31MAR11: Today I take over as 1SG for Apache Troop 1-16CAV. Yep, old Dingle is back in the saddle doing what he does best…taking care of hooahs. This week has been fairly stressful. Just with court…which didn’t happen and then the Change of Responsibility that will happen at 1530. And then Moo has 8th grade night for Volleyball. So yeah my weekly calendar is pretty full.
Court was a huge disappointment. This thing has grown its own ugly head and is costing me money and time to cut its head off. See, the whole point of court was for my “X” to explain herself as to why she refused to follow the plan set forth by DCBS as well as take all the children to her apartment every other week as it was agreed upon in our divorce decree. The plan in itself was simple…I and my X were to co-parent. That’s it…we were ordered to co-parent. Go figured. However, one of us felt that DCBS had no right to tell them what to do. Hence we BOTH got taken to court by the County. Once in court it was made clear who was cooperating and who wasn’t. The petition was dropped against me but not my X. The County attorney recommended that the children all remain with me until this was fully cleared up. She was given supervised visitation 1 hour every two weeks. At the recommendation of the DCBS case worker it was increased after the first meeting to 1 hour every week. This decision was made back in July10. All this lasted until Dec 20, 10 at which point my X decided to terminate her visitation and hasn’t spent time with our children since then.
So we were given another court date so she could explain why she refused to co-parent. She fired her court appointed and got another lawyer. So the next time we get to court…time had expired on the day and they were unable to proceed. Another date was set and when the time arrived we showed up. Well, my X insisted that the children speak in open court on the matter. Well the children had an attorney that was speaking on their behalf and in their interest. Well he spoke to the kids and found out they had nothing to say that would shed light on WHY THEIR MOTHER WOULD NOT CO-PARENT WITH ME AND WAS NOT COOPERATING WITH DCBS’ CO-PARENTING PLAN!
He told the judge this and the judge asked me what I felt about our children speaking. In short I told him I had nothing to hide and they were free to do so if he wanted to hear them. He didn’t want them to testify but my X insisted. So he orders them to be evaluated by a forensic mental evlauation. Then he added that myself and my X be spoken too also. So it took the better part of 6 months for all this to pass. Fast forward to yesterday. The evals were done and we had our court date. All players were present save my X. She filed a motion asking for adjudication. She the eval, at the end made a recommendation as to which of us should have primary custody. The recommendation was a shock to all parties involved save probably my X since it was in her favor. So they filed for an adjudication at it was granted along with a new court date in 2 weeks.
So as best we can figure, that’s what the adjudication is about. She wishes to use the report to gain primary custody of our children even though the report is actually incredibly negative and damaging to her. So now I wait for yet another court date. Funny thing is this was never about custody. Custody was set forth throught the divorce decree which she refused to follow. We go to court to find out why she refuses to co-parent and it she has some how made it not about HER but about custody of our children. So now you know the truth. LOL. Told ya..its a nightmare. ;-)
Thursday, March 31, 2011
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
From Boys to Men, it’s been a wonderful life…thinking back on the Jungle Brothers
December 17th, today as I was showering and changing at the gym I was thinking back on my life and those who have been in it. Its Christmas time, and with the year closing out it’s traditionally the time of the year where we do a lot of reflecting on what has transpired over the last year. And as I reflected…I thought to myself, “Am I successful?” Not a crazy question but one I’m sure we have all asked ourselves at one time or another. Then I thought about the impact one has on others in this life we find ourselves living. And when you think back to impacts on your own life…you have to ask, who has impacted me? And that is what really got me thinking and is the point of this letter to all of you.
The impact we have had I feel is monumental and I wonder if we as a core have ever really discussed it as a whole. Our friendships span over 25 years and greater for some of you. Some met in grade school, some met in middle school while others in high school. But what drew us all together? We all didn’t grow up together. We all didn’t have the same socio-economical backgrounds. We didn’t all play the same sports nor take the same classes yet, somehow, we all managed to find each other and create a brotherhood we fondly called the JB’s aka The Jungle Brothers.
Jemal started calling us it and it soon became our informal name. And as I think back on the JBs, I think back to what we all were, where we stood and what we all wished to be. And it goes back to my thought of success. Are the JBs successful? Did we do what we set out to do? Where are we all now and how did we get here? That…leads us back to my question about impacts we have made. I think we can all agree that Mr. Beale was a huge influence and impact on many of us. Every Friday night he opened his home to a bunch of boys and in doing so gave us a place that we could be ourselves. We weren’t thugs and we weren’t geeks. We didn’t go around beating up kids nor where we “choir boys.” What we were…was a group of like-minded young men from different backgrounds who just happened to all be black, live relatively close and had similar goals ideas and dreams. We were surrounded by adults who cared about us…and we in turn respected them.
I can recall Mr. Beale catching us all at his home, telling us he had a job and loaded us all in the back of a truck. No one complained and no one didn’t go. We all got in and did as he asked. When we returned, our reward was several Sicilian pizzas followed by a massive game of monopoly. That was just one particular instance of his impact on me. Afterwards we’d head to Sid’s for some night time Basketball. Sid’s Mom and Dad always welcomed us too. Afterwards it was back to the Beale’s for some summer games of Jay’s Commodore 64. Or our football games we played in the parking lot behind McDonalds. And that would be our Friday night for a long, long time. We had someplace to go and people who cared about us and looked out for us.
My favorite Christmas movie of all time is “It’s a Wonderful Life.” Truly a classic and what spurred this letter to you all. What would my life been like had I not gone back to Jemal’s house after our tussle on the front lawn which Sid instigated. LOL. I would have never gotten to know some of you and surely not Mr. Beale. Would Marc and Jemal still have joined the Guard if I didn’t? If I had never befriended Marc our freshman year, I would have never known D Farm, Frank and Steve (RIP). And if that never took place, how would we have met ole Jimmy Daniels? And how the hell did Carlton end up in our crew? LOL. Had Marc, Jemal and I not joined the Guard…would D Brown, Carlton and Reevey have joined? Man it goes on and on and on and on and on. Somehow we all ended up as a crew and the rest is history. I shudder to think how my life would be today without the impact all of you had on it. Big or small…does it really matter?
As I sat in the gym this morning almost laughing to tears as I thought back on all we did and the impacts of our actions. Bare with me as I share some with you.
Jemal and I crashing into some guys fence up at the lake.
Jemal crashing his car on the parkway headed to drill.
The summer ridding in the back of Sid’s uncle’s blue dodge truck, going to the highlands with Chris Fisher leading us in search of girls.
Marc getting surgery on his back.
Me braking Franks arm playing basketball.
Going to RBC’s practice field and throwing the dummies onto the field. And yeah Dave, I was freaking out in the back seat. LOL.
Me and Marc driving to the lake following directions left for us.
Giving people the “ball.”
PHI SLACKUM YACKUM. “If the girl don’t give up the booty yackum…lay’em down and slackum yackum.”
Malcolm out running a dog one night walking from Sid’s.
Jemal bringing Rosanne and Maria over my house.
Driving though the highlands with the light off.
The night Sid, I and Clarence saw the ghost in the middle of the road.
Sid always saying, “OH SHOOT, OH SHOOT, OH SHOOT!!”
Me spotting Jay in the gym…and he dropped all the weights. Yeah I blamed that one on him.
Hanging out at Steve’s watching porn.
Punching Reevey in the leg and watching him crumble or the night me and Reev got drunk at Kean.
Me and Frank at Six Flags to see Lisa Lisa and Cult Jam.
Visiting Hampton, Norfolk and VSU with Jemal, His Dad and Uncle Julian.
At Norfolk State with Frank the night the dude pulled out a gun and he was winning the fight.
Driving to Vassar to pick up Steve with Frank.
Going to the Trade Winds in the back of Dave’s car…JIMMY!!!! DEE sister was on my lap. LMAO.
And Steve’s plan to make a porno staring his sister’s friends.
It’s been a long time since all of us have been in the same place at the same time to really just sit down, talk and think…how did we get here? And are we all successful? I think you all know the answer to the latter question. Though we are not related, when you look up the definition of a brother…you will see us. One day we need to have a JB reunion. We all need to find the time before we all get too old and too broke to do anything. I can’t speak for Jay but I know life is short and I almost lost mine in July of 2004. Let’s all make a promise that within the next five years, no matter what we will all try and get together. I want to thank all of you for the love, respect and support you all have given to me over the years. You are truly…my brothers…Jungle Brothers.
The impact we have had I feel is monumental and I wonder if we as a core have ever really discussed it as a whole. Our friendships span over 25 years and greater for some of you. Some met in grade school, some met in middle school while others in high school. But what drew us all together? We all didn’t grow up together. We all didn’t have the same socio-economical backgrounds. We didn’t all play the same sports nor take the same classes yet, somehow, we all managed to find each other and create a brotherhood we fondly called the JB’s aka The Jungle Brothers.
Jemal started calling us it and it soon became our informal name. And as I think back on the JBs, I think back to what we all were, where we stood and what we all wished to be. And it goes back to my thought of success. Are the JBs successful? Did we do what we set out to do? Where are we all now and how did we get here? That…leads us back to my question about impacts we have made. I think we can all agree that Mr. Beale was a huge influence and impact on many of us. Every Friday night he opened his home to a bunch of boys and in doing so gave us a place that we could be ourselves. We weren’t thugs and we weren’t geeks. We didn’t go around beating up kids nor where we “choir boys.” What we were…was a group of like-minded young men from different backgrounds who just happened to all be black, live relatively close and had similar goals ideas and dreams. We were surrounded by adults who cared about us…and we in turn respected them.
I can recall Mr. Beale catching us all at his home, telling us he had a job and loaded us all in the back of a truck. No one complained and no one didn’t go. We all got in and did as he asked. When we returned, our reward was several Sicilian pizzas followed by a massive game of monopoly. That was just one particular instance of his impact on me. Afterwards we’d head to Sid’s for some night time Basketball. Sid’s Mom and Dad always welcomed us too. Afterwards it was back to the Beale’s for some summer games of Jay’s Commodore 64. Or our football games we played in the parking lot behind McDonalds. And that would be our Friday night for a long, long time. We had someplace to go and people who cared about us and looked out for us.
My favorite Christmas movie of all time is “It’s a Wonderful Life.” Truly a classic and what spurred this letter to you all. What would my life been like had I not gone back to Jemal’s house after our tussle on the front lawn which Sid instigated. LOL. I would have never gotten to know some of you and surely not Mr. Beale. Would Marc and Jemal still have joined the Guard if I didn’t? If I had never befriended Marc our freshman year, I would have never known D Farm, Frank and Steve (RIP). And if that never took place, how would we have met ole Jimmy Daniels? And how the hell did Carlton end up in our crew? LOL. Had Marc, Jemal and I not joined the Guard…would D Brown, Carlton and Reevey have joined? Man it goes on and on and on and on and on. Somehow we all ended up as a crew and the rest is history. I shudder to think how my life would be today without the impact all of you had on it. Big or small…does it really matter?
As I sat in the gym this morning almost laughing to tears as I thought back on all we did and the impacts of our actions. Bare with me as I share some with you.
Jemal and I crashing into some guys fence up at the lake.
Jemal crashing his car on the parkway headed to drill.
The summer ridding in the back of Sid’s uncle’s blue dodge truck, going to the highlands with Chris Fisher leading us in search of girls.
Marc getting surgery on his back.
Me braking Franks arm playing basketball.
Going to RBC’s practice field and throwing the dummies onto the field. And yeah Dave, I was freaking out in the back seat. LOL.
Me and Marc driving to the lake following directions left for us.
Giving people the “ball.”
PHI SLACKUM YACKUM. “If the girl don’t give up the booty yackum…lay’em down and slackum yackum.”
Malcolm out running a dog one night walking from Sid’s.
Jemal bringing Rosanne and Maria over my house.
Driving though the highlands with the light off.
The night Sid, I and Clarence saw the ghost in the middle of the road.
Sid always saying, “OH SHOOT, OH SHOOT, OH SHOOT!!”
Me spotting Jay in the gym…and he dropped all the weights. Yeah I blamed that one on him.
Hanging out at Steve’s watching porn.
Punching Reevey in the leg and watching him crumble or the night me and Reev got drunk at Kean.
Me and Frank at Six Flags to see Lisa Lisa and Cult Jam.
Visiting Hampton, Norfolk and VSU with Jemal, His Dad and Uncle Julian.
At Norfolk State with Frank the night the dude pulled out a gun and he was winning the fight.
Driving to Vassar to pick up Steve with Frank.
Going to the Trade Winds in the back of Dave’s car…JIMMY!!!! DEE sister was on my lap. LMAO.
And Steve’s plan to make a porno staring his sister’s friends.
It’s been a long time since all of us have been in the same place at the same time to really just sit down, talk and think…how did we get here? And are we all successful? I think you all know the answer to the latter question. Though we are not related, when you look up the definition of a brother…you will see us. One day we need to have a JB reunion. We all need to find the time before we all get too old and too broke to do anything. I can’t speak for Jay but I know life is short and I almost lost mine in July of 2004. Let’s all make a promise that within the next five years, no matter what we will all try and get together. I want to thank all of you for the love, respect and support you all have given to me over the years. You are truly…my brothers…Jungle Brothers.
Friends
This is one I wrote while I was stationed in korea in 2009. I had recently heard from a buddy and was just thinking about my friends.
Have you ever heard the saying, “You can count the number of friends you have on one hand.”? If you have not, than think about it and then think back to all those whom you choose to call friend. Now, how many of those do you call friend because there really isn’t another word for it or you don’t wish to call them an acquaintance? Besides, it’s pretty acceptable to use the word friend for anyone. But what really is a friend? I mean have you ever stopped to truly think about what you personally consider a friend or what someone else considers a friend?
I have used the moniker, “true friend” to describe or to separate just using the term friend loosely as I have done over the years. Friends come and go but do true friends really remain? And what do you use to gauge or judge who you call a friend versus a true friend? Or better yet, is there really a difference or do we just do it to place people in a position that we feel comfortable with in case something doesn’t go well?
But what makes up a friend? Is it the person who helps you out in a pinch? Or buys you lunch when they know you’re strapped for cash. I’m not sure how others see it, I just know what I see or consider a friend. I choose to use the two terms of friend and true friend. I do this because I feel there is a difference and I don’t feel like using the acquaintance term. It’s simpler to use friend but that too can cause you some grief. If said individual does something wrong and you use the term friend, you may get grouped into a situation. Then you have to explain that the person is not a true friend but just an acquaintance some person you know. Yeah I know, sounds retarded but hey, this is America.
Over the years I have had a lot of guys that I choose to call friends. While living in NC I had a core of friends who all rode motorcycles as did I. To this day we all stay in touch. Though the military and our personal lives have us spread across the east coast we still talk via internet, e-mail or occasional phone call. These guys I call friends. Though we have been through a lot, they have never asked me, forced me or looked at me differently because I choose not to do some of the things they may have. Nor have they left me hanging. On one such occasion we were at Bike Weekend in Myrtle Beach. It was something we did almost every year and was to be the last time I would be there with them. A buddy and I were headed back to Myrtle Beach from Atlantic beach when another cat rolled up on us. Means (one of my boys) and this other dude took off and started abusing the speed limit some. LOL. My bike was new and I was breaking it in so I pretty much just chilled. That is until I saw a cop. As he made his way to the intersection they had passed him at a high rate of speed. He never saw me trailing. So by the time he made it onto the road I had passed him. Bad timing and a scene from a movie if you ever seen one.
That’s right, the next thing I know he’s behind me and hitting the lights. See, he thought I was the one racing Means. Why? Well Means happened to be racing a black guy, blue jean shorts, white t-shirt and red bike. Guess who was wearing the same thing? When Means and the dude passed the cop he had a clear view of them. The problem was I was trailing and there was traffic. I passed the cop but he couldnt see me. A van shielded me as I went in front of him so by the time he cut his lights on and made it on to the road he could see me. Yours truly; all I could do was laugh as the officer approached and tried to explain. The officer smiled and said, “All I saw was a black guy, blue jean short, white t-shirt and red bike.” As I smiled and continued to talk to the officer about the mistake he was making Means pulled back up. He told the officer that he had indeed been racing but that it was not me. The officer applauded him for his honesty and for looking out for a friend. He also told him he should give him a ticket. But he didn’t.
That is a friend; he came back for me knowing full well it could have cost him a hefty ticket. Numerous times in my life I have been in a tough spot. And it was friends who were there to help me out.
Have you ever heard the saying, “You can count the number of friends you have on one hand.”? If you have not, than think about it and then think back to all those whom you choose to call friend. Now, how many of those do you call friend because there really isn’t another word for it or you don’t wish to call them an acquaintance? Besides, it’s pretty acceptable to use the word friend for anyone. But what really is a friend? I mean have you ever stopped to truly think about what you personally consider a friend or what someone else considers a friend?
I have used the moniker, “true friend” to describe or to separate just using the term friend loosely as I have done over the years. Friends come and go but do true friends really remain? And what do you use to gauge or judge who you call a friend versus a true friend? Or better yet, is there really a difference or do we just do it to place people in a position that we feel comfortable with in case something doesn’t go well?
But what makes up a friend? Is it the person who helps you out in a pinch? Or buys you lunch when they know you’re strapped for cash. I’m not sure how others see it, I just know what I see or consider a friend. I choose to use the two terms of friend and true friend. I do this because I feel there is a difference and I don’t feel like using the acquaintance term. It’s simpler to use friend but that too can cause you some grief. If said individual does something wrong and you use the term friend, you may get grouped into a situation. Then you have to explain that the person is not a true friend but just an acquaintance some person you know. Yeah I know, sounds retarded but hey, this is America.
Over the years I have had a lot of guys that I choose to call friends. While living in NC I had a core of friends who all rode motorcycles as did I. To this day we all stay in touch. Though the military and our personal lives have us spread across the east coast we still talk via internet, e-mail or occasional phone call. These guys I call friends. Though we have been through a lot, they have never asked me, forced me or looked at me differently because I choose not to do some of the things they may have. Nor have they left me hanging. On one such occasion we were at Bike Weekend in Myrtle Beach. It was something we did almost every year and was to be the last time I would be there with them. A buddy and I were headed back to Myrtle Beach from Atlantic beach when another cat rolled up on us. Means (one of my boys) and this other dude took off and started abusing the speed limit some. LOL. My bike was new and I was breaking it in so I pretty much just chilled. That is until I saw a cop. As he made his way to the intersection they had passed him at a high rate of speed. He never saw me trailing. So by the time he made it onto the road I had passed him. Bad timing and a scene from a movie if you ever seen one.
That’s right, the next thing I know he’s behind me and hitting the lights. See, he thought I was the one racing Means. Why? Well Means happened to be racing a black guy, blue jean shorts, white t-shirt and red bike. Guess who was wearing the same thing? When Means and the dude passed the cop he had a clear view of them. The problem was I was trailing and there was traffic. I passed the cop but he couldnt see me. A van shielded me as I went in front of him so by the time he cut his lights on and made it on to the road he could see me. Yours truly; all I could do was laugh as the officer approached and tried to explain. The officer smiled and said, “All I saw was a black guy, blue jean short, white t-shirt and red bike.” As I smiled and continued to talk to the officer about the mistake he was making Means pulled back up. He told the officer that he had indeed been racing but that it was not me. The officer applauded him for his honesty and for looking out for a friend. He also told him he should give him a ticket. But he didn’t.
That is a friend; he came back for me knowing full well it could have cost him a hefty ticket. Numerous times in my life I have been in a tough spot. And it was friends who were there to help me out.
Saturday, March 19, 2011
My Divorce Nightmare part 7
When “D” and I were done, I thought to myself…this is a good thing. I was sure this was gonna fly and there was no way I could get screwed. Humph, little did I know. We gave our proposal to the mediator and he looked at us like we were crazy. Dude, I ain’t crazy, I’m just not gonna be one of them cats. He commented that he didn’t think it was going to work and I should have taken the first deal she pitched. I was like…oh well.
He left and took the deal to them. I sat there and thought about what I had just done. Man I must be crazy but no way can she pass this up. But in true JSD41 form, she wasn’t too happy with the deal. Ok, by now you have got to be wondering just what is this deal? Ok well this is what I offered her.
I offered JSD41 the 08 CX-9 she had purchased while I was overseas after she totaled our Odyssey and said I’d pay for it. I would keep my Acura Integra. However she’d have to pay for insurance and registration. I took all the credit card bills and loans we had jointly accumulated. Not counting the car, about 21K. She was left with what ever was solely in her name, two store credit cards and her student loan. We were not to make any disparaging remarks about one another in front of, ear shot or around the kids. No alcohol in the home or around the kids and no running up the bills in the apartment or house. And a portion of my retirement based on the POE scale. Military retirement has been a big bargaining chip in divorces within the military. So she made it a point to wave it in my face and I was like I don’t care about something I may never even see. I offered her a portion based on 10 years of marriage at 20 years. It would be in her name and the check would come to her. Mind you the longer I stay past 20 the smaller her portion is and she has to pay taxes on it too.
The pivotal piece of the deal was shared custody, a total 50/50 split of our kids and the house. This is where it got interesting. I offered to get an apartment and pay for all the bills (electric, water, etc) in said apartment as well as in our home. Since it was we adults that were doing this, we’d be the ones inconvenienced. My kids would not be rotating from house to house. This would later be referred to as “The Switch.” They’d stay put in our home until the end of the 2009-2010 school year. Their Mom and I would rotate between the house with them and the apartment every Sunday at 6pm. At the end of the school year I’d keep the house and I’d pay JSD41 partial child support. This provided a stable environment for all the kids, especially The Athlete since this was to be his senior year and his last chance at a state championship. JSD41 would have the ability to seek and gain employment and a whole year to get on her feet, save some money and prepare to be a single parent as she had claimed throughout our marriage.
When the mediator came back he had their counter offer. I told her I’d extend the house and apartment piece out until December 31 2010. That would give her an additional 6 months and in return she wouldn’t touch my retirement…period. She rejected it as I knew she would. But the deal stood, she had two options take the deal and make the best out of it or go back to court and face me head to head in a custody battle. When the smoke cleared the deal was set. She got the Mazda, a place to live for free, some of my retirement and a year to get on her feet virtually bill free.
She left angry and as I stood with “D” and JSD41’s attorney, she looked at me and said. “Mr. JYD, I hope this works out for the two of you and starts the healing process.”
“Thank you and I hope so too,” I said in return.
Looking back, I sometimes wonder about making that deal but time will tell if I did the right thing. The major thing was I would be in my kids lives no matter what and I still managed to do their Mom a solid. I could look myself in the mirror knowing I had done this right. But JSD41, well she was about to wage phase two of her campaign of anger.
He left and took the deal to them. I sat there and thought about what I had just done. Man I must be crazy but no way can she pass this up. But in true JSD41 form, she wasn’t too happy with the deal. Ok, by now you have got to be wondering just what is this deal? Ok well this is what I offered her.
I offered JSD41 the 08 CX-9 she had purchased while I was overseas after she totaled our Odyssey and said I’d pay for it. I would keep my Acura Integra. However she’d have to pay for insurance and registration. I took all the credit card bills and loans we had jointly accumulated. Not counting the car, about 21K. She was left with what ever was solely in her name, two store credit cards and her student loan. We were not to make any disparaging remarks about one another in front of, ear shot or around the kids. No alcohol in the home or around the kids and no running up the bills in the apartment or house. And a portion of my retirement based on the POE scale. Military retirement has been a big bargaining chip in divorces within the military. So she made it a point to wave it in my face and I was like I don’t care about something I may never even see. I offered her a portion based on 10 years of marriage at 20 years. It would be in her name and the check would come to her. Mind you the longer I stay past 20 the smaller her portion is and she has to pay taxes on it too.
The pivotal piece of the deal was shared custody, a total 50/50 split of our kids and the house. This is where it got interesting. I offered to get an apartment and pay for all the bills (electric, water, etc) in said apartment as well as in our home. Since it was we adults that were doing this, we’d be the ones inconvenienced. My kids would not be rotating from house to house. This would later be referred to as “The Switch.” They’d stay put in our home until the end of the 2009-2010 school year. Their Mom and I would rotate between the house with them and the apartment every Sunday at 6pm. At the end of the school year I’d keep the house and I’d pay JSD41 partial child support. This provided a stable environment for all the kids, especially The Athlete since this was to be his senior year and his last chance at a state championship. JSD41 would have the ability to seek and gain employment and a whole year to get on her feet, save some money and prepare to be a single parent as she had claimed throughout our marriage.
When the mediator came back he had their counter offer. I told her I’d extend the house and apartment piece out until December 31 2010. That would give her an additional 6 months and in return she wouldn’t touch my retirement…period. She rejected it as I knew she would. But the deal stood, she had two options take the deal and make the best out of it or go back to court and face me head to head in a custody battle. When the smoke cleared the deal was set. She got the Mazda, a place to live for free, some of my retirement and a year to get on her feet virtually bill free.
She left angry and as I stood with “D” and JSD41’s attorney, she looked at me and said. “Mr. JYD, I hope this works out for the two of you and starts the healing process.”
“Thank you and I hope so too,” I said in return.
Looking back, I sometimes wonder about making that deal but time will tell if I did the right thing. The major thing was I would be in my kids lives no matter what and I still managed to do their Mom a solid. I could look myself in the mirror knowing I had done this right. But JSD41, well she was about to wage phase two of her campaign of anger.
Saturday
Moo and her teammates played some great volleyball but they fell short of their goal. Hats off to them for a great effort though. It’s been a rough couple of days. I received the report that was done by the forensic psychologist. It was extremely long and wordy. I have never done anything like this and was surprised to see that it seemed to be the opposite of or not what the judge had order to be done. At least it was to me.
I was under the impression that it was to simply see if my children had been influenced by their Mom in any way or manner. But it turned out more like an evaluation of all of us; more so me and the “X.” Most surprising was the stance that the DR took. She spoke about the entire situation in depth as well as about me and my X. More her than I but she did make it a point to discuss my choice to have a girlfriend in my home. It played more like a morality stance than an actual fact. See, she made it seem like the reason I have been having the issues with my kids…mainly my daughter is because I brought a woman into my home and bedroom when I knew fully well that they couldn’t see their Mom. She also felt I refused to acknowledge this and deal with it appropriately.
Well…sorry Doc, you failed to listen to me when I spoke and it appears as though she discounted the facts that were present. For example, my children…especially my daughter have been mad at me and displaying anger since this whole fiasco started back in Mar09. So I’m sorry, me having a GF in my home…not the cause of it. Second point, their Mom made the choice too not be in their lives at this time not me. I did all I could to foster a positive relationship but she felt she deserved it all and that’s just not how real life works. It’s funny, the DR even said these things herself about my X, yet when the smoke cleared she made a recommendation that was…let’s just say…incredibly incongruent with her findings.
So now I have to wait for court. Personally, I don’t think it’ll be what my X and her camp will make it out to be. There are far too many parties that are involved that get a voice as well as professional opinions as to what they have seen as well as witnessed over the last year plus. But you never know what a Judge will do, you know. So…I guess I will just have to wait and see. But I know as a professional he will do what’s right whether it’s in my favor or my X’s. I have thought about it a lot the past few days and I have no choice but to trust the system and hope it does what’s best for my kids. Someone told me, “You may have to let them go in order to get them back.” I know that’s not what you want to hear when you’re a parent but…I do understand it. Don’t agree…but I understand.
I was under the impression that it was to simply see if my children had been influenced by their Mom in any way or manner. But it turned out more like an evaluation of all of us; more so me and the “X.” Most surprising was the stance that the DR took. She spoke about the entire situation in depth as well as about me and my X. More her than I but she did make it a point to discuss my choice to have a girlfriend in my home. It played more like a morality stance than an actual fact. See, she made it seem like the reason I have been having the issues with my kids…mainly my daughter is because I brought a woman into my home and bedroom when I knew fully well that they couldn’t see their Mom. She also felt I refused to acknowledge this and deal with it appropriately.
Well…sorry Doc, you failed to listen to me when I spoke and it appears as though she discounted the facts that were present. For example, my children…especially my daughter have been mad at me and displaying anger since this whole fiasco started back in Mar09. So I’m sorry, me having a GF in my home…not the cause of it. Second point, their Mom made the choice too not be in their lives at this time not me. I did all I could to foster a positive relationship but she felt she deserved it all and that’s just not how real life works. It’s funny, the DR even said these things herself about my X, yet when the smoke cleared she made a recommendation that was…let’s just say…incredibly incongruent with her findings.
So now I have to wait for court. Personally, I don’t think it’ll be what my X and her camp will make it out to be. There are far too many parties that are involved that get a voice as well as professional opinions as to what they have seen as well as witnessed over the last year plus. But you never know what a Judge will do, you know. So…I guess I will just have to wait and see. But I know as a professional he will do what’s right whether it’s in my favor or my X’s. I have thought about it a lot the past few days and I have no choice but to trust the system and hope it does what’s best for my kids. Someone told me, “You may have to let them go in order to get them back.” I know that’s not what you want to hear when you’re a parent but…I do understand it. Don’t agree…but I understand.
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
What's next?
Well got my notice in the mail today...Jenny's appeal was...DENIED. LOL. You can't help but laugh anyway. I mean she was appealing on the grounds that she felt the judge was biased against her. Well if you lied in court and then returned several times making an ass of yourself...hell I'm pretty sure the judge has an opinion but I will say this, he has bent over backwards being fair to her. I know if I was in his position, I would have told her to pound sand long ago. And you can't appeal and have a judge bounced because "YOU THINK" he will rule against you and you wont like said ruling. LMAO
So, now that evals are complete, just need to get a court date so this nightmare will be over. I had to send her some documents certified for her to sign. Yeah, I know..she won't sign them but it doesnt matter and she will never get that. I still continue to do the right thing and follow the rules.
So, now that evals are complete, just need to get a court date so this nightmare will be over. I had to send her some documents certified for her to sign. Yeah, I know..she won't sign them but it doesnt matter and she will never get that. I still continue to do the right thing and follow the rules.
Thursday, March 10, 2011
When will it stop...hmmmm
When will it stop? I dont know, maybe when you decide to grow the hell up. This was sent to a female friend of mine. My X's attempt to gain information about my life. One word...WOW.
Jennifer Specht March 2 at 5:33pm Report
Hey, Jennifer,
First off, I hope you are doing well and still so sorry that you are one of his victims. He is a predator. Secondly, we-the children and I-are still going through this nightmare and I was wondering if you would be willing to give me some information on what happened with you. This is not gossipy in nature. This is for establishing a pattern of behavior. Think about it as there is no pressure and I will understand you opting out of sharing. Believe me, I spent 13 miserable years with him. If you go on my page-scroll down my page and find his 'articles' he writes on a dating site. I came across it innocently after his friend Eathen harassed my friend via e-mail. Oh, Lord. Will it ever end? Anyway-it includes many details of what is really happening to my kids in the threads. Please let me know if you want to share. Hugs. Jenny .
Jennifer Specht March 2 at 5:39pm Report
Oh, and he did the same thing to another woman from Tennessee this year. According to my kids they have 'broken up'. This after he lies in court about me-takes my kids-then starts a hot and heavy romance where she immediately starts driving from Tn-spending 3-4 days a week. The kids were so upset. Then they spend Xmas together and now they are done. My kids can't go through this every year. So, just thought you should know-it wasn't you. It's him.
Jennifer Specht March 2 at 5:33pm Report
Hey, Jennifer,
First off, I hope you are doing well and still so sorry that you are one of his victims. He is a predator. Secondly, we-the children and I-are still going through this nightmare and I was wondering if you would be willing to give me some information on what happened with you. This is not gossipy in nature. This is for establishing a pattern of behavior. Think about it as there is no pressure and I will understand you opting out of sharing. Believe me, I spent 13 miserable years with him. If you go on my page-scroll down my page and find his 'articles' he writes on a dating site. I came across it innocently after his friend Eathen harassed my friend via e-mail. Oh, Lord. Will it ever end? Anyway-it includes many details of what is really happening to my kids in the threads. Please let me know if you want to share. Hugs. Jenny .
Jennifer Specht March 2 at 5:39pm Report
Oh, and he did the same thing to another woman from Tennessee this year. According to my kids they have 'broken up'. This after he lies in court about me-takes my kids-then starts a hot and heavy romance where she immediately starts driving from Tn-spending 3-4 days a week. The kids were so upset. Then they spend Xmas together and now they are done. My kids can't go through this every year. So, just thought you should know-it wasn't you. It's him.
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
No good deed goes unpunished
With my daughter playing sports and my "X" not able to see her (her own choice) I decided to scan and send her the new pics of our daughter from cheerleading and Volleyball. Below is a message I just recieved from the neighbor across the street...again. Again, it begs the question, how come this woman is compelled to contact me our be in my business. I've lived across for her since 2005 and I have never set foot in her home. She is not my friend nor do we socialize. She is my X's suragot mother. Not a very good one if you ask me. And she ends it with "sincerly"...seriously...what are we freaking lil kids. LOL I just find it funny how she again spits out information when she doesn't have all the facts. But thats what people do when the blindly follow someone who is so blinded by anger and their own delusional belief in their perception of entitlement. I swear, Ft Benning looks better and better everyday.
That was very nice of you to send Moo's pictures to Jenny, Jerome. We'll get over the fact that you should not contact her unless there is an emergency or, at least, a serious problem pertaining to the children. Even an idiot can see that you are more or less saying "I have access to Maddie and her life and you do not". That was an especially interesting touch to address her as "X". Shouldn't that be "X2"? I would be very surprised if Jenny did not inform the IG of this latest email, as she has sought their help in stopping the harassing emails and texts from you and has been told to contact them if you send any more. Also, as she has not, as yet, received the registration stickers for her tags, which you are required, by law, to give her, she will, I imagine, be having that discussion with him, again. Oh, the times, they are achangin', Jerome.
Sincerely, Dee
PS thanks for sicking Eathan on me. It lead us to that disgusting site you frequent. Your views posted on that absurd site will be beneficial in future proceedings. Another brilliant decision, Jerome.
That was very nice of you to send Moo's pictures to Jenny, Jerome. We'll get over the fact that you should not contact her unless there is an emergency or, at least, a serious problem pertaining to the children. Even an idiot can see that you are more or less saying "I have access to Maddie and her life and you do not". That was an especially interesting touch to address her as "X". Shouldn't that be "X2"? I would be very surprised if Jenny did not inform the IG of this latest email, as she has sought their help in stopping the harassing emails and texts from you and has been told to contact them if you send any more. Also, as she has not, as yet, received the registration stickers for her tags, which you are required, by law, to give her, she will, I imagine, be having that discussion with him, again. Oh, the times, they are achangin', Jerome.
Sincerely, Dee
PS thanks for sicking Eathan on me. It lead us to that disgusting site you frequent. Your views posted on that absurd site will be beneficial in future proceedings. Another brilliant decision, Jerome.
Sunday, March 6, 2011
Sexual Compatibility
What is it that attracts us to the opposite sex? Eyes, lips, buttocks, breasts, legs…I could go on and on. So if it’s something visual that catches our eye or attracts us to the opposite sex, then what is it that makes the sex good? I’d have to say if the sex is good on some level you must be compatible…on some level.
Compatible is defined as capable of existing together in harmony. So in essence…you meet each others needs sexually and what exemplifies harmony more than a night of hot passionate sex. Does this happen often? I’d say no. How many times have you been involved with some one and the sex was good, but not great. Maybe she didn’t meet all your needs in bed or maybe he didn’t hit the right spot. But for whatever the reason, the sex wasn’t all that. I’d have to say that that is the norm for the majority. This can also cause you to sometimes sleep with someone you don’t find all that attractive to you. And in some cases…the sex can be amazing. As a young Soldier we’d always find ourselves talking about or comparing sexual escapades. Many agreed that the best blow jobs they’d ever received came from a “big girl” or “BBW” as they are called today. The running joke was they were good because they had to bring something to the table to compensate for their size.
Finding a mate that you can have amazing sex every time is a quest many find themselves on. So if your partner does all the things you like and just how you like it then I’d say you’re sexually compatible. Finding that feeling…can be a whole lot of fun. But unfortunately you aren’t always going to have that. She could be drop dead gorgeous but couldn’t ride a bus to save her life. In my day we called it a “Dead Lay.” If compatibility is something you desire than I guess you’re gonna end up moving on. No matter their looks, at the end of the day you just didn’t click.
I decided to survey some friends and get some outside opinions. This is what some had to say:
HW37: “Mutual likes and the ability to be comfortable and openly express what’s desired.”
BSB38: “Commitment, communication, friendship. I believe u have to have some level of emotional compatibility before sex comes to play. It all starts with my mind. U have to have respect and consideration for ur partner and then the sex has to be good…”
MW36: “A sense of comfort regarding sex, know what ur partner likes without asking, enjoying the same kind of sex the same way.”
CMC47: “Someone who fits with my body and we have great sex together, movement, rhythm, desire, eagerness to please my partner and he is like minded.”
NG38: “I believe the ability to arouse the partner you’re with.”
AC35: “Physical attraction. Someone who shares your taste in positions, styles, etc.”
JR37: “Well if it’s damn good the first time we do it then it’s compatible!”
LH42: “When sex is a tool in relationships and both people understand its ultra powerful effects but don’t abuse or take advantage of it.”
PH41: “If you’re into the same things the other person is into.”
WT41: “When your sexuality is an alignment to meet and please each others desires and fantasy.”
As you can see all who responded viewed sexual compatibility a little differently. Some very short SG31: “Chemistry, physical attraction.” And others provided a little more depth LO41: sexual compatibility to me is…my preferences…and would someone meet them…I’m sensual and aggressive…no dominatrix crap…no whips, chains…I love foreplay and being on top…I’m a giver and receiver equally. I want sex daily…at least once, or twice…every night before bed and in middle of night or morning. Then there are the positions but I’m not discussing that…can’t be a little guy…I need a manly man…I like slow sex that’s sensual but gets rough and kinky later…lots of sex, lots of everything.”
But there was one common theme…you and your partner being on the same wave length…sexually. LP42: “Having chemistry and liking the same things in bed”, EH36: “When two people enjoy each other sexually and like the same things and there is no awkwardness and BH35: “Its two people willing to learn how to please each other. Each share the same desire and want to invest the same amount of time practicing” are perfect examples of this shared theme.
Now earlier I commented on good sex with no or limited attraction. Which posses the question…Is it possible to have great sex with someone you’re not physically attracted too? Some can…
KC48: "Yes it is b/c when it comes to sex that isn’t all that matters…”
EH37: “Yes if ur horny enough”
JK27: “Sure is! Just put a bag over their head! Add extra lube if needed!”;)
NG37: “No a good fuck yes but not good sex”
BH35: “Sex is sex, so you can have sex w/ anyone. However, desire is what fuels the road to sex w/o desire or physical attraction there is no great sex”
SG40: “Yes.”
RJ41: “Yes at 3AM with a few shots and really dark lights…or most unattractive women know they gotta step their game up to stay relevant so they go the extra mile to please you. Most of the time we are out to please ourselves, try giving this unattractive women some attention and she may blow ur mind”
Then you have middle of the road… RH41: “I think so bcz its just sex, u know ur not physically attracted so ur not trying as hard which makes the sex better. ur not nervous and ur not trying to make a lasting impression”
KG42: “Depends on if your asking from a female or male point of view. I think it would be difficult for female bc we are emotionally driven and need that attraction unless of course she is under the influence. Men on the other hand are happy just to stick it in”
CTA36: “Great sex…I think not. Ok and maybe even pretty good sex, for me at least. I dated someone once and although we got along very well, could talk for hours, enjoyed having sex with him because I was not completely attracted to him. I couldn’t give my all and so the sex felt lack luster for me, he however thought it was awesome…”;
MW37: “Not physically attracted to…I don’t think so…you don’t have to like them to have great sex, but def have to be attracted to them.”
And then the hard liners…AC35: “I cant recall ever having sex with someone I didn’t find physically attractive, so for me, it must be pretty important”
BB38: “NOT FOR ME!”
LH42: “No no and no again”
MJF40: “No its not possible. I couldn’t have sex with someone I wasn’t attracted to”
TT41: “Not for me. I must be physically attracted to someone”
DW42: “I can’t do it but that’s just me…I have to have physical attraction or else does nothing 4 me.”
After talking with friends, the general consensus is sexual compatibility is about the bedroom and what goes on in there between two partners. It’s all about sex, being on the same wave length when it comes to having sex, almost being physic about the needs as well as desires of your partner. We also learned that there must be some sort of attraction for the “attempt” at sexual compatibility at least for the average woman. However we men, on average, are more willing to throw attraction in the wind in search of a night’s pleasure. So whether you agree or disagree…sexual compatibility exists…and can be found in the bedroom.
Compatible is defined as capable of existing together in harmony. So in essence…you meet each others needs sexually and what exemplifies harmony more than a night of hot passionate sex. Does this happen often? I’d say no. How many times have you been involved with some one and the sex was good, but not great. Maybe she didn’t meet all your needs in bed or maybe he didn’t hit the right spot. But for whatever the reason, the sex wasn’t all that. I’d have to say that that is the norm for the majority. This can also cause you to sometimes sleep with someone you don’t find all that attractive to you. And in some cases…the sex can be amazing. As a young Soldier we’d always find ourselves talking about or comparing sexual escapades. Many agreed that the best blow jobs they’d ever received came from a “big girl” or “BBW” as they are called today. The running joke was they were good because they had to bring something to the table to compensate for their size.
Finding a mate that you can have amazing sex every time is a quest many find themselves on. So if your partner does all the things you like and just how you like it then I’d say you’re sexually compatible. Finding that feeling…can be a whole lot of fun. But unfortunately you aren’t always going to have that. She could be drop dead gorgeous but couldn’t ride a bus to save her life. In my day we called it a “Dead Lay.” If compatibility is something you desire than I guess you’re gonna end up moving on. No matter their looks, at the end of the day you just didn’t click.
I decided to survey some friends and get some outside opinions. This is what some had to say:
HW37: “Mutual likes and the ability to be comfortable and openly express what’s desired.”
BSB38: “Commitment, communication, friendship. I believe u have to have some level of emotional compatibility before sex comes to play. It all starts with my mind. U have to have respect and consideration for ur partner and then the sex has to be good…”
MW36: “A sense of comfort regarding sex, know what ur partner likes without asking, enjoying the same kind of sex the same way.”
CMC47: “Someone who fits with my body and we have great sex together, movement, rhythm, desire, eagerness to please my partner and he is like minded.”
NG38: “I believe the ability to arouse the partner you’re with.”
AC35: “Physical attraction. Someone who shares your taste in positions, styles, etc.”
JR37: “Well if it’s damn good the first time we do it then it’s compatible!”
LH42: “When sex is a tool in relationships and both people understand its ultra powerful effects but don’t abuse or take advantage of it.”
PH41: “If you’re into the same things the other person is into.”
WT41: “When your sexuality is an alignment to meet and please each others desires and fantasy.”
As you can see all who responded viewed sexual compatibility a little differently. Some very short SG31: “Chemistry, physical attraction.” And others provided a little more depth LO41: sexual compatibility to me is…my preferences…and would someone meet them…I’m sensual and aggressive…no dominatrix crap…no whips, chains…I love foreplay and being on top…I’m a giver and receiver equally. I want sex daily…at least once, or twice…every night before bed and in middle of night or morning. Then there are the positions but I’m not discussing that…can’t be a little guy…I need a manly man…I like slow sex that’s sensual but gets rough and kinky later…lots of sex, lots of everything.”
But there was one common theme…you and your partner being on the same wave length…sexually. LP42: “Having chemistry and liking the same things in bed”, EH36: “When two people enjoy each other sexually and like the same things and there is no awkwardness and BH35: “Its two people willing to learn how to please each other. Each share the same desire and want to invest the same amount of time practicing” are perfect examples of this shared theme.
Now earlier I commented on good sex with no or limited attraction. Which posses the question…Is it possible to have great sex with someone you’re not physically attracted too? Some can…
KC48: "Yes it is b/c when it comes to sex that isn’t all that matters…”
EH37: “Yes if ur horny enough”
JK27: “Sure is! Just put a bag over their head! Add extra lube if needed!”;)
NG37: “No a good fuck yes but not good sex”
BH35: “Sex is sex, so you can have sex w/ anyone. However, desire is what fuels the road to sex w/o desire or physical attraction there is no great sex”
SG40: “Yes.”
RJ41: “Yes at 3AM with a few shots and really dark lights…or most unattractive women know they gotta step their game up to stay relevant so they go the extra mile to please you. Most of the time we are out to please ourselves, try giving this unattractive women some attention and she may blow ur mind”
Then you have middle of the road… RH41: “I think so bcz its just sex, u know ur not physically attracted so ur not trying as hard which makes the sex better. ur not nervous and ur not trying to make a lasting impression”
KG42: “Depends on if your asking from a female or male point of view. I think it would be difficult for female bc we are emotionally driven and need that attraction unless of course she is under the influence. Men on the other hand are happy just to stick it in”
CTA36: “Great sex…I think not. Ok and maybe even pretty good sex, for me at least. I dated someone once and although we got along very well, could talk for hours, enjoyed having sex with him because I was not completely attracted to him. I couldn’t give my all and so the sex felt lack luster for me, he however thought it was awesome…”;
MW37: “Not physically attracted to…I don’t think so…you don’t have to like them to have great sex, but def have to be attracted to them.”
And then the hard liners…AC35: “I cant recall ever having sex with someone I didn’t find physically attractive, so for me, it must be pretty important”
BB38: “NOT FOR ME!”
LH42: “No no and no again”
MJF40: “No its not possible. I couldn’t have sex with someone I wasn’t attracted to”
TT41: “Not for me. I must be physically attracted to someone”
DW42: “I can’t do it but that’s just me…I have to have physical attraction or else does nothing 4 me.”
After talking with friends, the general consensus is sexual compatibility is about the bedroom and what goes on in there between two partners. It’s all about sex, being on the same wave length when it comes to having sex, almost being physic about the needs as well as desires of your partner. We also learned that there must be some sort of attraction for the “attempt” at sexual compatibility at least for the average woman. However we men, on average, are more willing to throw attraction in the wind in search of a night’s pleasure. So whether you agree or disagree…sexual compatibility exists…and can be found in the bedroom.
Saturday, March 5, 2011
Displaced loyality and friendship...
This was sent to a friend of mine after he had inquired about some emails that were sent to me. The two emails themselves that I recived from posed "friends" of my ex-wife are posted within the blog below titled "From Daphne... and When people think they know more about your life than you do...." When you read them, the email included from my ex to a friend of mine and then read through my "Divorce Nightmare" it begs the question-Just how far do you go when you are being loyal or supporting a friend?
Very interesting your attempt to sound intelligent and intimidate an associate of whom you do not know. You have a 'friend' you have found through the internet. Never met him nor I. Never met my friends. Never met, most importantly, my children who have suffered severe abuse and neglect under the care of your friend JYD. Did you know he was flagged by the Military Years ago for abuse? Do you know the history of Hardin county Kentucky's system? (do yourself a favor-look it up). Do you know that there is NO Evidence against me? But there are FOUR children he ABUSED and WILL testify in District court. Did he tell you that he has been counselled by the Military this week for violating Military Regulations which in turn constitutes Neglect by not insuring the children's safety and security in case of deployment? That is just the start. My mission is to make every fact public record eventually so people like you don't blindly make fools of themselves. In the meantime? This dialogue between you and Dee will be brought to the attention of the Military as I consider it harassment connected to Jerome in an attempt to once again alienate me and isolate me from any and all support from anyone. So-thank you for more evidence as he would actually give you her e-mail and allow his own neighbor to be harassed by a complete and utter stranger who has never met her-my kids-OR me. Regards. Jennifer
Very interesting your attempt to sound intelligent and intimidate an associate of whom you do not know. You have a 'friend' you have found through the internet. Never met him nor I. Never met my friends. Never met, most importantly, my children who have suffered severe abuse and neglect under the care of your friend JYD. Did you know he was flagged by the Military Years ago for abuse? Do you know the history of Hardin county Kentucky's system? (do yourself a favor-look it up). Do you know that there is NO Evidence against me? But there are FOUR children he ABUSED and WILL testify in District court. Did he tell you that he has been counselled by the Military this week for violating Military Regulations which in turn constitutes Neglect by not insuring the children's safety and security in case of deployment? That is just the start. My mission is to make every fact public record eventually so people like you don't blindly make fools of themselves. In the meantime? This dialogue between you and Dee will be brought to the attention of the Military as I consider it harassment connected to Jerome in an attempt to once again alienate me and isolate me from any and all support from anyone. So-thank you for more evidence as he would actually give you her e-mail and allow his own neighbor to be harassed by a complete and utter stranger who has never met her-my kids-OR me. Regards. Jennifer
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