My Divorce Nightmare part 7

When “D” and I were done, I thought to myself…this is a good thing. I was sure this was gonna fly and there was no way I could get screwed. Humph, little did I know. We gave our proposal to the mediator and he looked at us like we were crazy. Dude, I ain’t crazy, I’m just not gonna be one of them cats. He commented that he didn’t think it was going to work and I should have taken the first deal she pitched. I was like…oh well.


He left and took the deal to them. I sat there and thought about what I had just done. Man I must be crazy but no way can she pass this up. But in true JSD41 form, she wasn’t too happy with the deal. Ok, by now you have got to be wondering just what is this deal? Ok well this is what I offered her.

I offered JSD41 the 08 CX-9 she had purchased while I was overseas after she totaled our Odyssey and said I’d pay for it. I would keep my Acura Integra. However she’d have to pay for insurance and registration. I took all the credit card bills and loans we had jointly accumulated. Not counting the car, about 21K. She was left with what ever was solely in her name, two store credit cards and her student loan. We were not to make any disparaging remarks about one another in front of, ear shot or around the kids. No alcohol in the home or around the kids and no running up the bills in the apartment or house. And a portion of my retirement based on the POE scale. Military retirement has been a big bargaining chip in divorces within the military. So she made it a point to wave it in my face and I was like I don’t care about something I may never even see. I offered her a portion based on 10 years of marriage at 20 years. It would be in her name and the check would come to her. Mind you the longer I stay past 20 the smaller her portion is and she has to pay taxes on it too.

The pivotal piece of the deal was shared custody, a total 50/50 split of our kids and the house. This is where it got interesting. I offered to get an apartment and pay for all the bills (electric, water, etc) in said apartment as well as in our home. Since it was we adults that were doing this, we’d be the ones inconvenienced. My kids would not be rotating from house to house. This would later be referred to as “The Switch.” They’d stay put in our home until the end of the 2009-2010 school year. Their Mom and I would rotate between the house with them and the apartment every Sunday at 6pm. At the end of the school year I’d keep the house and I’d pay JSD41 partial child support. This provided a stable environment for all the kids, especially The Athlete since this was to be his senior year and his last chance at a state championship. JSD41 would have the ability to seek and gain employment and a whole year to get on her feet, save some money and prepare to be a single parent as she had claimed throughout our marriage.

When the mediator came back he had their counter offer. I told her I’d extend the house and apartment piece out until December 31 2010. That would give her an additional 6 months and in return she wouldn’t touch my retirement…period. She rejected it as I knew she would. But the deal stood, she had two options take the deal and make the best out of it or go back to court and face me head to head in a custody battle. When the smoke cleared the deal was set. She got the Mazda, a place to live for free, some of my retirement and a year to get on her feet virtually bill free.

She left angry and as I stood with “D” and JSD41’s attorney, she looked at me and said. “Mr. JYD, I hope this works out for the two of you and starts the healing process.”

“Thank you and I hope so too,” I said in return.

Looking back, I sometimes wonder about making that deal but time will tell if I did the right thing. The major thing was I would be in my kids lives no matter what and I still managed to do their Mom a solid. I could look myself in the mirror knowing I had done this right. But JSD41, well she was about to wage phase two of her campaign of anger.