’s still dark outside. The last thing I want to do is get up and run into him down stairs. That wouldn’t be a good thing. So I grab my covers and pull them over my head and squeeze my eyes tightly, forcing myself back to sleep. My eyes reopen and I have no idea if I have even fallen asleep for 5 minutes or two hours. This is killing me.

 Well, screw it…I’m getting up. I toss the covers back and my footie PJs hit the floor and I make a dash for my sister’s room. Once there I wake her and ask, “You think he’s gone yet?” “I don’t know,” she responds. I stand there and we both look at her doorway for what seems like an eternity. Then we look back at each other…let’s do it.  We head towards the stairs and quietly descend to the first landing. Make the turn and down the final flight of stairs. We both pause and look at each other; gathering our last bit of courage. We hop down the last stair…turn…and stare down the hall towards the living room; the living room, the Christmas tree and focusing our eyes on what’s under the tree. Toys! Toys wrapping around the base of the tree and piled up behind them are more presents. We slowly move towards the living room until we are standing there in total amazement. “Santa Claus came Pam!” I shout in a low whisper. We smile at each other and like a pair of synchronized swimmers we dive into our stuff.

Man, when I think back to all my Christmas’s growing up I can’t help but smile and laugh at the memories that flood into my mind.  Christmas is a magical time of the year for us all and more so if you are a child and your parents allow you to believe in Santa. I say that because some people choose to tell their children that there is no Santa. And you know, that’s fine to each it’s own.  I don’t think those kids will be scared for life because they missed out on what I had. I just think that Santa and the whole Christmas spirit creates a magical time in our lives as kids. I mean take some time and think back…man…wasn’t it great? I mean as we have aged and our responsibilities have grown that magic sometimes gets lost and or misplaced. I mean Christmas isn’t all about Santa and gifts and I learned the meaning of it when I was a child but it didn’t change it for me. And when I think back on my childhood…man it was just so magical. Ole Saint Nick brings you a ton of stuff for free every year. Not just you but every child across the world and in one night no less. The news reports of his sightings on the radio…classic. And how in the hell did he know I didn’t like to brush my hair and that my sister needed to stop mocking people. LOL. That’s the magic…I mean I now know who left those notes but back then…it was like WOW…he knows everything. LOL.

 Fast forward to today. I have four children and only one still believes in Santa. He’s the baby and 10. I feel for him because this is probably the last year Santa will come to him. The reality of Christmas will move to the forefront and that magic will fade. I was about 10 or 11 when I realized there wasn’t a Santa. It didn’t change anything but that magical feeling wasn’t there anymore. It went from magic to reality. I was growing up and it was one step closer to adulthood. It’s funny, I’m 41 years old and I have never asked my parents how they did it. And as I sit here with Christmas just 26 days away…I kinda don’t want to know how my Mom and Dad pulled it off. I don’t want to know where it was all hidden and how my Dad managed to set up all those race tracks every single year. LOL. I guess I still want to hold on to the fantasy of Santo too.

 Being separated creates some challenges for my kids and knowing this is my lil man’s last Christmas, I will probably spend a lil more than I planned and complain a lil more next year but when he’s an adult…I want him and the others to reflect back on Christmas as I did…and simply marvel at the magic of it all because to me, it’s one of the few times in our lives where we are totally innocent and the world is just a magical place to be.

My Dad

Today is my father’s birthday. In the past he would get tons of cheap cologne or some other item he probably didn’t need from me and my sister. Years have passed and I along with my sister are adults and we usually don’t get him things he doesn’t need. Not only is he my father but now he’s blessed with being a Grandfather to not only my children, but my new wife’s as well. As a young man, my father and I at times didn’t see eye to eye on a few subjects. There was even a time period when I felt he over stepped his bounds and I stopped speaking to him for close to 6 months. I guess that attitude he could only blame on himself as that will is where I got it from. LOL. My father wasn’t always there when I felt he should have been but he was there when I needed him to be there. You know what I’m saying? I recall calling him when I was stationed at Carson to tell him my motorcycle had been stolen. I was clearly upset and crying. It wasn’t bad enough I had waited 3 years to be able to buy it but I had allowed the insurance to run out as it was winter and I couldn’t ride it. So as I spoke to my Dad and told him what happened I just knew what he was gonna say in response. He would make me feel even worse than I did already and I honestly had no desire to hear it. That never happened. As we talked I could hear a softness in his voice I hadn’t heard before.

“You got insurance don’t you?”, he asked.

“No Dad, I let it run out since I can’t ride it,” I explained.

“Ok,” he said. “How much do you still owe on it?”

“About 1200,” I sobbed back. And then I thought, here is comes, he’s gonna make this even worse.

“Well, you know you’re responsible for that loan,” he stated.

“Yes”

“Well then that’s your responsibility and you know you have to pay that off.”

“Yes.”

“Ok, well, once it’s paid off…you can simply get you another bike,” he said.

“Ok, but that was my bike Dad!,” as I continued to sob. “I waited so long for it.”

“I know…it’ll be ok. You will get another one.”

Those were the final words of the conversation as we got off the phone. My Dad didn’t make me feel worse…he made me feel better. For the first time in my life that I can remember, my Dad told me what I wanted to hear, not what I needed to hear. And to this day when I think back to that conversation…I get choked up and a lil emotional. What I want you all to understand my father was very tough on me; tough to the point that I hated him at times. And I couldn’t tell you how many times I felt he hurt my feelings and I was upset with him. Parents don’t owe we children and explanation for anything they do and that’s a fact. But as I grew older and eventually left home I started to understand why my father conducted business in the manner in which he did. Tough, fair and sometimes unfair in my eyes but they were all lessons that would eventually shape me into the man I have become today.

When I bought the aforementioned bike I recall my father pulling into the driveway and me looking at him. He had told me if I was man enough to buy it, I was man enough to get out. (My mom had told me I wasn’t going anywhere and to get the bike. LOL) So as he looked at me he made a comment and I replied. Needless to say I didn’t leave and we rode bikes together on numerous occasions. I’m sure he was proud, just never said anything to me about it.

I recall him cutting the TV off to play his records and or cassette tapes. And yeah…I had no choice but to listen or go to bed. But today, many of my fondest memories are centered around classic R&B tunes that take me back to my childhood. Especially James Brown Christmas tunes. And I listen to alot of the old R&B he used to play. My father spent a great deal of his life in service to his country and has never made excuses or blamed anyone for the path he chose. And I admire him for that and he has lived his life on his terms and you got to respect that. I used to say I never wanted to be like my Dad. Something I’m sure many a young man has claimed at some point in their youth. Truth be told, I’m not like my father…he made me BETTER! Better than him all the while I had no idea what was happening. I am and will always be very proud of my Dad and as I have grown older we have grown closer. Anything my Dad has done for me I think back on and smile.

 I recall my father making me a kite for a school project and I was so proud. It looked just like on TV. Save one problem, that damn kite would not fly…at all. LOL. I was so disappointed that I couldn’t get it off the ground. But my Dad made that kite for me…it was special and I will never forget that.

What I want you all to get is that my father wasn’t always there when I felt he should be, but my father was always there. He was always in my life. Whether he was being too rough with me and I’d cry or playing Santa Claus and getting me all the gifts I’d asked for. (It wasn’t until I was grown and in the Army that I realized why my Dad always seemed to have CQ on Christmas Eve.) Sometimes he was corny and sometimes he was cool. But my Dad was my dad and not a day goes by I’m not thankful for all he has done and shown me the past 44 years. So today is his day and I want him to know I love and respect  him as much as any son could love their Dad. Enjoy your day Dad and Happy Birthday.

Some Will Never Learn

It’s been quite awhile since my divorce was finalized. 3 years and 6 months…to the day, but whose counting. I guess I am because as much I try to move on, try to put my past to rest and let go of this…this time period. I can not. I can not because there are three other lives involved. And as long as they are involved…I can not move on I can not be free. As long as my ex-wife, Jennifer (She likes to use Specht on facebook but based on the last few days she uses Dingle and implies a relationship when it suits her) has the ability to use our children as pawns in her unwavering hatred towards me…I simply can not move on. I am trapped, in a limbo of sorts. I can never truly enjoy my time with them because a fight is always a simple phone call. A small accusation on her part against me and my home and life is in an up roar. I then find myself defending or having to defend myself to angry teens about what ever their mother claims I’ve done…yet again. It’s exhausting fighting, and it’s exhausting and hurtful when it’s with the people you love most in the world. Everyone tells you it’ll get better, that when they are older they will understand and see for themselves. But what no one tells you is…how you deal with it now. How you go without contact now. How you don’t get calls or calls returned now. How the hurt of not being able to be there to see your son play football or when he goes to prom. I can go on and on but I think you get my drift. You do know what it’s like to know, that had you been bitter, little and a nasty human being; simply crushed your ex wife when you had the ability to do so…you wouldn’t have to deal with any of this. And that sports fans is what is the hardest to deal with; knowing that all of this could have been avoided had you simply done the wrong thing.

Yesterday was no different. This started back in April when I told my kids about our summer visit. I explained that I was coming at the beginning of the summer and as soon as school was out. The previous year there was some issue with my timing and their extra curricular activities. My plan was simple, get my five weeks up front and get them back so they could spend the rest of their summer with friends and their activities. I was being understanding as well as trying to accommodate all parties involved. Well as it turned out all three didn’t care to come back early but wanted the whole summer; fine with me as long as their mom was cool with it. And so it went summer vacation.

And it has been a great vacation, Florida, visits with family and friends…great time. Earlier this month I tried to get physicals for my son’s. Why couldn’t they have gotten physicals…say back in January or March seeing how they are good for a year and they wouldn’t have to fight the summer crowds. I mean my ex fought me to be the physical custodian and she was granted the position. My kids live with her so seeing how I’m the abusive and irresponsible parent, why would she in trust something so important to my dumbass? Why would she not insure it was done correctly and efficiently while on her watch? Thus proving that she is the “superior” parent and I…the abusive, self centered asshole she enjoys telling her friends about.

Anyway, I contacted Womack and was told since the boys aren’t seen by a primary physician here there wasn’t room and they’d have to get a referral and bee seen off post. Ok, not a problem. I had to call back to Ireland (Knox) and request. Line busy, leave a message and we will return your call. Waited three days and then I called back which took me close to 45 min before I finally spoke to a human to get some assistance. Later I received a call from the PM and it was explained that they would not grant a referral. A physical is considered “routine” care and they would only grant a referral for acute or other medical emergency. With the way things are, furloughs, sequesters, etc it made perfect sense. So I explained to the boys and problem solved. Well next day I get a phone call from some doctor’s office reminding me of an upcoming appointment for the boys. I didn’t make an appointment and tri-care said no so what the hell. I come home from work and get told that “Mom” has set up a referral and we have to get our physicals. I explained to them what tri-care told me and as usual…it was me who’s wrong and their Mom who was right. So as usual, a small argument ensued and of course I’m not right and I’m the one being difficult and causing problems.

So I call tri-care and after a very informative and detailed talk I discovered there is no way a referral was put in much less approved. Then I walk into my daughter crying and upset. Her mother had called and told her that the boys have an appointment which she made via telephone on Monday at 1000. Moo has been waiting all summer to go to a concert and now she’s upset and can’t go. And whose fault is it…mine because had I taken the boys to get physicals earlier in the summer, this wouldn’t be happening. I did my best to explain things to her but she was too upset and emotional to listen. Once again, a nice day has been ruined by a phone call from the wise and superior parent and now all are mad at me. Madison then tells me that while we were in Georgia, I should have changed providers and gotten them the physicals there, as if I knew all this would happen.

It doesn’t matter that their Mom lied to them…twice and that she could have gotten the physicals months ago. I don’t get how I’m the irresponsible parent yet all the important things get thrown on me to execute. So we are just days away from separating from what was a great summer to spending the last days fighting and placing blame.

Oh and the best part is catching her in not one but two bold face lies. How? Well she told my sons she put them in for a referral which we now know was a lie and...she told them they couldn't get appointments there in KY for two to three weeks. Lie, how do I know because I made both boys appointments from here using Tri-care online on 5 Aug, two days before school. Problem solved right...wrong! She was pissed that I did this. Wait...didn't she call down here and make two appointments for the boys...on my dime?? LOL. So she then wrote the below email. I'm surprised she didn't threaten to contact my Chain of Command yet again. LMFAO. That woman is a trip. But it's ok for her to leave my son at a clinic alone for two hours and then cause a huge ruckus when she returns almost costing a person their job. Wait, she's the superior parent? LMFAO.

 

Received this email from my ex wife Jennifer, it’s laughable and pathetic all at the same time.

“Typical. Faggot. Your boys miss out on even more football. You are such a fucking asshole. They had an appointment today. But you know what? I hope you end up disfigured and laying, locked inside your body after Afghanistan. I will PERSONALLY pay you a visit and look you in the eyes and say "How does it FEEL ASSHOLE". THAT is a PROMISE. I hope your wife sees through your psychotic mind. One thing I know for sure? Is you kids know that you are the biggest jerk alive. And? When they miss out? It has never been due to me. But, their 'father's' bullshit. I hope they blow you away and paralyze you. It's what you deserve. Now, never again, fuck them over, because they are coming to age and hate you for all of your bullshit. You WILL reap what you sow. Oh, and? As per your 'assholeness'? (Please put this on FB you whiny dribbly wimp). I can't take them on the 5th. Why? Because I have a previous engagement. You, on the other hand, had them for TEN WEEKS and wouldn't do YOUR JOB. I can't WAIT for the School Board to notate this. I also can't WAIT until you are deployed. Your kids will be free of your insanity and one thing is for sure-they will NEVER forget what stupidity you come with. Asshole. They will ONLY EVER hate you for all of your drama. YOU.”

This will end when my youngest turns 18 and I know longer am tied to her…period.

Why I Love My Wife?

Well, where could I start? Do I really need to start? What would I say? Questions are abound and sure to enter the mind when you ponder this. Two years ago this time I was messaged by a woman on Match.com (Yes, I did the online dating thing-story for another time). I was talking to some else at the time but for an odd reason I requested that we be friends. I figured I’d need someplace to take my daughter if my children accompanied me to Ft Benning. We chatted on occasion and had exchanged numbers. But the one thing that sat with me was a few spiritual comments she made to me.

See I myself am a very spiritual person. I believe in God, Jesus, a higher power and well as I respect those whose belief differ from mine. So when she made her first comment, I thought wow. This is different. And the timing of it was odd. Odd as in it was what I kinda needed to hear at the time. So naturally I thanked her. Now, when it comes to online dating I’d have to say that pictures can be deceiving. When a woman simply posts head shots…it make you go hmmmmmmm. And that because my experience has taught me that they are 9 out of 10 times hiding something. So I wasn’t so much concerned because I was talking to someone so it allowed me to simply appreciate the gesture and the friendship; because anyone who knows me knows I value good friends.

So time passed and I found myself at Ft. Benning. So to pass the time I decided to pay her a visit and say hello, which I did. I was very impressed with her owning her own business since this is stereotypical of what we view as a strong woman (owning ones business that is). As I walked to the salon door before entering I kinda was hoping she wasn’t…you know…pleasing to my eye. So as we sat and chatted I found the conversation pleasant and what I kinda expected based on our occasional email. I will say this I did find her attractive and pleasing to the eye. LOL. Well I’m not one to second guess myself or commitments so I didn’t dwell on it. We talked for a good while and it felt like everyone in the Salon was staring at me. Well, that’s no big deal since I’m used to it and I was the only Black guy in the Salon. LOL.

Well, I wanted to be the first to end our visit and not look like I didn’t know when to leave so I

politely closed our talk out and asked for some business cards and brochures to hand out to my Soldier’s wives. She was genuinely grateful for my gesture of friendship and gave me a handful. Some of which I gave out and some…still in my glove compartment. As I smiled, gave her a hug and thanked her for her time I walked out saying, “Wow…she’s super nice. Glad I stopped in.” I have always prided myself on being able to judge others character. And what I found attractive was she wasn’t trying to woo me or drop lil hints. She honestly wanted to be my friend. That…was nice, respected and appreciated.

So when things didn’t work out with the person I was then talking to as I cooked dinner, I decided to drop her a line and see what she was up to. I didn’t expect her to be waiting by the phone for any man to call as I wouldn’t be waiting on a woman. If she available fine, if not…no big deal. Lots of women in that area was my thought. So later that evening I decided to message her and simply asked when I got down there would she like to go for coffee.  I also made it clear that I wasn’t trying to be a “playa” (hate that word) but things didn’t work out and I’d enjoy having female friend. After my divorce and dating (dating and a committed relationship is two very different things for we men ladies. Nor does dating equate to SEX!), I figured I’d take a break once I got to Benning.

So I arrived at Benning with my three clones in tow. Kerry had invited us to her house that evening we arrived as she was having a BBQ with her Family. I got to meet the whole crew as she did mine. And it was…in a word…pleasant. She later invited Maddy to attend a model search of sorts they were having in which she was a judge. She also took them to a water park and their first visit to Five Guys. And my sons got to go to Auburn before I did. One day as I drove Jeff was with me and he asked if I liked her.

“Yeah…she’s cool eh?,” I said. “What do you think,” I asked.

“Yeah she’s nice…I think you should date her,” he smiled.

And we laughed as we made a few more jokes as we drove. My kids are very honest and I think with me finally moving out of the state. The separation would hinder our relationship but create a buffer for the one between their Mom and I in which I hoped with her getting what she had claimed was so important to her that the healing could commence and we could put our kids first and place our failed marriage where it belonged…in our pasts. Eventually my kids had to return home and I said my good buys. Oddly enough Kerry volunteered to ride with me and help me drive back. I gave her a brief tour of the area and she got to meet my best friend Andy Baird or AB as I call him.

She had offered to take me on a mini vacation, a weekend in Florida. I hadn’t’ been on a “adult” vacation in…I think never. She took me to Destin and we had a nice weekend. She drove as I had no idea where we were going and that drove me crazy inside; as well as her aggressive driving style. I laid the seat back and put on my blades. She probably thought I was relaxing.

 

Hell no! I was scared as balls! LOL. I survived in Iraq for a year and this woman made me nervous. Well we made it there in one peace and visited two of her friends. Both who work at separate restaurants and we stopped in to visit Rhonda at her’s. My lil cousin was stationed there so he drove over to help eat my food. Seeing him was pretty cool. Oh...and did I mention, she talked me into going on a jetski ride?!? And I don't swim either. LOL

So…all in all it was a great weekend with what seemed to be a great woman. By this time I had met most of her family and an ass load of her friends. Seems I was always getting a call at work asking if I could come by the salon and meet so and so. And I always did. One special friend looked me up and down, this tiny lil frail lady and whipped out an item on her key chain and held it out for me to grab.

“Ok 1SG, I got a test for ya. What’s this?”

I looked down smiled and answered excitedly, “Ma’am, that’s a P38. I used to have one on my key chain. I lost it along with my keys somewhere on Normandy DZ one night.”

She looked me square in the eyes and said, “I ain’t Ma’am…it’s Chris! And Kerry, this one’s alright.”

That would be the first of many people I would have to past the test too. How many people does this woman know anyway gees. LOL. There would be a lot of adventures I would find myself on with Kerry. It seemed she now had a man to accompany her to any and all things and she sure was gonna take advantage of that.

 

Time continued to pass until I found myself on Christmas morning asking for her hand in marriage. And the rest is somewhat history. Mind you I received a lot of hints too.

So that’s some of our brief yet fun story there are numerous things I love about my wife and our meeting and subsequent story is just one. She was there for me when I had surgery on my knee. Never had that before, never woke to someone being there and that was an amazing feeling. No woman had ever been there for me in that manner…save my Mom but that doesn’t count. While on convalesce leave she’d call or stop by every day to check on me and that too was nice.

 

She has made me angry at times and she has made me cry too. She has given me love and support in oh so many ways and I’m truly grateful for that. She’s not perfect nor am I and I love her just the same.

 

There are a hundred questions that one could ask one’s self in this regard but you will always come to the same conclusion. I love my wife because I choose too.

 

Who Truly Deserves To be on Trial?

Well, I’ve been fairly quiet about things of late but feeling a lil chatty this morning so with coffee in hand and a lil motivated, I’ve decide to do a little writing. The trial of George Zimmerman is much talked about in the media and from what I’ve seen via Facebook, the black community too. Anytime there is a shooting and life is lost…it’s tragic. But when it involves a minority, I begin to cringe and wonder if justice will ever be served, for either party involved. I wonder this because in this day and age, race is still a hot button. But truth be told it’s only a hot button when folks with agendas and or the media needs ratings make it so.

The shooting in which a young man’s life was taken is tragic. And it’s tragic that a grown man’s life is ruined because he felt the need to ignore what many would call common sense. As I have a Hodge podge of friends on Facebook I read a lot of opinions on a lot of different subjects. Some I comment on and others I stay away from. Not because I’m afraid of conflict or disagreement (not this guy). Sometimes I don’t feel that commenting is necessary or that the person making the comment isn’t in a place to really have said discussion or debate with me so I let it alone. But on my wall, you can best bet I will.

Although George Zimmerman is HISPANIC, this trial is seemingly all about race. Merriam-Webster defines Race as a division of mankind possessing traits that are transmissible by descent and sufficient to characterize it as a distinct human type. Now there are others which state it is a  group of people who are generally considered to be physically distinct from other groups in some way, such as skin color, hair texture or facial features (size and shape of head, eyes, ears, nose, and lips, and color of eyes); considered to be distinct by themselves and/ or others.  Playing the “race card” usually rears its head in cases such as this and in the end it’s never really about justice. It appears to be more about one group trying to get what they feel is payback for slights or injustices over the years. And with the media’s help the story gets told from various perspectives based on group biases and agendas. And when the dust settles, lives are ruined, friendships strained and the only true winners are the media and the money which they made off of the “race card” being played. The media, whether television, radio, newspaper, magazines, or movies, teaches us about our culture, values, stereotypes, etc.  Television has had a major impact on our society.  The internet is also a major influence because we all know you can’t put anything on the net unless it’s true.  We live in an information age and sometimes we have access to too much information.

 

And one of the Medias favorite words to use and it’s not long before others have chimed in adding fuel to the fire; this word being racist. It is by far the most misused word within the English language. It as with any other word has a definition yet it is one of the few words where the true definition is ignored therefore it’s misused and placed in conversations or dialogue where it’s not only inappropriate but irresponsibly placed. The definition is actually very simple to understand.  A “Racist” is a person with a prejudiced belief that one race is superior to others. For real, that’s the definition? Yes sports fans…that’s the definition.  So yeah, the word is overly misused. Not agreeing with the President doesn’t make you racist. But if you’re any color than black, you can best believe that that’s what you will be called.

Zimmerman followed Trayvon not because he was racist but because he was SOCIALIZED to do so. His socialization process at some point taught him that if you see a young black man or kid out at night wearing stereotypical clothing walking in an area which you feel they typically don’t find them, you will come to the conclusion that they must be up to no good. Again, this is based on your socialization. The socialization process is an all-encompassing educational process from which values, goals, beliefs, attitudes, and sex-roles are acquired.  Socialization is nothing more than the educational process by which we learn everything. Just like many minorities are socialized to not trust the police or the system.

The community shares conduct and behavior through associations, school systems, club membership, or community projects.  Role models are available for our future behavior - teacher, banker, farmer, mechanic, welder, clerk, dentist, entertainer, stockbroker, manager, etc.  The impact of the local community is to imprint characteristics which develop the individual. A prime example of this was when Rachel Jeantel spoke at the trial. She was attacked and much of what she said was ignored by the masses. It’s sad that both her socialization and those listening to her hindered justice. Many simply heard how she was answering instead of what she was actually saying; reminds me of Wesley Snipes and Woody Harrleson in White Men Can’t Jump. A conversation takes place in which Snipes and Harrelson argue and Snipes explains that Harrelson can “listen” to Jimi Hendrix but he can’t “hear” Jimi Hendrix. In other words you hear the words but you’re not getting the meaning behind the words. Ms. Jeantel is a product of her environment and her socialization. Her language and heavy use of slang terminology is a result of her socialization. Just as Zimmerman’s choice to tail Trayvon and eventually confront him. Had Zimmerman been socialized better or differently i.e. less stereotypes, I’m sure he would not be on trial. Many of us have learned through our socialization to respect authority thus many of us would have listened to the 911 dispatcher and not followed. Ms. Jeantel is a product of her environment…plain and simple and her language is a result of said environment.

That is all about socialization and what should be on trial is the socialization process which takes place in this country not race. But the media and many of you are all guilty of not doing a lil research and educating yourselves on the true causes and what led to the shooting and the death of a young man. Because at the end of the day that’s what this is about; the shooting of a young man not a young BLACK man. Does the victim being black make his death that much worse than it would be if any other young man was killed? Nope. And guess what, if you don’t agree, that makes you a racist.

Leaving A Mark

     Well it’s Sunday morning and here I sit. Coffee in hand, birds singing, sun coming up…the start of another day on God’s green earth. In less than a week I will make the 10 hour journey to see three of the most important people in my life, Madison, Jerome and Jeffrey…my children. I haven’t seen them since X-mas. And yes there is Skype, texting and other forms of communication but to be the father of teenagers…for all intent and purpose I could be on the moon. It’s never easy being apart from your loved ones but time does heal wounds and allow some to move forward. It also gives way for growth and independence.


     It’s not the fact that my kids and I are so far apart…but more of the unjust strain placed on the relationship I have with them. See, it wasn’t how they were raised by their mother and I, and to see them act in a manner which goes against that teaching, their inner spirit, it’s a shame. I think back to when they were all running around in diapers, asking for this or that; trusting in us to lead them down the path towards adulthood. They were innocent souls…full of love, wonder and amazement. And over the years I watched them grow and struggle to hold on to that which was pure and innocent within them in a day and age when so many have forgotten and or spend so much time trying to suppress it.

     Kids are a blank slate when they are born. And then we adults imprint on them (values, attitudes, beliefs & norms) the best things we have within us and hope that as they grow older it’s enough to combat the other things that they will be exposed too as they grow and mature. Sometimes these outside influences will impact them in a negative way and others will be a positive. Some will cause great pain and strife and others…great joy. But all these “life experiences” are needed and valued.

     These things, these values/ beliefs are the foundations for what will make them into young people as well as adults as they mature. And through all these experiences we hope they turn out ok. I along with my former spouse for 12 years, as a married couple, showed them right, as well as what wrong look like. And now as parents, only in co-parenting circles, we must continue. This can be an easy task or a tough one. Because we are apart and live very, very different lives what’s important and pivotal to me may not be to her. Things I want my kids to practice and or believe in I have only text, phone and summer visits to discuss, influence and or mentor them in these values/ beliefs. It would be a much easier task if I along with their mother could communicate about these and come to a general consensus about the important things we want to leave with them and place personal feelings as well as agendas aside. But since we can not, I must wait my turn and not convince them whose right or who’s wrong but show them, teach them and talk with them. Allow them to absorb the material and then…do with it as they wish.

     Since they don’t reside with me my job or my way of thinking and living gets left out and they get an abundance of it from their Mom. And without communication, I have no way of knowing what they are being influenced with or by. I don’t know their friends (most of them), activities, or privy to mother child conversations. I’m blind in this regard and all I have is faith that what they are getting and or exposed to is still on the path which their mother and I set them on.

     So, I will spend my summer playing catch up; finding out about the past 6 months, the ups, the downs…listening to stories of joy and sorrow. All the things that have been experienced and learned that I unfortunately have missed out on. So this reunion will start sometime Friday evening and it will not stop until they are on their way back to school and life with their mother at the end of the summer. I will not force or coerce but guide and lead them down the path which will be of their choosing. I will spend my summer loving, guiding and just being a Dad. Because in the end…that is the greatest influence I have.

Faulty judging by race is still an issue in America.

The color of one’s skin has been the cause of much debate, pain and strife for years. You might ask why the color of a person’s skin is so important; does it really make a difference in who we are or how we are perceived by society? Most individuals in our society view race as simply the color of a person’s skin. What if I were to tell you that that is a false idea, and the color of your skin has nothing to do with a person’s race? If this is true, then we as a society will have to look deep within ourselves and reevaluate what we have been taught for most of our lives. Let’s look at a few of the definitions of race:

• DOD’s definition: A division of human beings identified by the possession of traits that are transmissible by descent and that are sufficient to characterize persons possessing these traits as a distinctive human genotype.

• Merriam-Webster: a division of mankind possessing traits that are transmissible by descent and sufficient to characterize it as a distinct human type.

• Other definitions of race: A group of people who are generally considered to be physically distinct from other groups in some way, such as skin color, hair texture or facial features (size and shape of head, eyes, ears, nose, and lips, and color of eyes); considered to be distinct by themselves and/ or others.

Now what can you take from those definitions? The third definition is one that is commonly used and or thought of when dealing with the subject of race. Now the first two, they will provoke thought and are in essence a truer definition of race rather than the third.

Generally speaking, when a reasonable person thinks of race, they may identify a person’s race based on the color of their skin. That, for the most part is the common practice and in the EO field we call it is called the Economizing Phenomenon, a perceptual shortcut. But when using that definition and/or that mind set, it leaves you open to error and possible embarrassment when dealing with others of a different race. For example, if you were to see a person in street cloths and he or she possesses a dark complexion; you may assume that he or she is a Black/African American. Did it ever cross your mind that they could be Puerto Rican, Arab or perhaps from South America? In the military, we see this all the time; you might assume individuals to be of one race, but when you see them in uniform and look at their name tag or listen to their speech, you find out that your assumption is incorrect. Even on TV you have a talk show host like Christina, who is Spanish with blonde hair and blue eyes: if you were to have the sound on your TV turned down, it’d be a safe bet that you’d assume that she was a white female talk show host.

Now let’s look at this scenario from another angle. Take a male who has brown hair, green eyes and looks like any other Caucasian/White male you may see walking down the street. Is it possible that this same male is of Black or African American descent, or that both his parents are? This isn’t just a theory, and has even been seen in movies throughout the years. You have The Human Stain, staring Sir Anthony Hopkins and Nicole Kidman in which Sir Anthony Hopkins’s character has hidden the fact that he is actually black; how he deals with it haunts him throughout his life. Also there is Imitation of Life, staring Lana Turner, Sandra Dee and Susan Kohner who played Sara, a light skinned black who passes as white; this was a very thought provoking movie of the late 50’s.

So if you’re using definition number three to define race then none of this is possible. But by using and understanding the first two definitions of race, then those two examples can and do exist in our society; you are now basing a person’s race on their genes, not the color of their skin. Genes do dictate just how we look or what traits are passed on to us. There are numerous Black/African Americans who, not by their choice, can pass, as some older folks call it as Caucasian/White. Their skin color was predetermined by the genes present in their parents’ bodies and it just so happened that the two genes that would give them a lighter complexion than say their siblings, were the two genes that met and combined together. Many such individuals faced an identity crisis when they had to choose how they would consider themselves in regards to race. Many just left it up to society as to how they would be perceived.

Whether it’s hair, eye color or baldness, the list of traits that are passed on is endless; no one is able to predict which ones will be present in our offspring or why they skip a generation or two. But this does happen and is even present in my own family. My youngest son has my father in-law’s hair line, while my other two sons have my hair line. Yet all three boys look alike. So as a society what are we to do? Do we walk up to people who look different than we do and ask what race do they consider themselves? Or do we simply just stop judging each other by the color of our skins and instead judge each other by individual behavior? I’d say the second sounds better; how about you?

As leaders in today’s military we must look within ourselves know our strengths, weaknesses and prejudices so that we can then set a positive example for our peers and Soldiers to emulate. This is accomplished by knowing and understanding that we are not all green and that we are individuals first and foremost. And even though we’d like to think it’s not so, there are folks in our ranks who dislike people because people are not the same.

So what it all boils down to is how we, as a society, choose to view each other. It’s a personal choice we make to not judge or classify a people based solely on their skin color. Think about what has been said and how society operates. Education is a great and wonderful thing; it gives us the ability to grow and learn in so many different ways.

A Letter To The Editor

Mr. Jones,


It’s Sunday night for me…it’s snowing and it’s been a very sad weekend. The Bulldogs have fallen short of their quest for a state title. We are 13 hours ahead of you here in Korea which translates to an early and painful Saturday morning for me. It’s early because I too can be very superstitious. (smile) I get up between 5:00 and 6:30am so that I can call my son Alex. Sometimes he answers…sometimes I leave a message, but I do it to leave a message telling him I’m proud of him, I love him and to do his thing. Normally by the time the game is over, I’m at the gym playing racquetball with friends. This makes it a lil easier to hold on until I know the game is over and Alex will be able to tell me how things went. I normally let out a holler at which many heads turn to see who the crazy guy jumping up and down is.

I woke up early Saturday and grabbed my cell to make my Friday afternoon call. I spoke to him and even said a few extra words of encouragement and hung up smiling. But this Saturday was a lil different. It was a semi-final game taking place in Bulldog stadium and I was unable to play racquetball to help take my mind off waiting. Friday morning I had sprained my ankle running PT, so after my call…all I could do was sit in my lazyboy…staring at the clock. Staring at the clock and watching the minutes tick off. “The game should be starting…they should be in the second quarter…half time…game should be done and he’s in the lockeroom”, sitting there just waiting, waiting and waiting. God it’s painful

You’d think I was playing and it only got worse as I looked and saw that it was time to call. My hand shaking I dialed his cell. Then I heard him say hello…my heart sank. He’s my son you see and a Dad knows…a Dad knows. But I had to ask anyway. “How’d you guys do?”, I said. I could hear his voice quiver and those two words, the ones I have been dreading to hear for over 12 weeks when I make that call, “We lost.”

My heart sank and I fell into my lazyboy. I quickly told him I was proud, I loved him and I’d call him Sunday evening like I have done all season to talk about the preceding Friday’s game. I knew he was starting to cry and I needed to get off the phone. For him…but for me too. I had tears already streaming down my face; tears of joy and sadness. Joy because I’m so very proud of him and his teammates and sad ones, because I was not there. I wasn’t there to hug him and tell him I proud after that so very hurtful loss. I remember last year going down on the field after the loss to Bowling Green and the look in his face as I hugged him as did his lil brothers. The ride home was quiet, we stopped by McD’s as we always did and once home he went to his room where I just let him be.

There would be no hug from Dad this past Friday, just a phone call from half a world away. And when I read your piece about him sitting on the stairs in the stadium alone…God that stung and the tears streamed once again. I could see him sitting there with his hands in his head, wondering if he could have done something more…anything. I tell myself if I was there…and then I think, I’m not and it hurts that much more. I’ll call him in the morning after PT like I always do. It’ll be Sunday evening like it has been all season. But there will be no talk of football. We’ll talk about school and the weather and anything else but. I’ll hang up and I always do after telling him I love him and how proud I am. Then I’ll head off to work.

Mr. Jones, I wrote all this to say…thank you. Thank you for covering my son’s games this past season. Thank you for keeping a Dad that’s so far away…just a lil bit closer for just a little while. Sometimes we go through our days wondering why we do what we do and do we make a difference. Well Mr. Jones you made a difference for me this past season. I sent every article to friends and family all season. I’ll do the same tonight before I go to bed. But I just needed to say thank you and let you know what your pieces have meant to me these past months. So again Mr. Jones…Thank You.

When Is It Time?

When is it time to move on? A simple question to some but not such a simple answer. A few weeks ago I accepted a “friend” request from my middle son on facebook. He is a teenager now and though we don’t live in the same state I like to be as connected as I can. We text and he shares his artwork with me which is amazing and he’s becoming quite the artist. His ability to draw as I do gives us a bond of sorts, a special connection. Well it has been asked numerous times by friends if I have heard anything from my former spouse and I happily say I have not. Quite frankly I had thought that since she didn’t get the results she hoped for by contact Family advocacy here at Bragg with accusations of harassment and with me getting engaged and now married would have been the final straw to put it all to an end. An end being her leaving me and my relationship with my kids alone and moving on with her life. 

So when I friended my son I did so thinking it was ok, she wouldn’t be using his or the other’s profile to “creep” my facebook page. Why would she? I’m married, she gets her child support on time, the car is paid for and is hers free and clear, I don’t contact her…in short I’m fully out of her life and she has stated she wants desperately. So yeah…now I’m gonna connect with my kids. Well that optimistic thought left yesterday afternoon when I noticed that my son, well his account had commented on a picture I posted that spoke of accountability and choices. A comment that any reader can clearly see was that not of a 14 year old. And when I contacted my son he had no idea what I was talking about.

So that prompted me to ask, when is it time to move on? I mean it’s been five years, when will she stop. When will these immature antics cease? I have spoken too many about this and one friend said at about the five year mark, the other final figures it’s a lost cause and moves on with their life. Another said she will never move on as long as she can use the kids and our relationship. As long as she can guilt them she has some power. So that means it’s gonna be a long while because until they are grown and out of her house. She will continue to make their lives difficult when it comes to having a relationship with me. No parent should use their kids as pawns or to seek some sort of misguided revenge on the other. But such is life. Like the photo I posted citing it is we who are responsible for our actions and to blame for the wrongs and the rights set forth by our actions which in turn affect our lives.

Well, I’m sure I won’t be hearing from my kids for a few days because she has more likely started brow beating them and I’m sure Rome got into it with her. She ruined Alex and I’s relationship by guilting him and it seems Rome is her next target. So what is a father to do? Cut off communication so that I save them from her berates and attacks because it’s what she does…takes it out on them? I won’t be one of those fathers who turns their back on their kids so as to avoid an uncomfortable situation. So its five years later and everyone seems to have made peace, re-event and move forward except one. Which leaves you with one last fleeting thought-when is it time to move on.

"Are You a Leader?"

I have gone back and forth and had some pretty good and healthy debates with family and friends about life in our country as well as those in charge. Often my views are challenged because as a Black man, I am stereotyped and expected to see, think and feel a certain way about things within our society. especially our President. Well that just ain’t me. So I spent the last two days working on a post about leaders in an attempt to educate and inform others as to how come I think the way I do and to emphasize, focus and direct my displeasure with our Government and those within. It's directed at one place and one place only…Leadership. So here is my attempt at shedding some light on my views. Hope you enjoy

Are You A Leader?

BY JYD

 

   For sometime now I have observed our nations leaders (and I use that term loosely) and thought to myself, “Are these really our leaders?” And I ask that in all honesty because by definition these individuals are leaders yet they appear not too lead.
   I have personally been a leader since 1991 and around leaders all my life yet what I have seen, heard and lived is not the same as what I have seen from them. Looking at our nations leaders I question their desire to place others at the forefront and do what’s best for our country.
   Over the past few months I have made numerous comments about our nations “leaders” and how I view them as well as what I think of them.
   I have read responses about their party affiliation, skin color, “they don’t like the poor,” it’s a conspiracy you name it I have read it and heard it.
   But at no time did anyone ever really comment about them as leaders and their ability to lead, be a leader and their leadership ability.
   Which again makes me wonder, are those in charge of our nation really leaders?
    And what makes someone a good leader? Is it training, schooling or college education?
   What are the main ingredients that formulate and then produce a leader?
   Is there any one thing you can have or posses that will magically endow you with leadership abilities?
   Just what is a leader?

   Merriam-Webster defines a Leader as, a person who leads, a person who directs a military force or unit, and a person who has commanding authority or influence.
    Ok, that gives us someplace to start, something to call a foundation for a discussion about leader(s) and leadership. And we in the military “breed” leaders; we too have our own definition of a leader.
    An Army leader is anyone who by virtue of assumed role or assigned responsibility inspires and influences people to accomplish organizational goals. Army leaders motivate people both inside and outside the chain of command to pursue actions, focus thinking and shape decisions for the greater good of the organization.
    So, when you put those two definitions together it truly does lend to the foundation of and understanding just what a leader is. Because leaders are found everywhere within our society so you need not get too wrapped up in semantics (us vs. them) but focus more or the spirit of what a leader is and does.

    So a Leader in essence leads and has attributes, such as character, presence and intellect. While character relates to the internal identity of the leader, presence attributes relate how others see the leader and intellect relates to what abilities and knowledge the leader possesses to think and interact with others. Leaders take the initiative and they move the organization (or nation) forward in an attempt to make it better or to accomplish a goal established by them or one placed on them by others. So that thought process is one I have learned as well as bought into.
    A leader places the desires of themselves last and that of the organization or its people first and foremost. Collective leadership refers to the combined effects and synergies when leaders at different levels synchronize their leadership actions to achieve a common purpose. High performing collective leadership occurs when leadership processes are mutually reinforcing and the result is greater than the sum of its parts—a sense of shared responsibility for the unit exists.
    Wow, do you think this is something that Congress, the Senate; hell...both political parties should adhere too?A leader doesn’t seek the spot light nor makes others look bad in an attempt to make themselves look better in theirs or others eyes. And I myself along with hundreds of others would agree and view a leader as such.

    You can’t have leader without leadership. Again, looking at Merriam-Webster, Leadership is the office or position of a leader, capacity to lead and the act or an instance of leading. And how is this explained within the military? Being a leader and leadership is so very vital to knowing and understanding the roles, responsibilities and its very make up that we have a manual that solely focuses on it, ADP 6-22 Army Leadership.
    And it defines it as such; Leadership is the process of influencing people by providing purpose, direction, and motivation to accomplish the mission and improve the organization. A section of 6-22 reads: “The Army requires leadership to make choices and establish unifying direction for the organization. Organizations have multiple sources to monitor and assess situations and provide input for decisions; however, a central leader must oversee and ultimately accept responsibility for the conduct of missions. Leadership is a process of influence. Since first publishing leadership doctrine in 1948, the Army has consistently defined leadership as a process. This is significant because a process can be learned, monitored and improved. While personality and innate traits affect a process, the Army endorses the idea that good leadership doesn’t just happen by chance but is a developable skill. A leader influences other people to accomplish a mission or fulfill a purpose. The means of influence include actions to convey motivation. Accomplishing the current mission is not enough—the leader is responsible for developing individuals and improving the organization for the near and long-term."
       So do you think we take terms like leader and leadership likely?

             Leaders and leadership is color blind. It’s about your actions and or lack their of in times of crisis or when you’re simply required to lead. In the military, it’s pretty much all we NCOs (Non-Commissioned Officers) and Commissioned Officers do on a day to day basis. “Army leaders accept the responsibility to develop and lead others to achieve results. We follow and swear an oath. Fulfilling that oath, leaders will face—and have to overcome—fear, danger, and physical and moral adversity while caring for those they lead and protecting the organization entrusted to them. It takes personal courage to take the initiative to make something happen rather than standing by or withdrawing and hoping events will turn out well. Leaders require personal courage when confronting problems of discipline or disorderly conduct, when innovation and adaptation are needed to try something that has never been done before, when leading Soldiers in harm’s way, when being candid with a superior about a risky or improper course of action, when deferring to a more technically competent subordinate, or when freeing units and personnel to solve problems. Leaders must have the courage to make tough calls, to discipline or demand better when required. Consistent and fair leaders will earn the respect of their followers.” So do you see where I’m coming from and how we within the military (Army) view leaders and leadership? I could go on and on because this is just the tip of the iceberg.

    When I got to Ft. Carson in 2002 I was assigned to be the Platoon Sergeant for a Scout Platoon, a dream come true.
   While out doing PT (Physical Training) I ran into the Battalion Command Sergeants Major and he briefly spoke to me about the platoon.

   “I ain’t gonna lie to you Sergeant Dingle,” as he moved off to one side of the sidewalk.
   “The Scout platoon has got some problems.” he said.

    “I’m tracking Sergeant Major.” I replied.
    “I spoke with the First Sergeant yesterday and he explained it all to me.”

    “Good, I’m confident you can fix the issues,” he ended.

  “”Airborne! Sergeant Major.”

             The conversation ended as he walked off towards the motorpool.
             I stood there for a while thinking and as I walked off I reflected on the previous day’s conversation I had with the First Sergeant.
             I had been looking for the unit for two days while I inprocessed and was driving around when I finally found it.
             I decided to drop in and say hello to any platoon members that maybe around and to also pay a visit to the First Sergeant and introduce myself.
             He was in and I knocked on the door.

   “First Sergeant, Sergeant First Class Dingle. I’m the new Scout Platoon Sergeant,” as I extended my hand forward.

   “Nice to meet you Sergeant Dingle; have a seat, do you have something to write with?” he asked.

   “Yes First Sergeant,” I said.

   “OK, have a seat I need to tell you some things and about an incident which happened in the platoon.”

     I sat down and I thought this was just gonna be the typical chat, you know, are you married, where are you from, do you have kids, are you settled in, the typical “new guy” questions.
     Nope, I listened to Top talk about some of the problems within the platoon.
     One after another, the former Platoon Sergeant, the Platoon Leader, the NCOs…you got to be kidding me, I had inadvertently asked for this and I was getting it.

     So as I walked off from the brief chat with the Sergeant Major I thought to myself, “I just got handed a shit sandwich.” Fast forward to two years later when we have returned from a year in Iraq and I’m being told I have to step down as the Platoon Sergeant.
     I arguably had the best platoon in the Battalion and I had no choice but to let it go. I took over fixed the issues and left it a 100 times better then I received it.
     I had an amazing platoon.
     You see, I’m a leader. And as a leader you don’t have the luxury of getting things the way you want them. I was handed a platoon and was expected to excel…period. No excuses, no blaming the other guys. It was my platoon and if we failed or became successful it was on me and PL (Platoon Leader), what we did or didn’t do as leaders.
     And that’s where it starts and ends…with a leader and their leadership.

     So when I’m watching Gen (ret.) Petraeus admit to having an affair, make no excuses for his behavior and then step down I’m reminded that that is what a leader does. Seek responsibility and take responsibility for their actions. This man had an affair which really had no bearing on his ability to do his job yet he stepped down. The flip side to that coin is our Secretary of State Hillary Clinton. She was in charge, she was the leader. Yet this past week she down played her role, gave speeches instead of answers, never once took responsibility for her inability to lead effectively and or take charge of those under her.
     Four people died on her watch yet she still has a job and wasn’t removed. I know many leaders within the service who have lost their positions for far less infractions. What about me? Had I not turned the platoon around would I have kept my job? No, see in my world when you fail to lead you get removed and placed elsewhere with less responsibilities or none until a time where you show you can handle the increased responsibilities and if you can’t, you are quietly moved from job to job until you move out and move on.

     I see some of President Obama’s actions as no different. He started running for office when George Bush was elected to his second term. He was a Senator so you can’t tell me he didn’t already have an idea as to the state of the government as well as the nation before he won the democratic nomination and subsequently won the election. “America has a debt problem. I intend to oppose the effort to increase America’s debt limit,” Sen. Barack Obama, March 16, 2006. He didn’t walk into the office blind; he knew then if he had a chance of getting elected into the office of the President what he’d have to deal with as well as how party members would in-turn act. I didn’t walk into my position blind. I knew there were problems and I was going to have to deal with. He knew our nation was in trouble but he sought out and asked for the job and then pledged to move us all forward. I was a leader and it was now my Platoon. Right or wrong, good or bad, all eyes were on me. Well he ran for office, won, then seemed to spend a lot of time talking about the “shit sandwich” he had been handed. Now in his second term, nothing has really changed. When my Soldiers screwed up I was the one standing in from of the Battalion Commander getting lit up with my PL for our platoon member’s actions. I stood there and took it, made no excuses, placed no blame because I was a leader.

     We are not perfect in the military and we have our fair share of bad leaders like any other organization. But we do a much better job policing up those who can’t cut it. And there are actions taken that can ruin your career and chances for advancement; funny how none of our leaders have such “checks and balances” within their organization.

              How many Military leaders have stepped down during the last 4 years for wrong doings and even perceived wrong doings? Formal systems such as evaluation reports, academic evaluation reports, and 360 degree assessments offer opportunities to learn—but the individual must embrace the opportunity and internalize the information. If they don’t, like I mentioned earlier they are removed. Our government officials, have they too been guilty of wrong doings? Yet where are their systems, how are they removed when found to be…inadequate? Most don’t have the integrity and stay in the position and blame others for their failures, never accepting responsibility or being held accountable. They hold we Military leaders to a higher standard. Is our profession more honorable than theirs?

      ADP 6-22, Army Leadership, establishes the fundamental principles by which Army leaders accomplish their missions and care for their people. It describes the enduring concepts of leadership through the core leader competencies and attributes required of contemporary leaders of all cohorts and all organizations, regardless of mission or setting. These principles reflect decades of experience and the best scientific knowledge available. Leadership fundamentally remains a process of influence; how and when influence is applied determines the eventual mission success and the capabilities of Army organizations. Maybe our government should look at this simple manual and maybe…they need one of their own.

    So I judge our leaders in Washington by the same standards I and my peers have been judged by. If it’s good enough for me and my peers who are depended upon to make the hard choices and put the welfare of the nations and its citizens first, then it’s surely good enough for them. So after reading this I ask, are you a leader?