Are You A Better Man Than Cam?

           So, the Super Bowl has come and gone but there is still a bitter taste in some fan's mouths. Panthers fans will move pass the loss as will the players. Denver's fans will take in their win and enjoy a year’s worth of gloating. But for some this is an opportunity to kick and attack a man’s character while he’s down. The man I speak of is Cam Newton, QB of the Panthers. Sunday, accompanied by his teammates played a very

uncharacteristic style of football. Balls were fumbled, passes dropped and tackles were missed, it was a total team loss. This was not the same team my son and I had the pleasure of cheering for all season. The one thing we noticed from the very start was a smile was missing from Cam's face.  That smile my son and I love to see as he plays football. He takes me back to a time when you played football for fun. With your buddies in the street, empty lot or on a grassy field nearby.

When we eventually get to suit up and play full contact ball, man… there wasn't a better feeling in the whole world. So some of us, really enjoyed it for what it is… a game. A game that we get to watch someone else have fun playing much like we used to do.  But this past Sunday, there was no smile from Cam, no Superman. In other words it was uncharacteristic behavior.

     But he didn’t let us down at the end of the game. He walked over to the winning

QB Peyton Manning and for a brief moment we got to see that infectious smile as he congratulated Manning on his win. Then he left the field to acknowledge that his season was indeed over. They had lost and it was now time to hit the locker room. It’s unfortunate that players can’t just deal with their loss. They must now go and relive that loss. They must go and talk with some of the most obnoxious and insensitive people there are. They must go and talk to the press. Yep, you lose the super bowl, now go sit, smile, and

be happy that these grown ass men get to rub it in your face; that not only did you lose, but imply that somehow you didn’t play your best, you let your fans down, and you blew your chance for victory. Did I mention that you are supposed to sit there and enjoy this? Because yeah… you are. For some it is arguably the worst day, or evening of their lives and then have to sit through it and make nice. All because it’s what SOME people expect. No, it's what they demand. We as a society love to put people on pedestals. But the one thing we love even more than that, is to watch them

fall off that pedestal, and then we relish in it. Gloat, rub it in, call names, and in the words of today’s youth… hate on them.

So like he was supposed to, Cam went to that press conference and he began to field questions. What I did notice different was he still had his pants on and wore a hoody.  There was no infectious smile and painfully he began to answer questions. Most were very short and to the point. I can understand that. I didn’t say agree, I said understand. I mean seriously, how many

times can you tell someone you lost the game? How much colorful language is supposed to be used to describe the loss? How long do you have to sit and patiently answer the same exact questions when the only thing that’s different is the way and who it’s being asked by? But for Cam there was still no smile, no grin, no gum chewing, and no

fashionable clothes. Just Cam, a hoody and a grimacing look. (Some people actually pointed out he wore a hoody as if they were quietly implying something)You could tell that he was drained mentally, and drained... physically. His attire clearly relayed that he hadn’t even showered, nor had he even processed the loss. For him, it probably felt like he was answering a million questions, and for a moment, that moment he was frozen in time. Reliving the loss over and over and over and over. Man, that’s got to be hard on a player and competitor.

I can only imagine how I would feel. At some point, Cam got up, stopped fielding questions and uncharacteristically walked out. When I found out he did this I was like “Damn, he just gave them the ammo they needed.” And I was right, when I cut the news on to CBS this morning they were attacking him. I flipped to ABC, they were

attacking him, flipped to ESPN… yep… attacking him. Went online to Facebook, comments, threads, and memes galore. All attacking him. God our society loves to take the moral high ground when it’s convenient and act like we have personally done no wrong. And what’s even better is the lack of empathy or understanding for his actions.  So it makes me wonder… how come?

           I think the answer lies somewhere in our individual socialization processes. How we are raised, the values we hold, and what we truly believe in. But those things also cause a great deal of friction when they don’t align up with someone else’s. In this instance, Cam Newton. A young black professional QB, and public figure. After he strangely walked out of the press conference, it didn’t take long for his personal actions to rub up against the values and beliefs of fans and the press. Rubbing them all the wrong way. Many would become vocal, especially when it’s so easy to hide behind a profile on a computer screen. “Unprofessional,” “Classless,” “Immature,” “Big Baby,” “Unsportsman like,”

“Punk,” and my favorite “Nigger.” Hell, Bill Romanowski (known for his dirty play) called him a “boy” in one of his tweets. (Many know or perhaps don’t know that the word BOY raises an eyebrow from some of us, especially black men) All those names thrown at a young man because at some point he decided to leave an interview. He didn't curse, didn't spit in someone's face. For what ever reason he got up and walked out. (Many headlines said STORMED out adding to the immature fire) And throughout the day I heard and read comment after comment about his “Unprofessional” and “Immature” conduct at the press conference. Not one comment I read wanted to know what caused him to leave or even tried to get a sense of what he was thinking or feeling. Not one person appeared to remind themselves he's just a man, he's human and just perhaps he was overwhelmed in the moment. In other words give him the benefit of the doubt or seek the truth behind his actions. As the day progressed, articles began popping up that talked about other players who have done the same in the past including elite QB Tom Brady. One notable player was of his rival QB for the game, Peyton Manning. A man which when people think of “professional” or “class act,” he tends to come to mind. One of the articles talks about how Manning left the field after the Colt’s loss in

Super Bowl XLIV. He didn’t shake hands, he didn't congratulate to the winning coach nor the QB. He simply walked of the field. Not much was said negatively about Manning’s actions. He was however given the benefit of the doubt and he later explained his actions. All was right in the world again. End of story. So, you got to ask yourself, how come Manning (and others) got to explain before attacks flooded the TV and media but Cam didn’t? How come we hold some players to a higher standard than others? Some will say it’s because of color, some will say it’s Cam's attitude. Some say, “He just rubs me the wrong way.” I can’t answer why any of this is. I can only speculate based on my life experiences and what I have witnessed. But I do know that in this society, some people will always get the benefit of the doubt while others will be ridiculed.

           I don’t understand what was so wrong with what Cam did if others in the past have done the same of similar. Why has he received the criticism at the level he has? Was what he did really unprofessional or immature? And if so, who defines what unprofessional or immature is? You, me, the press? I wonder how many of you have looked in the mirror and asked yourselves, “Am I always professional?” I know and have worked with a lot of guys. I’ve witnessed a lot of actions by them that to me were unprofessional. Lying, cheating stealing, you name it, I have friends that have done it. I’ve seen fellow leaders talk about another behind their back, better yet stab them in the back. I’ve seen fellow peers disregard orders. I’ve seen friends cheat on their spouses. I’ve seen friends refuse to shake hands after a softball game or fight because they didn't like the call. And I have known guys who got DUIs, and disrespected their peers and subordinates in public. I have seen many of the same people commenting on Facebook state how he was immature or unprofessional yet I know what many of them have done in their personal lives and to me, their actions then and some today are immature and unprofessional. My point is we have all done things that we may regret or wish we could take back. But I guess somehow Cam must be a better man than many of you because you clearly expect more out of him than you do your own selves. Later in the day, articles popped up stating that for the first time in known NFL history it was the first time the losing QB was interviewed right next to the winning defensive players. The article accompanied by videos allowed you to hear what he heard which, based on the article may have motivated him to get up and leave. And for some of you I ask, was it “professional and mature” of the winners to talk about him and his teammates as they did? I mean many of you said he should have been “classy and humble” in his loss. Well, don’t we as a society say that winners are supposed to be humble and classy? Or does this only apply to people we take issue with?

I ask because I know many of you do not like Cam. You don’t like nor get the “Dab.” You think he’s brash, arrogant, a fake show man who plays to the crowd. Many say “He smiles too much… its fake!”, and my personal favorite, “He doesn’t play like he’s supposed to.” Ahhh yeah, there it is. A clash of cultures. You see, Cam isn’t like many of you. He didn’t grow up

like many of you. He didn’t listen to the same music as you. He didn’t have the same idols as you and his socialization process was not like yours. He is from a different generation. It reminds me of ole "Broadway Joe" Namath and how he carried himself. Folks hated the long hair, the fancy clothes and the swag. Why couldn't Joe "look" like a football player? You know, high and tight, squeaky clean image aka the good ole All-American boy. People fear and loath what they can't understand. I grew up during a time when you better not do anything and I do mean anything except hand the ball to the ref after a touchdown. Anything less… you were gonna get an ear full from the Coach. Hell, some thought passing the ball was weak because a “real football” team runs the ball at you, aka “smash mouth” football. “Trick plays? I ain’t running no trick plays. I’m gonna come straight at ya!!!” We all have an idea of what and how the game should be played and this typically extends over to the players. But at the end of the day, I know I’m not them and they aren’t me.

So when you can admit that you can see these players and their actions in a different light. If Cam was the kind of guy to wear some crazy $800 pants, speak his mind and play the position of QB his way, capitalizing on his talents, how could you be surprised that he wouldn’t have the courage to get up and walk out of a press conference for whatever the reason was?

           Imagine you’re at your mother’s funeral. She just died from a battle with cancer and you know in your heart of hearts you weren’t the best son. Matter of fact, you were too busy to visit her the last few months. Now as your mother is being lowered into the ground and while you’re walking to your car, a bunch of reporters run up to you and start asking you questions. “Why weren’t you at your mother’s side?”, “Why weren't you a better son?”, “How does it fell knowing you were a horrible son and now your mother’s dead?” Would you stand there, be a man, a good son, and a “professional” and answer them? Now I know some of you are gonna rationalize and say that this isn’t the same thing. Well when you peel away the layers and get to the core, I’m sorry to tell you, but it is. What I said attacked your personal values/ beliefs and it’s supposed to. But I know that some of you, hell the majority of you will argue that it, and some things similar are not the same. Many of you will continue to hold others to a higher standard of conduct than you do yourselves or your friends. And that’s alright, you can do and live how you wish. Many of you could never put yourself in another’s shoes because that would mean you’d not only have to look at yourselves in the mirror but also admit… you aren’t as  “good” of a person as you envision you are.

If I was a mere 26 years old, how would I handle it? In short, if I put myself in his shoes… how would I fare? If I’m honest with you, really honest with you I must truthfully answer… I don’t know. I don’t know because I’m 46 years old. My father was in the military and I grew up an Army brat. Then, at 17 I joined the military and spent the better part of my adult life in service to my country. That and all the experiences have shaped me into who I am. But when I was 26, I was not the same man I am today. Today I question, today I seek knowledge and today I’m not so judgmental. I don't hold others to a higher standard of conduct than I do myself.  So I will close with this one thought, understand I may not agree with what Cam did but as a man, a person, and human being who has suffered personal losses… I can understand it. And that makes me normal. I ask all of you who attacked him with your words to get up from your PC, laptops or phones, and go stand in the mirror. Once there, look at yourself and reflect on who you TRULY are and ask yourself, "Are you a better man than Cam?"