I have decided to share my on going battle with my ex wife to just simply do the right thing. Some people talk the talk, but can you really walk the walk. Two years ago I was in Korea. I asked to go so that I would be untouched for my son’s (“The Athlete”) senior year of high school and to see him play for his and his teammate’s quest for a state championship in football. I left in March 2008; leaving behind my wife JSD41, who is Canadian and our four beautiful kids. My marriage wasn’t the greatest but it wasn’t the worst and I worked hard at being what my ex wanted me to be. Prior to my departure she had taken her own personal loss when she failed out of nursing school. She opted to “self medicate” as she called it. So as I was saying, things weren’t great but I thought the time apart as well as money we could save would continue with the healing process.
My marriage had been ending for awhile but I wouldn’t let that happen, I’m not a quitter. So I went to counseling desperately trying to fix all the things my ex claimed was wrong with me. So by the time March rolled around, I thought…we were ok. I was gone all of two days when the emails and phone traffic seemed to get nastier, nastier and then stopped. I, being co-dependent took all the blame and even felt I deserved the anger she was displaying towards me. For the next 120 days I got nothing. No love, no respect no nothing, just anger and hatred. I was given the chance to come home before the mid way point of my 12 month tour.
I traveled on the 4th of July, my birthday. I arrived to the airport, greeted by my best friend. My wife and kids…well she had taken them to Atlanta for a vacation knowing fully well I was coming home. After getting home I had to break into my house so that I’d have a place to stay. I contacted her and told her I was home. Previously she had called my superiors begging them not to allow me to come home. I wanted to save my marriage and I had expressed that to her several times. Her and her girlfriend “Daphne” had spent a great deal of time searching for my user name online and on sites. Trying to find what I was up too, in essence cyber stalking. There were times I swore someone was in my email, even after I changed the passwords. I would later find out just how far they had gone once I arrived back home permanently in March 2009.
I volunteered to stay with friends and I thank God for them today. By the end of my 30 days I thought I’d put a band-aid on my marriage and caught a plane back to Korea. Boy was I wrong. In no time at all she was back to threats of leaving me. Just prior to x-mas I decided to call her on it and said send me papers. Jan 2009 I got them in the mail. I was devastated but I emailed an attorney I had spoken with twice before, whipped out my MasterCard and said lets do this.
In the divorce papers she wanted everything, exclusive use of the home, new car, the kids, filed a restraining order, etc. I was like what the hell. I did as my attorney suggested moved money and got myself ready to come home. I contacted JSD41 in late April asking if she could or allow one of my friends to bring the kids to the airport to greet me. No response. I ended up having to file a motion for this and the judge denied it and said I could see my kids the first weekend I got home. JSD41 claimed I would run off with the kids or what would happen if my plane was late. They’d have to stay up late and they had school the next day. 3rd, 5th, 6th and 12th grade, it was laughable the excuses she gave. Her own attorney told mine she would talk to her and see if she could convince her to allow the kids to go.
I had no idea until I walked down the concourse and saw my partner standing there…alone. A tear trickled down my cheek. Days earlier I contacted my neighbor across the street and asked if he could get my car and take it to his house, I’d explain when I got home. When I arrived on my street around 1030pm, JSD41 had one of her cronies at the house, I’m sure to act as a witness to see if I would start anything. Two flat tires and a dead battery was how my Acura greeted me. LOL. So me, my neighbor, my best friend and his wife all laughed and talked in the driveway as I charged the battery and filled the tires with air. I saw The Athlete’s shadow in my driveway and called his cell. He came up and my chest warmed with pride as I hugged him and chatted up a bit. We talked a lil and he went and got me the disc of his junior year so I could watch. I was looking forward since I missed him playing that year.
I told him I’d be back to take him and the rest of my squad to dinner cause we needed to talk. I hugged him and he went back to shooting hoops in my driveway. We all chatted some more and I left for my room on Ft. Knox. Friday I took the kids to eat at Cracker Barrel, one of our favorite spots. I needed to know who the kids wanted to live with before linking up with my attorney. They said Mom and I assured that I was cool with it and would love them no matter what. With that said, we settled into dinner laughing and joking. I told them of a mini class reunion in New Jersey. The Athlete told me I should go, I deserved to have some fun I had no idea what going to NJ was gonna do to my life, no idea at all.
After a great four days in NJ I left after having breakfast with an old classmate. As I drove back to KY and chatted with Staci, an old classmate of mine I realized that I didn’t have to be in a loveless marriage. I made it back to Ft Knox around 1130pm and was laying down when my middle son “The Catcher” called. He asked if I was back from NJ and I told him I was and asked what time baseball practice was. He told me then went on to tell me that his mom was hurt. “Is she ok, what happened?” I asked. He told me to hold on. Next thing I know I’m talking to a police officer. I asked if my JSD41 was ok and he asked where I was at and I explained I was on post. He then told me I needed to come to my house…and that JSD41 claimed I came there and beat her up. I was freaking out a lil and he told me if I were innocent I had nothing to fear.
I threw on a hoody, grabbed my camera and took off to my house. Once at my house I was met at the door by an officer who gave me a brief rundown. My boys were upstairs getting dressed the athlete was out of town with his baseball team and the cheerleader was sleeping over at a friends. After a brief talk he went out onto my deck and the senior officer came in to talk to me. He asked about the condition of the home as well as JSD41. I explained we were going through a divorce and I wasn’t allowed into the house. He asked if he could see my hands and assured me it was just a formality and he had to be sure. I stock both hands out and he observed them with his flashlight. He proceeded to tell me that JSD41, based on the evidence had gotten drunk and fell off our deck. He asked if she drank. I told him she did and I felt she was an alcoholic. He told me she was pretty gone and wasn’t cooperating at all.
The other officer brought her in and she took one look at me and told the officers I couldn’t be there because she had a restraining order on me. They told her she needed to get some shoes and a jacket. The senior officer told me to go upstairs and make sure my sons stayed in their room until they left. I looked at him and he said, "We will be taking her in for filing a false report." I was shocked and don’t know what to think as I went to the stairs and made sure my sons were in their room. I heard the officers talking to JSD41 as they escorted her to the front door. By this time they weren’t too happy with her and her attitude as she kept asking what they were doing and where they were taking her. As I sat at the top of my stairs I couldn’t believe what was going on. For me this was a long time coming. I thought back to all the fights we had in our home. 95% of these fights were after she was drunk and decided to take her dislike of herself out on me. After the officers left with her and my boys were back in bed I called Staci to tell her what had just took place. I searched all her usual spots she hid alcohol but couldn’t find it. The Catcher who had gotten up, came to me with a gallon of vodka and said "here it is Dad." I quickly told him to put it back where he found it. After he left the laundry room I took pictures of it in the spot she’d left it. She had drunk a half of a gallon of vodka…by herself.
JSD41 had a nice laptop I had purchased for her prior to my departure for Korea. Low and behold there it was for me to checkout and boy did I. Since the case is still on going I wont go into details but I will say it’s how I knew her and Daphne were going into my email and how they were cyber stalking me while I was overseas. I also found out that she had indeed cheated on me. That for me was the night I was done. After reading that email I knew for sure my marriage was over. And to top it off I found out she had also fooled around with my two younger son’s little league football coach; a guy that had previously been one of my students when I worked as an instructor. As I sat on the couch that night and looked around at the mess that was my house all I could think of was all the conversations and emails I had received from JSD41 stating how she and the kids were better off without me and how their lives were drama free without my abuse. Problem was my house didn’t look like it was the home of someone who was doing great.
The next morning I contacted my attorney and she immediately told me to go file an EPO (Emergency Protective Order) against JSD41. Not on my behalf but to protect my children. I did this and in the closing statement of my summary, I stated that JSD41 was potentially unfit at this time. I spoke to her mom and told her what happened and that JSD41 was now in jail. We both acknowledged that maybe this was her wake up call maybe this would help her get on the path back to where she needed to be. JSD41 called from the jail and I let her know just how I felt. She later contacted all her girlfriends and they got the money together to bail her out.
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