Today’s is Father’s Day and just about everyone who observes
this day knows this. So I’ve heard from one of my sons via text this morning as
the other four people I call my kids are still sleeping. My thoughts now drift
to my father whom I will call in a few hours when I know he is awake and running
about. Throughout today there will be hundreds of comments about Father’s,
being a man, being shown how to be a man, fathers who aren’t in their children’s
lives and how the day isn’t about them. Or one of my favorites is women who
wish themselves Happy Father’s day.
As I sit, I think about what my Father has done for me
throughout my life as well as what my father did for me. My father didn’t show
me how to be a man because I don’t think it’s possible. I say this because I
can show you how to throw a football; I can show you how to hit a baseball. I
can teach you how to drive and pass your driver’s test. There are countless
forms of information on all these things and various other topics but there is
nothing that shows or tells you how to “be a man” or just what a man is. It’s
all speculation and based on opinion…no factual data what so ever. So how come this is so important? Why is “being
a man” stressed so? Over the years we our society has bought into so many feel
good things, phrases or beliefs it’s hard to tell what’s needed and what’s not.
So now my thoughts are on what my father did…better yet
showed me and in turn what I have learned from my father. One of the first
things I learned from my father was he was the boss and in charge. He was the
adult and I was the child. And though I could challenge him, he had the power
and authority. He had the ability to listen or to tell me stop talking because
I was now done talking. My father showed me what responsibility was. He was
well into his military career by the time I was born and so I grew up seeing
just that; my father as a Soldier aka Staff Sergeant Dingle. That title became
another way to identify my father. While in Germany I would go to my father’s
work and hang out with him and his Soldiers. I would watch them work, laugh and
interact. They were all men and back then there were even a few women in his
unit. My father ensured there was a roof over our heads; we had clothes, food, medical
care, educational opportunities. And it wasn’t until I was grown and on my own
that I realized just how he provided these things.
Every holiday my father would have these guys and gals
(co-workers and fellow Soldiers) over
our home for whichever holiday dinner it was. This became the norm for the 3
years we were stationed overseas. I saw my father open up our home to these
people. As an adult I too have done this same thing; inviting others into my
home for holiday meals or for the occasional weekend BBQ. I watched my father
in the kitchen and on the grill cooking. I watched and I learned. Just
yesterday my youngest son was in the kitchen with me preparing for a friend’s
BBQ. I watched my father talk and debate with others as well as laugh and smile.
But one of the biggest things I watched my father do was serve his country…honorably.
I didn’t really get it until I was serving myself and as I grew older and
matured I educated myself about things and began to understand just what things
must have been like for my father.
My father grew up loved but with a very hard and stern
father whom passed away before I was born so I never met him and all I know of
him is based on stories I’ve heard from my father, Aunts and Uncles. So my
father was a pretty tough and hard dude. He made a life for himself and us his
way. My father has talked to me about how he has chosen to live his life and
the choices he has made. But of all those choices I do not believe he has ever
said he regrets once decision he made. While in Germany and before my birth my
sister fell off a 3 story balcony. My father and his friend (both paratroopers)
followed without hesitation and with total disregard for their own lives. That
love and fearless act is not something my father showed me but it’s something I
learned from him. My father, to the best of my knowledge has lived his life
with no regrets.
So I sit here on a Sunday morning thinking about how my
father “taught me” how to be a man and I realize that my father has “taught” me
nothing. What my father did was live his life and be responsible for his
actions. He had a job and he did that job to the best of his abilities. My
father made me cry, my father missed football games, my father did things and
treated me at times in a manner in which I thought was very unforgiving and
very unfair. My father could and was at times a very, very hard man. There were
no gray areas with him. Black or white…right or wrong. That’s what he believed
in and that’s how he dealt justice. I left home at the age of 17 headed to
basic training. 3 years later I would leave one more time and I would not be
back. I had to find out who I was and I had to make my way in this world much
like I heard stories of what my father did. And like him…I found myself serving
my country.
So as I have grown into adulthood many of those life lessons
that my father taught me whether on purpose or through observations they have
helped shape me into the person and father I am today. I don’t think many young
boys really appreciate their fathers and what their fathers done for them until
they themselves become fathers. Because…like being a man, there is no manual or
instructions on how to be a father. It is something one has to figure out. I figured
out that I must have to have a job. I figured out that I must be responsible
for those under my charge. I figured out that you must be tough but fair. That
you must judge with compassion and empathy. I figured out that I must do the
right thing no matter how painful or unpopular it maybe. And most of all I figured
out you must have principles. You have got to know right from wrong and be
willing to follow that path no matter where it leads and no matter the consequences.
So on this day I want to thank my Father for showing me how
to live my life; for all the very tough lessons that almost all of them I did
not agree with. I do believe that your principles are there for a reason and
they are not up for debate nor are they up for compromise. They are what makes
you who you are. They are your moral fabric…a foundation etched in stone. And they
are what makes you a man…nothing else. And
that is what my father did for me.
