Day 41 16May03
163 days left
Today I did absolutely nothing. Finished my NCOER and gave it to LT. Looks like I won’t be getting a new LT ‘til we get home. That…is a good thing. We have an ass load of change of commands…across battalion. Nothing but new guys coming in. Hopefully the new BC will be better and give us the freedom to train and develop our Joes. So far Kifri isn’t bad. Guess the Kurds have it down. Talked to “O” a few days ago. LRS from the 173rd had a lil scrap with the BADR Corp. The BRT was sent to assist them. So it would seem that he’s doing ok. I don’t feel we are as good as friends as we used to be. Back when we were Joes…man we were tight.
__________________________
We had only known Michelle for a little while but she was pretty cool. She had three cute lil girls and I personally took a liking to the middle one. She had told me and Olvera that a friend of hers liked Carlos. She was cute Mexican girl whose name I can not recall. I do remember the story Michelle told us about how she didn’t know she was pregnant and kinda had the baby in the bathroom not really knowing what was going on. Kind of an amazing story so I’m not really sure how much of it was actually true. Well me and Carlos ended up at another friend of Michelle’s. The girl was over there so I went with him. Carlos was making out with the Mexican chick. I was simply along for the ride. Well when me and Carlos left to go back to the barracks we discovered it was snowing. It was no big deal to me growing up on the east coast and Germany, I was used to snow. Carlos on the other hand, had never even seen snow, except on TV. So it was pretty funny as we walked to the car and he was making a big deal about it. That was when I realized, “Wait a minute!” I said. “You’ve never seen snow before.” “No I haven’t”, he said. As we laughed and got into my car. We drove drove south down Academy Blvd towards post. As I drove, we had light conversation about how the night had transpired. We were driving over the bridge when my car started to slide sideways. Without stopping the conversation I cranked down on the wheel hard to the left to counter act the slide. All the while still talking to Carlos. As the car slide the opposite direction, I quickly cranked the wheel back to the right. It seemed as though time had slowed down as we slide across the bridge. It was pretty late so no one was on the road but us at that time. It took me the entire length of the bridge to get my car going straight again. Me, I was having a goodtime, Carlos…I wasn’t sure. I remember the winter days when I worked at OMS 25 for the NJ National Guard. We were the few individuals on the post so at lunch time, me and Marc would get in my car and just slide all over the post. Practicing emergency brake slides, 360s…you name it, we did it when snow was on the ground. So here is this guy who has never seen snow much less driven in it and we are sliding sideways across a bridge at 2 o’clock in the morning. It was funny. After we were across the bridge and my car was under control I casually looked over at him sitting there in the passenger seat…as calm as could be. I had expected some sort of noise or nervous chatter coming from him after our brief ordeal but there was none. As we drove up towards Pike Peak Community College, I asked him, “Hey man you all right.” “Yeah man I’m good” he said. “Well you sat there pretty cool for a guy who’s never been in snow or a skidding car before.” “Well,” he said “I know you are from New Jersey so I figured you had driven in snow and stuff so I knew you knew what you were doing.” We laughed and drove onto the barracks. This would not be the last time Carlos and I would be making those long trips back to post from a night out in the Springs.
__________________________
He has grown into a damn fine NCO. I wonder how things would have turned out if I had pushed to get into the BRT. I like my platoon…for the most part. It’s just my NCOs don’t have that same drive and focus as I did when I was a Staff. They need to do more, get more involved with their Soldiers and junior NCOs. But then again, the SGTs don’t seem to really want to go anywhere, except Clark. I think he could go far. He has…or what seems to me like a pretty strong wife.
Well at 1900 we’ll be tasked back out to the CTCP, UMCP and the TOC. Delta went to the BSA. I’ll probably end up at the CTCP…convince…that’s all. Man they can get on your nerves with all the complaining they are doing. So I’m pushing to get section internal nets. Senior man will monitor the platoon and section net while his wingman will monitor the section and battalion net. We’ll have to get with commo to see if we can do it. There used to be a Delta Company and their old freqs are free so I’ll see if I can make it happen. If not, there is always the Scout’s alt freq…267. The Optempo seems to wearing folks as well as our equipment down. I wonder when it or if it will ever slow down. I finished up 2 NCOERs and now I have one to go.
Monday, December 20, 2010
Monday, December 13, 2010
My Divorce Nightmare part 3
Once the cross commenced, it got ugly really fast. JSD41 testified and made several statements all basically saying one thing, it took her two hours to call the police because I kept calling tying up her phone. Well first thing that was asked was why she didn’t call the police on the HOUSE phone. She had no answer. She also said the attack took place two hours prior to the police being called to the house. That puts it at 10:36pm. Well there was a huge time line issue with this that we never had to address. This was also touched on by one of her girlfriends, The Blonde who testified that I called her and told her I had been to the house and was sitting around the corner bragging about attacking her. Well what neither I nor my lawyer ever had to bring up was where I actually was at. This is the first anyone knows of this. Like I had mentioned previously, I was in NJ for a few days. I was on the phone with Staci and before I knew it I was through Lexington traveling west when the fuel low light came on. I had no idea how long it had been on. I was in a panic and just outside of Bardstown. I was growing worried since I saw no exits. I got off the highway and franticly drove until I finally found an open gas station…it was 10:33pm when I swiped my debit card. We had the bank statement showing the transaction. It was physically impossible. Bardstown is roughly 45minutes away.
The witnesses were up. The Blonde was first and she claimed I called her from around the corner to brag about how I had attacked JSD41. Next was a mutual friend of ours the secretary. This was the same woman who took me and my kids in when JSD41 got drunk one night and attacked me. That incident was a major blow to our marriage. It along with JSD41 failing out of nursing school, add the drinking created the foundation which I found myself standing on. She ended it by saying JSD41 feared me and that I might get physical. I was like wow, I can’t believe she said that after all the times she witnessed and had spoken about JSD41s drinking.
Last to the stand was the girlfriend’s mom. Why was the athlete’s former girlfriend’s mom testifying? I barely knew them as they barely knew me. She got on the stand and began to cry. She herself had no idea what was going on or why she was here. My lawyer didn’t cross any of them. Next were my sons. We were asked to leave the courtroom and they called both spoke about what they knew. Once back in court my lawyer said they did fine and were very forth right. She told me between mine, my son’s, the EPO that had copies of the arresting police report and the officer’s testimony, we were good.
My lawyer leaned over and asked would I be inclined to allow JSD41 to become the primary custodian? I said sure. She called me back to the stand and asked me it in open court. I explained I had no desire to keep JSD41 away from our children. I just felt that based on her actions she was potentially unfit at this time. If she went to counseling, got help for her drinking and focused on her own personal well being, I’d be more than happy to revisit custody.
In closing the judge spoke directly to JSD41. He had some very frank and choice words especially about her B.A.C. She had claimed that it was a one time thing, she was also taking medication the tests weren’t truly accurate I mean an ass load of excuses. He told her that he himself liked to have a drink or two…but there is no way a woman, 5’-7” approx 150lbs could have a B.A.C. of .315 and still be functioning unless she had built a tolerance to drinking. He ordered standard alcohol assessments and the sort. At that time I was given emergency temporary custody of all the children for 90 days or once we entered into mediation or divorce settlement. We were also told we had to attend mandatory parenting classes for divorcing parents and our three youngest had to attend a class targeted at them. As I got up I spoke with my lawyer and we both agreed it was best to leave and not talk about this with my kids. I told her I would get them back in school and once home this evening we would sit down and talk about what’s going on. I was out side the courtroom talking to my kids and explaining they were going to school and what not when JSD41 came bursting out.
“That’s right! He lied and they believed him! Yep the liars got you for the next 90 days!! Way too go you loser!! I shook my head and told my kids they could ride with mom and I’d see them later. I got to my car when the blonde called me. She said the kids were crying and upset and if I minded them not going to school to spend sometime with their mom. I said no problem and I would be home when they brought the kids by. That was exactly why I didn’t want our kids to know what took place in the courtroom.
Hours later when my kids got home they were all clearly upset and naturally blaming me. I was met by the very angry athlete who verbalized his displeasure with me. I told him he didn’t understand and that one day he would. This was the start of what would become a war between me and JSD41 with our children stuck dead in the middle.
I understood that they had no business in the middle and I would spend a great deal of time and effort doing my best to keep them out the middle. But I was fighting a loosing battle. JSD41 decided to call my mom in South Carolina as well as her’s in Canada expressing how I lied, took the kids as well as having a girlfriend. They really had no reaction other than you wanted out so just let it go.
The evening after court I was talking to the cheerleader and the athlete came up stairs. As we talked it soon got heated as I explained some things she refused to except or acknowledge. The Athlete came back upstairs and told me I better not yell at his sister. I was like, “Who are you talking to?” “I’m talking to you and you heard me! You better stop yelling at my sister!” he barked. “Ok, I’m the parent so I think you need to know your role.” By this time he had gotten in my face like we were in high school. I moved him out of my and went to get the phone to call the police. That later turned into I “shoved” him aside. But I had said I would do it and I had to establish a boundary with him. Once the officers arrived I explained the situation and asked how was I too handle him, I can’t put my hands on him nor throw him out. They gave me a phone number to call for a agency that deals with teens. He had already called a good friend who was on his way to pick him up and he’d stay with this family for at least a week.
The next night I had to lock his window again because the cheerleader had unlocked it so that he could sneak in and get some cloths.
The Catcher said he was having pain in one of his testicals and I took him to the ER. When his mother called later it started hurting again. I talked to him and he was cool. Next thing I know there is a knock at my front door, JSD41 had called the police and had an officer come to our home because I said I wasn’t going to take him back to the ER . He was in the bed when the police officer came and I went outside on my veranda to explain the whole situation and he told me he was briefed before coming to my home. He spoke with the catcher and later left. This was getting out of control. Even though she was no longer in our home and wanted out of the marriage she was still trying to control me.
By this time I was off my vacation and signed into my unit. Nothing like getting a new job and the first thing you have to discuss is a divorce that has begun to get very messy. I continued to work and run the boys around. All three were playing baseball so our evenings were pretty busy. The catcher and lil man both played in the same complex while the athlete playing HS ball was in another location. He was still out of the home and by this time he was staying with his mom. I called JSD41 on occasion to inform her of the games since I didn’t want them not to have their mom present. On occasion she’d give them rides home to spend a lil more time since she was “homeless” as she told any and all who’d listen.
I texted JSD41 to let her know about the boys games as well as to see if she was planning on taking them for the weekend. She informed me that since she was “homeless” she couldn’t take them. She got to the ball fields to watch the boy’s games. I let her know that I didn’t mind if she wanted to spend some time with the boys after the game to get ice cream or something. Her response was “A” typical, numerous smart arse remarks. She eventually took them to McDonalds and Food Lion. She dropped the boys off at the house and asked if she could quickly pick up a few things. I said sure, no problem. The quick turned into not so quick. After about 10 minutes she started in on me with her comments and other rude statements. I have a girlfriend, I abused her, I beat her up, and the community knows how I am a monster because I took the kids from her. I made it very clear that I took nothing and it was the courts decision. She claimed the courts and judge here were crooked and biased and that I lied and it would eventually catch up with me. Later that evening the athlete came to get some more of his things. I told him I loved him and he was welcome here as long as he could follow the rules and be respectful. He cursed at me and let me know that he didn’t want to. That was easy.
A few days later we got home after practice and JSD41 was in the house with the athlete. I did not start but I let her know that I didn’t think she should be in here without my permission and or me present. She made a few comments like I have a right to be here and when I said the court said you can’t (surrounded by the kids at this time) she says, “what are you gonna do, have me arrested again.” I stood there and shook my head. All I could think of was my kids and how they didn’t deserve any of this…none of us did JSD41 included.
The witnesses were up. The Blonde was first and she claimed I called her from around the corner to brag about how I had attacked JSD41. Next was a mutual friend of ours the secretary. This was the same woman who took me and my kids in when JSD41 got drunk one night and attacked me. That incident was a major blow to our marriage. It along with JSD41 failing out of nursing school, add the drinking created the foundation which I found myself standing on. She ended it by saying JSD41 feared me and that I might get physical. I was like wow, I can’t believe she said that after all the times she witnessed and had spoken about JSD41s drinking.
Last to the stand was the girlfriend’s mom. Why was the athlete’s former girlfriend’s mom testifying? I barely knew them as they barely knew me. She got on the stand and began to cry. She herself had no idea what was going on or why she was here. My lawyer didn’t cross any of them. Next were my sons. We were asked to leave the courtroom and they called both spoke about what they knew. Once back in court my lawyer said they did fine and were very forth right. She told me between mine, my son’s, the EPO that had copies of the arresting police report and the officer’s testimony, we were good.
My lawyer leaned over and asked would I be inclined to allow JSD41 to become the primary custodian? I said sure. She called me back to the stand and asked me it in open court. I explained I had no desire to keep JSD41 away from our children. I just felt that based on her actions she was potentially unfit at this time. If she went to counseling, got help for her drinking and focused on her own personal well being, I’d be more than happy to revisit custody.
In closing the judge spoke directly to JSD41. He had some very frank and choice words especially about her B.A.C. She had claimed that it was a one time thing, she was also taking medication the tests weren’t truly accurate I mean an ass load of excuses. He told her that he himself liked to have a drink or two…but there is no way a woman, 5’-7” approx 150lbs could have a B.A.C. of .315 and still be functioning unless she had built a tolerance to drinking. He ordered standard alcohol assessments and the sort. At that time I was given emergency temporary custody of all the children for 90 days or once we entered into mediation or divorce settlement. We were also told we had to attend mandatory parenting classes for divorcing parents and our three youngest had to attend a class targeted at them. As I got up I spoke with my lawyer and we both agreed it was best to leave and not talk about this with my kids. I told her I would get them back in school and once home this evening we would sit down and talk about what’s going on. I was out side the courtroom talking to my kids and explaining they were going to school and what not when JSD41 came bursting out.
“That’s right! He lied and they believed him! Yep the liars got you for the next 90 days!! Way too go you loser!! I shook my head and told my kids they could ride with mom and I’d see them later. I got to my car when the blonde called me. She said the kids were crying and upset and if I minded them not going to school to spend sometime with their mom. I said no problem and I would be home when they brought the kids by. That was exactly why I didn’t want our kids to know what took place in the courtroom.
Hours later when my kids got home they were all clearly upset and naturally blaming me. I was met by the very angry athlete who verbalized his displeasure with me. I told him he didn’t understand and that one day he would. This was the start of what would become a war between me and JSD41 with our children stuck dead in the middle.
I understood that they had no business in the middle and I would spend a great deal of time and effort doing my best to keep them out the middle. But I was fighting a loosing battle. JSD41 decided to call my mom in South Carolina as well as her’s in Canada expressing how I lied, took the kids as well as having a girlfriend. They really had no reaction other than you wanted out so just let it go.
The evening after court I was talking to the cheerleader and the athlete came up stairs. As we talked it soon got heated as I explained some things she refused to except or acknowledge. The Athlete came back upstairs and told me I better not yell at his sister. I was like, “Who are you talking to?” “I’m talking to you and you heard me! You better stop yelling at my sister!” he barked. “Ok, I’m the parent so I think you need to know your role.” By this time he had gotten in my face like we were in high school. I moved him out of my and went to get the phone to call the police. That later turned into I “shoved” him aside. But I had said I would do it and I had to establish a boundary with him. Once the officers arrived I explained the situation and asked how was I too handle him, I can’t put my hands on him nor throw him out. They gave me a phone number to call for a agency that deals with teens. He had already called a good friend who was on his way to pick him up and he’d stay with this family for at least a week.
The next night I had to lock his window again because the cheerleader had unlocked it so that he could sneak in and get some cloths.
The Catcher said he was having pain in one of his testicals and I took him to the ER. When his mother called later it started hurting again. I talked to him and he was cool. Next thing I know there is a knock at my front door, JSD41 had called the police and had an officer come to our home because I said I wasn’t going to take him back to the ER . He was in the bed when the police officer came and I went outside on my veranda to explain the whole situation and he told me he was briefed before coming to my home. He spoke with the catcher and later left. This was getting out of control. Even though she was no longer in our home and wanted out of the marriage she was still trying to control me.
By this time I was off my vacation and signed into my unit. Nothing like getting a new job and the first thing you have to discuss is a divorce that has begun to get very messy. I continued to work and run the boys around. All three were playing baseball so our evenings were pretty busy. The catcher and lil man both played in the same complex while the athlete playing HS ball was in another location. He was still out of the home and by this time he was staying with his mom. I called JSD41 on occasion to inform her of the games since I didn’t want them not to have their mom present. On occasion she’d give them rides home to spend a lil more time since she was “homeless” as she told any and all who’d listen.
I texted JSD41 to let her know about the boys games as well as to see if she was planning on taking them for the weekend. She informed me that since she was “homeless” she couldn’t take them. She got to the ball fields to watch the boy’s games. I let her know that I didn’t mind if she wanted to spend some time with the boys after the game to get ice cream or something. Her response was “A” typical, numerous smart arse remarks. She eventually took them to McDonalds and Food Lion. She dropped the boys off at the house and asked if she could quickly pick up a few things. I said sure, no problem. The quick turned into not so quick. After about 10 minutes she started in on me with her comments and other rude statements. I have a girlfriend, I abused her, I beat her up, and the community knows how I am a monster because I took the kids from her. I made it very clear that I took nothing and it was the courts decision. She claimed the courts and judge here were crooked and biased and that I lied and it would eventually catch up with me. Later that evening the athlete came to get some more of his things. I told him I loved him and he was welcome here as long as he could follow the rules and be respectful. He cursed at me and let me know that he didn’t want to. That was easy.
A few days later we got home after practice and JSD41 was in the house with the athlete. I did not start but I let her know that I didn’t think she should be in here without my permission and or me present. She made a few comments like I have a right to be here and when I said the court said you can’t (surrounded by the kids at this time) she says, “what are you gonna do, have me arrested again.” I stood there and shook my head. All I could think of was my kids and how they didn’t deserve any of this…none of us did JSD41 included.
Change Part 2
We have just entered a new era in American history, by electing a Black man to the highest office in the land. The news and media are full of people who are ecstatic, in churches, people are singing and reporters are reporting. Even people from foreign countries are excited about this. Hell, they are just as excited as most Americans. This recent election has become, no is, a huge deal. Rightly so, this country’s past has been littered with racism and peppered with hatred. Yet for over 100 years society has finally managed to elect a black to the presidency. We are making progress, the dream has been full filled; change has finally come.
That paragraph…started an essay I wrote close to a year ago. A year ago this time, when we were swearing in our first black president Barack Hussein Obama. The country and many of its people were ecstatic. This was going to be the start of something wonderful. A new start…Change had finally come. Well…a year has passed and how much change has actually come? Think about it…how much change has actually come and has it made any real differences in the lives of us Americans? Personally, I don’t think so. At least not on the level that some seemed to have imagined would happen. The economy hasn’t changed. Thousands of Americans are still without employment. The war on terror still rages on. Matter of fact, the president recently Ok’d 30,000 more troops which will soon be deployed in support of Operation Enduring Freedom. For many of us in the military…our lives definitely have not changed. We are still serving in Iraq and Afghanistan for 12 months at a time and many are still doing back to back tours with a break here and there. Our equipment hasn’t changed nor our desire to win this war on terror.
In our society, we seem to live the “fast food” life style. And by that I mean we want it fast, and we want it now. No one seems to want to wait for things to develop and workout. Let’s enact a bill without really looking at how it will work or how it will be funded. The press and sensationalism journalism; that issue…hasn’t changed one bit. Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid has fell victim to making a statement that has since come back to haunt him. His comment as he described the then senator as a “light-skinned” African –American “with no Negro dialect, unless he wanted to have one.” The biggest question now is, will he step down. In the past when Republicans have made “insensitive” comments they stepped down or were removed. Yet when Democrats do the same thing, it is minimized or excused. That…surely is a double standard. So as with anything in this society, the major news affiliates are all over this one. Time will tell what will happen to the senator. The ability to make comments towards the President and his office hasn’t change but I’d say those with a voice are a tad bit more “selective” about the words that they choose to use. And that, I surly think is a good thing. All too often comments get made that are just plain ole inappropriate.
Mostly important to me…is that there are still many black men out here doing the right thing; setting strong examples for many young men to follow. As I recently found myself going through a divorce which turned ugly soon after it was initiated, I listened and spoke to many men of different races who have varied experiences either first hand or through a friend with a messy divorce. No matter how bad things have been made for me, I have maintained my integrity and done what is right by my children and their mother even though many feel she doesn’t deserve it. It would be sooo easy to walk and leave her holding the bag. I want my son’s and daughter to see what right looks like. Even when the odds are stacked against you, you can still choose the hard right over the easy wrong. My children don’t like nor understand what and why I am doing things this the way I am. But when they are grown and have families of their own, they will be able to look back and say I’m proud of my father for doing the right thing even though we made it extremely hard for him.
So let’s talk about what has changed. The president is moving forward with his plan for universal heath care. An issue that has our country split right down the middle like the mighty Mississippi river. Some think it will work and is a great idea, some are just the opposite. Those that analyze this love to look to our friends up north…the Canadians and their universal heath care system. Well if it works for them, hell…it’ll work for us. Problem with that mind set is that many don’t understand universal heath care and how and who pays for it. There are an estimated 34 million Canadians in the country of Canada; while there are 270 million Americans. Wow, so there are as many Canadians in their whole country as we have in the state of California. That right there should start the wheels to turning. Our society is one deeply rooted in capitalism. Many medical companies would stand to loose millions if we had universal heath-care. That right there is enough to go to war over.
So has change really come? I think that boils down to personal perception. Personally, I feel the only thing that has changed was the “packaging” that the “change” came in. Politicians are always and will always be…politicians. And that, is something thing will never change. Promises and shallow speeches will probably never change either. But do you know the one constant that will always change? Whether it is for good or bad we the people, the citizens, the voters, fathers, mothers, brothers and lovers…we will always change. And that, at the end of the day...is a good thing.
That paragraph…started an essay I wrote close to a year ago. A year ago this time, when we were swearing in our first black president Barack Hussein Obama. The country and many of its people were ecstatic. This was going to be the start of something wonderful. A new start…Change had finally come. Well…a year has passed and how much change has actually come? Think about it…how much change has actually come and has it made any real differences in the lives of us Americans? Personally, I don’t think so. At least not on the level that some seemed to have imagined would happen. The economy hasn’t changed. Thousands of Americans are still without employment. The war on terror still rages on. Matter of fact, the president recently Ok’d 30,000 more troops which will soon be deployed in support of Operation Enduring Freedom. For many of us in the military…our lives definitely have not changed. We are still serving in Iraq and Afghanistan for 12 months at a time and many are still doing back to back tours with a break here and there. Our equipment hasn’t changed nor our desire to win this war on terror.
In our society, we seem to live the “fast food” life style. And by that I mean we want it fast, and we want it now. No one seems to want to wait for things to develop and workout. Let’s enact a bill without really looking at how it will work or how it will be funded. The press and sensationalism journalism; that issue…hasn’t changed one bit. Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid has fell victim to making a statement that has since come back to haunt him. His comment as he described the then senator as a “light-skinned” African –American “with no Negro dialect, unless he wanted to have one.” The biggest question now is, will he step down. In the past when Republicans have made “insensitive” comments they stepped down or were removed. Yet when Democrats do the same thing, it is minimized or excused. That…surely is a double standard. So as with anything in this society, the major news affiliates are all over this one. Time will tell what will happen to the senator. The ability to make comments towards the President and his office hasn’t change but I’d say those with a voice are a tad bit more “selective” about the words that they choose to use. And that, I surly think is a good thing. All too often comments get made that are just plain ole inappropriate.
Mostly important to me…is that there are still many black men out here doing the right thing; setting strong examples for many young men to follow. As I recently found myself going through a divorce which turned ugly soon after it was initiated, I listened and spoke to many men of different races who have varied experiences either first hand or through a friend with a messy divorce. No matter how bad things have been made for me, I have maintained my integrity and done what is right by my children and their mother even though many feel she doesn’t deserve it. It would be sooo easy to walk and leave her holding the bag. I want my son’s and daughter to see what right looks like. Even when the odds are stacked against you, you can still choose the hard right over the easy wrong. My children don’t like nor understand what and why I am doing things this the way I am. But when they are grown and have families of their own, they will be able to look back and say I’m proud of my father for doing the right thing even though we made it extremely hard for him.
So let’s talk about what has changed. The president is moving forward with his plan for universal heath care. An issue that has our country split right down the middle like the mighty Mississippi river. Some think it will work and is a great idea, some are just the opposite. Those that analyze this love to look to our friends up north…the Canadians and their universal heath care system. Well if it works for them, hell…it’ll work for us. Problem with that mind set is that many don’t understand universal heath care and how and who pays for it. There are an estimated 34 million Canadians in the country of Canada; while there are 270 million Americans. Wow, so there are as many Canadians in their whole country as we have in the state of California. That right there should start the wheels to turning. Our society is one deeply rooted in capitalism. Many medical companies would stand to loose millions if we had universal heath-care. That right there is enough to go to war over.
So has change really come? I think that boils down to personal perception. Personally, I feel the only thing that has changed was the “packaging” that the “change” came in. Politicians are always and will always be…politicians. And that, is something thing will never change. Promises and shallow speeches will probably never change either. But do you know the one constant that will always change? Whether it is for good or bad we the people, the citizens, the voters, fathers, mothers, brothers and lovers…we will always change. And that, at the end of the day...is a good thing.
My Divorce Nightmare part 2
By the time JSD41 had gotten released from jail for filing the false report the athlete and cheerleader were home. She walked in with her girlfriend (The Blonde) and immediately started running her mouth. I got up calm, cool and collected, gathered some of my things and said I will be back. The athlete quickly chimed in about leaving his mom in jail and I told him he didn’t know what he was talking about. But when you are 17, you swear you know everything. This would be the first of many confrontations I would have with him. At 1130 I took JSD41 the support check as per agreement for $1,570.00 gave it to the catcher and asked that he give it to his mom. Around 3pm I was informed I was granted the EPO against JSD41. I went to the blonde’s to pick up my kids. JSD41 was also filing an EPO against me and I received it when I went to pick up mine. I passed them on the road. The Blonde was driving our car. I didn’t know it at the time but they had just left the court house where she had been served the EPO and in turn filed one against me. The Sheriff that served me served JSD41 and said he observed them doing the paperwork in which the blonde did a lot of talking and prompting her in what to do as well as write.
Somehow I got sent a copy of the first EPO she attempted to file and along with it was the entire police report. Wow! I sat down and read the whole thing. I couldn’t believe it as well as what some of the narratives said. It was at that point I finally had proof of her problems with alcohol. One narrative read:
The above subject called and stated that her neighbor was shining a light in her window. Upon arrival I met with an EXTREMELY intoxicated female named JSD41. She had several cuts and bruises on her face and covered in blood. JSD41 fell several times in our presence and refused to stay seated. She claimed that her husband JYD snuck up onto the deck while she was smoking a cigarette and beat her. She claimed it all happened on the deck. She was able to get away and run into the house and lock the door. Her story changed several times during the interview. Her speech was slurred. She was unable to stand steadily on her feet. She was very verbally aggressive. She thought it was Saturday morning when it was actually Tuesday morning. She claimed to have friends over drinking and a small party. She claimed all three children (two boys and one female) were upstairs sleeping. In fact she had no knowledge that her daughter was at a friends house and was not even in the residence. The other two boys were not sleeping. The catcher was in the living room and lil man was in his bedroom.
I spoke with both her sons. The only other people present in the home. They both stated that there was no party that no one had been over to the house. They both stated that they heard no arguing or yelling while mom was outside. They stated that there father had been out of town in New Jersey and they were unsure if he was back in town yet.
Both heard a “thud” sound outside on the back deck. Lil man went to go check what had happened and found his mother at the bottom of the stairs and approx 20ft fall. He came back inside and said to the catcher “mom fell again.”
Due to her injuries and level of intoxication JSD41 had to be taken by this officer to HMH for medical clearance. Her Blood alcohol level was .315 and the nurses stated that was almost at coma level. The dishwasher in the home had been damaged. It appeared something something had fallen into it or against it. The stove had been damaged and appeared that appeared that someone had ripped the door off or fell against it damaging the front door.
Due to the fact that JSD41 could not care for herself and definitely not the two children inside the home. It was determined that the two boys father come to the residence and stay with the boys. He was contacted and arrived a short time later.
It was the determination of this officer that the claims made by JSD41 were fabricated and not supported by the evidence at hand. Her level of intoxication was at a level of which she could not care for herself and could definitely not care for any children in the home. The children present did not seem disturbed by the actions of their mother and almost seemed use to the fact that she was in this state.
After having proof I took all this to my attorney. She gave me two scenarios, since I had the same judge for my divorce and the EPO worst case scenario was he heard them on their separate dates. Best case, he combined them. I was on my way to court for the EPO when I got the call that the judge would hear both cases and make them one case. Things were starting to look up for me.
The days passed and I did my best to work and deal with what was coming. The Athlete felt it was time to show me he was grown and rolled up on me. He hit me with a barrage of curses, slang and any other words he could muster. As I stood there all I could see was the 3 year old boy who I gave that hot wheel to on that beautiful afternoon in Canada 14 years ago. He walked away calling me names and yelling and I stayed calm and told him that he should calm down. He went down stairs to his room, slamming the door.
In the weeks before our court date JSD41 would hit our kids with an onslaught of guilt. She asked for permission to call the kids nightly and I agree to her calling at 830pm nightly as long as she didn’t talk about the court case. It was clear that she had already been talking with the cheerleader and athlete via cell phone and she was discussing things they had no real need to know. I’m gonna have some problems with these two.
When I’d call from Korea, Lord help me if I woke her. I’d get cursed out! How dare I! Didn’t I know what time it was? Didn’t I know how hard it was taking care of a house and four kids? Naw…seeing how for the past three years I did way more than my fair share while you were in college…what was hard was being there for your kids when you were out drinking like you were in college. What was hard was waking up before noon or getting out of bed to ensure your kids got off to school in the mornings.
The day finally arrived I had this sick feeling in my stomach as I got to the top of the stairs at the court house. As I walked I saw a very strange sight there were two women, friends of JSD41 and the athlete’s girl friends parents standing there with her. I was like, what are they doing here. I saw my attorney and walked to her as my kids went to their mom and her friends making it like that haven’t seen them in years and I was the monster that stole them away from the woman that had taken care of them their entire lives. I asked my lawyer should I have asked for people to come too. She smiled and said that we were fine and that the one of the arresting officers was here to testify.
Our docket was to be the first of the day. I walked in and sat next to my lawyer as JSD41 did at the opposing table. With the official pleasantries were started and ended the judge asked my attorney who was the first witness. She called me and I was sworn in. She told me to start from when I got back to post from NJ. As I started talking the words seem to flow out of my mouth like water from a faucet. Me being an “ESTJ,” as in the Meyer’s-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI) my breakdown was detailed…very detailed. When I was done my lawyer asked me a few questions, the condition of the house, broken appliances, where I found the alcohol, etc. I answered them honestly and then came JSD41 stand in attorney. She looked like a shrewd woman…a shark and she assaulted like there was blood all around me. She came at me as my attorney said she would but the funny thing about the truth…it only comes out one way. My answers were clear and concise. I could tell she wasn’t too happy, especially when your client pretty much handed the opposing team a clear win.
Once she was done I sat back in my chair and the arresting officer was called. He was sworn in and my attorney started questioning him. He was asked to read off the police report.
The above subject called and reported that someone was yelling at her from across the street. Upon officers arriving we were met by Ms Dingle who had cuts and bruises on her face. She had blood over her face and arms. She was EXTREMELY intoxicated. She stated that her husband Jerome Dingle had came to her house and beat her up. She stated this happened approx 2 hours ago but she could not call because he kept calling her cell phone so she could not get through. Her story changed several times throughout the interview. She stated at one point that her husband hired a hit man to beat her up. She stated that her husband assaulted her on the deck and she was able to get away and run into the house and lock the door. Her two sons were the only two witnesses at the house. They both said that they heard no yelling or arguing but heard their mother fall down the stairs off the back of the deck. They checked on her as she was at the bottom of the stairs. This was approx a 20ft drop.
He answered all of my attorney’s questions and then he was crossed by the shark. Again, nothing but the truth so it kinda hard to argue; JSD41 was next. I could barely look at her. Across from me was the woman I swore to love through thick and then, richer or poorer, sickness and in health till death do us part. Well we would be parting…not by death though but by her choice. I sat and I listened to her tell her tail. A tear rolled down my cheek as I tried to understand what would make a person lie like she was. Did she not realize that she should come clean? Nope guess not, when the shark was done, it was our turn, time to move in and clarify some things.
Somehow I got sent a copy of the first EPO she attempted to file and along with it was the entire police report. Wow! I sat down and read the whole thing. I couldn’t believe it as well as what some of the narratives said. It was at that point I finally had proof of her problems with alcohol. One narrative read:
The above subject called and stated that her neighbor was shining a light in her window. Upon arrival I met with an EXTREMELY intoxicated female named JSD41. She had several cuts and bruises on her face and covered in blood. JSD41 fell several times in our presence and refused to stay seated. She claimed that her husband JYD snuck up onto the deck while she was smoking a cigarette and beat her. She claimed it all happened on the deck. She was able to get away and run into the house and lock the door. Her story changed several times during the interview. Her speech was slurred. She was unable to stand steadily on her feet. She was very verbally aggressive. She thought it was Saturday morning when it was actually Tuesday morning. She claimed to have friends over drinking and a small party. She claimed all three children (two boys and one female) were upstairs sleeping. In fact she had no knowledge that her daughter was at a friends house and was not even in the residence. The other two boys were not sleeping. The catcher was in the living room and lil man was in his bedroom.
I spoke with both her sons. The only other people present in the home. They both stated that there was no party that no one had been over to the house. They both stated that they heard no arguing or yelling while mom was outside. They stated that there father had been out of town in New Jersey and they were unsure if he was back in town yet.
Both heard a “thud” sound outside on the back deck. Lil man went to go check what had happened and found his mother at the bottom of the stairs and approx 20ft fall. He came back inside and said to the catcher “mom fell again.”
Due to her injuries and level of intoxication JSD41 had to be taken by this officer to HMH for medical clearance. Her Blood alcohol level was .315 and the nurses stated that was almost at coma level. The dishwasher in the home had been damaged. It appeared something something had fallen into it or against it. The stove had been damaged and appeared that appeared that someone had ripped the door off or fell against it damaging the front door.
Due to the fact that JSD41 could not care for herself and definitely not the two children inside the home. It was determined that the two boys father come to the residence and stay with the boys. He was contacted and arrived a short time later.
It was the determination of this officer that the claims made by JSD41 were fabricated and not supported by the evidence at hand. Her level of intoxication was at a level of which she could not care for herself and could definitely not care for any children in the home. The children present did not seem disturbed by the actions of their mother and almost seemed use to the fact that she was in this state.
After having proof I took all this to my attorney. She gave me two scenarios, since I had the same judge for my divorce and the EPO worst case scenario was he heard them on their separate dates. Best case, he combined them. I was on my way to court for the EPO when I got the call that the judge would hear both cases and make them one case. Things were starting to look up for me.
The days passed and I did my best to work and deal with what was coming. The Athlete felt it was time to show me he was grown and rolled up on me. He hit me with a barrage of curses, slang and any other words he could muster. As I stood there all I could see was the 3 year old boy who I gave that hot wheel to on that beautiful afternoon in Canada 14 years ago. He walked away calling me names and yelling and I stayed calm and told him that he should calm down. He went down stairs to his room, slamming the door.
In the weeks before our court date JSD41 would hit our kids with an onslaught of guilt. She asked for permission to call the kids nightly and I agree to her calling at 830pm nightly as long as she didn’t talk about the court case. It was clear that she had already been talking with the cheerleader and athlete via cell phone and she was discussing things they had no real need to know. I’m gonna have some problems with these two.
When I’d call from Korea, Lord help me if I woke her. I’d get cursed out! How dare I! Didn’t I know what time it was? Didn’t I know how hard it was taking care of a house and four kids? Naw…seeing how for the past three years I did way more than my fair share while you were in college…what was hard was being there for your kids when you were out drinking like you were in college. What was hard was waking up before noon or getting out of bed to ensure your kids got off to school in the mornings.
The day finally arrived I had this sick feeling in my stomach as I got to the top of the stairs at the court house. As I walked I saw a very strange sight there were two women, friends of JSD41 and the athlete’s girl friends parents standing there with her. I was like, what are they doing here. I saw my attorney and walked to her as my kids went to their mom and her friends making it like that haven’t seen them in years and I was the monster that stole them away from the woman that had taken care of them their entire lives. I asked my lawyer should I have asked for people to come too. She smiled and said that we were fine and that the one of the arresting officers was here to testify.
Our docket was to be the first of the day. I walked in and sat next to my lawyer as JSD41 did at the opposing table. With the official pleasantries were started and ended the judge asked my attorney who was the first witness. She called me and I was sworn in. She told me to start from when I got back to post from NJ. As I started talking the words seem to flow out of my mouth like water from a faucet. Me being an “ESTJ,” as in the Meyer’s-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI) my breakdown was detailed…very detailed. When I was done my lawyer asked me a few questions, the condition of the house, broken appliances, where I found the alcohol, etc. I answered them honestly and then came JSD41 stand in attorney. She looked like a shrewd woman…a shark and she assaulted like there was blood all around me. She came at me as my attorney said she would but the funny thing about the truth…it only comes out one way. My answers were clear and concise. I could tell she wasn’t too happy, especially when your client pretty much handed the opposing team a clear win.
Once she was done I sat back in my chair and the arresting officer was called. He was sworn in and my attorney started questioning him. He was asked to read off the police report.
The above subject called and reported that someone was yelling at her from across the street. Upon officers arriving we were met by Ms Dingle who had cuts and bruises on her face. She had blood over her face and arms. She was EXTREMELY intoxicated. She stated that her husband Jerome Dingle had came to her house and beat her up. She stated this happened approx 2 hours ago but she could not call because he kept calling her cell phone so she could not get through. Her story changed several times throughout the interview. She stated at one point that her husband hired a hit man to beat her up. She stated that her husband assaulted her on the deck and she was able to get away and run into the house and lock the door. Her two sons were the only two witnesses at the house. They both said that they heard no yelling or arguing but heard their mother fall down the stairs off the back of the deck. They checked on her as she was at the bottom of the stairs. This was approx a 20ft drop.
He answered all of my attorney’s questions and then he was crossed by the shark. Again, nothing but the truth so it kinda hard to argue; JSD41 was next. I could barely look at her. Across from me was the woman I swore to love through thick and then, richer or poorer, sickness and in health till death do us part. Well we would be parting…not by death though but by her choice. I sat and I listened to her tell her tail. A tear rolled down my cheek as I tried to understand what would make a person lie like she was. Did she not realize that she should come clean? Nope guess not, when the shark was done, it was our turn, time to move in and clarify some things.
My Divorce Nightmare
I have decided to share my on going battle with my ex wife to just simply do the right thing. Some people talk the talk, but can you really walk the walk. Two years ago I was in Korea. I asked to go so that I would be untouched for my son’s (“The Athlete”) senior year of high school and to see him play for his and his teammate’s quest for a state championship in football. I left in March 2008; leaving behind my wife JSD41, who is Canadian and our four beautiful kids. My marriage wasn’t the greatest but it wasn’t the worst and I worked hard at being what my ex wanted me to be. Prior to my departure she had taken her own personal loss when she failed out of nursing school. She opted to “self medicate” as she called it. So as I was saying, things weren’t great but I thought the time apart as well as money we could save would continue with the healing process.
My marriage had been ending for awhile but I wouldn’t let that happen, I’m not a quitter. So I went to counseling desperately trying to fix all the things my ex claimed was wrong with me. So by the time March rolled around, I thought…we were ok. I was gone all of two days when the emails and phone traffic seemed to get nastier, nastier and then stopped. I, being co-dependent took all the blame and even felt I deserved the anger she was displaying towards me. For the next 120 days I got nothing. No love, no respect no nothing, just anger and hatred. I was given the chance to come home before the mid way point of my 12 month tour.
I traveled on the 4th of July, my birthday. I arrived to the airport, greeted by my best friend. My wife and kids…well she had taken them to Atlanta for a vacation knowing fully well I was coming home. After getting home I had to break into my house so that I’d have a place to stay. I contacted her and told her I was home. Previously she had called my superiors begging them not to allow me to come home. I wanted to save my marriage and I had expressed that to her several times. Her and her girlfriend “Daphne” had spent a great deal of time searching for my user name online and on sites. Trying to find what I was up too, in essence cyber stalking. There were times I swore someone was in my email, even after I changed the passwords. I would later find out just how far they had gone once I arrived back home permanently in March 2009.
I volunteered to stay with friends and I thank God for them today. By the end of my 30 days I thought I’d put a band-aid on my marriage and caught a plane back to Korea. Boy was I wrong. In no time at all she was back to threats of leaving me. Just prior to x-mas I decided to call her on it and said send me papers. Jan 2009 I got them in the mail. I was devastated but I emailed an attorney I had spoken with twice before, whipped out my MasterCard and said lets do this.
In the divorce papers she wanted everything, exclusive use of the home, new car, the kids, filed a restraining order, etc. I was like what the hell. I did as my attorney suggested moved money and got myself ready to come home. I contacted JSD41 in late April asking if she could or allow one of my friends to bring the kids to the airport to greet me. No response. I ended up having to file a motion for this and the judge denied it and said I could see my kids the first weekend I got home. JSD41 claimed I would run off with the kids or what would happen if my plane was late. They’d have to stay up late and they had school the next day. 3rd, 5th, 6th and 12th grade, it was laughable the excuses she gave. Her own attorney told mine she would talk to her and see if she could convince her to allow the kids to go.
I had no idea until I walked down the concourse and saw my partner standing there…alone. A tear trickled down my cheek. Days earlier I contacted my neighbor across the street and asked if he could get my car and take it to his house, I’d explain when I got home. When I arrived on my street around 1030pm, JSD41 had one of her cronies at the house, I’m sure to act as a witness to see if I would start anything. Two flat tires and a dead battery was how my Acura greeted me. LOL. So me, my neighbor, my best friend and his wife all laughed and talked in the driveway as I charged the battery and filled the tires with air. I saw The Athlete’s shadow in my driveway and called his cell. He came up and my chest warmed with pride as I hugged him and chatted up a bit. We talked a lil and he went and got me the disc of his junior year so I could watch. I was looking forward since I missed him playing that year.
I told him I’d be back to take him and the rest of my squad to dinner cause we needed to talk. I hugged him and he went back to shooting hoops in my driveway. We all chatted some more and I left for my room on Ft. Knox. Friday I took the kids to eat at Cracker Barrel, one of our favorite spots. I needed to know who the kids wanted to live with before linking up with my attorney. They said Mom and I assured that I was cool with it and would love them no matter what. With that said, we settled into dinner laughing and joking. I told them of a mini class reunion in New Jersey. The Athlete told me I should go, I deserved to have some fun I had no idea what going to NJ was gonna do to my life, no idea at all.
After a great four days in NJ I left after having breakfast with an old classmate. As I drove back to KY and chatted with Staci, an old classmate of mine I realized that I didn’t have to be in a loveless marriage. I made it back to Ft Knox around 1130pm and was laying down when my middle son “The Catcher” called. He asked if I was back from NJ and I told him I was and asked what time baseball practice was. He told me then went on to tell me that his mom was hurt. “Is she ok, what happened?” I asked. He told me to hold on. Next thing I know I’m talking to a police officer. I asked if my JSD41 was ok and he asked where I was at and I explained I was on post. He then told me I needed to come to my house…and that JSD41 claimed I came there and beat her up. I was freaking out a lil and he told me if I were innocent I had nothing to fear.
I threw on a hoody, grabbed my camera and took off to my house. Once at my house I was met at the door by an officer who gave me a brief rundown. My boys were upstairs getting dressed the athlete was out of town with his baseball team and the cheerleader was sleeping over at a friends. After a brief talk he went out onto my deck and the senior officer came in to talk to me. He asked about the condition of the home as well as JSD41. I explained we were going through a divorce and I wasn’t allowed into the house. He asked if he could see my hands and assured me it was just a formality and he had to be sure. I stock both hands out and he observed them with his flashlight. He proceeded to tell me that JSD41, based on the evidence had gotten drunk and fell off our deck. He asked if she drank. I told him she did and I felt she was an alcoholic. He told me she was pretty gone and wasn’t cooperating at all.
The other officer brought her in and she took one look at me and told the officers I couldn’t be there because she had a restraining order on me. They told her she needed to get some shoes and a jacket. The senior officer told me to go upstairs and make sure my sons stayed in their room until they left. I looked at him and he said, "We will be taking her in for filing a false report." I was shocked and don’t know what to think as I went to the stairs and made sure my sons were in their room. I heard the officers talking to JSD41 as they escorted her to the front door. By this time they weren’t too happy with her and her attitude as she kept asking what they were doing and where they were taking her. As I sat at the top of my stairs I couldn’t believe what was going on. For me this was a long time coming. I thought back to all the fights we had in our home. 95% of these fights were after she was drunk and decided to take her dislike of herself out on me. After the officers left with her and my boys were back in bed I called Staci to tell her what had just took place. I searched all her usual spots she hid alcohol but couldn’t find it. The Catcher who had gotten up, came to me with a gallon of vodka and said "here it is Dad." I quickly told him to put it back where he found it. After he left the laundry room I took pictures of it in the spot she’d left it. She had drunk a half of a gallon of vodka…by herself.
JSD41 had a nice laptop I had purchased for her prior to my departure for Korea. Low and behold there it was for me to checkout and boy did I. Since the case is still on going I wont go into details but I will say it’s how I knew her and Daphne were going into my email and how they were cyber stalking me while I was overseas. I also found out that she had indeed cheated on me. That for me was the night I was done. After reading that email I knew for sure my marriage was over. And to top it off I found out she had also fooled around with my two younger son’s little league football coach; a guy that had previously been one of my students when I worked as an instructor. As I sat on the couch that night and looked around at the mess that was my house all I could think of was all the conversations and emails I had received from JSD41 stating how she and the kids were better off without me and how their lives were drama free without my abuse. Problem was my house didn’t look like it was the home of someone who was doing great.
The next morning I contacted my attorney and she immediately told me to go file an EPO (Emergency Protective Order) against JSD41. Not on my behalf but to protect my children. I did this and in the closing statement of my summary, I stated that JSD41 was potentially unfit at this time. I spoke to her mom and told her what happened and that JSD41 was now in jail. We both acknowledged that maybe this was her wake up call maybe this would help her get on the path back to where she needed to be. JSD41 called from the jail and I let her know just how I felt. She later contacted all her girlfriends and they got the money together to bail her out.
My marriage had been ending for awhile but I wouldn’t let that happen, I’m not a quitter. So I went to counseling desperately trying to fix all the things my ex claimed was wrong with me. So by the time March rolled around, I thought…we were ok. I was gone all of two days when the emails and phone traffic seemed to get nastier, nastier and then stopped. I, being co-dependent took all the blame and even felt I deserved the anger she was displaying towards me. For the next 120 days I got nothing. No love, no respect no nothing, just anger and hatred. I was given the chance to come home before the mid way point of my 12 month tour.
I traveled on the 4th of July, my birthday. I arrived to the airport, greeted by my best friend. My wife and kids…well she had taken them to Atlanta for a vacation knowing fully well I was coming home. After getting home I had to break into my house so that I’d have a place to stay. I contacted her and told her I was home. Previously she had called my superiors begging them not to allow me to come home. I wanted to save my marriage and I had expressed that to her several times. Her and her girlfriend “Daphne” had spent a great deal of time searching for my user name online and on sites. Trying to find what I was up too, in essence cyber stalking. There were times I swore someone was in my email, even after I changed the passwords. I would later find out just how far they had gone once I arrived back home permanently in March 2009.
I volunteered to stay with friends and I thank God for them today. By the end of my 30 days I thought I’d put a band-aid on my marriage and caught a plane back to Korea. Boy was I wrong. In no time at all she was back to threats of leaving me. Just prior to x-mas I decided to call her on it and said send me papers. Jan 2009 I got them in the mail. I was devastated but I emailed an attorney I had spoken with twice before, whipped out my MasterCard and said lets do this.
In the divorce papers she wanted everything, exclusive use of the home, new car, the kids, filed a restraining order, etc. I was like what the hell. I did as my attorney suggested moved money and got myself ready to come home. I contacted JSD41 in late April asking if she could or allow one of my friends to bring the kids to the airport to greet me. No response. I ended up having to file a motion for this and the judge denied it and said I could see my kids the first weekend I got home. JSD41 claimed I would run off with the kids or what would happen if my plane was late. They’d have to stay up late and they had school the next day. 3rd, 5th, 6th and 12th grade, it was laughable the excuses she gave. Her own attorney told mine she would talk to her and see if she could convince her to allow the kids to go.
I had no idea until I walked down the concourse and saw my partner standing there…alone. A tear trickled down my cheek. Days earlier I contacted my neighbor across the street and asked if he could get my car and take it to his house, I’d explain when I got home. When I arrived on my street around 1030pm, JSD41 had one of her cronies at the house, I’m sure to act as a witness to see if I would start anything. Two flat tires and a dead battery was how my Acura greeted me. LOL. So me, my neighbor, my best friend and his wife all laughed and talked in the driveway as I charged the battery and filled the tires with air. I saw The Athlete’s shadow in my driveway and called his cell. He came up and my chest warmed with pride as I hugged him and chatted up a bit. We talked a lil and he went and got me the disc of his junior year so I could watch. I was looking forward since I missed him playing that year.
I told him I’d be back to take him and the rest of my squad to dinner cause we needed to talk. I hugged him and he went back to shooting hoops in my driveway. We all chatted some more and I left for my room on Ft. Knox. Friday I took the kids to eat at Cracker Barrel, one of our favorite spots. I needed to know who the kids wanted to live with before linking up with my attorney. They said Mom and I assured that I was cool with it and would love them no matter what. With that said, we settled into dinner laughing and joking. I told them of a mini class reunion in New Jersey. The Athlete told me I should go, I deserved to have some fun I had no idea what going to NJ was gonna do to my life, no idea at all.
After a great four days in NJ I left after having breakfast with an old classmate. As I drove back to KY and chatted with Staci, an old classmate of mine I realized that I didn’t have to be in a loveless marriage. I made it back to Ft Knox around 1130pm and was laying down when my middle son “The Catcher” called. He asked if I was back from NJ and I told him I was and asked what time baseball practice was. He told me then went on to tell me that his mom was hurt. “Is she ok, what happened?” I asked. He told me to hold on. Next thing I know I’m talking to a police officer. I asked if my JSD41 was ok and he asked where I was at and I explained I was on post. He then told me I needed to come to my house…and that JSD41 claimed I came there and beat her up. I was freaking out a lil and he told me if I were innocent I had nothing to fear.
I threw on a hoody, grabbed my camera and took off to my house. Once at my house I was met at the door by an officer who gave me a brief rundown. My boys were upstairs getting dressed the athlete was out of town with his baseball team and the cheerleader was sleeping over at a friends. After a brief talk he went out onto my deck and the senior officer came in to talk to me. He asked about the condition of the home as well as JSD41. I explained we were going through a divorce and I wasn’t allowed into the house. He asked if he could see my hands and assured me it was just a formality and he had to be sure. I stock both hands out and he observed them with his flashlight. He proceeded to tell me that JSD41, based on the evidence had gotten drunk and fell off our deck. He asked if she drank. I told him she did and I felt she was an alcoholic. He told me she was pretty gone and wasn’t cooperating at all.
The other officer brought her in and she took one look at me and told the officers I couldn’t be there because she had a restraining order on me. They told her she needed to get some shoes and a jacket. The senior officer told me to go upstairs and make sure my sons stayed in their room until they left. I looked at him and he said, "We will be taking her in for filing a false report." I was shocked and don’t know what to think as I went to the stairs and made sure my sons were in their room. I heard the officers talking to JSD41 as they escorted her to the front door. By this time they weren’t too happy with her and her attitude as she kept asking what they were doing and where they were taking her. As I sat at the top of my stairs I couldn’t believe what was going on. For me this was a long time coming. I thought back to all the fights we had in our home. 95% of these fights were after she was drunk and decided to take her dislike of herself out on me. After the officers left with her and my boys were back in bed I called Staci to tell her what had just took place. I searched all her usual spots she hid alcohol but couldn’t find it. The Catcher who had gotten up, came to me with a gallon of vodka and said "here it is Dad." I quickly told him to put it back where he found it. After he left the laundry room I took pictures of it in the spot she’d left it. She had drunk a half of a gallon of vodka…by herself.
JSD41 had a nice laptop I had purchased for her prior to my departure for Korea. Low and behold there it was for me to checkout and boy did I. Since the case is still on going I wont go into details but I will say it’s how I knew her and Daphne were going into my email and how they were cyber stalking me while I was overseas. I also found out that she had indeed cheated on me. That for me was the night I was done. After reading that email I knew for sure my marriage was over. And to top it off I found out she had also fooled around with my two younger son’s little league football coach; a guy that had previously been one of my students when I worked as an instructor. As I sat on the couch that night and looked around at the mess that was my house all I could think of was all the conversations and emails I had received from JSD41 stating how she and the kids were better off without me and how their lives were drama free without my abuse. Problem was my house didn’t look like it was the home of someone who was doing great.
The next morning I contacted my attorney and she immediately told me to go file an EPO (Emergency Protective Order) against JSD41. Not on my behalf but to protect my children. I did this and in the closing statement of my summary, I stated that JSD41 was potentially unfit at this time. I spoke to her mom and told her what happened and that JSD41 was now in jail. We both acknowledged that maybe this was her wake up call maybe this would help her get on the path back to where she needed to be. JSD41 called from the jail and I let her know just how I felt. She later contacted all her girlfriends and they got the money together to bail her out.
Thursday, July 29, 2010
Change
I wrote the below piece afew days after President Obama won the election.
We have just entered a new era in American history, by electing a Black man to the highest office in the land. The news and media are full of people who are ecstatic, in churches, people are singing and reporters are reporting. Even people from foreign countries are excited about this. Hell, they are just as excited as most Americans. This recent election has become, no is, a huge deal. Rightly so, this country’s past has been littered with racism and peppered with hatred. Yet for over 100 years society has finally managed to elect a black to the presidency. We are making progress, the dream has been full filled; change has finally come.
If all this is happening and great change is going on or about to take place…why am I not impressed? Why do I, a black man in American not feel over joyed as many do? I should be dancing in the streets, singing hymns, quoting MLK or high fiving my buddies. I guess the training I have previously received as an Equal Opportunity Advisor won’t let me. 16 weeks, for 16 weeks I and 13 relative strangers sat in a small room, looking, talking, crying and at times arguing with each other in various discussions that could fuel hate and discontent in someone not in the course. But when it was all said and done, many of us were to be for ever changed. Pandora’s Box, as my roommate and I loved to say had been opened and there was no way to close it. The day after the election I sat and listened to Doug and Dee Dee, a black radio show, the participants were talking when I heard some one on the show say that this is a time for all black men to stand up and be proud. Are you kidding me? You are joking right? That…is a slap to the face for a lot of black men who have been doing “what’s right” for years. But now all of a sudden I should be proud. You’re out of your damn mind. I was raised by a Blackman. Though he made mistakes and was not perfect, he along with my mother did a good job and that I turned out pretty good.
One could easily make the argument that the Military is a future view of society. Over the years the military has led the way in “testing” the waters so to speak in the realm of social equality. The Army, in particular has been seen by some as a large social experiment. The integration of blacks being one of it’s biggest along with bringing women into our ranks which there is no doubt in my mind trickled over to the civilian work force allowing women to be in positions that were previously closed to them. Things happen within the military culture and often society soon follows. This phenomenon is believed so much that Former President Clinton instituted the “don’t ask don’t tell” policy that would prohibit service members from questioning a recruit’s sexual preference. We have had minorities in positions of great responsibility and in the highest offices within the services. So this which is why I am not surprised by what has taken place in the past election.
The ceiling is still there, it’s just that it looks different. About 10 years ago we had our first black Sergeants Major of the Army (SGMA). He didn’t hold the office very long and was brought up on sexual harassment charges and later stepped down. Though Colin Powell had already retired and was one of the most prominent blacks in the military, I don’t think we were ready for a black SGM. Many Americans are oblivious to the fact that many of the same discriminatory policies of a hundred years ago are still in effect today. If I, in the military where we have a much better record and systems in place to deal with some of these issues can tell you we still have a ways to go, then there is no way you can tell me society is good to go. I’m hoping that some in our society do not use this as a way of minimizing discrimination as well as racism. Trying to down play it or argue that it doesn’t exist because a black was elected to be Presidency.
In EO school, we learned about minimization. Minimization: To represent as having the least degree of importance or value. Today some White people continue to minimize racism by saying, “Personal achievement mostly depends on personal ability. Racism isn’t prevalent anymore.” When you say that something may exist but it’s not really that bad. It’s not that big of a deal and you should just ignore it. Well if it’s allowed to slide, it’ll never go away. I just feel we need to be real about what happened and not let joy cloud our judgment. Racism has not gone…it’s still alive and well. Was it not more than two years ago that the incident in Jena, LA. made national headlines? In 1999 a Blackman was drug behind a pick up truck in Texas; drug to the point where his body was found strung out for miles and disfigured. Just days ago an Offensive lineman from the Texas Longhorns, was kicked off the team. Why? Well the young man decided to voice his opinion of the incoming president by going on his facebook page a sending a message to his friends in which he stated that all the hunters need to get their guns because there would be a nigger in the white house. There are still places in this country where I am not welcomed and could be killed for going there.
My biggest fear is that this one event will back fire and blow up…mainly in the faces of Blacks across this country. My childhood friend told me he was waiting for the other shoe to drop. He felt there must be a conspiracy somewhere in the wings waiting to show its head. We laughed about it but there maybe some truth to it. I heard Blacks on TV themselves now saying, “There is not one thing that I can not achieve.” Soon this will be followed by whites saying, “See there is a Black President. Racism doesn’t exist anymore and Blacks shouldn’t complain.” WHOA are you kidding me. A Black gets into office and all of a sudden all the problems will be erased. I think this train of thought is very, very dangerous. We have fought and continue to fight against racism, sexism and any other ism out there. It has not gone away. And as Kenny thought, maybe that’s the conspiracy. All eyes will be on Barack from this day forward. I hope he’s got some big shoulders, because he has been given the biggest weight to carry of any one person on this planet.
So what are we to do? First we need to hold our society to the highest standards. How about the press, we need to start beating them up to report more about the facts instead of sensationalism journalism. The media does more for keeping us separate than together. Do not allow someone to tell you what you can or can not do without you giving it your best. Be a realist, there are some things in this society that we can and can not do. Know we are working towards a goal and though we might not be there yet, we can still get there. But we must do it together. We live our lives the best we can. We do our best not to rely on outward appearances and focus on what’s inside.
We have just entered a new era in American history, by electing a Black man to the highest office in the land. The news and media are full of people who are ecstatic, in churches, people are singing and reporters are reporting. Even people from foreign countries are excited about this. Hell, they are just as excited as most Americans. This recent election has become, no is, a huge deal. Rightly so, this country’s past has been littered with racism and peppered with hatred. Yet for over 100 years society has finally managed to elect a black to the presidency. We are making progress, the dream has been full filled; change has finally come.
If all this is happening and great change is going on or about to take place…why am I not impressed? Why do I, a black man in American not feel over joyed as many do? I should be dancing in the streets, singing hymns, quoting MLK or high fiving my buddies. I guess the training I have previously received as an Equal Opportunity Advisor won’t let me. 16 weeks, for 16 weeks I and 13 relative strangers sat in a small room, looking, talking, crying and at times arguing with each other in various discussions that could fuel hate and discontent in someone not in the course. But when it was all said and done, many of us were to be for ever changed. Pandora’s Box, as my roommate and I loved to say had been opened and there was no way to close it. The day after the election I sat and listened to Doug and Dee Dee, a black radio show, the participants were talking when I heard some one on the show say that this is a time for all black men to stand up and be proud. Are you kidding me? You are joking right? That…is a slap to the face for a lot of black men who have been doing “what’s right” for years. But now all of a sudden I should be proud. You’re out of your damn mind. I was raised by a Blackman. Though he made mistakes and was not perfect, he along with my mother did a good job and that I turned out pretty good.
One could easily make the argument that the Military is a future view of society. Over the years the military has led the way in “testing” the waters so to speak in the realm of social equality. The Army, in particular has been seen by some as a large social experiment. The integration of blacks being one of it’s biggest along with bringing women into our ranks which there is no doubt in my mind trickled over to the civilian work force allowing women to be in positions that were previously closed to them. Things happen within the military culture and often society soon follows. This phenomenon is believed so much that Former President Clinton instituted the “don’t ask don’t tell” policy that would prohibit service members from questioning a recruit’s sexual preference. We have had minorities in positions of great responsibility and in the highest offices within the services. So this which is why I am not surprised by what has taken place in the past election.
The ceiling is still there, it’s just that it looks different. About 10 years ago we had our first black Sergeants Major of the Army (SGMA). He didn’t hold the office very long and was brought up on sexual harassment charges and later stepped down. Though Colin Powell had already retired and was one of the most prominent blacks in the military, I don’t think we were ready for a black SGM. Many Americans are oblivious to the fact that many of the same discriminatory policies of a hundred years ago are still in effect today. If I, in the military where we have a much better record and systems in place to deal with some of these issues can tell you we still have a ways to go, then there is no way you can tell me society is good to go. I’m hoping that some in our society do not use this as a way of minimizing discrimination as well as racism. Trying to down play it or argue that it doesn’t exist because a black was elected to be Presidency.
In EO school, we learned about minimization. Minimization: To represent as having the least degree of importance or value. Today some White people continue to minimize racism by saying, “Personal achievement mostly depends on personal ability. Racism isn’t prevalent anymore.” When you say that something may exist but it’s not really that bad. It’s not that big of a deal and you should just ignore it. Well if it’s allowed to slide, it’ll never go away. I just feel we need to be real about what happened and not let joy cloud our judgment. Racism has not gone…it’s still alive and well. Was it not more than two years ago that the incident in Jena, LA. made national headlines? In 1999 a Blackman was drug behind a pick up truck in Texas; drug to the point where his body was found strung out for miles and disfigured. Just days ago an Offensive lineman from the Texas Longhorns, was kicked off the team. Why? Well the young man decided to voice his opinion of the incoming president by going on his facebook page a sending a message to his friends in which he stated that all the hunters need to get their guns because there would be a nigger in the white house. There are still places in this country where I am not welcomed and could be killed for going there.
My biggest fear is that this one event will back fire and blow up…mainly in the faces of Blacks across this country. My childhood friend told me he was waiting for the other shoe to drop. He felt there must be a conspiracy somewhere in the wings waiting to show its head. We laughed about it but there maybe some truth to it. I heard Blacks on TV themselves now saying, “There is not one thing that I can not achieve.” Soon this will be followed by whites saying, “See there is a Black President. Racism doesn’t exist anymore and Blacks shouldn’t complain.” WHOA are you kidding me. A Black gets into office and all of a sudden all the problems will be erased. I think this train of thought is very, very dangerous. We have fought and continue to fight against racism, sexism and any other ism out there. It has not gone away. And as Kenny thought, maybe that’s the conspiracy. All eyes will be on Barack from this day forward. I hope he’s got some big shoulders, because he has been given the biggest weight to carry of any one person on this planet.
So what are we to do? First we need to hold our society to the highest standards. How about the press, we need to start beating them up to report more about the facts instead of sensationalism journalism. The media does more for keeping us separate than together. Do not allow someone to tell you what you can or can not do without you giving it your best. Be a realist, there are some things in this society that we can and can not do. Know we are working towards a goal and though we might not be there yet, we can still get there. But we must do it together. We live our lives the best we can. We do our best not to rely on outward appearances and focus on what’s inside.
Being Thankful
Thankfulness is a virtue that all can not seem to grasp. Day to day we go about our lives and at times complain about…nothing. You can hear, “I don’t have enough money, I hate my car, this job sucks,” etc.etc. Do you really have anything to complain about? Or is it that you are not thankful? As a Soldier, we as a culture have been known for complaining. One of the old quotes states, “If Soldiers aren’t complaining, they aren’t happy.” That works well for us, but not so much for the general population.
As a Soldier, I have a lot to be thankful for and could easily fill a book where as your average American might take awhile. There are so many freedoms that many complain about but until they loose these things, they will never really know what they had. Some of us were taught at an early stage in our careers that you never complain unless you have three possible solutions to said issue. I’ve found that rule an excellent way of keeping things in perspective and cutting down on the basic bitching that many Soldiers do.
For example, when was the last time your job asked you to leave your family for 12-15 months? I’m sure some jobs may take you on a trip for a few days but a year plus? Not many at all. How many ask you to give up some of your basic freedoms? Many just take for granted that they should have this or that. Be allowed to do what ever it is they choose all based on the assumption that it belongs to them.
Being thankful is a state of mind. You must wake up, look out the window and simply say…Thank you. Why? Well for starters you could be some place where you have no windows to see outside. You could be homeless. Or you could be dead. There are so many things to be thankful for but some of us in society have been conditioned to not see the good things within our lives. They tend to concentrate on the negative.
If you’re a follower of the Laws of Attraction, then you may agree that complaining is counter productive and only brings in more of what it is you do not want. I believe there is a time and place for any and everything; complaining too. But on that note I to believe that there is a right way and a wrong way to say things.
For instance, instead of saying, “I hate my car; it’s a piece of crap.” Rework that and be thankful that you have a car. “You know, I like my lil car, its gets me where I need to be. I’m looking forward to retiring it and getting a new one.” There, that was simple. You are thankful and appreciate what you have. This technique can be used by anyone and for anything. I feel that once you condition yourself to think that way that the negative things begin to shrink and those positive ones begin to grow.
There is not a day that goes by that I can truly complain about. I can say I’m having a rough day and things aren’t going as smoothly as I’d like but I can always…always find something to be thankful for. While in Iraq it was hot and numerous days it just sucked. We complained, but was usually followed up by someone saying, “It could be worse.” It would quickly be agreed upon and the conversation would change to how worse it could be with examples. Looking at the examples…things weren’t that bad and laughter soon followed. We learned to be thankful for the lil things that would happen to us on a day to day basis. Just getting from point “A” to point “B” was a blessing.
I currently have a journal that I maintain. In it I write what I am thankful/ grateful for now and on the other page I write now that. It helps you keep track of the small things that are normally forgotten throughout the course of your day. Like electricity, your internet connection, the pen you’re using to write with. The checks you have. Your house has walls in it. Yeah I know, some may say get real or that’s silly. Well that’s your call or your choice. But writing it all down, day to day or when ever you feel the urge. It can keep you grounded and help you appreciate what good things are going well in your life. If you can focus on what you have versus what you don’t have, then to me you’re headed in the right direction.
So thankfulness is just that, being thankful. There are so many things that we can be thankful for yet, like I said they go unnoticed. I am truly grateful for: being alive today, typing on this laptop, my family, my wife, my children, the abundance of money in our bank accounts, I have a home, I have a job, I have two cars that are paid for, the ability to walk, I have use of all my limbs, I currently serve in a unit of Soldiers I enjoy being around, I survived an IED attack, I didn’t loose any of my Soldiers during our deployment, I have friends that care about me, facebook, e-mail, college football, I’m close to retirement, my kids are doing well in school, my daughter can do a back flip without a spotter now, the office that I have, the cold weather gear we were recently issued, being in Korea, my bills are paid, the body armor that we wear, I can see, I can hear, I have been promoted, I have the ability to change my defects of character, my belief system that keeps me grounded and on the path to success.
I’ll leave you with this though that I think sums it up, “Everyday is a good day that no one is shooting at you.”
As a Soldier, I have a lot to be thankful for and could easily fill a book where as your average American might take awhile. There are so many freedoms that many complain about but until they loose these things, they will never really know what they had. Some of us were taught at an early stage in our careers that you never complain unless you have three possible solutions to said issue. I’ve found that rule an excellent way of keeping things in perspective and cutting down on the basic bitching that many Soldiers do.
For example, when was the last time your job asked you to leave your family for 12-15 months? I’m sure some jobs may take you on a trip for a few days but a year plus? Not many at all. How many ask you to give up some of your basic freedoms? Many just take for granted that they should have this or that. Be allowed to do what ever it is they choose all based on the assumption that it belongs to them.
Being thankful is a state of mind. You must wake up, look out the window and simply say…Thank you. Why? Well for starters you could be some place where you have no windows to see outside. You could be homeless. Or you could be dead. There are so many things to be thankful for but some of us in society have been conditioned to not see the good things within our lives. They tend to concentrate on the negative.
If you’re a follower of the Laws of Attraction, then you may agree that complaining is counter productive and only brings in more of what it is you do not want. I believe there is a time and place for any and everything; complaining too. But on that note I to believe that there is a right way and a wrong way to say things.
For instance, instead of saying, “I hate my car; it’s a piece of crap.” Rework that and be thankful that you have a car. “You know, I like my lil car, its gets me where I need to be. I’m looking forward to retiring it and getting a new one.” There, that was simple. You are thankful and appreciate what you have. This technique can be used by anyone and for anything. I feel that once you condition yourself to think that way that the negative things begin to shrink and those positive ones begin to grow.
There is not a day that goes by that I can truly complain about. I can say I’m having a rough day and things aren’t going as smoothly as I’d like but I can always…always find something to be thankful for. While in Iraq it was hot and numerous days it just sucked. We complained, but was usually followed up by someone saying, “It could be worse.” It would quickly be agreed upon and the conversation would change to how worse it could be with examples. Looking at the examples…things weren’t that bad and laughter soon followed. We learned to be thankful for the lil things that would happen to us on a day to day basis. Just getting from point “A” to point “B” was a blessing.
I currently have a journal that I maintain. In it I write what I am thankful/ grateful for now and on the other page I write now that. It helps you keep track of the small things that are normally forgotten throughout the course of your day. Like electricity, your internet connection, the pen you’re using to write with. The checks you have. Your house has walls in it. Yeah I know, some may say get real or that’s silly. Well that’s your call or your choice. But writing it all down, day to day or when ever you feel the urge. It can keep you grounded and help you appreciate what good things are going well in your life. If you can focus on what you have versus what you don’t have, then to me you’re headed in the right direction.
So thankfulness is just that, being thankful. There are so many things that we can be thankful for yet, like I said they go unnoticed. I am truly grateful for: being alive today, typing on this laptop, my family, my wife, my children, the abundance of money in our bank accounts, I have a home, I have a job, I have two cars that are paid for, the ability to walk, I have use of all my limbs, I currently serve in a unit of Soldiers I enjoy being around, I survived an IED attack, I didn’t loose any of my Soldiers during our deployment, I have friends that care about me, facebook, e-mail, college football, I’m close to retirement, my kids are doing well in school, my daughter can do a back flip without a spotter now, the office that I have, the cold weather gear we were recently issued, being in Korea, my bills are paid, the body armor that we wear, I can see, I can hear, I have been promoted, I have the ability to change my defects of character, my belief system that keeps me grounded and on the path to success.
I’ll leave you with this though that I think sums it up, “Everyday is a good day that no one is shooting at you.”
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