Can you forgive?

 Well its Christmas time again; the time of the year for good cheer, thoughtfulness and plain ole good deeds. I am reminded everywhere I go that my kids, aren’t here with me this year. It’s the first time in their lives I’m not around for Christmas. (I don’t consider Korea and Iraq not around.) Oh and this is also the season for forgiveness.

I went on Jennifer’s wall and read her “Confessions of a Mad Divorcee.” I read them all and could only sit there and wonder what is going through her head? It takes a lot of time and energy to come up with all the things she wrote about; with 95% of it about me. Me? I had no idea after close to two years I was still that important in her life and that she’d dedicate sooo much time to telling her wall readers so much about me. But a good writer knows that you must mix fact with fiction to truly captivate an audience. And that she has…a very specific and captive audience. I have been called more names and had comments made by men and mainly women who have never actually seen me or even spoken to me.

Cyber bullying has become the hot thing now. With young people going online and talking about one another to the point where one would consider killing themselves to escape it. As with many of us adults, we don’t get it. We don’t because in our day a bully was a person whom you knew and saw every day at school. It was someone who, at the end of the day, push comes to shove you could always challenge this person to an old school fight and settle it one on one. But our kids have become detached from that world by smart phones, skyping, texting and numerous other forms of contact in which you physically don’t have to be present. In my day, a kid would call you a name to your face. You had a choice, create a snappy come back and fire it or take it and be laughed at. But we dealt with it all the same. That’s a lot harder to do online. Your audience goes from being a few people who were there to witness the witty banter to hundreds whom can reach as far as a foreign country.

  Hey, we have a thing called free speech and you got the right to say and or write whatever you want. I recall having discussions with Jennifer (always one-sided and I was always wrong) about free speech and it’s funny...she’d argue that we Americans took the free speech thing a lil too far as well as other rights we had that she felt were abused by we Americans. It’s funny now when I think back to those conversations we had. It’s funny because she now acts and displays the same attitude as those she once criticized for doing what she now enjoys. Her confessions, as I have read them aren’t really confessions. Confession: an act of confessing; especially: a disclosure of one’s sins in the sacrament of reconciliation. So when you read these “confessions” what is it you’re actually reading? Well best I gather is your reading about things that took place during our marriage, some true some exaggerated truths with fiction mixed in. That to me is a story or several short stories. So she should probably consider changing the name to “Short Stories of a Mad Divorcee.” At least it’d be an accurate title. But as it stands currently it’s simply cyber bullying. An act in which she herself has called horrible and despicable. Those that do it are just mean and hurtful people.

So yesterday I posted two of her confessions on my wall and later removed them after my daughter commented. We texted about it today and I asked her a very simple question. Does she go on her Mom’s wall and defend me to the numerous people who make comments about her Dad. Defend me to the numerous women who are tired and bitter and wish to relish in the misery which is their current lives as well as that of my former spouse. That was well over an hour ago as I type this and I never got an answer accept, “I have no business going on her wall and she’s (Jennifer) gonna write what she’s gonna write.” I choose to believe that my daughter will confront me because she knows I love her and care about her no matter what. I won’t hold my love hostage if she doesn’t “goose step” the way I say. She knows that she has freedom to maneuver with me and I will give her enough room to express herself as a young adult without crossing the line over towards disrespect. I think…no…I know my daughter wouldn’t go on her Mom’s wall and defend me for if she did, her Mom would berate her with a verbal onslaught of guilt like no one child has ever seen.

Confessions of a Mad Divorcee….hmmm…I’d have to say…is Jennifer’s latest attempt and further convincing herself and her handful of blind followers that she is where she is solely because of me. It wasn’t her fault we divorced, wasn’t her fault she got arrested, wasn’t even her fault she is where she is currently at. But she’s so happy and glad to be rid of me and have the kids back that she spends hours writing about things that took place during our marriage. Things that…without the flare for the dramatic or the embellishment wouldn’t make good reading. If a person spends all their time talking about themselves and what they do and how so many others have wronged them. What does it really say about them? I think it says…I can’t forgive and I’m unable to move on.

 I made peace with my divorce from Jennifer and I have moved on. I read her comments from time to time and I recall what the woman at JAG told me after Jennifer had called everyone in the JAG office in an attempt to be heard by the JAG herself. “You need to thank God you dodged a bullet.” I laughed because at times…that’s how I feel. I dodged a bullet. And at times…it would have been nice to part as friends. For a good part of our marriage Jennifer was a good wife and a good mother. But I think when I returned from Iraq, I discovered she’d changed while I was gone. She’d become a lil more selfish…a lil more arrogant. And after we got to Knox, she just got worse, especially after she was in school.

 Forgiveness…a simple word yet it can speak loudly at times. Webster’s defines it as: The act of forgiving. So when or if you choose forgiveness…you are forgiving. So the question then becomes, how do you forgive someone who refuses to forgive themselves or better yet, won’t allow you to forgive them? It’s an odd question you could argue but a question none the less. I have been divorced (officially) going on two years and have done many of the things you would say are typical of someone attempting to and moving on. Date, get my finances together, make peace with the loss or failure (depending on how you view it) of the marriage and lastly, forgive the other person whom you have split from. So, looking back, I’ve done a lot of those except the final one. Forgive my ex. Now some of you who know this story may ask, “Why do you need to forgive her?” or “she doesn’t deserve your forgiveness after what she put everyone through.”

 There is a quote which reads: “Forgiveness doesn’t make the other person right, it makes you free.” I have sought peace between my former spouse, not just for my kid’s sake, but for our own peace of mind and to foster a relationship which is positive for both us as well as for our kids. We are linked from now until the end of time and there truly is no need to spend that time being bitter and angry, hating one another for perceived wrongs. There has to come a time when you have to take a step back and look at the big picture. Look and say, what good is coming from this? No good comes from it, no good at all. With January comes the official 2 year anniversary of my divorce and as I reflect, I realize Jennifer needs my forgiveness more than she’d ever admit. Only good can come from all this is me…choosing to forgive her for which she has done and yet to do.

It's offical...no kids for Thanksgiving

22NOV11

 In just a few days it’ll be Thanksgiving; the time of the year where we should be reflecting on all the good that has transpired within our lives as well as those of others. But this one will be a little different for me. I won’t be spending it with my children because their Mother…claims she cannot afford to meet me halfway as we have been court ordered. After three attempts I finally received a response.

The first email I sent on Oct 25^th:

Jennifer,
We need to discuss when we will be meeting. Either Wednesday or Thursday. I’d like to know which so I can make plans accordingly.

I got no response from this email.

Second email 3 NOV:

Jennifer,                                                                                                                     3 November 2011

Good afternoon and I hope this message finds you well. It is that time of the year and I am touching base with you so that we can once again coordinate for my visit. According to the school calendar, the kids are out of school starting the evening of the 22^ndand are back in school on the 28^th. I know asking for them on the 22^ndmaybe a lil much but considering the distance and the amount of time I get with them it’d be wonderful if you could meet me that evening at the half-way point. Exit 158 off of I-24 south in Tennessee is the halfway point, 250 miles for both of us. Just off that exit to the west is a huge fireworks store with a huge parking lot where we can meet. It has easy access for going north and south so it won’t be an issue for you heading back home. I know when you and Mrs. Cockran came down to acquire some of the kids things you passed it and acknowledged it in conversation that you knew and understood the location of the half-way point.
I know asking for them on the 22^ndis probably a stretch but I am asking if there is a way we can do it on that day (thus maximizing my time with them) it’d be greatly appreciated. If not the 23^rd works just as well. I just need to know what time we will link up so that I can be there at least 30 minutes prior to your arrival. I will have to take off work on the 23^rd to make this happen so if you could give me a time to meet that’d be great. I will meet you on Sunday the 27^that 1400 at the same location. The 4 hour drive time will have you back home NLT 1830 that evening. I would appreciate it if you respond promptly so that I can plan accordingly for my visit with our kids.
Also, you went to Care First, twice and incurred two bills which are in my name. Our children are covered under Tri-Care and they will not cover said bills unless they give you permission to go there. Please follow the rules set forth by Tri-Care in regards to seeking medical attention. I cannot afford to pay these two bills so I’m sending them to you and asking that you settle these since it was you whom broke the rules and incurred the bills.
Again, please contact me so that we can coordinate for my visit. Thanks and I look forward to hearing from you. Also, could you please unblock me on your cell so that we can speak phone as well as keep me up to date on school and personal matters.

Got no response either.

Third email on 20 Nov:

 Jennifer,
Thanksgiving is this week. This is my third attempt at reaching you so that we can coordinate meeting. I checked the school calendar and they are out of school on the 22nd so that's when I’d like to meet to make the exchange. If you are unable or willing to meet me then I need to know this ASAP.

This was finally responded to but it came through a mediator, one of Jennifer's friends. I guess it was too much for her to pick up a phone and call and discuss things with me.

Jerome, Jenny has responded to every one of your emails. I do not know why you are not receiving them (or acknowledging them) but here is the email she sent you last night in response to your email:
From: supermom27@yahoo.comTo: duchunter996@yahoo.comSent: Sun, Nov 20, 2011 8:30 PM CSTSubject: I have explained my situation to you. At this time I do not have $150.00 for the gas to cover 16 hours of driving for Thanksgiving. This is by no means an attempt to not follow the Custody Agreement. Kentucky State Regulations do not take into account unique situations where the parties are living so far apart. Due to your job you had to move away and it creates an awkardly unreasonable task to attempt a visit of such a short duration in addition to the enormous cost. Between the two of us (if I had the money) that would be $300.00 that could be spent on clothes and Christmas for the children. At a time when we are both struggling to get back on our feet it seems exhorbitant. I have some suggestions for a compromise; however, as again I don't have the funds available. 1)I could borrow the money from you and pay you back when I get my
Income Tax. 2)you could come here and use your home for your visit-bring ing the necessary equipment to cook your meals and at the same time work with your Realtor as Romy said you are Renting your home out or 3) Have the kids for Spring Break which at that time I will be better off Financially and it's for a longer visit at a great time of year. I am trying to find a solution and be fair but, again, visitation is going to have to require some type of cooperative modification at times due to the distance.Next year you will be even further so I feel we will have to work together to work things out at times so the kids get to see you and they don't worry. Let me know how you would like to handle this.

I responded…..

Jennifer,
I received your email via Dee's FB. Not sure why you could not have done that or simply called me. I have asked you numerous times to please unblock me so that we could communicate on the phone.
As far as things go...the courts did make amendments, they said we have to split the cost of transportation because I'm so far away and you were given primary custody. Your claims of not having the money...though I feel your pain, it’s not my problem. If you are unable to do your part, whether it’s financially or unwillingly then the solution to me is simple...give me primary custody and I will ensure you get kids for visitation.
You are unemployed for whatever reason and that too isn't my concern. I have gone above and beyond...doing my part, can you say the same? It cost me $500 to bring the kids home and that's because I drove a truck trying to be nice to you bringing things that you were unable to take with you.
You waiting until today to ensure I got your email when I have written three times starting a month ago is suspect at best. Your offer of spring break is nice but that's 4 months away. And as you have said, with me being this far you should be more than willing to let me have spring break not offer it up because you’re not gonna meet me halfway as court ordered.
So you do as you always do and enjoy the kids for thanksgiving and x-mas. The clock is ticking.

And as usual, Jennifer's responded:

Also-Do you realise that because of your DVO I have been turned down for jobs? Because you lied about being afraid of me? I cannot pass certain background checks. And you DID know this. You knew that in my field I cannot have anything Domestic against me. And you did affect my ability to be employed. So did your Attorney. You defamed my character and I received a charge against me that is used against me. This is why I am so
confident in filing a Civil Suit against you. On top of all your lying Blogging about me.And? I will win for you and your Attorney affecting my ability to earn a living (also a Constitutional Violation). So-I DON'T have $150.00 due to all your deceipt and lying. So? The clock is ticking and you will be sued. By me. By that time? The kids will be almost grown and you can't hurt any of us ever again. Tick Tock.

 Man, does my ex-wife have some brass balls or what? Borrowing $300 from me so that I can see my own kids? Wait, don’t I pay the insurance, registration and car payment? No...I’m not spotting you the money. Not only is she telling me she not going to meet me halfway but she’s telling me to drive 18 hours as she keeps saying, load my car up with pots, pans, etc., etc. so that I can cook thanksgiving dinner in a house I don’t live in. I’m supposing I should just toss the dining room table and chairs on the roof so we have someplace to eat this meal imaginary. $300 in gas which could be spent on the kids X-mas gifts she says. Helloooo, I’m paying you $1391.00 in child support plus your pay check from your job. Oh, that’s right, you’re not working maybe if you were working it wouldn’t be a financial strain. Then, offer me Spring Break in exchange. As if she’s now doing me a favor. I’m 7 hours away and you have the kids full time, the least you can do is allow me to have as much time (thanksgiving and X-mas excluded) with the kids that’s reasonably allowed. I could understand if her work hours conflicted and I had to drive all the way there and get them and she’d drive all the way here to take them home. That’s doable; it’s still 50% of travel. That’s reasonable and fair in my eyes. And once again, it's my fault she has no job. It was her that forced me to obtain a DVO and now it’s my fault. That’s laughable, bout as laughable as her trying to sue me for defaming her character. But that’s cool, you don’t wanna play ball with me that’s fine. That hour glass I have with the sands of time in it…it’s running out.

 Oh and yeah, if you haven’t figured it out yet…I’m pissed!!



P.S. I later recieved two more messages from her. I saw no point in responding.

Second email of the evening:

This is hilarious. If I can 'receive' your e-mails from "duchunter996@yahoo.com" then why are you claiming I'm not responding? Hilarious. And? I have an e-mail explicitly requesting this is the address I need to send all correspondance to. But NICE try. I have ISP responses that You received them. You're turning out to be a Horrible Liar. Lol. You know-Derrick and I have had a wonderful laugh on your attempt to make me "Look" "Bad" and make me "look" like I'm NOT "Co-parenting" and I'm not trying to "Compromise". Why? Because over the last Decade we work TOGETHER. Period. And? He is willing-after all the abuse you dished out on HIS Son to TESTIFY that him and I have NO problems working together. That I am amenable. So-I hope your Clock is still "TICKING". Give me a BREAK with your Closet Homo DRAMA. You could have seen your kids this weekend for (What a GAY way to put it) "Turkey Day" but you would not be flexible or reasonable. Your problem. Tick Tock.

Third email:

And when we sit in Court-it will be in North Carolina where I will File Suit AGAINST you- I pray-and the Lord is answering ALL my Prayers-That you will be exposed for being a Hateful Person-I pray on the LORD I see some JUSTICE. If not? Then pray for yourself. Because you are going DIRECTLY to HELL. God DON'T like UGLY. And YOU have been JUDGED. It's ok-though-you can meet your "excuse" for a "Father" there and your Sister the "Adulterous" one in the "family"-oh-I forgot! Your Mother will be there too! She supported all of this HATRED. Have a GOoooD Time in HELL. Tick TOCK.

Thanksgiving is coming

4Nov11

  That’s right, its November and one month away from this wild and crazy year being over. It’s been full of highs and lows but it’s been quite the ride. Last month started out great and my kids, whom I had not seen since I took them home the end of July, were here for a whole week for their fall break. I felt like a kid at Christmas time knowing they were coming down. They have all grown and looked really good. I didn’t know they had arrived and pulled up outside the house until the boy’s walked in the front door. LOL. Jennifer had brought them since I was court ordered to give her some of the marital property that she neglected to take with her when she got her own place back in May2010 after our divorce was final and the living arrangement ended. Kind of a two fer…she came to get her stuff and I got the kids for a visit as a result. I mean seriously…who waits until after they are divorced for over a year and then goes back to court seeking more martial property. But it was only things she wanted. I honored the court order and spent the week prior prepping for that Monday. I had all the items that she was awarded as well as items the kids asked me to let them take i.e. Madison’s bed, dressers and a few odd items. They arrived with a mini-van and a small trailer; barely large enough for a motorcycle. I had spoken with two of my NCOs and asked if they would help her load up. My plan was a simple one; they would arrive, I’d let the kids download their stuff in the house and then I’d take them to hang out and get dinner so as not to be around Jennifer and the neighbor while they loaded up. Well…that didn’t happen. So I was kind and respectful to them both while she went through boxes and pulled what she wanted out leaving somewhat of a mess left for me to clean up. It was cool, I just wanted her to take her things and be done with it. She asked for an equitable split…funny thing is that split didn’t include all the bills I took because I knew she’d never give me her half of the money for the bills so I opted to take them all. Well, they loaded up and I led them back out to the interstate. So it makes you wonder…had she not come for the items (She was driven down by our former neighbor across the street) would she have met me halfway as I had been asking? That’s one question I will not be able to answer at this time.  Me and the kids hit Barnes & Noble (Moo wanted a book) and then on to Cheddar’s where we had a great dinner catching up and what not. The week went well. Me and the kids hung out…just like old times. Jennifer called them what seemed like constantly. Which led to her asking for me…constantly; but to my surprise she was very nice, civil…asking me for favors. I was like, well as long as you’re nice, hell I got no issue doing you a solid. I let her know that I had established an allotment for the child support and it would go directly to her bank account starting in November.

Jeff was up with me every morning going to PT and Moo and Rome did their thing until I got home. Last day of the week Rome came to work and Jeff stayed home. The weekend we would be going to the Aquarium in Atlanta. That…was cool.  We spent the afternoon up there walking around looking at the fish and then came home for a nice dinner. It would be the last since I had to take them to meet Jennifer so they could go home. Sunday I got a surprise for Jennifer, I had coordinated so that I could take her the remaining items she wasn’t able to take with her the first time. I got a call from her around 1000 saying that she wasn’t able to meet me at the halfway mark and that I needed to bring the kids all the way to KY.  That’s, information I would have liked to have the day prior not the day of. It wasn’t an issue of taking them home but more of I could have loaded the truck and been on my way hours prior too. No matter, we adjusted and got on the road. We got to KY around 2000 and pulled up to Jennifer’s place. She came out and I was like, just unload and get going. Well it was clear she was in a “good” mood and so I was hoping there wouldn’t be any trouble. I had let her know that I had the majority of the stuff and that she was going to need help unloading it all. No one was there to help her unload so that task fell on me and the kids. Kerry was with us and came along to help me drive up and back. Jennifer was all smiles and since she was in a “good” mood wanted to chat. I started unloading and the kids started taking things in the house. I wanted to avoid going in but it got to the bulky items and I and Rome had to take them in. Glad Kerry was there with me cause the last time I tried to pick up an item from Jennifer she called the cops and I got a summons for trespassing. At one point it was just Jennifer and I outside and she proceeded to talk to me. She just kept on talking, telling me she loved me and how we needed to get along. We had been married for 13 years and we just had to get along. I attested most of it to her “good” mood and smiled on the inside. It was simply odd and uncomfortable. But she kept talking about how we needed to work together and how are their parents. She even said that I shouldn’t be dating and that she wasn’t gonna date…ever. I told her that was nice and she should do what made her happy. Funniest thing was when she said Kerry was a floozy. I laughed…who uses that word…straight outta the 40’s LOL.

 Then the shocker…she asked for a hug. A hug!?! You’re joking? Court, the threats, so much bad blood between us over nothing really and you’re asking for a hug? I was taking back and didn’t really know just how to react. I know Kerry could hear her requests and I myself had been pushing for civility between us since this started so I guess I had no choice. I stood up looked down at her and said sure as I thrusted my arms forward. She walked towards me and we embraced…I gave her a hug as she had been asking; weirdest feeling ever.  LOL. I later realized that that was the first physical contact I had with Jennifer since July of 2008. After the hug, the kids and I preceded to unload the truck and get the items into her place. I helped Madison with her bed and the boys with the TV. The townhome was small and seemed very cramp and much too small for all of them and their stuff. But they had made their choice and I had to respect that and support them. So as we finished up I said my good byes and headed back outside. I told them I loved them and couldn’t wait to see them come thanksgiving. Jennifer asked if I would come up for thanksgiving instead of the kids coming south. You know how some folks get when they are in a “good” mood…all lovey dovey and what not. LOL. So I told her that I didn’t think so but she was more than welcome to come spend it with us in Alabama. She again asked for another hug and since we were in front of the kids, couldn’t exactly say no so…I gave her hug number two. LOL. She even gave Kerry a hug and said we all had to get along for the sake of the kids. Of course she had to get a dig or two in before we left. She asked if I was gonna screw a relationship up with Kerry as I did with her and Mary. I shrugged it off smile and gave the kids all one last hug.

 Jeff usually takes the separations the hardest so I had to chat him up a lil before we left. We swung by the house, grabbed my washer and dryer and were about to head south when Jennifer called…again. Jeff was a lil upset and she wanted me to come by. So we stopped back by and I spoke to Jeff one more time before heading home. So I left thinking…maybe Jennifer has decided to work together as she said. Maybe it wasn’t her being in a “good” mood. Well I figured I would enjoy the civility as long as it was going to last.

 A few weeks ago I was contacted by Jennifer about an immigration issue. To this day I really have no idea what it is she wants or needed. I was stone cold sleeping when she called and woke me up asking how come I hadn’t responded to her email. I tried to explain to her I was sleeping but she again, was in a “good” mood and ignored my requests for information and kept talking over me. She spoke until she said, “if you don’t…I will call your command and tell them.” Ok, pump your breaks kid…I got no clue what you’re asking but now you’re making demands and gonna call my “unit?”  Ummmm now you’re about to get a dial tone. LOL. Each time she’d call back and refuse to tell me what she wanted, yelling and hollering…I hung up. Rome called me and he was trying to explain until she took the phone and started yelling at me. So again…dial tone. It’s been weeks, and I still have no idea what that late night call about immigration was about. Oh well, must not have been that important. And then it hit me, the woman who was sooo nice and civil to me had gone and in her place, was the woman I had been dealing with for the past two years. She is back to blaming everyone else for her current situation. I mean at what point do you, as an adult take responsibility, get a job and live your life. And I can’t for the life of me figure out how come none of her friends ever seem to ask her that themselves. None seem to be able to ask Jennifer anything or point out the obvious. You wanted him out of your life…got it, wanted him to pay child support…got it, wanted to be a single mom…got it, wanted a car you don’t have to pay for…got it, wanted to be free from him and his craziness…got it. She now has everything she asked for and told others she wanted she should be very happy…yet she still won’t move on. They should point her in a direction she has the ability to prosper and do well. That’s what friends are supposed to do. I just wonder how come her friends don’t do this. Jay’s out of your life…move on.

 So that bring us to today…Thanksgiving is approaching and I can’t wait to see the kids and share thanksgiving with them. It sucks being away from them but getting to spend holidays and such makes up for it. It would be nice if we had the ability to all sit at a table for special occasions and but it seems right now…that just isn’t possible. It makes me wonder if Jennifer and I will ever be able to so coexist. I’ve emailed her twice, trying to coordinate for Thanksgiving. But I will be patient and wait for her to respond. Hopefully she doesn’t wait until the 22^nd to answer me. And at what point do I finally give up and stop trying. I don’t know…maybe when I stop believing that she can change.

Very interesting

A while back there was an article featuring a Kelli Marvin, a University of Louisville psychologist whose job  is to evaluate a parent’s mental health and determine whether he or she is capable of responsibly caring for a their kids. Dr. Marvin’s role as the only forensic examiner for the state Cabinet for Health and Family Services ; is to provide factual information to the judge based on clinical standards she has learned. the story wasn't about me nor my family but I was contacted since they were going to mention my case which the good Dr worked on. Well with any article on line there is room for comments at the bottom of the page. Some folks commented at the bottom and this was one of those comments.

JHHSFAN

8:01 PM on August 30, 2011

What was left out of this article was the fact that Ms.Dingle isnt from the United States and went around ranting and raving about how poorly this country is and how the state of Ky was out to get her. Theres's no mention of her REPEATED drunkeness around her kids IN PUBLIC ( school football games and school functions). I dont know this "psychologist" inteviewed about Ms. Dingle but she sure didnt ask any JHHS parents here in Radcliff about her malicious behavior!!! These kids should be with thier father in Ft Benning GA.

All I can say is..wow.

Let's chit chat...

 This morning I had a length conversation with an old friend from college. We talked about everything under the sun as we got caught up on each other’s lives since our last talk. As with all of us human beings, we all have things in common. The one thing I feel we all have had to deal with or have in common are relationships.

 Relationships seem to span not only gender but race, color, social status, geographic location, you name it. They are truly universal. So as me and my buddy chatted up and focused on relationships we shared with each other our opinions, success as well as failures. Until I made one statement; “Why do we…at times settle for a partner? I mean think about it…when you shop for a big screen TV, do you buy the first one you see? No. It’s funny. We will spend hours and weeks searching for the TV we want yet we won’t do that when we are looking for someone.” And with that, the philosophical discuss began. We get into relationships and there are times we over look items because of whatever or rational is. But then when the relationship goes sour, we look to outside forces as potential reasons for the demise of the relationship when truth be told, we probably knew it was doomed from the start. We just thought we could over look things. In short you realize you compromised or settled. We used the “80/20” rule. Where if your partner has 80% of what you want, you should over look the other 20. Personally I think that is redonkulous. When was the last time you bought something and got just want you wanted? Often I am willing to bet.

 How or bet yet…how come we don’t treat relationships like we do items we buy at the store. How many times have you decided you wanted something and waited until it was available before purchasing it? I mean cars…how many times have you said I won’t get it until I can afford it the way I want it. I mean we tend to settle in what appears to be the most important area and yet will not in the least. Hell, we all have cars, TVs and numerous other items that we purchased that have outlasted relationships. And I’m sure we didn’t settle for the things we bought; we bought what we wanted.

 So as me and my bud continued we threw out different analogies but one seemed to really hit home. Ask yourself, how come we buy what we want and we don’t settle when we have to spend our hard earned money but with our hearts…we are damn near retarded?

Summer has ended...unoffically

 Been a hot minute since I wrote about life in good ole GA/AL. Yep…decided to live off post instead of on Post like I originally planned. But life is good. Finally got court out of the way last month so Jennifer will not be calling down here anymore; actually had to file a restraining order. Court was interesting…did it over the phone of all places. Prior to court, my attorney contacted me and read me all the things that Jennifer was petitioning the court for. Some of it I fully expected but some of it…I had to laugh. Our agreement/settlement was clear when it came to the furniture. It clearly states that if we can not agree who gets what then we have to go back before the judge and allow the court to decide. Jennifer’s lawyer tried to make me out to be this monster that simply TOOK it all leaving her with nothing. Well the email and letter I sent her in May of 2010 was a nice touch; especially when I quoted the agreement. But the kicker is when Jennifer was testifying my attorney asked her if she got and read the email. She said YES. But as per her standard response to anything that deals with talking to me she quickly added that she would not respond because she feared I’d have her arrested. I mean come on…how many times is that one gonna fly? Well I went and as I said, her lawyer tried to make me out to be the guy that stole it all and left the poor lil lady with nothing. I made it clear I made several attempts to divide the furniture yet she took what she wanted and never bothered to discuss with me the items she took.

 She asked for all of the kid’s things, to include trophies and certificates, cloths, beds, dressers, you name it. But you have to ask yourself, as a parent, how come she didn’t take all that stuff when she left? How come she didn’t find a place that was large enough to house her and the kids? She knew she had shared custody…why not get a place big enough? How come she has waited a year and a half to no ask for more furniture? She could have split it up like I asked and placed it into storage.

 So when the dust settled…it was on the judge. He did clear up the child support. I will be paying $1391.11 a month starting in October based on both our salaries. How that works not sure with her, as far as I know currently unemployed. That day in court, she told the judge that she had a job lined up but just needed to wait until court was done because it was my fault she had lost her two former jobs due to the fact that I had taken her to court sooo many times prior to this. She also said how the kids would all be back in sports and what not. But also said it was on me to ensure I knew what was going on with them in their lives as well as school. Thats right sports fans...I was not to contact her about any and all issues concerning school. I was to contact my children if I wanted that information. 

 Two months later, they aren’t in sports, I guess it’s ok that they aren’t. But I call and text them almost daily. Moo actually sent me an I love you back which I of course saved on my phone. Everyone asks how they are doing and as far as I know they are well. I don’t ask about their Mom or what she is or isn’t doing. I honestly don’t care. I care that they are doing well and adjusting to their current living condition.

 The judge made his ruling and he gave her all of her personal belongings that she left with me when she left. He also gave her our deep freezer and the kitchen table and chairs. So yet again…she got what she asked for. Yet, she still isn’t happy. How come? Oh, the judge agreed that she should be responsible for getting all the items. Translates to she must come here to Alabama and pick up all the items. I informed her that I would have all items ready for shipment to her this weekend and I just wanted to know when she’d be coming to get them. I even told her since the kids were coming down for fall break and we had to make the exchange (Judge ordered all travel to be 50% so she must meet me halfway) I was willing to bring items with me for both exchanges since I acknowledged that she was financially strapped.

 How was I repaid, more calls down here to my unit saying things like she has been published on the front page of the newspaper and that I have defrauded the taxpayers. She is unable to pay the cost since I have not paid her the BAH. I mean seriously?

I got a call from JAG yesterday and it was explained and made clear to me just how many times she has called down here to their offices as well as the half-truths and lies she has told in order to get someone’s attention for her complaint. Problem is when they check into it they soon find out all the information that she has excluded.  So…my journey continues…and with it the hope that one day this will all cease.

Monkey See...Monkey Do.

8AUG11

A few mornings ago I was listening to The Steve Harvey Show and he was talking about your “gift” or as I grew up calling it, your “God given talent.” He spoke about it and how some folks struggle until they realize that gift and then proceed to nourish it and allow it to grow and touch others lives. Whether it’s running, talking or cutting hair…we all have a gift and we all should use it. And if that gift allows us to touch other’s lives then we should surely use it; because if we don’t, it’s a shame and a waste. I loved to draw growing up but that gift wasn’t nourished. I always felt it was my gift and that I had somehow wasted it; but as I grew older I found less and less time to draw, but behold, I discovered or shall I say rediscovered my love of writing. I now wonder if writing is my actual gift. My former therapist told me how I had aided them at a tough time in their life. I was truly shocked and dumb founded. I struggling to deal with my own crap…how is it that I’m helping them through theirs?

A while ago a friend asked me why do I write and I explained. I explained that it wasn’t so much to tell my side of a story but more of a story about choices. We can all choose to do whatever it is we wish. But there are times we have to make some very tough choices and many are very unpopular. Ever heard someone say, “Monkey see…monkey do?” We see someone else doing something and we follow suit. So maybe someone will read how I have conducted myself and inspire them to do what’s perceived as right…even though it too may be unpopular. This past weekend I went to church and part of the message was that things aren’t always about you. Sometimes we are tasked with doing things for some other persons benefit. As I sat there listening…I thought to myself, “How many times have people written me and asked me how I was doing or how I managed to stay where I am amongst all the chaos and craziness?”  My response was usually I don’t really know. But writing and talking to people would be my best guest. We all deal with issues differently but I think that sharing not only helps you but helps another too; we just aren’t always privy to that information nor do we always get to know who it is we may be helping.  I mean you never know what someone else is going through unless they choose to tell you and they don’t always do that.

 A friend of mine recently suffered a loss in the family and we have chatted several times since I was told the news. I do my best to listen and allow them to vent and get things of their chest because I kinda understand where they are coming from. They are angry and other times they simply what to know why. Why it happened and how come know one new anything. I answered the best way I can…I say we don’t always get to know the whys, we just have to accept what’s happened and move forward the best way we know how. To me…keeping things bottled in isn’t always the best course of action. I’m a firm believer in therapy and or old school venting. But to vent you truly need a non-judgmental friend. Someone that will truly allow you to get things off your chest and you not feel like you’re being judged or looked down upon because they see you at a perceived time of weakness.

 For over a year I have written about my life and things that have taken place in it. I guess it goes back to the message this past Sunday. I believe that if one person can read something I have written and understand that they aren’t alone and that we all have things to deal with. I know there were times I felt no one could possible understand what I was doing, what I was dealing with and how it all made me feel. But low and behold…the more different and diverse people I spoke too, the more I realized that my situation wasn’t so special and that lots of folks were dealing with the same sorta things I was. I have been told that I inspired some to be a better person or to maybe forgive someone that did them wrong. That wasn’t my goal nor intention yet it happened anyway. My life experiences touched someone else’s…good or bad.

 Drawing, writing, listening and talking are forms of communication; forms that touch different people differently. So maybe my gift is about communication and using it to help others. I don’t really know but I think it’s time I find out.

Kids are in KY

25July

 I dropped the kids off this past weekend. That was a lot tougher than I thought; for them and for me. The drop off took place at the Radcliff Police Department. Jennifer insisted on this…fearing that I would start something and she was yet again...AFRAID of me. Oh brother. How many times am I gonna have to hear the same song and dance coming from her. If I had a dime for every time she said it, I’d be rich. LOL. She had the neighbor (Dee), go figure bring her to pick up the kids.  What I found funny was Dee’s demeanor. She acted as if she was disgusted by this and the fact that my children were clearly upset and crying. How dare they act like this, they would be living with their Mom who loved them and their father is nothing more than a MONSTER for ruining their mother’s life. What was really funny was when I got home her son came across the street to talk as he has done since 2005. I soon heard her call him back across the street with a tone that showed clear disgust. She’s never said squat to him. Even when he was taking my mail out of my mail box…nothing. But now you’re gonna make your son come back across the street? LOL.

  They have lived with me for their entire lives and now we are going to be apart. Jennifer had the nerve to tell them “It’s just like one of Daddy’s deployments.”  What a crock of shit! We are apart and will suffer a strained relationship because she refuses to co-parent with me. I guess she will allow the boys to use her lap top to talk with me via yahoo messenger…ROFLMAO. Yeah, just like when I was in Korea right. NOT! She also told the judge she’d have a job by now, she was gonna ensure that the kids were all back to playing sports because I wouldn’t allow them to play anything.  Well I am sure gonna hold her to her word as best I can.

 The whole week prior you could feel the tension building within the kids. Fighting, arguing or nothing, I felt for them yet I couldn’t do anything about it. So Friday night we all went out to dinner and a movie. Kind of a last hoorah of sorts. Jennifer had been calling down here to speak to the kids almost at an hourly rate and to Benning in an effort to find someone within the military to order me to pay her. No such luck. I have and will continue to take care of my responsibilities as I have my entire life. When I dropped the kids off I wrote her a check for 1,400.00 as well as I gave her the current registration on the Mazda which she is solely responsible for. Yet when I mentioned to her about the kids and fall break she scowled back at me, “That’s what lawyers are for!” LOL. That’s cool...I posted dated the check 2AUG11. Hehehe thank God for the lil victories.

 Sunday I get another call from her…again, threaten me with calling folks that have this “power’ to make me do what they want. This time a COL Wadsworth was gonna get a call about how I refused to register the car, pay her money and God knows what else. Wait…didn’t I just say I gave her the current registration and a check for 1400.00? RME. The drama that Jennifer causes is just ridiculous. If she spent have the amount of time she spends complaining about unfair treatment and took that energy and used it for finding employment…their wouldn’t be an issue.  Now she’s calling my realtor asking about a washer and dryer. She just won’t stop.

 She so desperately wanted our children in her possession…which she now has yet she still isn’t happy. At this point I have not a clue what she actually wants. She wanted a divorce, she got it. She wanted me to “Leave her alone”, she got it. She wanted her own life, she got it. She wanted to be a “single mother”, she got it. She wanted a new car paid for by me, she got it. She wanted child support, she got it. So how can you have everything that you asked for…yet still be unsatisfied? Oh…I know, she wants me to be unhappy and miserable…she isn’t getting that.

 So my kids are now back in KY with their Mom. School starts in a week and I dropped about 200 per child getting them some school cloths to take back home. So at least they will start school with some new items. Being a single parent isn’t easy. I have learned that from numerous female friends I have made the past two years. I have always had respect for single parents but you really don’t know what it’s like until you actually walk in their shoes.

I always cover myself, some folks should keep that in mind...

I wrote this back in May of 2009. It's pretty clear and I'd love to have this explained in court. Here is another example of my craziness...LMAO.

Jennifer,                                                                                                        23May10

 

 Hope you have had a pleasant day. I am writing you this letter as a friendly reminder that our arrangement is due to end in one week. As per our separation agreement and subsequent divorce decree, I agreed to pay for both the house, the apartment and all general utilities until the end of the 2009-2010 school year at said time I claim the home and I will pay you partial child support according to KY guidelines. All items in the home need to be agreed upon to whom will take said items if an agreement can not be made, and then we would allow the court to decided who gets said items.

 The last time I will be at the apartment is 30 May at which you will back at the apartment unless you have already acquired your own living accommodations. If you can have all you belongings out by that Sunday would be great. I would appreciate it if you make a list of the things you would like to take with you so we can avoid going to court and wasting money. If not, then I’d like a date at which time you will come and get all your things. This needs to be done soon so as to make this as easy and simple as possible. What I don’t want to happen is every month getting a call asking to come get more things. If you would like to keep the apartment then you should speak with the owner, their number is 268-0825 (Pin Oak Acquisitions). This started a year ago and I have owned up to my obligation as per the divorce decree we both signed and agreed upon.

 The end date of this agreement was known on the first day our school and when we received the school’s calendar. I am not asking for anything outside of reason since we made the agreement on 27May09, close to a year ago and we have had a year to plan this and decide what we wanted vs. do not want. I also would like to coordinate to pick up the other door key to the apartment so I can clear the apartment; the lease terminates on 1 June. If you could get me your bank account as well as the routing number I will set up an allotment so that the child support will go directly to your account with no hassle at all.

 Also the issue with the Mazda’s title and registration must be dealt with. I agreed to pay the debt and that’s it. The vehicle has to be put in your name for numerous reasons the main one being it is your vehicle as you have assumed responsibility for it. I will agree to co-sign a loan and continue to pay for it until the loan is repaid. This way the vehicle can be titled, registered and insured in your name, solely. I am leaving this letter at the house as well as sent a copy to your email.

 

          Jerome

A message from my former spouse

I found out that this was her response to the aforementioned letter I wrote her days ago.

In regards to your 'threat' to try to get me to pay YOUR credit DEBT and the house that you let go to Hell? Simply because I am asking for a fair distribution of the personal property? Not surprising. You REALLY do believe that I deserved NOTHING from the home. Do you not see how abusive you appear? That because I left you-because I could NOT tolerate one more minute of you ripping shirts off of you, your lying manipulations and your SCREAMING in my face-that I should have left with NOTHING?

You see, Jerome. Now that people can step back and see the whole picture and the grand scope of all of the horrendous things you have done to my children and I? You look like a MONSTER. Because? You ARE a Monster. Even people like Dee and Derrick and countless community members who had trouble wrapping their mind around the insanity now sit back and say. "WOW". You managed to get EPO's on me and a DVO. By LYING. Now? Everyone can sit back and (my lawyer's laughter is the best on this stupidity) see that after insisting on sharing TWO residences-INSISTING on paying for everything then you go and tell a Judge you need 'PROTECTION' from me? Haha! Makes NO SENSE. Now? Everyone can sit back and see how you let corrupt social services ABUSE your OWN children. You let them go through HELL to try and protect your OWN ass. WOW. After YOU were reported for abuse? You then let me get attacked after the Judge realised he had made a HUGE mistake believing that you were this 'respectable protector of others' in your Soldier Uniform. And, now? Everyone sees what a FAKE you are. A WOLF in Sheep's clothing.

So, the nice thing is I now have an open and closed lawsuit against the Cabinet. And? I am looking into a civil lawsuit against YOU. Yep, brace yourself. You think you can try to RUIN someone's life? LIE about the stupidest things in court and TESTIFY against someone to take away their Constitutional Right to Parent? You think you can maliciously LIE against someone's character? Slander their name? Take their personal property and go on a Personal Vendetta for TWO YEARS to destroy someone? You think you can take away someone's Constitutional Right to their PROPERTY? Destroy their ability to earn an income by LYING and dragging them in and out of court? Sounds pretty Criminal. And that is what you are. A complete Criminal. Hiding behind a Soldier's Uniform and pretending to be 'caring' for your children. What a MONSTER.

And? For all that you have done to drag my children and I through absolute insanity? For trying to ruin my name? For trying to take EVERYTHING from me? For RUINING my life? I am suing you in Civil Court. Good Luck with that one, too. Everything is catching up to you.

And what was it all for? I left you for this VERY reason. You are a cruel, vindictive and bitter man who will PUNISH and TAKE. You will sink to ANY low to try and protect your 'fake life' so you can sleep thinking people look at you and see a 'Man' that has his life together. And it is FAKE. Your life is a LIE. You don't have an honest bone in your body. And? I'm NOT letting you play games with MY life anymore. You have NO right.

Do what is right for your children-if that is even possible for you to do the right thing anymore. Quit lying to yourself. It's actually just pathetic to watch at this point. To listen to the dribble of 'I care about my kids' (eventhough they have had to experience such insanity-with NO CHOICE because this is what you have irresponsibly and selfishly chosen for them)....I 'do the right thing' (WHAT have you done right? really?).....'Now that you are dragging me back to court-it takes from the children'....Haha! I have no choice because my children's father is a stereotype and REFUSED to pay child support WITHOUT a court order...WOW. I could go on.

You listened to my Mother-which I will tell you has been one of your WORST mistakes. You see, because, simply put? Your behavior-that she encouraged- has been criminal. But-I can see why-because you two share one thing in common. She is ALSO a very hateful, vindictive and bitter person. And? It's textbook. As in all dysfunctional relationships the Abuser needs a Scapegoat. Someone to BLAME. And you both have always chosen me. And? I'm NOT your Scapegoat anymore. I did nothing wrong by leaving you. If 50% of America can get a Divorce so can I. I hated being married to you. I hated your abuse. I couldn't even stand the sound of your voice at the end. I hated how you treated my children. I hated how you kept us in debt. And? Most of all, I hated you for being a fake. I hated you for being a HYPOCRITE. I hated your 'facade'. I HATED being your 'trophy' wife who you treated like SHIT. I hate you. I really do. And that is because you are so hateful and mean.

Maybe, for your sake-you will stop your lying and fake life. Maybe that will allow you to salvage a relationship with your children. Alex saw through it and wants NOTHING to do with a FAKE impersonator of life. That's on you. Not me. In the meantime? QUIT your games. We are all sick of it. Not just us. The COMMUNITY, the Courts-hell, the Police got sick of you a long time ago. Jesus Christ-do you NOT see what a fool you are making of yourself?

So, that being said-I will sue you for RUINING my potential for income-for LYING (for every one of YOUR lies? I have TWENTY people willing to counter it and tell the TRUTH). I will sue you for DEFAMATION OF CHARACTER (again-for every one of your lies about my character-I have TWENTY people who will tell a different story). You and my mother also need to GIVE UP on the whole-"She's mentally ill" crap. Number one? If I were mentally ill? I would have never survived the marriage-let alone the divorce. Number Two? Judge Hall needs to re-read the Psychological Report where Dr. Marvin CLEARLY states that I DO NOT meet the criteria for a Personality Disorder. And (Judge Hall knows this) he is NOT a 'Qualified Mental Health Professional" Haha. And he made that a part of Court Record! Hilarious-I'm so embarassed for him. Number Three? Dr. Marvin kept telling me "Remember-I'm basing my remarks on the 'Evidence' only-what has been 'presented to me'....lol!! In other words? The LIES of you and KIM SAPP. HEARSAY (by the way). The truth is? A man who does the HORRIBLE things you have done? A man who drags his kids through a nightmare? A man who takes his own children from their mother? A man who does this? Is MENTALLY ILL. A mother (your lovely ex mother in law) who abandons her daughter? A mother who supports a man who ABUSED her daughter for FIFTEEN YEARS? A mother who wishes her own daughter to lose custody of HER children? Is MENTALLY ILL. You and my mother? Are insane.

See you in court. I hope you have to pay for all of your lies and games. See? My life? Isn't YOUR game. I'm dead serious. I have all of the court record. Poor Judge Hall looks like such a fool half of the time listening to your complete NONSENSE. Kim Sapp? Couldn't even explain the Jan/2010 'incident'. Hilarious. Worth Millions-literally-for VIOLATING my Constitutional Right to parent, exercise my RIGHT to COUNSEL-oh? And the CONSPIRACY? Of which YOU partook in? Yeah-by you ALL conspiring to keep me from my kids if I didn't plead 'guilty' to 'neglect'? MAJOR Color of Law Violation-A FELONY. And, luckily, by the GRACE of God, I can PROVE IT. And you? STUPIDLY were a part of it. WOW. All in an effort to Punish me. Who DO you think you ARE trying to ruin MY life?  Well, honey, you set your own self up being a hateful, hateful fool. I hope you all do time in Prison-that's where criminals belong.

Give me what is right so I can resume taking excellent care of my children. That's right, the children I carried and gave birth to. They deserve a LIFE absent of their father's redundant abuse and bitterness. You are NOT hurting me. You have SERIOUSLY hurt YOURSELF by being a part of literal CRIMES against me. WOW. You just have no idea do you? And? You ARE hurting them. And? They know this. They are not stupid. I can live without it all. I already have and I survived. You can't TAKE me down. Sorry, Soldier-but I DON'T lie and I don't sink to your lows and look like a fool. But, they are children and need to see their father doing the right thing. It's not rocket science. GROW UP.

(PS-look up Color of Law Violations. Oh, and get copies of the Court Record that show your testimony, your LIES and? Your conspiracy with Social Services, the Prosecutor and the Judge to VIOLATE my RIGHT to my Kids, my life, my ability to earn an income. Do yourself a favor. Don't dig yourself a BIGGER ditch than you already have. You belong in Prison for taking away my RIGHTS...And? I'm taking them BACK!!!)

A letter to my former Spouse

This is what I wrote my ex-spouse about our children's return. I found out she replied to this e-mail in her normal fashion. This will give you a little insight into how I have dealt with her and in return how she deals with me.

Jennifer,
As I informed you with the previous email, I will be returning the kids to you on Saturday the 23rd, ETA 1700. The reason for the later time is I am trying to bring some of the kids belongings via uhaul. If I get my HHG I will bring back what they wish for me to return. Moo wants her bed and for her other main items to remain here. I also know you have a bunkbed for the boys so I I can fit their dressers I will bring them along with what ever else they want.
As far as support for our kids. I think for you to have contacted everyone in my chain of command and concern and to go outside that and then contact the Armor School CSM...Jennifer you wanted out of th marriage, you drove this train and now you dislike the destination and wish to change directions and track...not gonna happen.
I love our kids and I will always be there and support them the best I can no matter what you do. They have a copy of all our stuff on file with the IG's office here at FBGA so you can contact them but they already have been informed of you by my chain of command.
Next is child support. You know its gonna be based on how much you make as well as I. Its estimated at 1400.00 a month. I will contact Dawn and make sure I'm good to pay you that amount on 1AUG since you will have the kids and school starts in two days. I want to make sure I get credit for paying early without the court order for child support being in place.
I have stopped shielding the kids from all this because no matter how hard I try...you will not allow me too.  So this "agreement" is fully known by them because I discussed it with them weeks ago so they know the truth and understand how your actions affect me and my finances and inturn how it affects them. I had planned on spending money on school cloths and such but they understand by you dragging me to court I have to again pay my lawyer which is taking money away from them.
I've always cooperated with you...yet you always try to portray me as this "stereotypical" blackman in the Army who won't take care of his kids. Well I always do what's right and you know that. Also the "martial property," you are seeking a fair distrobution of said property. Well...becareful what you wish for, I have advised that if this goes before the judge ALL MARITAL PROPERTY WILL BE EQUALLY DISTRUBUTED. You forget that all the debt was jointly in our names so I will ask that you take half of all the debt. So all will be on the table so to speak. None of this ever had to go down like this but you seem to feed on the craziness of all this and its crystal clear to all except you. I'm truly sorry for the place you have found yourself in. I did my best to set us up both for success in the eyes of our friends, family and most importantly our children. Yet you have fought me as if I were trying to destroy you and yourr name when in actualality...I was trying to look out for you and part as friends not enemies. The judge said you will never cooperate with me nor co-parent. This sentiment has been echoed by all yet I still try. Guess I hope that one day the woman I fell in love with and married will show up and we can move into our kids future as friends and work together. Yeah...its a dream that I will continue to hold on too.

I hope you are successful in your new career and life as a single mother as you have always asked to be. According to rule 702-704 I know what I'm entitled. Id like the kids for fall break in October and according to it being an odd year I will have thanksgiving and you xmas. Take care and godspeed Jennifer....

Court is finished...it's all done now.... Part II

Well as I Pulled up the street and crested the small hill I looked right and there it was…the Mazda. You got to be kidding me! Nope, not kidding, Jennifer was over at Dee’s house acting like she’d won the lottery and in clear violation of the DVO. But guess what…couldn’t exactly call the police on her now could I? It’d look like I was vindictive and little. I wasn’t going to stoop to her level so I backed into the driveway and went inside. She hadn’t been across the street for months but today…whatever. I had gotten numerous calls and simply hit ignore. I didn’t really care to talk to anyone. I just simply needed to be still and just let it all sink in. I made a standard reply for texting to and sent it to anyone who texted me.


You’d think that the kids, after getting what they have been asking and begging for for months would be jumping for joy. But they really weren’t. It was almost like they themselves were surprised. It felt like they said what they wanted their Mom to hear but deep down inside they wanted something differently. I could even see this in Moo. She was complaining about her new Laptop I gotten her and I told her Mom was gonna have to deal with it. Tears formed in her eyes, “Are you gonna now punish me?!?” “No Moo I’m just saying, it’s gonna be on your Mom to get you virus protection because I may not have time to get it off AKO.” I shut the door and went up stairs to lie down.

I looked outside and saw Jeff playing with Dee’s grandkids. I had asked my kids why they hadn’t been playing with them prior to today, Maddy thought the girls were weird and the boys…well they had no interest. But if you asked Dee, it was because I wouldn’t let them. Wrong, I didn’t let them come over to HER HOUSE for one simple reason…she had gone on Facebook numerous times and talked bad about me knowing fully well my children could read her comments. My lawyer questioned her about this in court; was it appropriate for her to go on Jennifer’s wall and make comments about their father knowing that they could read these negative things? She basically said it was her choice and her right. When asked about Jennifer making comments on her wall about me and it’s appropriateness as well as was it becoming of a parent…she said, “I have no opinion on it.”

After relaxing for a few I decided to do a lil work when my man Rich showed up, great timing. We talked for a bit and I explained what had happened and how I in turn felt. We decided to go to Ryan’s and get a bite to eat. Rome had been sleeping in the living room so I woke him up and asked if he wanted to come. Jeff was across the street since Jennifer was keeping him on a short lease and the kids were all supposed to have dinner at Dee’s with their Mom…in celebration of her victory. Some dinner, Moo had already left for a friends, Rome was with me which left Jeff. Like I said, for kids who had just been given their “wish” they sure weren’t acting like it.

When we got home Jeff was pretty upset that we had went top Ryan’s without him and I explained it was a last minute thing and that he was with his Mom so what’s the problem; nothing but attitude from my lil man. By this time he and Rome were both in the driveway with me and Rich so I had a lil chat with them about court and what took place. I asked why I was getting attitude when they had gotten what they wanted. “You wanted to live with Mom…well now you got it so why you’re acting all pissy with me…I don’t have a clue.” We all stood around and talked more about it as Jeff, of course, asked more questions. Rich chimed in to help Jeff understand some things…like I said, Rich is my man. Jeff didn’t believe the summer visitation as we were explaining it. He kept saying that’s not what Mom said. I didn’t care what “Mom” said, I know what the judge said and that’s all that matters.

I contacted Jennifer via text to inform her of the plan and received two drunken phone calls blasting me. How dare I take our kids for the summer, I’d had them for a year and I was a horrible father for making them come with me to Georgia for 3 weeks and potentially have a goodtime with Dad. Anyhoo, texts soon followed and come the 1st of July the threats for money came too. I had better pay her the kid’s child support and she wanted her check by noon. I ignored it along with the 30 or so texts I received threatening she was gonna call everyone in the Army (which she did) and tell them how was gonna wisk my kids off to Georgia where they’d be stuck in a hotel for 3 weeks. How cruel of a Father I am.

Well as the days progressed the calls and texts continued. Now she wanted the washer and dryer. She didn’t want them for her but for the kids since she now had custody she needed them and since I had “Illegally” taken all the martial property (forget that she signed the settlement) she was gonna take me back to court and I’d have to bring it all back. Hahahaha. Ahhh, I needed a good laugh and she wasn’t getting anything else from me. I would be playing around 1400 a month for child support not counting the 394 for her car payment. Well that ain’t happening. See, when we separated and the agreement was set, she never bothered to define a dollar amount. So you can’t enforce what you don’t have. She now has to have her lawyer file the paperwork asking for child support and until then she gets nothing. Knowing this she started demanding my BAH. Again, she listens to too many shit house lawyers cause she isn’t entitled to it. Our original agreement is in effect until the new amount is filed in the courts. She doesn’t like it but hey…that’s how the system works.

Court is finished...it's all done now....

Well I promised all that’d I’d write and explain how Jennifer ended up with custody after more than two years of being non-compliant and refusing to co-parent with me. Well it boiled down to one factor…our kids being 14, 13 and 10 and them being allowed to have a say in where they’d live. So each child went into court alone and spoke to the judge as well as being questioned by both attorneys. The boys both made it clear that they loved both me and their mother and that they didn’t want to choose where they lived. Madison how ever, made it extremely clear where she wanted to live as well as how she felt about me. She explained how I have never done anything for her, I don’t do anything for her and how she wanted to live with her Mom.


So when it was time for summations my attorney went first pointing out all the things I have done to co-parent and foster a relationship with not only my kids but their Mom as well. Jennifer’s attorney couldn’t really say much since he had just taken the case a few weeks earlier. Why her previous attorney dropped her…only God knows. But he was paid for by the neighbor across the street who has become Jennifer’s “Fill in” Mom. Not only did she pay for Jennifer’s lawyer, but has been giving her money for food since she is currently unemployed. Yes she lost yet another job and according to her, it was because of hundreds of times she has been drug to court by me. Truth be told we have been to court a total of 9 times. 3 of those by me specifically; these include Once for The DVO (Domestic Violence Order), for her to take responsibility of the Mazda and just now for primary custodian.

After both attorneys’ were done the judge spoke. I sat there and I could tell it wasn’t going to be what I wanted to hear. As he spoke to me and Jennifer about how many times we had been in his court room over the past two years he looked over at me and started talking directly to me about what he thought of me, my parenting and my numerous attempts at co-parenting with her. He explained that she would never co-parent with me and how it was a shame. I was to be commended for my behavior and right now I was the “Superior” parent. As I sat there and listened…my heart was breaking but part of me knew it was going to be alright. I had spent the last two years doing it right and showing my kids what right looked like. He explained that with the children being old enough to have a say he took consideration into what they wanted too.

Rome and Jeff have always maintained the stance that they loved and cared for both Jennifer and I but they simply didn’t want to choose. They did make it clear that they didn’t want to be separated from their sister. I guess we know where they learned loyalty from? However, the deciding factor was Moo. Moo has made it very clear that she does not want to live with me…period. After her testimony to the judge…it was made crystal clear where she wished to live at.

I knew that for Jennifer to get the kids after her behavior she had displayed…it had to be divine intervention. So with that being said it was all over. The judge didn’t want Moo to come with me to Georgia. He felt that she had been so poisoned by Jennifer’s crap that she would just be a destructive force. Jennifer created this monster she should be the one to deal with it. He looked over at Jennifer and scowled, “What you reap is what you sow. You’re gonna get exactly what you have asked for. And one day when these children are 20 or 25 they will look back on this and they will know just what you did.”

So I left court…feeling down and strangely enough…at peace. I drove home, called my Mom and Dad as well as my former in-laws and informed them of what happened. As the afternoon passed I got more calls and texts from all those who had supported me the last two years. Some understood and some did not. But I told them all the same, I’m good and I’m at peace with the decision. I feel like the judge set her up. Like, in order for the kids to see what is really going on, they need to see it for themselves…you know live it. Then and only then will they truly understand and stop fighting me. Or the spiritual version which says, God gave me the last year so I could see what its like to have them alone. Because my kids will be back with me and when they return…it’ll be for good. I like to believe the latter.

TO BE CONTINUED....