It’s been an interesting and long few months. In April I was blindsided with the fact that I would be changing out of my First Sergeant (1SG) position a lot earlier than planned. The BDE CSM (Brigade Command Sergeants Major) did not want to loose a SFC(P) (Sergeant First Class-Promotable) like before so he decided (without consulting we whom he’d be changing out) to start changing all of us 1SGs out since most were PCS’n (Primary Change of Station). Only issue is we were all scheduled to leave at different times and would require NCOERs (Non-Commissioned Officer Evaluation Report, our report cards). Sometimes if you just take the time to talk to someone you can create a win-win situation for all. Well…there was to be no win-win, atleast with me. I was to be the first to change out, even though I’m the last 1SG to PCS. I was to switch out in April and due to arrive at Ft Bragg in Aug. That’s 4 months; which means…I’d need another NCOER prior to moving, an NCOER of me filling in places around the unit until I moved. In essence, I would be jobless. Well I thought about it and tried to find the silver lining. My kids! With no real job I could get my kids for the summer right after they got out of school and have them back before I started “clearing” and had to get my stuff shipped to Bragg. Man…this jobless thing might not be too bad. Sounds like a plan to me.
Well any of you spent anytime in Kentucky you will have heard someone say this, “You don’t like the weather, wait five minutes and it’ll change.” Well the Army is kinda like that too. And the weather changed on me in the matters of hours. A tasking had come down months ago for us to send NCOs to Ft Bliss, TX to assist in an exercise down there. One of the NCOs on the tasking had become a 1SG. So that particular slot (along with a few others) had to be filled. Well apparently it was discussed in a meeting and some one said, “You got two Master Sergeants (MSG) up in the “3 shop” who ain’t got jobs.” That’s right sports fans…you know what comes next. That’s right me and a fellow MSG got placed on the tasking. Well my partner got taken off and I remained on it.
I was like this is some BS. I’m supposed to get my kids for the summer. Oh and the tasking was from Apr 20- Jun 16. That’s like 50 days plus! Oh and my lease will be up too and…I will be paying rent on my place and I won’t even be there. Shit…this really blows chunks. So I did like I always do…vent and then get a plan together. Because as one of my friends had mentioned, “You were talking about your money problems. Now God is helping you out. You can’t sit here and complain about how the money is gonna come back at ya.” Man…my friends can be a pain in the ass. But, she was right so I started and got myself ready to move.
I contacted my kids and told them due to commitments I would have to come and get them for my summer visit after I returned from Bliss. They were a lil unhappy but when I explained that by going to Bliss I would have more MONEY to spend on them and do things like six flags or a beach trip they were all for it. Typical kids LOL. So I executed my plan and off to Bliss I went in April. Fast forward the exercise ended for me and I got to come back much earlier than planned. Less money but I would have a lil more time to get ready to move to Bragg and the trip to Florida I had promised my kids was in full swing. Coordination was complete and the week blocked off. And I’d still have some change in my pocket. I had told my kids I would be driving to Kentucky to get them for the visit. I was tired of relying on their Mom to meet me halfway and since I had already set aside gas money I would make the call and drive all the way up and back. Ensuring our summer break took place; especially since I hadn’t seen them since fall break in Oct.
So with the plan looking pretty good and things in motion…all I needed to do was get home from Bliss and then pick up the kids for our summer adventure. But as luck would have it, it wasn’t gonna be that easy for me. My middle son called me and expressed that he wished to play football and that he might not make it down for the trip. Not something you want to hear after 7 months (missing out on graduations, dances, etc). So we went back and forth and I offered up a compromise. We’d find out what was voluntary and what was not and then I’d ensure that he was back for the mandatory. Now of course this didn’t go over well with him. And I sternly reminded him that at the end of the day it wasn’t his choice nor call. I was trying to meet his and my desires but if he wished to push the issue we could go that route but he’d loose. I told him to contact the coach and find out all the details so we could make a decision. Many of my friends feel I give my kids too much say and that I “discuss” things with them too much. And they are right. I do do that and I’m working on not doing it. So as we discussed, I contacted the head coach and spoke to him about the upcoming football season and got the rundown. I called son and not to my surprise, he hadn’t contacted and spoken to the coach as we had agreed upon. But I did and when I told him the solution he wasn’t happy at all and let me know it. Again we discussed it until I grew tired and told him we would execute the plan which was I would fly him home so he could be there for mandatory practices and as far as “training”…I would train him myself. He and his brother have been on the receiving end of a workout or two so he knows I can and would have him ready.
So I return from Bliss a few shades darker (West Texas is hot y’all) and ready for my summer. But as fate and “Murphy” (Murphy’s Law, anything that can go wrong, will go wrong) would have it…it wasn't gonna be peaceful. Prior to my departure from Bliss I awoke on the 1st of June to an email from my former spouse. I checked the time stamp and it read 00:55. Yes, 55 minutes after midnight. Why in the hell is she emailing me after midnight? Well didn’t take long for my question to be answered. One click and poof…it read, “This is to document that your child support is late again. This is the forth month in a row.” Seriously? It’s 5am, leave me the hell alone…damn. So here I am, first day back at work and my 1SG sees me and says can you come talk to me and the commander. I’m like sure but in my mind I’m like this better not be her. Yes, it was her, I hadn’t been in the building 10 minutes and she had already called 5 times citing that I was refusing to pay child support. I told the Commander, “Sir the check is in the mail.” He asked if they should document that she had contacted them and do statements since they had the court order which said she wasn’t to call them. I said you all do what you need too cause I surely will be. They informed me that she hadnt contacted them since I left and found it funny that as soon as I was back, she was calling again.
The day prior to that Jennifer actually called me and I explained to her that I had sent her a check as I do every single month so she could stop pestering me about it. Again she started with the “I got rent do, your kids will be homeless, etc” and my response was as it always is; "I pay child support for my children, I’m not concerned about your bills nor your rent. Those are your responsibilities and you should seek employment to deal with those matters, not reply on my child support to sustain your life style." Funny, for someone who made it clear they didn’t need me in their life…I can't for the life of me understand how they could still allow me to take care of them. No way in hell would I get a divorce then allow you to see that I’m not doing well. If I had to lie I’d damn sure would and let you see that I’m doing great without you and my life is better now that your out of it. Well 2 hours later I get several phone calls from my son asking me where the child support check was. Ok, how many times have I asked you kids to stay out of this? Words were exchanged and I sent them all, including their mom, a stern message citing that they were not to call me about adult matters again and if they choose to I would take legal action to which they would not like the out come. My son responded with three phone calls one in which he felt he was grown at 13, enough to curse at me and make demands that he is not in a place to enforce. I let him know he and I would have a nice face to face when I saw him to which his reply was if I had planned on doing him bodily harm. Good grief…get a grip. Now had my daughter made those comments, I would have let them roll off considering our past battles in these areas. But when my son took that route and he and I had never gone there...for me, that sent me a clear message of the future of things to come and that I in turn need to make some major decisions about my life as well as theirs.
Just days later I received a few anonymous messages from facebook one from Jennifer’s cousin and another from someone whom I hadn’t spoken to as a friend in over four years since before I left for Korea in 2008. So not knowing for sure I threw some feelers out to see if this was a fake profile or real. Well I got a call which confirmed my suspicions as to who the contact was from and what it was all about. Like I said, I was a lil surprised to be getting a call from someone I hadn’t spoke to (as a friend) in over four years. See after I returned from Korea and the craziness started many of the people I and Jennifer were friends with distanced themselves from me and acted as if I was some sort of disease. Some would speak to me, all be it brief and some what cordial but that was it. So I pretty much just kept to myself because I didn’t know what Jennifer had told them nor did anyone seem interested in the truth so I left it alone.
Well I asked him what was up and he explained he was calling about football for my middle son. I let him know I understood where he was coming from and acknowledged his concerns but when I voiced mine it seemed somewhat one sided as I got replies like, “I’m not trying to get into all that, or it’s not none of my business, etc” Ok, well if that’s what you feel, why bother contacting me? I mean there are motivations behind my actions and if you don’t have a good understanding of the story then you aren’t gonna full understand what my stance is and why I’m choosing the path I’m on. I appreciated that he called and what he had to say about my son but at the end of the day…its been four years since you have spoken to me…as a “friend.” The concern and friendship could have been best used three years ago. But hey, it is what it is.
So here I sit, days away from picking up my kids for a summer break and it’s been tainted by a few months of BS. I should be excited about seeing my kids and spending time with them but my excitement is tainted with how much time will I spend defusing their misguided anger and them understanding that’s its ok to want to spend time with their Dad and its ok to enjoy themselves with me. They shouldn’t feel any guilt at all nor should they be made to feel any guilt. Time will tell. I will take my pass and drive up to Kentucky as planned. Spend sometime working on my house in hopes that it will rent or sell and that will be one less headache I will have to deal with. I heard from my spouse and she would like for us to meet half way on Saturday at the designated meeting spot I have been trying for 6 months to link up at for the exchange. RME. Yes she knows I will already be in Radcliff but you know what…what ever man. I will just drive down behind her, link up at the spot and continue on to Georgia to start my summer vacation with my kids. I will do my best to ensure they have a good summer prior to heading back to prep for another school year.
Coming back from Texas hasn’t been all its cracked up to be but hey, it’s life and when life hands you lemons, you make sweet tea. I am thankful for my friends though. They have ensured that I haven’t done anything stupid and when I consider it, they tell me its stupid and to keep on keeping on. It’ll all come out in the wash. I know this to be true but it doesn’t change the frustration I feel about the situation. I will tell you this, you can sit and say what you would and wouldn’t do all day long but until you are actually faced with it…you just don’t know.
“Forgiveness does not always lead to a healed relationship. Some people are not capable of love, and it might be wise to let them go along with your anger. Just wish them well and take care of yourself.”
