It's offical...no kids for Thanksgiving

22NOV11

 In just a few days it’ll be Thanksgiving; the time of the year where we should be reflecting on all the good that has transpired within our lives as well as those of others. But this one will be a little different for me. I won’t be spending it with my children because their Mother…claims she cannot afford to meet me halfway as we have been court ordered. After three attempts I finally received a response.

The first email I sent on Oct 25^th:

Jennifer,
We need to discuss when we will be meeting. Either Wednesday or Thursday. I’d like to know which so I can make plans accordingly.

I got no response from this email.

Second email 3 NOV:

Jennifer,                                                                                                                     3 November 2011

Good afternoon and I hope this message finds you well. It is that time of the year and I am touching base with you so that we can once again coordinate for my visit. According to the school calendar, the kids are out of school starting the evening of the 22^ndand are back in school on the 28^th. I know asking for them on the 22^ndmaybe a lil much but considering the distance and the amount of time I get with them it’d be wonderful if you could meet me that evening at the half-way point. Exit 158 off of I-24 south in Tennessee is the halfway point, 250 miles for both of us. Just off that exit to the west is a huge fireworks store with a huge parking lot where we can meet. It has easy access for going north and south so it won’t be an issue for you heading back home. I know when you and Mrs. Cockran came down to acquire some of the kids things you passed it and acknowledged it in conversation that you knew and understood the location of the half-way point.
I know asking for them on the 22^ndis probably a stretch but I am asking if there is a way we can do it on that day (thus maximizing my time with them) it’d be greatly appreciated. If not the 23^rd works just as well. I just need to know what time we will link up so that I can be there at least 30 minutes prior to your arrival. I will have to take off work on the 23^rd to make this happen so if you could give me a time to meet that’d be great. I will meet you on Sunday the 27^that 1400 at the same location. The 4 hour drive time will have you back home NLT 1830 that evening. I would appreciate it if you respond promptly so that I can plan accordingly for my visit with our kids.
Also, you went to Care First, twice and incurred two bills which are in my name. Our children are covered under Tri-Care and they will not cover said bills unless they give you permission to go there. Please follow the rules set forth by Tri-Care in regards to seeking medical attention. I cannot afford to pay these two bills so I’m sending them to you and asking that you settle these since it was you whom broke the rules and incurred the bills.
Again, please contact me so that we can coordinate for my visit. Thanks and I look forward to hearing from you. Also, could you please unblock me on your cell so that we can speak phone as well as keep me up to date on school and personal matters.

Got no response either.

Third email on 20 Nov:

 Jennifer,
Thanksgiving is this week. This is my third attempt at reaching you so that we can coordinate meeting. I checked the school calendar and they are out of school on the 22nd so that's when I’d like to meet to make the exchange. If you are unable or willing to meet me then I need to know this ASAP.

This was finally responded to but it came through a mediator, one of Jennifer's friends. I guess it was too much for her to pick up a phone and call and discuss things with me.

Jerome, Jenny has responded to every one of your emails. I do not know why you are not receiving them (or acknowledging them) but here is the email she sent you last night in response to your email:
From: supermom27@yahoo.comTo: duchunter996@yahoo.comSent: Sun, Nov 20, 2011 8:30 PM CSTSubject: I have explained my situation to you. At this time I do not have $150.00 for the gas to cover 16 hours of driving for Thanksgiving. This is by no means an attempt to not follow the Custody Agreement. Kentucky State Regulations do not take into account unique situations where the parties are living so far apart. Due to your job you had to move away and it creates an awkardly unreasonable task to attempt a visit of such a short duration in addition to the enormous cost. Between the two of us (if I had the money) that would be $300.00 that could be spent on clothes and Christmas for the children. At a time when we are both struggling to get back on our feet it seems exhorbitant. I have some suggestions for a compromise; however, as again I don't have the funds available. 1)I could borrow the money from you and pay you back when I get my
Income Tax. 2)you could come here and use your home for your visit-bring ing the necessary equipment to cook your meals and at the same time work with your Realtor as Romy said you are Renting your home out or 3) Have the kids for Spring Break which at that time I will be better off Financially and it's for a longer visit at a great time of year. I am trying to find a solution and be fair but, again, visitation is going to have to require some type of cooperative modification at times due to the distance.Next year you will be even further so I feel we will have to work together to work things out at times so the kids get to see you and they don't worry. Let me know how you would like to handle this.

I responded…..

Jennifer,
I received your email via Dee's FB. Not sure why you could not have done that or simply called me. I have asked you numerous times to please unblock me so that we could communicate on the phone.
As far as things go...the courts did make amendments, they said we have to split the cost of transportation because I'm so far away and you were given primary custody. Your claims of not having the money...though I feel your pain, it’s not my problem. If you are unable to do your part, whether it’s financially or unwillingly then the solution to me is simple...give me primary custody and I will ensure you get kids for visitation.
You are unemployed for whatever reason and that too isn't my concern. I have gone above and beyond...doing my part, can you say the same? It cost me $500 to bring the kids home and that's because I drove a truck trying to be nice to you bringing things that you were unable to take with you.
You waiting until today to ensure I got your email when I have written three times starting a month ago is suspect at best. Your offer of spring break is nice but that's 4 months away. And as you have said, with me being this far you should be more than willing to let me have spring break not offer it up because you’re not gonna meet me halfway as court ordered.
So you do as you always do and enjoy the kids for thanksgiving and x-mas. The clock is ticking.

And as usual, Jennifer's responded:

Also-Do you realise that because of your DVO I have been turned down for jobs? Because you lied about being afraid of me? I cannot pass certain background checks. And you DID know this. You knew that in my field I cannot have anything Domestic against me. And you did affect my ability to be employed. So did your Attorney. You defamed my character and I received a charge against me that is used against me. This is why I am so
confident in filing a Civil Suit against you. On top of all your lying Blogging about me.And? I will win for you and your Attorney affecting my ability to earn a living (also a Constitutional Violation). So-I DON'T have $150.00 due to all your deceipt and lying. So? The clock is ticking and you will be sued. By me. By that time? The kids will be almost grown and you can't hurt any of us ever again. Tick Tock.

 Man, does my ex-wife have some brass balls or what? Borrowing $300 from me so that I can see my own kids? Wait, don’t I pay the insurance, registration and car payment? No...I’m not spotting you the money. Not only is she telling me she not going to meet me halfway but she’s telling me to drive 18 hours as she keeps saying, load my car up with pots, pans, etc., etc. so that I can cook thanksgiving dinner in a house I don’t live in. I’m supposing I should just toss the dining room table and chairs on the roof so we have someplace to eat this meal imaginary. $300 in gas which could be spent on the kids X-mas gifts she says. Helloooo, I’m paying you $1391.00 in child support plus your pay check from your job. Oh, that’s right, you’re not working maybe if you were working it wouldn’t be a financial strain. Then, offer me Spring Break in exchange. As if she’s now doing me a favor. I’m 7 hours away and you have the kids full time, the least you can do is allow me to have as much time (thanksgiving and X-mas excluded) with the kids that’s reasonably allowed. I could understand if her work hours conflicted and I had to drive all the way there and get them and she’d drive all the way here to take them home. That’s doable; it’s still 50% of travel. That’s reasonable and fair in my eyes. And once again, it's my fault she has no job. It was her that forced me to obtain a DVO and now it’s my fault. That’s laughable, bout as laughable as her trying to sue me for defaming her character. But that’s cool, you don’t wanna play ball with me that’s fine. That hour glass I have with the sands of time in it…it’s running out.

 Oh and yeah, if you haven’t figured it out yet…I’m pissed!!



P.S. I later recieved two more messages from her. I saw no point in responding.

Second email of the evening:

This is hilarious. If I can 'receive' your e-mails from "duchunter996@yahoo.com" then why are you claiming I'm not responding? Hilarious. And? I have an e-mail explicitly requesting this is the address I need to send all correspondance to. But NICE try. I have ISP responses that You received them. You're turning out to be a Horrible Liar. Lol. You know-Derrick and I have had a wonderful laugh on your attempt to make me "Look" "Bad" and make me "look" like I'm NOT "Co-parenting" and I'm not trying to "Compromise". Why? Because over the last Decade we work TOGETHER. Period. And? He is willing-after all the abuse you dished out on HIS Son to TESTIFY that him and I have NO problems working together. That I am amenable. So-I hope your Clock is still "TICKING". Give me a BREAK with your Closet Homo DRAMA. You could have seen your kids this weekend for (What a GAY way to put it) "Turkey Day" but you would not be flexible or reasonable. Your problem. Tick Tock.

Third email:

And when we sit in Court-it will be in North Carolina where I will File Suit AGAINST you- I pray-and the Lord is answering ALL my Prayers-That you will be exposed for being a Hateful Person-I pray on the LORD I see some JUSTICE. If not? Then pray for yourself. Because you are going DIRECTLY to HELL. God DON'T like UGLY. And YOU have been JUDGED. It's ok-though-you can meet your "excuse" for a "Father" there and your Sister the "Adulterous" one in the "family"-oh-I forgot! Your Mother will be there too! She supported all of this HATRED. Have a GOoooD Time in HELL. Tick TOCK.

Thanksgiving is coming

4Nov11

  That’s right, its November and one month away from this wild and crazy year being over. It’s been full of highs and lows but it’s been quite the ride. Last month started out great and my kids, whom I had not seen since I took them home the end of July, were here for a whole week for their fall break. I felt like a kid at Christmas time knowing they were coming down. They have all grown and looked really good. I didn’t know they had arrived and pulled up outside the house until the boy’s walked in the front door. LOL. Jennifer had brought them since I was court ordered to give her some of the marital property that she neglected to take with her when she got her own place back in May2010 after our divorce was final and the living arrangement ended. Kind of a two fer…she came to get her stuff and I got the kids for a visit as a result. I mean seriously…who waits until after they are divorced for over a year and then goes back to court seeking more martial property. But it was only things she wanted. I honored the court order and spent the week prior prepping for that Monday. I had all the items that she was awarded as well as items the kids asked me to let them take i.e. Madison’s bed, dressers and a few odd items. They arrived with a mini-van and a small trailer; barely large enough for a motorcycle. I had spoken with two of my NCOs and asked if they would help her load up. My plan was a simple one; they would arrive, I’d let the kids download their stuff in the house and then I’d take them to hang out and get dinner so as not to be around Jennifer and the neighbor while they loaded up. Well…that didn’t happen. So I was kind and respectful to them both while she went through boxes and pulled what she wanted out leaving somewhat of a mess left for me to clean up. It was cool, I just wanted her to take her things and be done with it. She asked for an equitable split…funny thing is that split didn’t include all the bills I took because I knew she’d never give me her half of the money for the bills so I opted to take them all. Well, they loaded up and I led them back out to the interstate. So it makes you wonder…had she not come for the items (She was driven down by our former neighbor across the street) would she have met me halfway as I had been asking? That’s one question I will not be able to answer at this time.  Me and the kids hit Barnes & Noble (Moo wanted a book) and then on to Cheddar’s where we had a great dinner catching up and what not. The week went well. Me and the kids hung out…just like old times. Jennifer called them what seemed like constantly. Which led to her asking for me…constantly; but to my surprise she was very nice, civil…asking me for favors. I was like, well as long as you’re nice, hell I got no issue doing you a solid. I let her know that I had established an allotment for the child support and it would go directly to her bank account starting in November.

Jeff was up with me every morning going to PT and Moo and Rome did their thing until I got home. Last day of the week Rome came to work and Jeff stayed home. The weekend we would be going to the Aquarium in Atlanta. That…was cool.  We spent the afternoon up there walking around looking at the fish and then came home for a nice dinner. It would be the last since I had to take them to meet Jennifer so they could go home. Sunday I got a surprise for Jennifer, I had coordinated so that I could take her the remaining items she wasn’t able to take with her the first time. I got a call from her around 1000 saying that she wasn’t able to meet me at the halfway mark and that I needed to bring the kids all the way to KY.  That’s, information I would have liked to have the day prior not the day of. It wasn’t an issue of taking them home but more of I could have loaded the truck and been on my way hours prior too. No matter, we adjusted and got on the road. We got to KY around 2000 and pulled up to Jennifer’s place. She came out and I was like, just unload and get going. Well it was clear she was in a “good” mood and so I was hoping there wouldn’t be any trouble. I had let her know that I had the majority of the stuff and that she was going to need help unloading it all. No one was there to help her unload so that task fell on me and the kids. Kerry was with us and came along to help me drive up and back. Jennifer was all smiles and since she was in a “good” mood wanted to chat. I started unloading and the kids started taking things in the house. I wanted to avoid going in but it got to the bulky items and I and Rome had to take them in. Glad Kerry was there with me cause the last time I tried to pick up an item from Jennifer she called the cops and I got a summons for trespassing. At one point it was just Jennifer and I outside and she proceeded to talk to me. She just kept on talking, telling me she loved me and how we needed to get along. We had been married for 13 years and we just had to get along. I attested most of it to her “good” mood and smiled on the inside. It was simply odd and uncomfortable. But she kept talking about how we needed to work together and how are their parents. She even said that I shouldn’t be dating and that she wasn’t gonna date…ever. I told her that was nice and she should do what made her happy. Funniest thing was when she said Kerry was a floozy. I laughed…who uses that word…straight outta the 40’s LOL.

 Then the shocker…she asked for a hug. A hug!?! You’re joking? Court, the threats, so much bad blood between us over nothing really and you’re asking for a hug? I was taking back and didn’t really know just how to react. I know Kerry could hear her requests and I myself had been pushing for civility between us since this started so I guess I had no choice. I stood up looked down at her and said sure as I thrusted my arms forward. She walked towards me and we embraced…I gave her a hug as she had been asking; weirdest feeling ever.  LOL. I later realized that that was the first physical contact I had with Jennifer since July of 2008. After the hug, the kids and I preceded to unload the truck and get the items into her place. I helped Madison with her bed and the boys with the TV. The townhome was small and seemed very cramp and much too small for all of them and their stuff. But they had made their choice and I had to respect that and support them. So as we finished up I said my good byes and headed back outside. I told them I loved them and couldn’t wait to see them come thanksgiving. Jennifer asked if I would come up for thanksgiving instead of the kids coming south. You know how some folks get when they are in a “good” mood…all lovey dovey and what not. LOL. So I told her that I didn’t think so but she was more than welcome to come spend it with us in Alabama. She again asked for another hug and since we were in front of the kids, couldn’t exactly say no so…I gave her hug number two. LOL. She even gave Kerry a hug and said we all had to get along for the sake of the kids. Of course she had to get a dig or two in before we left. She asked if I was gonna screw a relationship up with Kerry as I did with her and Mary. I shrugged it off smile and gave the kids all one last hug.

 Jeff usually takes the separations the hardest so I had to chat him up a lil before we left. We swung by the house, grabbed my washer and dryer and were about to head south when Jennifer called…again. Jeff was a lil upset and she wanted me to come by. So we stopped back by and I spoke to Jeff one more time before heading home. So I left thinking…maybe Jennifer has decided to work together as she said. Maybe it wasn’t her being in a “good” mood. Well I figured I would enjoy the civility as long as it was going to last.

 A few weeks ago I was contacted by Jennifer about an immigration issue. To this day I really have no idea what it is she wants or needed. I was stone cold sleeping when she called and woke me up asking how come I hadn’t responded to her email. I tried to explain to her I was sleeping but she again, was in a “good” mood and ignored my requests for information and kept talking over me. She spoke until she said, “if you don’t…I will call your command and tell them.” Ok, pump your breaks kid…I got no clue what you’re asking but now you’re making demands and gonna call my “unit?”  Ummmm now you’re about to get a dial tone. LOL. Each time she’d call back and refuse to tell me what she wanted, yelling and hollering…I hung up. Rome called me and he was trying to explain until she took the phone and started yelling at me. So again…dial tone. It’s been weeks, and I still have no idea what that late night call about immigration was about. Oh well, must not have been that important. And then it hit me, the woman who was sooo nice and civil to me had gone and in her place, was the woman I had been dealing with for the past two years. She is back to blaming everyone else for her current situation. I mean at what point do you, as an adult take responsibility, get a job and live your life. And I can’t for the life of me figure out how come none of her friends ever seem to ask her that themselves. None seem to be able to ask Jennifer anything or point out the obvious. You wanted him out of your life…got it, wanted him to pay child support…got it, wanted to be a single mom…got it, wanted a car you don’t have to pay for…got it, wanted to be free from him and his craziness…got it. She now has everything she asked for and told others she wanted she should be very happy…yet she still won’t move on. They should point her in a direction she has the ability to prosper and do well. That’s what friends are supposed to do. I just wonder how come her friends don’t do this. Jay’s out of your life…move on.

 So that bring us to today…Thanksgiving is approaching and I can’t wait to see the kids and share thanksgiving with them. It sucks being away from them but getting to spend holidays and such makes up for it. It would be nice if we had the ability to all sit at a table for special occasions and but it seems right now…that just isn’t possible. It makes me wonder if Jennifer and I will ever be able to so coexist. I’ve emailed her twice, trying to coordinate for Thanksgiving. But I will be patient and wait for her to respond. Hopefully she doesn’t wait until the 22^nd to answer me. And at what point do I finally give up and stop trying. I don’t know…maybe when I stop believing that she can change.